iggymcfly 0 Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 I liked the one about the guy with the voice in his head telling him to play in the WSOP.The other ones were pretty bad though. Link to post Share on other sites
bascomeb 0 Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 I liked the one about the guy with the voice in his head telling him to play in the WSOP.The other ones were pretty bad though. Link to post Share on other sites
arerad 0 Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 OK OK we get it......you got a jopke book for christmaskeep it to yourself Link to post Share on other sites
DWMREP 0 Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 What is the hardest part of replying to your own message 11 times?Having to tell your dad you're gay Link to post Share on other sites
lifelessimp 0 Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 What is the hardest part of replying to your own message 11 times?Having to tell your dad you're gayI lol'd at this one Link to post Share on other sites
teneight 1 Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me $500!" The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's OK. I just bet each of the guys in the card room $1000 each that I could p*** all over you AND the bar and still make you laugh!"------------------------------------I actually laughed out loud at that jopke. good joke fluffdog Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedKills 0 Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Omaha Explained What you do is get four cards. Doesn't matter much what they are because nobody really looks at them anyway. Next, they put three cards on the board. It doesn't matter what they are because nobody really pays any attention to the flop either. Then one more card for the turn and another one for the river. Same betting scenario as before. Doesn't really matter much what they are, except, for a few of the players that may have "cheated" and looked at their hole cards. These players may now fold if they have absolutely no outs. (Mostly bad sports.) Now, at the showdown, everybody turns over their cards and helps the dealer figure out who has the best hand. You MUST play two cards out of your hand so this usually takes a while and the winning hand is usually found out after a little bit of searching by all of the players and a partially confused dealer. The dealer now pushes the pot to the wrong player and everybody yells at him and he smiles glibly and says, "Oh yeah, sorry" and then sends it in the right direction. Then, after all of that excitement dies down, everybody lets out a collective sigh of relief and gets ready to wind up and do it all over again. Fun game.bump Link to post Share on other sites
fckthis 0 Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 I think cancer is funnier than this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Canada 0 Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 This thread is... well here is a clue Link to post Share on other sites
TobyOrNotToBe 0 Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Oh my f*cking God....those jokes by Fluffdog were flat out the worst jokes I have EVER read. I mean, seriously, those were atrocious. I could shave my nuts with a rusty razor blade and be having more fun than reading those jokes. Seriously, those were so bad that I'm actually glad I read them.....Funny video Kowboy Link to post Share on other sites
JTPHS 0 Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 This thread is... well here is a cluehaha... wow..... hahahaha Link to post Share on other sites
Scotty2Hotty 0 Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 That video made me laugh until I just sat here crying at my desk at work."Go eat some KFC which I already told you was gay" Link to post Share on other sites
zedd2005 0 Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Professional Gambler During the Great Depression, there was this man who walked into a bar one day. He walked up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks". The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first". The guy pulls out a huge wad of bills and sets them on the bar. Well, the bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender. "I'm a professional gambler", replied the man. The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are 50-50 at best, right?" "Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy. "Like what?" asked the bartender? "Well, for example, I'll bet you $50 that I can bite my right eye." The bartender thought about it. "OK". So, the guy pulls out his false right eye and bites it. "Aw, you screwed me", said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50. "I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another $50 that I can bite my LEFT eye," said the stranger. The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet". So, the guy pulls out his false teeth and bites his left eye. "Aw, you screwed me again". "That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the $50", said the man. With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. The guy, drunk as a skunk, said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you $500 that I can stand on this bar here on one foot and p*** into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop". The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "OK, you're on". The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began p***ing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle. The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me $500!" The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's OK. I just bet each of the guys in the card room $1000 each that I could p*** all over you AND the bar and still make you laugh!"oh come on did u have to rip that off of desperado?????? Link to post Share on other sites
turd ferguson 1 Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Further illustration as to why Fluffdog is my least favorite poster ever. This thread also proves that we should be able to vote off one village idiot per month. Link to post Share on other sites
ggriffin 0 Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Half the fun of reading jokes is that some of the cheesy ones are quite funny for the wrong reasons.I wrote post your poker jokes on here.I'm still waiting......we're still waiting for you to quit breathing Link to post Share on other sites
_Great_Dane_ 0 Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Put all of your poker related jokes here.I just got back from a casino. While going into my hotel room, a man told me that his wife just had an accident, and that she needed to go to the emergency room. The man asked me to give him or lend him $500.00 to pay for the costs of the emergency room visit. I thought about it, and I asked the man, “how do I know that you won’t take this money into the casino for gambling?” The man answered, “Oh, I’ve got gambling money!” Link to post Share on other sites
turd ferguson 1 Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Put all of your poker related jokes here.I just got back from a casino. While going into my hotel room, a man told me that his wife just had an accident, and that she needed to go to the emergency room. The man asked me to give him or lend him $500.00 to pay for the costs of the emergency room visit. I thought about it, and I asked the man, “how do I know that you won’t take this money into the casino for gambling?” The man answered, “Oh, I’ve got gambling money!”Stolen from Doyle. Cite your sources. Link to post Share on other sites
Timdog1010 0 Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Put all of your poker related jokes here.I just got back from a casino. While going into my hotel room, a man told me that his wife just had an accident, and that she needed to go to the emergency room. The man asked me to give him or lend him $500.00 to pay for the costs of the emergency room visit. I thought about it, and I asked the man, “how do I know that you won’t take this money into the casino for gambling?” The man answered, “Oh, I’ve got gambling money!”Stolen from Doyle. Cite your sources.I frickin' love this site sometimes...b.s.'ing will not be tolerated.Hey Turd, I've asked Speedz, so I'll ask you:Can I continue to end my posts in ellipses?Will you still love me anyway?'Cause it's kinda become my thing... Link to post Share on other sites
crocd99 0 Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 the last time i played poker with (insert someones moms name/or girlfriend) i flopped the nuts and was all in Link to post Share on other sites
turd ferguson 1 Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Put all of your poker related jokes here.I just got back from a casino. While going into my hotel room, a man told me that his wife just had an accident, and that she needed to go to the emergency room. The man asked me to give him or lend him $500.00 to pay for the costs of the emergency room visit. I thought about it, and I asked the man, “how do I know that you won’t take this money into the casino for gambling?” The man answered, “Oh, I’ve got gambling money!”Stolen from Doyle. Cite your sources.I frickin' love this site sometimes...b.s.'ing will not be tolerated.Hey Turd, I've asked Speedz, so I'll ask you:Can I continue to end my posts in ellipses?Will you still love me anyway?'Cause it's kinda become my thing...I have to defer to Speedz on this one, but if he's ok with it then I'll let it slide just because you're sexy. Remember though, small doses. Link to post Share on other sites
Timdog1010 0 Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Put all of your poker related jokes here.I just got back from a casino. While going into my hotel room, a man told me that his wife just had an accident, and that she needed to go to the emergency room. The man asked me to give him or lend him $500.00 to pay for the costs of the emergency room visit. I thought about it, and I asked the man, “how do I know that you won’t take this money into the casino for gambling?” The man answered, “Oh, I’ve got gambling money!”Stolen from Doyle. Cite your sources.I frickin' love this site sometimes...b.s.'ing will not be tolerated.Hey Turd, I've asked Speedz, so I'll ask you:Can I continue to end my posts in ellipses?Will you still love me anyway?'Cause it's kinda become my thing...I have to defer to Speedz on this one, but if he's ok with it then I'll let it slide just because you're sexy. Remember though, small doses.Yes!I mean,Yes... Link to post Share on other sites
_Great_Dane_ 0 Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Put all of your poker related jokes here.I just got back from a casino. While going into my hotel room, a man told me that his wife just had an accident, and that she needed to go to the emergency room. The man asked me to give him or lend him $500.00 to pay for the costs of the emergency room visit. I thought about it, and I asked the man, “how do I know that you won’t take this money into the casino for gambling?” The man answered, “Oh, I’ve got gambling money!”Stolen from Doyle. Cite your sources.Not "stolen from Doyle." Borrowed from Norm McDonald.Most jokes, in general, are not spoken by the author. Link to post Share on other sites
turd ferguson 1 Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Put all of your poker related jokes here.I just got back from a casino. While going into my hotel room, a man told me that his wife just had an accident, and that she needed to go to the emergency room. The man asked me to give him or lend him $500.00 to pay for the costs of the emergency room visit. I thought about it, and I asked the man, “how do I know that you won’t take this money into the casino for gambling?” The man answered, “Oh, I’ve got gambling money!”Stolen from Doyle. Cite your sources.Not "stolen from Doyle." Borrowed from Norm McDonald.Most jokes, in general, are not spoken by the author.It's in one of Doyle's books (either Super/System or According to Doyle I can't remember which). Also, I know most jokes aren't completely original, but if you're going to take it from a well-known poker book and post it on a poker forum you should at least give credit where it's due. P.S. Please lose that signature. It makes you look ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
leebs12 0 Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 This thread is... well here is a cluehaha... wow..... hahahahawell damn, if you didnt watch this...do, it is the best thing ever Link to post Share on other sites
_Great_Dane_ 0 Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Put all of your poker related jokes here.I just got back from a casino. While going into my hotel room, a man told me that his wife just had an accident, and that she needed to go to the emergency room. The man asked me to give him or lend him $500.00 to pay for the costs of the emergency room visit. I thought about it, and I asked the man, “how do I know that you won’t take this money into the casino for gambling?” The man answered, “Oh, I’ve got gambling money!”Stolen from Doyle. Cite your sources.Not "stolen from Doyle." Borrowed from Norm McDonald.Most jokes, in general, are not spoken by the author.It's in one of Doyle's books (either Super/System or According to Doyle I can't remember which). Also, I know most jokes aren't completely original, but if you're going to take it from a well-known poker book and post it on a poker forum you should at least give credit where it's due. P.S. Please lose that signature. It makes you look ridiculous.Once again, I didn't get the joke from a book.Meet me at the Borgata in three weeks. We'll see who looks ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
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