ol'number7 0 Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Two fellers were going to the bathroom on a bridge, one feller says "the water is deep" the other feller sais "the water is cold"I reckon one of them fellers was from Arkansas.Classic. Great scene in that movie, the awkward silence after this is awesome Link to post Share on other sites
cuddlemonkey 0 Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 What did one snowman say to the other snowman?Do you smell carrots?Amazing what can be funny at 2:30 am Link to post Share on other sites
Habs Fan 0 Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 Q - Why did Annie Duke have trouble advancing the Women's Poker Player movement in 2005?Because Men Nguyen. Link to post Share on other sites
AceyDeucy 0 Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 A man comes to bed and hands his wife two aspirin."What's this for?""Your headache""But I don't have a headache!""Ah HA!" Link to post Share on other sites
GoStags92 0 Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 What did the vampire do when he got in the boxing ring with Dracula?He went down for the CountWhat's a vampire's least favorite food?Steak!What's a vampires favorite animal?A giraffe...it's all neck. Link to post Share on other sites
insano 0 Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 Edited: Just saw fryers. Link to post Share on other sites
AceyDeucy 0 Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 What's brown and sticky?A stick. Link to post Share on other sites
timwakefield 68 Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 For science geeks (like myself) only:Two hydrogen atoms are walking down the street. One says "Are you sure you lost an electron?"The other replies "I'm positive"hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Link to post Share on other sites
suicideking 0 Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 What's brown and sticky?A stick.Jesus Christ that brings back some memories. The rersponses to the elephant jokes; priceless. And now for my lame ass jokes: How do you catch a unique rabbit? Easy, unique-up on it. How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way, unique-up on it. Link to post Share on other sites
pockets 0 Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 A man comes to bed and hands his wife two aspirin."What's this for?""Your headache""But I don't have a headache!""Ah HA!"HahahaNice job. Link to post Share on other sites
rocksquid 50 Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 How can you tell an elephant is in the refrigerator?Footprints in the butter. Link to post Share on other sites
fryer98 30 Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 How do you say "chocolate in french"?"chocolate in french" Link to post Share on other sites
dms26 3 Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 What's black, white, black, white, and green? Two skunks fighting over a pickle. Link to post Share on other sites
jeff_536 3 Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAthat made me laughedit: although the grammar police would point out that you switched tensessorry. I was busy Link to post Share on other sites
MDXS 0 Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 Did you hear about the contest my local newspaper held? Well, they set off to find who could come up with the best pun. First prize was a thousand dollars and since I consider word play in general one of my strong suits, I had to enter. I set to work. For days all I thought about was the manipulation of words. On the final day that they were accepting entries, I submitted half a score of my best. I hoped that one of my submissions would win, but alas, no pun in ten did. Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki_N 17 Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 A string walks into a bar and says "Can I have a beer?"The bartender asks "Are you a string?"The string says "Yes."The bartender replies "We don't serve strings here."The string goes out in the parking lot, rolls around, ties himself up, and comes back in the bar. He says "Can I have a beer?"The bartender says "Are you a string?"The string replies "I'm a fraid knot."----------------------------------------------------------------------------------Two olives are sitting on a wall. One falls off, the other one yells down "Are you gonna be alright?"The one that fell off says "Olive!"The "fraid knot joke works really well in person with an actual piece of string for a prop. I know... it's still a bad joke.Two blondes are walking in the woods. One blonde says, "Look there are some tracks. They look like racoon tracks!" The other replies, "Don't be stupid, those are deer tracks."They were still arguing when the train hit them. Link to post Share on other sites
gkunit20 1 Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 A priest and a rabbi go to the grocery store. The preist wants to buy a ham, and the rabbi says, "Nope, I'm sorry. I can't eat it, it's forbidden. Pigs are like super hero's to us."Family Guy is fun. Link to post Share on other sites
cu in 4years Dan 1 Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 what do ou get when you cross a lawyer with a giant jet airplane?a boring 747 Link to post Share on other sites
gkunit20 1 Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 The Hunchback of Notre Dame croaks so they need to find a new bell-ringer.A guy with no arms comes along and says he can do it."But you've got no arms... you can't do this job!" says the church leader.The new applicant shouts back - "Sure I can... I'll do it with my mouth!" So the church hires him and he starts his bell-ringing duties the next day.He begins ringing the bell using only his mouth, but the bell is so heavy, it tosses him out the window to the ground and splatters him dead.He's lying dead on the ground and a big crowd gathers around him."Who is that guy?" one person says."I don't know says another, but his face sure rings a bell..." Link to post Share on other sites
CodyHartman 0 Posted March 6, 2006 Author Share Posted March 6, 2006 OK so these 3 guys go on vacation, they dont have a lot of money for hotel rooms. So they stop at this place and decide they can afford a single bed room. the front desk lady upgrades them to a King size bed for free.In the morning the guy on the left wakes up and says, " I had a dream I got a hand job last night."The guy on the right says," Thats funny I had the same dream."the guy in the middle says, "I had a dream I went skiing."(it works better if you can give the visual) Link to post Share on other sites
gkunit20 1 Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 OK so these 3 guys go on vacation, they dont have a lot of money for hotel rooms. So they stop at this place and decide they can afford a single bed room. the front desk lady upgrades them to a King size bed for free.In the morning the guy on the left wakes up and says, " I had a dream I got a hand job last night."The guy on the right says," Thats funny I had the same dream."the guy in the middle says, "I had a dream I went skiing."(it works better if you can give the visual)Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Link to post Share on other sites
fryer98 30 Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 Two penguins are taking a shower together. The one looks at the other and says, "Can you hand me the soap?"The other says "What do I look like, a typewriter?" Link to post Share on other sites
gkunit20 1 Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 What?Two gay guys are walking down the steet when they see a dog licking his nuts. The first guy says: Man, I wish I could do that.Second guy says: Me too. Do you think he'd let me? Link to post Share on other sites
fryer98 30 Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 Two condoms walk by a gay bar. The one looks at the other and says "Hey, wanna go in and get shit faced?" Link to post Share on other sites
gkunit20 1 Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex."It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled."That sounds wonderful," said Jed."Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us.""Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?""Baaaaa..." Link to post Share on other sites
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