I Called In Sick Today

[iZuma 764]

because women push us over

[The Ocho 970]

I'd rather be dead in Kansas City than alive in Omaha.

Is this a movie or Johnny Cash lyric or something?

[Essay21 2,385]

Is this a movie or Johnny Cash lyric or something?

save it for the talk room, old man.

[iZuma 764]

even I don't know what that means. so napa I'm assuming you've got your nob schlobbed at least three times since the cpa cert came across, correct?

[Essay21 2,385]

bunch of people in here don't know nothing about the bluth family. napa probably plowed several cornfields last night.

[Essay21 2,385]

pretty slow around these parts. i got an e-mail the other day about a job opening at local tax company. i sent in my resume and an email stating that i know the open position requires more experience than i have, and i also know that you hire students in my position for other jobs and that i would love to talk to (the recruiter) about any possible jobs. he responds with "this job isn't going to work for you, but would you be interested in another job that you are qualified for?" come on man keep up.

[colonel Feathers 5]

pretty slow around these parts. i got an e-mail the other day about a job opening at local tax company. i sent in my resume and an email stating that i know the open position requires more experience than i have, and i also know that you hire students in my position for other jobs and that i would love to talk to (the recruiter) about any possible jobs. he responds with "this job isn't going to work for you, but would you be interested in another job that you are qualified for?" come on man keep up.

Welcome to the mailroom. Been there for nye on a year, was due out yesterday, but I be still there.

[InternetExplorer 2,609]

pepperjax is insanely good. looks like there's one in overland park, beans.used to be the one in lawrence was open until like 3am for the bar closings, and oh my god I cannot imagine how much business they must have done. but the downtime between 9pm and 2am must have been real bad on the old bottom line.so tempted to drive over to lawrence sometime just for pepperjax.

[Essay21 2,385]

job is a job at this point. but i think it would be a waste of TALENT AND EDUCATION to stick me in the mailroom. hopefully i'll just be doing some research or preparing returns. that shit is pretty easy.

[Napa Lite 3,278]

Ya, you know me, been throwing weights and slaying eights since getting my license. Just an endless stream of strange. Suited, thanks for acknowledging my AD reference. It's like we're hanging out with a bunch of derelicts here or something. Also, good to hear about the job, braj. Just make sure it's a good fit or something. I took the first offer that I got so, I'm probably not the best advice giver. How's the CFA going, Strat?

[InternetExplorer 2,609]

not hardly going at all. I'm very lazy.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

Ya, you know me, been throwing weights and slaying eights

Between this and the "debits on the left, honeys on the right" comment, you've been cracking me up. You making this stuff up? It's good, very good.

[brvheart 1,752]

Ya, you know me, been throwing weights and slaying eights since getting my license. Just an endless stream of strange.Suited, thanks for acknowledging my AD reference. It's like we're hanging out with a bunch of derelicts here or something.Also, good to hear about the job, braj. Just make sure it's a good fit or something. I took the first offer that I got so, I'm probably not the best advice giver.How's the CFA going, Strat?

I like how lately Napa's posts are spoken in a black man dialect about 80% of the time.

[brvheart 1,752]

Between this and the "debits on the left, honeys on the right" comment, you've been cracking me up. You making this stuff up? It's good, very good.

agreed.

[ShakeZuma 585]

pretty slow around these parts. i got an e-mail the other day about a job opening at local tax company. i sent in my resume and an email stating that i know the open position requires more experience than i have, and i also know that you hire students in my position for other jobs and that i would love to talk to (the recruiter) about any possible jobs. he responds with "this job isn't going to work for you, but would you be interested in another job that you are qualified for?" come on man keep up.

the proper response is "yes, but if it's yours then I'm obviously way overqualified. biiiiitch."

Ya, you know me, been throwing weights and slaying eights since getting my license. Just an endless stream of strange.

this is really good.so I just ate a bunch of salad dressing that apparently expired in january. I say apparently like I didn't know until after, but I knew beforehand.this might get exciting.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

Maybe you can get food poisoning thats a weight loss program I can live with.

[ShakeZuma 585]

that was about 50% of my reasoning as to why I should just go ahead and use it.

[iClint 61]

Aww, shucks you guys. Gotta admit, the "debits on the left" came to me like two years ago when I was working on some journal entries and R. Kelly's remix to ignition came on the shuffle. I'd be lying if being able to print up "fake" business cards with that on them wasn't like 90% of the reason I finally got my license.Everything else is off the top of the dome. At least I think it is. Always a little worried whenever I think of something that might be clever I actually heard it somewhere else and then subconsciously made it my own, ya know?

[ShakeZuma 585]

yeah I worry about that myself constantly too. another thing I worry about is repeating something I've said in here before like I'm saying it the first time. like a story or something. though... why the hell would that matter? I don't know.but you know what really grinds my gears? those fagtard moron bitches on facebook that "like" somebody's vomit inducing "platitude in cutesy font" picture and then say "omg I am stealing this!" NO BITCH YOU ARE NOT STEALING IT YOU'RE JUST REPOSTING IT YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNT RAG STAIN IT'S JUST THE INTERNET I HOPE YOU DIE

[ShakeZuma 585]

YES

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

so napa I'm assuming you've got your nob schlobbed at least three times since the cpa cert came across, correct?

You can't remember?

[Napa Lite 3,278]

So last night one of my good friend (the cousin to the hot chick that I work with if anybody remembers that story) ordered me my favorite pizza from a place here in town as a "congrats. I was arguing with the guy that he had the wrong house because, in my defense, he was saying the wrong house number and i was the only one home and but when he showed me the recipt I saw the right address and her name on the order. So, what I'm saying is, I wouldn't be mad if you guys chipped in on a Jimmy Johns gift card or something for me.

[iZuma 764]

this is not the correct path to getting ripped napa

[Napa Lite 3,278]

I know. And I havent had a carb since 2004. It was a personal size thin crust pizza, so, not the worst thing ever. Plus, I didn't really eat lunch yesterday since I was out of my frozen chicken/veggie bags I usually eat, so whatever. Still within my calorie limit for the day, but I definitely missed my macros.

[Theraflu 1,035]

These were the beers I had Sunday. It's long and over-written, and not edited, and not originally meant for forum posting, but this is as close as I can get to content.On a cool but humid Sunday afternoon, there were a lot of interesting and unique beers cooling off in the fridge. Wheats and ales, stouts and porters, our palettes were going to be in for a wide range of tastes, bitterness levels, and alcohol contents. We started off with the Boulevard Single-Wide IPA, something clean and simple and tasty, and a beer that wouldn't destroy the taste buds at 1pm. I'd previously tried the Double-Wide offering and enjoyed it, and the regular IPA is exactly what you'd expect. I assume they've been making this one for a while, and it has the old-school IPA characteristics - pours with a good head, dry, slightly bitter finish, crisp and relaxing. The Single-Wide (along with the Unfiltered Wheat) can currently be found for $9.99/six-pack, and both are a good deal, especially compared to the Boulevard Smokestack Series prices. Sunday beer-tasting was underway, and it was off to a fine start.If there's one thing that can derail a fine day of beer drinking, however, it's a beer based on maple. The Harpoon Catamount Maple Wheat is one of the worst brews I've ever consumed, and a smattering of other maple beers has not left me wanting for more. However, Rogue's new Voodoo Doughnut Bacon Maple Ale does nothing if not intrigue the mind and taste buds, as well as visually catching the eye on the store shelf:Unfortunately, the cheapest I've seen this beer for as $14.99, which is about 33% more than I want to spend on something I love, and here we have a beer that I might not even like, and there's a chance I'll actively loathe. The only other bacon beer I've tried was at a beerfest many years ago, and, while bacony, really didn't leave a great impression. Price isn't an issue for a man of Brad's stature, however, so he passed up his weekly bottle of soco (Ha, no he didn't!) and pony'ed up for the most anticipated beer of the weekend. The bacon maple ale poured a pretty standard amber-ale color with a small amount of head, and decent lacing overall. The smell was strongly of smoked bacon, as was the first sip. The maple actually played very well with the bacon, and gave the drink a relatively nice sweet finish. I've never tried or heard of the voodoo doughnut that this was named after, but I didn't notice many doughnuty-characteristics, except for maybe how much this beer fills you up. Halfway through my glass I was already very full, something that usually doesn't happen at all on Sundays, let alone by 2 pm. We took our time drinking it down and kinda-enjoying it. I'll certainly never buy it for $15, or $10, but it's a fun beer to try and it seems like Rogue accomplished their goal. Bacon's the main ingredient here, but it's balanced nicely by the maple, and its only 6.5% ABV so there's little-to-no alcohol taste to it. Our stomachs were pretty full after that beast of a beverage, but that only means we needed to lighten up the selections, not slow down consumption. One of our three wheat selections seemed primed for a tasting, so I cracked open the Boulevard Unfiltered Wheat 12 oz bottles and poured them, after giving the pint glasses a hearty, bacon-cleansing wash. This has been Boulevard's flagship beer since they opened over 20 years ago, and some of my midwestern acquaintances have raved about it for years. I hadn't come across it until now, and was excited to try it, even though I don't have the same affection for wheats as when I first started drinking. There's a handy-dandy pour-guide on the side of the bottle, recommending you swirl the last couple ounces to get all the sediment off the bottom of the bottle into the contents of your cup. When swirling, the beer foams up a lot, providing a frothy topping that dissipates reasonably quickly. This is pure, unfiltered goodness, and the hazy yellow liquid of a wheat still stirs my heart just a bit. The taste here isn't that overpowering, slightly sour, mostly dour taste of a lot of the more recent wheat beers, but a nice smooth, mildly fruity, extra refreshing sip that really tasted great. I had high expectations coming into this wheat, and Boulevard, once again, delivered. Pretty close to a perfect summertime beer, with much more taste and body than the majority of mediocre summer offerings.After refreshing our palettes and minds with the always trusty combination of wheat and water polo, it was time to get dark. Back to the basement, and into the coffin. Wait, this is going off-track. Clown Shoes Vampire Slayer was up next, the first (I think) Imperial American Stout we'd ever had. It was $2 cheaper than their Russian Imperial (Blaecorn Unidragon, a great tasting/named/artworked beer), but still clocked in at 11% abv. It poured a little more brown than pitch-black, and wasn't quite as viscousy as some Russians. The smell wasn't boozy at all, and actually smelled more like a porter, with some sweetness towards the end. The taste was fantastic. There's a certain quality to a Russian Imperial Stout that seems inherent, and it takes you aback the first time you time you drink one. It's the massive alcohol hit at the end of a sip that let's you know two things: You've officially entered the world of adult beers, and you've still got some work to do in order to appreciate the full spectrum of what's out there. It can be a monumental step, the memory of it burned into your brain even though there might be other circumstances you wish to never think about again. (For example, the first time I had one that wasn't at a beer tasting, was the Stone RIS at Pat and Rachel's apartment. The searing at the back of my throat wasn't enough to wipe out the intense foreboding of the situation.)Anyways, Vampire Slayer doesn't have that searing alcohol taste at the end...it's just smooth, stouty goodness dripping down your gullet, giving a nice warmth to your stomach lining. Brad and I both really liked it, to the point where Brad wants to create a personalized rating system, mostly with profanities followed by the words "good" or "great." Vampire Slayer clocked in at "Really ****ing good," which I think was 2nd highest on his list. He wasn't wrong though, and definitely give this a shot if you see it available. Once we finished savoring the Slayer, Maine Brewing Company's Zoe was next up. I believe this is a seasonal amber ale, and it has gotten rave reviews from the interweb to beer store employees. At $6.99 for a 16.9 oz bottle it's a little pricey, but it has a 7.2% abv and the cache of being great, so I didn't mind giving her a shot to impress. The pour was ruby red and very heady for an amber, generally a good sign of things to come. The worst red/amber ales are the thin ones that leave you feeling like you have post-nasal drip, so that wasn't going to be a problem here. The lacing was very thick and reticent, but the smell wasn't overly impressive. The taste was good, not great. There's a chance my mouthfeel was a bit off due the previous drinks; Vampire Slayer will never be described as a palette cleanser. Still, Zoe didn't hit all the marks I was expecting. Emily had mentioned that a beer vendor preferred Zoe to Nugget Nectar, so my expectations were unreasonably high. I might have to give this another shot later on, but this time around it was merely good.Back to the wheat train we go! This time, it's one of my least favorite breweries, Widmer. There regular hefe is what turned me off of hefe's to begin with. Brad tried one of their other beers and liked it, so he's always maintained that they don't suck as a beer-making vessel. He found Widmer Lemongrass Wheat Ale, which comes in a box, is 9%, and the label reads thusly: LEMONGRASS WHEAT ALE IS BREWED WITH A UNIQUE MIXTURE OF MALTS AND MUSCAT GRAPE JUICE. THIS BREW HAS A TRADITIONAL MALT BACKBONE, HINTS OF LATE HARVEST GRAPE SWEETNESS, AND A DISTINCT LEMONGRASS FLAVOR AND AROMA. CHAMPAGNE AND ALE YEASTS WERE USED IN TANDEM TO PRODUCE A SPARKLING, CRISP, YET FRUITY PROFILE. ALCHEMY AND CRYSTAL HOPS BALANCE AND COMPLIMENT THE CITRUS, EARTHY, AND SPICY NOTES OF THE BEER.Brad thought that sounded enticing; I thought it sounded like a big bottle of piss. Spoiler alert! I was right. I think it tasted like fermented lemongrass, but I've never had that, so I can't be sure. It was excruciatingly sour and disgusting. Never buy this, ever. That's all I've got. It sucked.Now I'm off track just thinking about how shitty it was. Ugh. Lemongrass? Muscat grape juice? Terrible. We followed up the Widmer Disaster with Alesmith's Yulesmith Summer holiday ale, a double IPA. We'd tried one version of the regular Holiday ale, and didn't really care for it, but this was a summer double IPA, and the overweight beer junkie at the liquor store recommended it, so I got it. The alcohol consumption was starting to make its mark around this time (6 pm, I think), but I remember as I was drinking it that for a double-IPA, not much was happening in the mouth area. This could also be the result of the lemongrass hangover. I don't know. I do know that we cracked open the Stone 15th Anniversary Imperial Black IPA after, and that was delicious. It's impossible to choose a favorite Stone beer, but that's right in the mix for the best. Strong and hoppy, similar to the Russian Imperial but with more happy taste instead of the dark, imminent disaster feel you get with the Russian. The last beer of the evening was Blue Hills Wampatuck Wheat. I'd like to say that it poured a hazy, unfiltered yellow that mimicked how my head felt, but I don't remember anything about it, so the Black IPA was probably a better representation of my then-state. I've been busy here at work, and this was written over the course of multiple days and innumerable interruptions, so I apologize for the lack of flow, especially towards the end. It should also be noted that Brad had two cran-vodkas after I left, if for no other reason than to minimize my own alcohol consumption in any way possible.