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I Called In Sick Today


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and after 3 days, he is risen!

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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Am I the only one who's first thought was, I wonder if she's hot, boozy, lonely and horny. Play with the kids, have dinner, put them to bed, keep drinking with the moms, get them to play a little truth or dare. Girl on girl kissing, some mutual boob play, a triple kiss with you, her and the wife. Hijinx ensue.

 

No? Just me?

 

I didn't think that, but I'm definitely thinking about that now.

 

I also want to live in your world where "hijinx ensue" comes after the girl on girl kissing and mutual boob play. I'm pretty sure that is the hijinx where I come from.

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uh, I have nothing to add. the girl lives in Orlando and I am thinking about job searching there. I am crazy.

 

The girl that friend-zoned you?

 

You should move to Orlando anyway. Ron will show you the ropes.

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Wow, really? It doesn't even make change? What a scam? I"d check for cameras, then take a baseball bat to that thing. Or, learn to pick a lock and work yourself free balls for life.

 

And yes, yes I did.

 

 

 

 

Am I the only one who's first thought was, I wonder if she's hot, boozy, lonely and horny. Play with the kids, have dinner, put them to bed, keep drinking with the moms, get them to play a little truth or dare. Girl on girl kissing, some mutual boob play, a triple kiss with you, her and the wife. Hijinx ensue.

 

No? Just me?

 

Of course not, it was my first thought. She is asian and pretty hot. I am sure her husband will be there. I'm not Brad, so my sexual deviancy has some limits.

 

I am pretty sure with enough booze I could facilitate that. But since I am a giant pussy, and would be very afraid of what the after affects of such an evening would entail, I will probably never make this happen.

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i pretty much hate everything and everyone. except women with hot tits.

 

That explains the love of Emma Watson.

 

Oh, no, it doesn't.

 

My son wanted to invite some friends over to play baseball with today. My wife texts a couple moms. One of the mom's response is, great we would love to come over, we will bring the drinks.

 

So instead of my son having a buddy over to play catch, their whole family is coming over and apparently we are barbecuing and drinking. So I got that going for me.

 

This is how my whole street became good friends before we moved. Two kids were riding bikes together, one of the moms offered another a drink, that turned into tray of Cosmos and beer, and next thing you know we're rolling our BBQs around to the front of the houses and renting bouncy castles together. Bike 'n' Bevies hour was around 430 every day for the rest of the summer and became the highlight of the day. Good times.

 

I have no idea if I'm friendzoned or not. I should just ask, "hey, suppose I move there, how long into our first date is it before we kiss?

 

probably important to know before moving

 

Set the tone, imo.

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Am I the only one who's first thought was, I wonder if she's hot, boozy, lonely and horny. Play with the kids, have dinner, put them to bed, keep drinking with the moms, get them to play a little truth or dare. Girl on girl kissing, some mutual boob play, a triple kiss with you, her and the wife. Hijinx ensue.

 

No? Just me?

 

 

 

I was thinking it five minutes before he posted it...

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SA let's move in together next summer. you can read my posts from back when I had roommates, I value the same stuff you do.

 

uh, I have nothing to add. the girl lives in Orlando and I am thinking about job searching there. I am crazy.

 

Whoa, whoa, Orlando? Hmmmm

 

 

 

I didn't think that, but I'm definitely thinking about that now.

 

I also want to live in your world where "hijinx ensue" comes after the girl on girl kissing and mutual boob play. I'm pretty sure that is the hijinx where I come from.

 

Well, that was the joke that I was going for, but those things are just shenanigans. Hijinx would be when the weinus and wagina make appearances.

 

 

 

The girl that friend-zoned you?

 

You should move to Orlando anyway. Ron will show you the ropes.

 

I will show him A rope.

 

 

 

Of course not, it was my first thought. She is asian and pretty hot. I am sure her husband will be there. I'm not Brad, so my sexual deviancy has some limits.

 

I am pretty sure with enough booze I could facilitate that. But since I am a giant pussy, and would be very afraid of what the after affects of such an evening would entail, I will probably never make this happen.

 

Limits are for fags. Actually, fags don't have limits. But yeah, let that shit go out the window and create some damn memories.

 

After affects are win win. Either it becomes a regular thing or you never have to play catch with that little rat bastard again.

 

Is the mom bringing sushi and Sapporo?

 

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I was thinking it five minutes before he posted it...

 

As per usual.

 

Filled with rum!

 

 

Oh, you wrote rum. Never mind. I was gonna say, limits man, limits.

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hmm. I mean, we're friends, yeah, but it's not the same kind of "she completely has the upper hand" situation with friendzoning. I feel like it's obvious we'd be dating if I were local.

Would it be difficult/unlikely for her to have multiple relationships the same as she has with you?
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One's enough, I think.

 

But I assume popular internet gamer girls have plenty of suitors, and it's pretty easy to occupy all the ones you want with gchat and emails and WoW message boards, all keeping them at a safe distance, until that one creepy one takes a job 1500 miles from home, moving out of his parents house for the first real time, to be near you.

 

Throw same Camus jokes at her, though. Worked for Wang's ex.

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