Sort Of An Odd Topic But One That I Hope I Can Get Some Advice On

[Mockerman1 0]

Let me start by saying that I am no major poker player. I know that not only in terms of money but additionally skill I am no PartyP or Chucksty or PMJ or BkIce or any of the more accomplished players on this site. I am however a fairly intelligent man (in my opinion - but my scholarly records and other such things would back that up), one who can be dedicated to a cause if strikes the right nerve and interests me enough, and someone always learning and willing to learn. This being said, after graduating college and having a decent amount of money saved I've decided to turn to poker and see how it works out full time OR part time. The validity of my shot at playing poker is not really the topic here, I'm just giving this as a bit of background so that you understand my situation.My question is deally with a family which is decidedly passively-aggresively attacking my desires. They don't show support for the idea but they won't outwardly knock it, instead they take measures to basically make myself feel terrible about that idea to begin with. It seems to me that they are almost undermining my ability to do this which obviously makes it harder (poker is relatively hard as a strict straight-up money making enterprise - poker in a situation where your family is almost biting your hand off before you can bet [that analogy made it sound money related - which it's not in anyway - I want to make that clear] is impossible).I'm wondering if any of you have advice for how to handle this situation. I know that this isn't really general poker but rather I guess it's related to poker and how to deal with family specifically who are not supportive and can even be harmful.Again, I don't know that there will be any positive responses here as its quite possible that there no one knows how to deal with a question like this but anyone who's got anything - I'd appreciate advice.Thanks!Rob

[dingas 0]

Don't burn any bridges. It seems like you are hesitant about what you want to do with your life, which is true of alot of guys in their last years at school. My suggestion would be to take something like 6 months just to take a break, do what you want to do, travel, play poker, whatever - but supported by yourself, not by your parents.But before you do that, scout out some other prospects, have a back up, I mean. If you think you might want to go do further education, put in the applications and so on. Or maybe scout out some employment prospects, just to have an idea of what potential you have.Just explain to your family that you're not sure what you want to do in life, but you want to take some time to meet new people, have new experiences, and so on. If you tell your family that, and show them that you have a back-up plan in mind, I think they will be okay. Don't just go to them and say that you're clearing out your bank account and going to vegas to make it on the WPT - that won't go over too well .

[bdc30 0]

They're looking out for your own best interests here man. For every DN that moved to Vegas, lived in a motel, grinded it out and became a poker superstar, there are a hundred guys like I met on my last trip out to Vegas....I was in the cab on the way to the airport and got talking to the driver. He was a guy about my age, clean cut, decently dressed, and seemed pretty sharp. How did a guy like that end up driving a cab for a living, I asked...Turns out he had moved to Vegas from Brooklyn, to turn pro after winning some decent sized online tourney. Within 3 months, he was busto, knew next to nobody in town, and was trying to scrape cash in the 4/8 and 8/16 games.It was in that moment I realized, holy christ, that coulda been me...I had thought for a brief fleeting moment about doing that very same thing. I got a sizeable cheque a few years ago and the thought of "rolling up a stake and going to vegas" danced around in my head for a little bit. For a number of reasons (mostly that I have a good job, pension plan and FREE health care here in Canada) I chose not to go through with it. When I talked to that guy as he drove the cab at mach 7 towards McCarron airport, it was almost like an out of body experience. This is what your family is trying to prevent you from experiencing. For every ONE guy that makes it, I'd bet there are a hundred that are ready and waiting to drive ya to the airport on your next trip to vegas...

[James D 0]

For every ONE guy that makes it, I'd bet there are a hundred that are ready and waiting to drive ya to the airport on your next trip to vegas...

QFT.Also, it seems like there's too much doubt in your own mind, to turn to poker as a career. There's the family issue, and also self-doubt (you say you lack the skill of good players like BKIce, PMJ etc).Personally, I'd suggest keeping it as an enjoyable hobby at the moment, which hopefully earns you some extra cash in the process.

[qyayqi 11]

i think too many people want to 'turn pro'. that is a meaningless term. think of it like a sport. you can't decide today to win the next masters (golf). you play, practice, win some & lose some, and eventually you realize that you've put in the learning curve and are making enough money to sustain yourself.it is blind selfishness to think you can 'turn pro' with someone else's dime sustaining you.EDIT:poker is unique in that it gives everyone avenues to greatness. if you really are on top of your game, you can satellite up on the cheap and achieve overnight success. this is alarming to goverment: it prefers the status quo where blue collar stays blue collar and doesn't overnight own the company.

[Mockerman1 0]

i think too many people want to 'turn pro'. that is a meaningless term. think of it like a sport. you can't decide today to win the next masters (golf). you play, practice, win some & lose some, and eventually you realize that you've put in the learning curve and are making enough money to sustain yourself.it is blind selfishness to think you can 'turn pro' with someone else's dime sustaining you.

I'd just to make clear that in no way am I having anyone else's dime sustaining me. But I do have a situation where my family's "protection" is actually making my path more difficult.

[qyayqi 11]

I'd just to make clear that in no way am I having anyone else's dime sustaining me. But I do have a situation where my family's "protection" is actually making my path more difficult.

then show them an easy-to-follow chart of how you are earning enough to consider poker as a career. you have to overcome the poker=gambling=ruin (but not if you play the lottery, THAT is nothing like gambling) equation that is pounded in to their heads.

[WhatArunAA 0]

I am in the same prediciment.. I decided to take the semester off of school to see if this is something that I wanted to do for the rest of my life.. if it doesnt work out, i can always go back and finish up. This is my dream job and although people might not be happy with the choice that you or I make.. it is still our choice to make. When i'm 50 years old.. i'd rather say I tried to make a run at going pro and it didnt work out then never taking the opportunity to try and regret it for the rest of my life. Follow your heart.

[Byan_Railey 0]

I am in the same prediciment.. I decided to take the semester off of school to see if this is something that I wanted to do for the rest of my life.. if it doesnt work out, i can always go back and finish up. This is my dream job and although people might not be happy with the choice that you or I make.. it is still our choice to make. When i'm 50 years old.. i'd rather say I tried to make a run at going pro and it didnt work out then never taking the opportunity to try and regret it for the rest of my life. Follow your heart.

Do yourself a favor, finish school. You dont want to be 50 and look back and say, "I wish I would have finished college." Graduating from college is +EV and large number of people who take a semester off dont come back.

[finztotheleft 0]

The fact that they are not being open with you about their thoughts/feeling regarding your interest in poker makes me suspect that they might not be open to a rational discussion of what your plans are.Just tell them you are taking a year off from working/actively searching for a job because you want to "find yourself" Don't talk about poker with them (meaning don't bring it up). If they ask if you are playing, say "sometimes." If they ask if you are winning or losing, say "I'm doing fine, thank you." Don't volunteer anything. If you do really well and are going to make a career of it, then share that with them....along with how much you have made. If you decide it is not working out, just say , "I have decided to take XXX job."Unless you are having fantastic poker results, I would recommend having at least a part time job to make sure you have health insurance, etc.Being a parent, I can totally understand your family wanting you to choose " a safe route" and not a poker career. I have little tolerance, though, for people who can't or won't handle the problem directly. No offense, I'm just checking.....you aren't dependent on them still for food/shelter/tuition....are you ? What are they doing that is passive aggressive ? Have you done anything to prove you can not handle this challenge ? For instance, if I had a 19 year old child who informed me they were dropping out of school and moving back home to play online poker fulltime (and if I didn't like that plan), I would be very disapproving. I would tell that child that I do not support that plan, so I would not support them while they pursue that plan. I probably would not physically remove him from my house or change the locks. I'd disconnect the family internet service until the kid moved out. I'd charge hefty rent and food service charges until he moved out. I'm not trying to offend any of our younger players here. If someone is a young, but successful player, they would be able to move out and support themselves.....that is a very different situation than someone who thinks that I would pay for their food and shelter while they grind it out at the micro limits.If you're 30, living on your own, and supporting yourself, then your choice is really none of their business. Unless you are doing something illegal, if you are happy and successful pursuing your dream....more power to you.If discussing poker is just going to aggravate them, share as little as possible. Focus conversations on other interests.

[Pot Odds RAC 23]

... a family which is decidedly passively-aggresively attacking my desires. They don't show support for the idea but they won't outwardly knock it, instead they take measures to basically make myself feel terrible about that idea to begin with. It seems to me that they are almost undermining my ability to do this which obviously makes it harder (poker is relatively hard as a strict straight-up money making enterprise - poker in a situation where your family is almost biting your hand off before you can bet [that analogy made it sound money related - which it's not in anyway - I want to make that clear] is impossible)...

Rob.It seriously sounds to me like you have issues with your own relationships with and perceptions of your family. You seem defensive and reactive, and may actually be the one who is "passive aggressive". Just the armchair Internet psychologist speaking.

[Mockerman1 0]

Rob.It seriously sounds to me like you have issues with your own relationships with and perceptions of your family. You seem defensive and reactive, and may actually be the one who is "passive aggressive". Just the armchair Internet psychologist speaking.

This is fair, and indeed I have a tendency to be guarded about myself, but as Finz noted above they are acting in ways, which I don't really want to get into on a poker forum where they ARE not being open about their feelings about the situation. I have attempted to bring it up and discuss it. You may indeed be right in general - this is something I do know about myself but I have to say with 100% certainty you are off in this particular case.As Finz noted, there are things in my past which would indeed worry them and when those things occurred they took the same route to dealing with them- in fact they NEVER brought them up and instead took action (while they were helping with board and tuition at school) which addressed the problem in a very aggressive manner and without actually discussing it. Let me just say my family, I guess, has got a decent ammount of old money and can pull this kind of crap. Again, I don't want to get into details but, and this is directed to Finz's post - indeed there are things in the past when I was IN college which caused them alarm. I have since GRADUATED which I guess was not clear in my initial post, so I already have my degree and have moved out. My only issue is the fact that they appear to be taking a similar route of non-confrontation which impedes me in such a way that it makes it difficult to continue onward. My perceptions are just fine in general and honestly up until 3 years ago I would never have said I had a problem with my parents or family, but since then my perceptions have indeed changed because the way that I am being treated has changed too. Regardless, I appreciate the thoughts and advice in this thread.

[Tiltinagain 973]

One of the reasons that you are receiving varying points of view here is that you haven't provided enough information to really understand your situation.1. You said you've graduated from college and saved a bunch of money. Does that mean that you would quit your current job to play poker? If you've been able to save a bunch of money I'm assuming it's a pretty good job and they may (probably rightfully) think you're losing your mind if you're considering qutting that to "chase the dream". or.....2. You've been able to save a bunch of money because you're still living under their roof, eating their food, letting mom do your laundry etc... and because of this, you haven't proven to them that you're able/willing to support yourself.If #2 is not the case then I agree with Finz, you're a big boy, paying your own rent, bills etc... and what you do with your life is your decision to make. If you are still living at home, get the hell out and get your own place, pay your own bills etc... or they will never take you seriously.If you really are that concerned with what the family thinks, work full/part time and play poker part time, keep accurate, detailed records of winning and losing sessions and if, and only if, you are proven to be a winning (enough to live off) player over a year or more, then you would have the experience, and hard data to prove to yourself that you have a good chance of making it and your family will be more likely to see that you're taking this seriously and be (more) supportive.Just my two cents.GLedit...That said, I am, especially when you are young, not married, no kids, all about taking chances to find out what you really want from life. It's much easier to recover from financial ruin when your young and only have yourself to take care of then later on when there's a wife and kids to think about.

[Balloon guy 158]

First the fact that your family has old money tells me that their side is more of a: "Why waste your time on peanuts when you can dine on steak."The money to be made in poker is small compared to what's out there. But it can be alot when you have little or nothing. And it can be made with little real effort, unlike starting and running your own business, or becoming a doctor etc.It's true that living with regrets in the future isn't something to discount, I think that you can have poker as a hobby that means something to you, play it well and have good results, but still make the real money elsewhere, like Todd Brunson or Eli Elezra or Jerry Buss etc.Poker is small potatoes compared with business. A boeing business jet fractional ownership cost $11 million down, $65K a month and $5K an hour to fly and you are only allowed to fly it 200 hours a year. Half the owners of this are private individuals. I can bet you that none of them make their money playing poker.But then again you are young, male and have your degree, living in your car for a month would make you a better person. So either way you can go for it, just don't hold back.