Dirtydutch 8 Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 Top Ten Worst Things Teenagers Do10. Use Axe (see The Axe Effect? More Accurately, The Axe Agenda)9. Drive (see number nine, for the douchieest realization of the problem)8. Go by chicken **** names, like Ezekiel 7. Go by even worse nick names, almost universally adaptations of other people's nick names, like E-Mac, E-train or some stupid shit6. Ruin the fast food industry. Women, Mexicans-- people are always complaining that they get paid so much less... hire them5. Mate. There is only one good kind of teen pregnancy: High-risk teen pregnancy4. Hang out at Sonic. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you assholes?3. Play the guitars at Guitar Center. You're a teenager, therefor you suck at guitar. Two factors have to be present for you play the same two Sabbath “riffs,” over and over: (1) you don't know anything else, and (2) you think you're impressing someone. Here's an idea: instead of spending your time picking out stickers for your Squire Bullet, you should learn how to play it. Just a thought2. Drive around through neighborhoods, for no reason. Let's examine this from three angles, which I call-- Billy Bean Rides Again, Small-scale Apocalypse, and Molotov Cocktrail:2a. Billy Bean Rides Again: This is the all male version. Such an evening begins with a sweaty game of tag or some stupid ****, followed by a dowsing of Axe. All parties neaten up their “front lawn,” remove their shirts, then pile into a car [usually a late(ish) model Mustang]. Whether they're smoking cheap pot, listening to horrendous Christian music, or both, rest assured meaningless expressions like, “Dude, I'm so pumped” will be thrown around like Britney Spears' baby 2b. Small-scale Apocalypse: All girls, certain doom. Bottom line: someone will die. And, because the collective Daddy bought the collective “little girl” a VW, with airbags and a roll cage, you can bet volatility intolerant sums of money that the victim will be innocent 2c. Molotov Cocktrail: This is a volatile mix of dumbass, attention hungry whores, and dumb, horny, hairless, Axe drenched, sweaty, vain, half-homo boys, in the same car. They'll ride around having tickle fights, emitting sentences like, “hehehe, stop it, Noah.” It could end in blow jobs behind the Sonic dumpster or disappointment and angst. But, most likely, a car accident (see Small-scale Apocalypse) 1. Use Myspace Link to post Share on other sites
brvheart 1,752 Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 Top Ten Worst Things Teenagers Do10. Use Axe (see The Axe Effect? More Accurately, The Axe Agenda)9. Drive (see number nine, for the douchieest realization of the problem)8. Go by chicken **** names, like Ezekiel 7. Go by even worse nick names, almost universally adaptations of other people's nick names, like E-Mac, E-train or some stupid shit6. Ruin the fast food industry. Women, Mexicans-- people are always complaining that they get paid so much less... hire them5. Mate. There is only one good kind of teen pregnancy: High-risk teen pregnancy4. Hang out at Sonic. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you assholes?3. Play the guitars at Guitar Center. You're a teenager, therefor you suck at guitar. Two factors have to be present for you play the same two Sabbath “riffs,” over and over: (1) you don't know anything else, and (2) you think you're impressing someone. Here's an idea: instead of spending your time picking out stickers for your Squire Bullet, you should learn how to play it. Just a thought2. Drive around through neighborhoods, for no reason. Let's examine this from three angles, which I call-- Billy Bean Rides Again, Small-scale Apocalypse, and Molotov Cocktrail:2a. Billy Bean Rides Again: This is the all male version. Such an evening begins with a sweaty game of tag or some stupid ****, followed by a dowsing of Axe. All parties neaten up their “front lawn,” remove their shirts, then pile into a car [usually a late(ish) model Mustang]. Whether they're smoking cheap pot, listening to horrendous Christian music, or both, rest assured meaningless expressions like, “Dude, I'm so pumped” will be thrown around like Britney Spears' baby 2b. Small-scale Apocalypse: All girls, certain doom. Bottom line: someone will die. And, because the collective Daddy bought the collective “little girl” a VW, with airbags and a roll cage, you can bet volatility intolerant sums of money that the victim will be innocent 2c. Molotov Cocktrail: This is a volatile mix of dumbass, attention hungry whores, and dumb, horny, hairless, Axe drenched, sweaty, vain, half-homo boys, in the same car. They'll ride around having tickle fights, emitting sentences like, “hehehe, stop it, Noah.” It could end in blow jobs behind the Sonic dumpster or disappointment and angst. But, most likely, a car accident (see Small-scale Apocalypse) 1. Use Myspaceyou mean... like E-Dog? Link to post Share on other sites
Dirtydutch 8 Posted June 14, 2006 Author Share Posted June 14, 2006 you mean... like E-Dog?I hadn't thought of that, but, if the shoe fits... Link to post Share on other sites
CardWarfare 4 Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 Top Ten Worst Things Teenagers Do3. Play the guitars at Guitar Center. You're a teenager, therefor you suck at guitar. Two factors have to be present for you play the same two Sabbath “riffs,” over and over: (1) you don't know anything else, and (2) you think you're impressing someone. Here's an idea: instead of spending your time picking out stickers for your Squire Bullet, you should learn how to play it. Just a thoughti disagree. i do that all the time. and i'm the best guitar player on this forum.but that doesn't say much.. since i'm the best guitar player alive.no really.. i am. Link to post Share on other sites
Dirtydutch 8 Posted June 14, 2006 Author Share Posted June 14, 2006 i disagree. i do that all the time. and i'm the best guitar player on this forum.but that doesn't say much.. since i'm the best guitar player alive.no really.. i am.I don't doubt you, but I was doing studio work this past winter/spring. What do you play? Link to post Share on other sites
CardWarfare 4 Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 I don't doubt you, but I was doing studio work this past winter/spring. What do you play?not sure if you mean genre of music, or type of guitar, but...genre: mostly straightforward rock, although i've been working on a new project that's more experimental and progressive.. hard to describe.. if we ever get some stuff up on the intaarweb i'll link it..instrument: my main guitar is a white fender american strat that i basically gutted and changed everything.. its that kind of off-white, hendrix color, with a black and grey marble pickguard, 2 black EMG active single coils in the neck and mid, and an EMG 85 humbucker in the bridge.. the neck is actually a 65 telecaster neck, which is more rounded and plays a lot smoother.. a lot of times live i'll disable the middle pickup and use the toggle as a killswitch, to help pull off some neat little tricks here and there.. i also have a handmade replica of Eric Clapton's strat. It's not the signature one Fender released, but it's actually a lot better.. we built it to the exact specs as an actual model which my tech guy auctioned for and bought for about 12k... Link to post Share on other sites
rsmbox 1 Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 i play bass, but i suck...haven't touched it in like a year either...probably why i still suck... Link to post Share on other sites
turd ferguson 1 Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 Very nice, Dutch. I laughed more than once. It's funny because it's true. Link to post Share on other sites
NortonFan 0 Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 I had a Peavey once.... I learned some childhood song and then I pawned it to go to Oregon for the summer. Good times. Link to post Share on other sites
Dirtydutch 8 Posted June 14, 2006 Author Share Posted June 14, 2006 not sure if you mean genre of music, or type of guitar, but...genre: mostly straightforward rock, although i've been working on a new project that's more experimental and progressive.. hard to describe.. if we ever get some stuff up on the intaarweb i'll link it..instrument: my main guitar is a white fender american strat that i basically gutted and changed everything.. its that kind of off-white, hendrix color, with a black and grey marble pickguard, 2 black EMG active single coils in the neck and mid, and an EMG 85 humbucker in the bridge.. the neck is actually a 65 telecaster neck, which is more rounded and plays a lot smoother.. a lot of times live i'll disable the middle pickup and use the toggle as a killswitch, to help pull off some neat little tricks here and there.. i also have a handmade replica of Eric Clapton's strat. It's not the signature one Fender released, but it's actually a lot better.. we built it to the exact specs as an actual model which my tech guy auctioned for and bought for about 12k...I meant genre, but the latter seems more interesting right now. I play Gibsons. I've got one guitar with EMG's, it's an SG with an 81 and an 85. I've got the clapton strat, as well. I've also got a lefty strat strung backwards, because I'm an ***. Link to post Share on other sites
CardWarfare 4 Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 I meant genre, but the latter seems more interesting right now. I play Gibsons. I've got one guitar with EMG's, it's an SG with an 81 and an 85. I've got the clapton strat, as well. I've also got a lefty strat strung backwards, because I'm an ***. haha fear not, i considered doing that myself a few times.. but thought it would just corny.. and the fact that lefty strats are more money.. i guess guitar manufacturers are handist. Link to post Share on other sites
Dirtydutch 8 Posted June 14, 2006 Author Share Posted June 14, 2006 haha fear not, i considered doing that myself a few times.. but thought it would just corny.. and the fact that lefty strats are more money.. i guess guitar manufacturers are handist.Plus I had to add a new nut, and switch the polls and I wound up having to get the intunation done, because I ****ed it up. About $150 more than a righty would be. Link to post Share on other sites
Stylin_Fish 0 Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 My dad was going to name me Zebedia Ezekial, thankfully my mom said no and they decided on Andrew. Link to post Share on other sites
Wandigo 1 Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 3. Play the guitars at Guitar Center. You're a teenager, therefor you suck at guitar. Two factors have to be present for you play the same two Sabbath “riffs,” over and over: (1) you don't know anything else, and (2) you think you're impressing someone. Here's an idea: instead of spending your time picking out stickers for your Squire Bullet, you should learn how to play it. Just a thoughtGotta disagree with this one. I played guitar all the time as a teenager (which was only 4 or 5 years ago) and far from suck at playing. I can't stand going in there and hearing someone playing a shitty version of their favorite song. When I'm testing out new amps or guitars, I play my own stuff because that's what I'll be playing when I purchase it. Although I almost boycotted GC one time when a kid was playing The White Stripes and had the volume near max. I wanted to cry. i disagree. i do that all the time. and i'm the best guitar player on this forum.but that doesn't say much.. since i'm the best guitar player alive.no really.. i am.I challenge you to a shred-off. Link to post Share on other sites
SweetDaddyFreak 0 Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 I enjoyed it, but you'll probably be pissed cause i just posted it on my myspace Link to post Share on other sites
Dirtydutch 8 Posted June 14, 2006 Author Share Posted June 14, 2006 I enjoyed it, but you'll probably be pissed cause i just posted it on my myspaceLink?I don't mind being quoted, as long as you credit The Dutch Factor (found in sig). Link to post Share on other sites
SweetDaddyFreak 0 Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 Link?I don't mind being quoted, as long as you credit The Dutch Factor (found in sig).myspace.com/sweetdaddyfreakcheck the blog part..i wasnt kidding Link to post Share on other sites
Dirtydutch 8 Posted June 14, 2006 Author Share Posted June 14, 2006 myspace.com/sweetdaddyfreakcheck the blog part..i wasnt kiddingThat's cool, just link my blogspot: http://thedutchfactor.blogspot.com/Also, gotta ♥ emily! is totally hot.Also, one of the worst things about Myspace is the way the commenting works-- you can't comment on your own site, so it's impossible to know what people are saying to each other. A board will often read like this (reversed, because Myspace doesn't understand how that kind of thing works):Crunkness4397578508324979084509854385098435096444444444...: howz da civic?Crunkness4397578508324979084509854385098435096444444444...: ya dat 2 funyCrunkness4397578508324979084509854385098435096444444444...: rely! comon go wit us!!!!111!!!ladyfox2075294: ......... , . - . - , _ , ................ ) ` - . .> ' `( ............... / . . . .`.. . . .. ................ |. . . . . |. . .| .................. .. . . . ./ . ./ ...................... `=(.. /.=` ........................ `-;`.-' ............................ `)| ... , .......................... || _.-'| ....................... , _|| .._, / ................ , ..... ..|| .' .................. |.. |.. , . ||/ ..............., ....` | /|., |Y.., .............. '-...'-._....||/ ...................... >_.-`Y| ............................ , _|| ............................. ..|| ............................... || ............................... || ............................... |/ ................................................. LOL luv U!!!!!!Crunkness4397578508324979084509854385098435096444444444...: YA DATS FUNY BRO!!!! DEF DO THAT!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!The funny part, though, is that this is how it was on Xanga and Blogspot, too. I used to have to force people to hold there conversations in the same place. What the hell? Link to post Share on other sites
SweetDaddyFreak 0 Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 Yeah myspace is a *****, but its a great place to pick up chicks. I've banged at least 85% of the girls on my friends listI just read what i wrote and finally realized that im the lamest person in the world Link to post Share on other sites
Don Giovanni 0 Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 the one thing i hate about all guitar players is that they all feel the need to show off and determine whos better than who. (and i play guitar)that being said, ive been playing for a while now and i want to upgrade from my $200 Ibanez. im thinking about spending up to $1000, any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
CrackofmyACE 1 Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 2c. Molotov Cocktrail: This is a volatile mix of dumbass, attention hungry whores, and dumb, horny, hairless, Axe drenched, sweaty, vain, half-homo boys, in the same car. They'll ride around having tickle fights, emitting sentences like, “hehehe, stop it, Noah.” It could end in blow jobs behind the Sonic dumpster or disappointment and angst. But, most likely, a car accident (see Small-scale Apocalypse)I chuckled.nh Link to post Share on other sites
mk 11 Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 Top Ten Worst Things Teenagers Do3. Play the guitars at Guitar Center. You're a teenager, therefor you suck at guitar. Two factors have to be present for you play the same two Sabbath "riffs," over and over: (1) you don't know anything else, and (2) you think you're impressing someone. Here's an idea: instead of spending your time picking out stickers for your Squire Bullet, you should learn how to play it. Just a thought lol, a friend and fellow musician recently blogged this: "guitar solo! yes!!! Current mood: pissed off i went to guitar center a few days ago. as usual, i got annoyed. no matter where i went, everyone in there was making as big of a noise as possible on different things all at the same time. i couldn't think straight. i was sort of thinking about buying something, but then i couldn't understand what i was trying to figure out because i couldn't hear myself think. it just reinforced what i already know: i hate everything that has to do with 'rock' music these days. well, for the most part anyway. sure, there are still good bands and whatever, but everyone's out to buy some crappy guitar or bass so they can join a band.... and THEN learn how to play. but they don't learn to actually play, they just imitate some crappy hardcore band that every other new young band sounds like. i just hate the whole attitude about being in a rock band. who cares anymore? and of course, there is always some dude there doing the finger-tapping guitar solo routine for like a solid 45 minutes... as loud as possible. i hate people. you know that guy is just playing music to try to impress people or he's in a band so he can go to a party and go up to some girl and be like "hey, i'm in a band." (i'm sure i'm coming off as a complete "music snob" but i don't care.....) wow, it's so cool that you play guitar. NOBODY else does that! i've never heard that before. so yeah, i couldn't concentrate at guitar center. i suppose i should expect as much from a place with "guitar" in the name. and it wasn't just in the guitar section. it was everywhere. i was in the 'keyboard' department and at first i was the only one in there. but then about five people walk in there and all start messing around with keyboards and drum machines. all of them very loud. and all of them just hitting buttons randomly, much like a small child banging on the pots and pans: fascinated by their own ability to make loud noises i was looking at a sampler, by the way. but the more i think about it, i should probably just wait to buy a good computer. whatever." and i responded, "I like how you have to be a super awesome, Nuge-looking, middle-aged dude to feel comfortable in musical instrument stores. I'll get there someday, God-willing. But yeah, you'd think the "guitar" section would be worse than the "keyboard/accessories" department, but alas, you'd be wrong. Dead wrong." Link to post Share on other sites
Mercury69 3 Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 Dutch, you are funny. Link to post Share on other sites
keith crime 8 Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 The guitar center post is definitely true the nasty sounds that come out of that place could kill a family of dingos Link to post Share on other sites
Wandigo 1 Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 the one thing i hate about all guitar players is that they all feel the need to show off and determine whos better than who. (and i play guitar)that being said, ive been playing for a while now and i want to upgrade from my $200 Ibanez. im thinking about spending up to $1000, any suggestions?The Schecter's have a decent sound, but I'm not too fond of the design on the neck. I have a Fender Strat with custom mexican pickups, and you can never go wrong with a good strat. Mine came to around $1,000 and I don't plan on selling it any time soon. Also check out the ESP LTD Deluxe H-1000, it's around $800 and has an amazing sound... I've always been a big fan of the LTD's and have never had problems with those either. Link to post Share on other sites
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