The Ev Of Love

[CaneBrain 95]

Christ!! Why in the hell did you have to come back??Mods, can you please lock this **** up???!!??You must me on whatever DN has been the last few days.

wow this guy was an arse. who didnt appreciate clay?

[Uniqueuponhim 0]

How is this thread red?

[GWCGWC 83]

i'm lonely and depressed

This should do the trick. Taken from the Steve7Stud Training thread and it's by far my favorite.

Sure, I guess!!From across the distant shoreline, the echoes of a love long forgotten ripple towards my turgid body as I lay motionless in the sea of abject despair. As the waves have their way with my pseudo-corpse, and the up down motions trigger memories too faint for me to completely grasp, I hear the sound I've longed for since the day I was thrown overboard by that rowdy group of opulent gentlemen I was hired to sing for, but apparently not to pole dance for. The sound waves enter my ear, the only part of my body not violated on that fateful night, and immediately my heart leaps and bounds like a dear prancing about as its blood-lust quickens it to perpetrate deeds of darkness that the animal kingdom dare not even speak about. "Po tweet, po tweet" I hear, and I quickly and ferociously respond "Po tweet, po po tweet, po po po tweet po tweet", which means (roughly translated, it's hard to do) "Hi my bluebird friend, Hi, I enjoy your company!! I surely do!!". My bluebird friend, summoning the strength provided by a legion of fairies that I guess follow him around continuously, grabs me by the lower spine. An interesting location, to be sure!! But heavens no, I'm not complaining, not now, and probably not ever. For my bluebird friend is the only frail strand that connects me to the world of the living, the world I've loved ever so much, and now bids me return that I may spread my joy once again, a joy that will one day soothe the sorrows of each man here, and hopefully allow us to build a city made of the finest diamonds and sapphires and human love!! This I truly and honestly believe!!Wonderful!!

I've read this 5 times and still audibly laugh when I get to the "ferociously respond..."

[Fade2241 0]

Clay Aiken = Jamie Gold

I was wrong.

[David Stern 0]

We have deemed this thread to be the work of a rogue, isolated poster. We will continue with our ongoing and thorough review of this thread to ensure that the best possible policies and procedures are in place to protect the integrity of Daniel Negreanu. I will now take questions.

[GWCGWC 83]

We have deemed this thread to be the work of a rogue, isolated poster. We will continue with our ongoing and thorough review of this thread to ensure that the best possible policies and procedures are in place to protect the integrity of Daniel Negreanu. I will now take questions.

Do you think the fact that Clay Akin is multi-accounting on this forum detracts in any way from the awesomeness of his posts?

[David Stern 0]

Do you think the fact that Clay Akin is multi-accounting on this forum detracts in any way from the awesomeness of his posts?

Due to our ongoing investigation I cannot answer your question in its full form. We will make this information available at a later date.

[conor_mw 0]

nice bump navy , gg

[Acid_Knight 2]

Dear Daniel, soon our threads will touch, and our souls will be united. What a truly momentous occasion!! Wonderful!!

Is this like crossing swords?If so, gross.

[LongLiveYorke 38]

We have deemed this thread to be the work of a rogue, isolated poster.

Cough Nevermind Cough

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

LOL. One of my all time favorites. All I ask is that before Clay quits the forum he tell me who's joke account he is.<3 Clay.Mark

Cough RodReynolds Cough

[donk4life 34]

In light of the Joke Account Wars, this needs a bump, just because it's Clay.

[Vtlaxer09 4]

In light of the Joke Account Wars, this needs a bump, just because it's Clay.

[x] iaf

[Clay Aiken 6]

Clay Aiken, have you had any disturbing hallucinogenic experiences lately??

Just one.I found myself in the regal den belonging to the Creator of the Universe himself, papers spread around, mathematical equations scrawled haphazardly on loose leaf paper, the equations that gave our reality their form. I turned to him, as he sat in his chair reclined and asked “Why??” He smiled graciously and remained silent for what felt like hours, as he munched on what appeared to be rice snacks of some sort, sprinkled with congealed love. I looked at him again, about to speak, but he stopped me in my trembling tracks when he motioned for me to come closer. He took me by the hand and led me to the door that took us to the blazing center of the Universe. And there he spoke to me, teaching me about life, love, how to bed somebody thrice my size, and finally, the ultimate meaning of our exuberant existence. When all his knowledge had been imparted to me, I felt a thunderbolt shake me in my bone marrow, rapidly working its way out to the outer layers of my flesh, and eventually to each crevice of his glorious creation, Universe Nine. With no mysteries left to hide, Reality began its headlong collapse into the shadows, as one by one the stars were snuffed out, planets liquefied, and all objects evaporated by the Creator’s gallant gaze. The background radiation ceased its dizzying dance that no man could understand and agreed amongst themselves that it was time to stop screwing around. Gathering about for their final performance, they constructed a melody that infiltrated the very soul of the one who created them, coaxing him to his knees, delivering him into a vortex of ecstasy previously reserved for animals in heat or jungle lovers not aware of the improprieties imposed upon them by the evil human heart. I knew this was it for Universe Nine, and that I had witnessed its glorious collapse.Yet one thought consumed me. My bluebird friend, the one who had got me through so many lonely nights and taught me that love is not just a word, but a cacophony of celebration, a dewdrop smile on a child’s regret-filled face after a losing battle with a three pound bag of cotton candy, or a placard on a wall with an inspiring phrase giving me a shot of hope in a day when despair draped me like a silk camisole. What would become of Montenegro, my only friend?? Where would he go?? An idea came to me, and so I took him from my front pocket and began to arrange his feathers so as to present this gift in its most perfect state to the One who dreamed him up millennia ago. When he saw what I was up to, he grabbed my hand and beckoned me to stop. “He’s perfect as he is” he said, as he grabbed Montenegro from me and with a wry grin, added “Universe 73 is made from the carcasses of tortured bluebirds.” And after a long, spurious silence, he said with a hearty laugh “I won’t put him there.” Ha ha, that joke was certainly in poor taste, and ruined an otherwise perfect moment!! Or had it?? Yeah, kind of.Then he turned his back from me and began his saunter back to his abode, never to return to the remnants of his ninth, yet most illustrious creation. I looked around in all directions, desperately seeking something that would anchor my gaze for my impending evaporation. Finally I saw it, and to this moment remained perplexed. For nothing remained in the quarters that once housed the 10⁸⁰ particle universe, except for one thing: A perfect pentagon floating in outer space, with a small note attached saying "This was always my favourite shape. I don’t know why people didn’t like it more. - Creator of the Universe". This I truly and honestly believe!! Wonderful!!

[donk4life 34]

Cough Nevermind Cough

You really just need to come out and say you're Clay Aiken.It's just too obvious now with that last post.