I Called In Sick Today

[ShakeZuma 585]

But I do hope good things for my man Essay. Speaking from experience, I think he's pissing into the wind on this one and wish he'd keep with it while working on other ass. Stop with all the eggs in one basket stuff. Find one friend to chase some ass with. You have to know people doing that at your age.

 

but see he's not putting all his eggs in one basket. he'd love to have another basket, but there aren't any other baskets. at least it doesn't seem like it to him. he'd love to be able to go out, get another girl that likes him, and rub it in the face of this girl that's screwing him over right now. but he can't. it's a never ending cycle of crap that you really can't just snap out of. random shit has to come together before things work out like it just did for me.

 

but seriously though, I'm pretty much in a high school style instant going steady type of relationship I think. I... don't know how this happened. I mean for fuck's sake we're going away together this weekend and we just started almost talking this past wedensday. but I'm just going to continue with the attitude that I've had the whole time here: fuck it. I was dating another girl when we first started talking and normally I'd hem and haw and not do anything for fear of hurting somebody's feelings and then never get anywhere with either, but this time I said fuck it. so, you know, cool I guess.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

I think you may be making a lot of assumptions about him. I mean, contrary to the constant woe is me routine, He's a College grad, law school grad and bar passed, goes out, gainfully employed, has a roomie, plays poker, loves his sports and teams, chats up Chipotle cashiers, strives to be with this girl whenever and wherever. Pretty fcking functional. I would venture a guess that he just has a boner for her and is gonna ride it out because she is friendly to him, and that little bit is better than the scary unknown of starting over with nothing or even someone new. Of course the unknown is tough, but in my HUMBLE opinion/experience, the unknown has so many more possibilities than his current deal.

 

A lot of this hinges on how those kisses go.

 

Who knows? Whatever. No urge to rehash the depressed/functional/maybejust a self loathing whiner discussion. I enjoy the debate and wish the best for my man

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

And see what a little attention from a broad did for you? Boosted your confidence, as you admitted, made you feel better about you and made you realize that sometimes you gotta say fck it, worry about you and let the chips fall where they may. That's all anyone has been saying around here. I'm not even gonna say "SEEEEE?" I'm just glad the worm has turned a little for you. Keep it rolling. And eat her box, a lot. It won't ,after how bad you sex her if you mouth own that vag

 

Edit: if its post shower, dip down on that ass a little too. She seems like she's appreciate it

[Napa_Don 688]

So there's a very, very, (very) small chance I'll get a new job that will require me to be in K-City for a month of training. Wouldn't that be something?

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

Wait, you're doing Strat's thing now? In Essay's city?

 

So confusing.

[Tiltinagain 973]

Well I for one am proud of Shake. Just goes to show you that copious amounts of self loathing, day drinking and self depreciating humor attracts the ladies like a bee to honey.

 

Seriously though, dude just spend like $1200 on tools. Obviously that's what turned the tide.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

You say "accused" like it's not a huge compliment.

That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

[speedz99 145]

Pretty fcking functional.

 

Yeah, but he's a functional __________. Not just straight up functional.

 

So there's a very, very, (very) small chance I'll get a new job that will require me to be in K-City for a month of training. Wouldn't that be something?

 

That would most definitely be something.

 

That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

 

You did who to my what now?

[Sickinfo2 291]

My advice on women is simple...

 

 

 

They love the bad boys. So, be one

 

 

 

Muss the ole hair up, wayfarers on, leather jacket, devil goatee. You get the point. Dash some whiskey behind both ears. Mostly down the goozle though....

 

 

 

 

Leave the open door/after you miss crap for the losers.... open it up and tell em to get in there. After she talks to you, give her a good ten second stare before replying in a clint eastwood tone

 

 

 

 

Never let it be known you give a shit about anything. Especially her. Appear and disappear

 

 

 

Imagine Fonzie without the EEEEEY! and thumbs up crap....

 

 

 

If that fails just buy a late sixties corvette vert

 

 

 

 

Just today I ventured down to the local iranian station to fuel up in one. Three gals.... two lookers...were gassing up a big uhaul truck. Tags were from vermont. One looker in daisy dukes and a halter top strolled over and placed some candy wrappers in the trash can next to me...

 

 

 

 

"Sweet car"

 

 

"Thanks"

 

 

"Liked the sound from it when you pulled up"

 

 

"The neighbors are passing around a petition against the side pipes as we speak"

 

 

(leans inside and spies beer bottle)

 

 

"Want one?"

 

 

"Sure"

 

 

"Jump in.... Ive got plenty in the shop about two minutes away"

 

 

(looks back at other two)

 

 

"Hey.... Im gonna take a quick spin"

 

 

(other two walk over as gal gets inside)

 

 

"Jen...uh....ok"

 

 

"Be right back"

 

 

 

After giving her a quick tour of the facilities and setting them up with a cooler, twelve pre-canoed beers, and some ice we returned to her friends at an extreme rate of speed. Bout a buck twenty max after redlining the first three ratios

 

 

 

I then proceeded to give the other two a ride.... automotive speaking of course

 

 

 

Luckily the leather seats are for the most part waterproof....

 

 

 

Im sure the passenger seat crotch area is still damp

 

 

 

 

...and no I didnt smell it

 

 

 

 

Didnt think about it until now

 

 

 

 

Im heading out to the shop now...

[Theraflu 1,035]

The drinking alone part? I don't like doing that either.

 

Best part about fatherhood and worst part so far: GO

Best part is obviously the kid, and just everything he entails. He's been a pretty good sleeper with very few colicky bouts, so it's mostly just been normal crying, which isn't nearly as annoying when it's your own kid. I still have no desire to hear about other people's children, but it's really nice experiencing everything for the first time, watching him get bigger and adapt to surroundings, trying to impart whatever pearls coals of wisdom I can at a month old.

 

Worst part so far was how my wife treated me up until about a week ago. The post-partem thing never really gets explained, its just kind of always lurking in the background, but I also didn't try to learn anything about it. My wife ended up really hostile towards me for like 80% every day over the absolute smallest things. I don't react well to unexplained negativity, and it really took its toll for a couple days when she just wasn't herself with meanness and making me feel shitty, but we ended up with a good breakthrough and it's been great since then. Hopefully it continues for the next couple decades.

 

 

Really? That sounds great.

You know, I used to love it, but the empty house and the full glass of honey whiskey just wasn't cutting it, emotionally. AD helped pull me to about even, but there were a couple hours before the good buzz kicked in that I was just lonely, and had terrible early-buzz thoughts of what I'd be like if I were alone all the time. It wouldn't be pretty.

[Essay21 2,385]

So there's a very, very, (very) small chance I'll get a new job that will require me to be in K-City for a month of training. Wouldn't that be something?

 

damn, i'm busy that month.

[InternetExplorer 2,609]

I'm cool to meet up. no fcks given.

 

best day for the thread in a long time.

[Napa_Don 688]

Ffffff..aahhhh...ummmm. I think I'm busy that month, too. Dang. Next time though, for sure.

[iZuma 764]

I think I would rather switch lives with beans than win the lottery as myself.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

A three way meet up better happen. Has to. Needs to

[Napa_Don 688]

Obviously it'll happen. But its super unlikely I get this job.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

That's the spirit.

 

You should probably call the company and formally withdraw the application as well. Save them some time. In fact, you should probably send their HR person a check for wasting their time. I mean, really, the nerve on you, applying, trying, etc. get back to work

[Napa Lite 3,278]

I'm being realistic. It would be a significant raise, but I would have to move asap to TX. And I think it'd be a good move career wise. But, like I said...long odds here.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

Well, can't get a hit without swinging the bat. With jobs, women, anything really. Gotta get your cuts in

[iZuma 764]

not true at all. everything I have now I got without trying at all.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

A three way better happen.

Yeah, that seems likely...

[vbnautilus 48]

OK here is your play.

 

Emma (I'm calling her Emma from now on), I want to be with you. I am no longer willing to wait and see. You said you are bad at relationships, well guess what, so am I. Let's be bad at it together. This limbo that we are in is very hard for me. I feel like we have done this dance long enough. I have not gone out with anyone or even attempted to date anyone since we started this back and forth, but I am not willing to put that on hold any longer. If you don't want to see me in that manner, then let me know, I deserve that.

 

Wait for her response. If it is it is positive, good you won and have a girlfriend and you also stood up for yourself and took the relationship over on your terms. It's the only way you can date this girl and have it work. If you just wait for her magically to say ok we are dating, she wins and will run your life for as long as she is in it.

 

If she say's no, then tell her you want to continue to be friends because you do enjoy her company, but you are going to start dating again.

 

This is your only play.

Let us know how it goes.

 

Jesus Christ. Make sure you put your skirt on before delivering this message Essay so that it comes across more genuine. This reminds me that if I am away from here too long I start to feel guilty because I know you guys are sitting around giving each other shitty advice and it's my responsibility to clear things like this up.

 

You just totally made him the woman in the relationship Guapo. You cannot tell her what you "deserve" or demand more from her. There's only one move with a girl who is stringing you along and not putting out. Stop talking to her. That's it. Pretty simple.

 

If she wants to keep manipulating you she may at that point up the ante and give you a little more to try and save things. At that point you can decide if its worth being manipulated further or not.

[InternetExplorer 2,609]

and no more goddamn airport pickups I swear to christ

[Sickinfo2 291]

normal crying, which isn't nearly as annoying when it's your own kid.

 

 

My wife ended up really hostile towards me for like 80% every day over the absolute smallest things.

 

 

 

 

 

I miss the sounds of little feet scampering around the house...

 

 

 

Even calls from the neighbors that the same little feet were scampering around unattended in their backyards

 

 

 

It was quite a life changing experience having the little shit, but I think its more stressful once they hit adulthood. Well, as much of an adult as an offspring of mine could be, anyway.

 

 

 

Its like watching myself walking around in his shoes all over again.... I now know why my folks got all upset over random explosions and stuff...

 

 

 

My mom still calls everytime something shakes the ground, when a siren heads in our general direction, automatic weapons fire, etc.

 

 

 

When I was about ten to fifteen our driveway was basically a police car parking lot. My best day had a visit from the city, county, and state troopers. All separate events. Well, its a toss up between that and the time Shane and I set off a domestic violence incident with the neighbors. The guy got pissed at us for doing donuts in his front yard and blew a thirty caliber hole in the lower fender of a car, sending the bullet inside and striking the brake pedal my foot was controlling...

 

 

 

Cops had a major highway blocked for hours trying to talk the guy out of shooting everyone in the house. Ill never forget how hard we laughed when he yelled out the house, "I CANT TAKE THEM LITTLE BASTARDS MISERY ANY MORE!"

 

 

 

Luckily he realizes he cant get away with stuff like that these days. Nobody even questioned our part in that fiasco. Probably get ten to fifteen for stunts like that now

 

 

 

Ah...memories

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think I would rather switch lives with beans than win the lottery as myself.

 

 

 

 

Try to do both...

 

 

 

And for gods sake dont bet the donts against Shane out of spite anymore

 

 

 

 

A three way meet up better happen. Has to. Needs to

 

 

 

 

Yeah.... It worked so well for the army thread

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

Ahhh, is that right, Dr SmartyPants? We passed that off ramp with Essay about a year ago. He wont do it. That waa our initial advice for him.

 

He cant resist her when she does grace him with a call. Essentially, he is the woman here, so he might as well embrace it. We've exhausted all options here

 

And to think, you were once Jeter's lab partner and now look at you, giving advice on half info. For shame