poker twilight zone

[CrackofmyACE 1]

Yesterday around 2 p.m. I got a call from John, a close friend, business partner, and poker buddy of mine asking me to play in a charity Texas Holdem tournament that he had put together to benefit a summer camp for young kids that he had helped run in the past. Seeing that it was for a good cause, and that John has gone out of his way for me in the past, I happily agreed to play. The buyin was $125 and he was expecting a field of approximately 100 players. 50% of the prize pool went towards the charity, and 10% went towards expenses: the poker tournament company that ran the thing, the restaurant that held the tournament, the "free" Italian buffet all players were to receive prior to the tournament's start. Anyone familiar with charity tournaments knows how these things work. This left about 40% of the total prize pool to be distributed to the winners. I'm personally not a fan of how these tournaments are run, and I'm usually reluctant to enter them because of the rapidly increasing blinds, inexperienced dealers and floorpeople, and lopsided payout structure, but this was a personal favor for a friend so I dismissed these discrepancies and approached the event with the utmost enthusiasm simply to have a good time. Now, going into this I knew that these charity events drew their fair share of donkeys, since anyone and everyone who watches poker on TV jumps at the opportunity to play in these local tournaments, but I was in no way prepared for the events that I was about to witness last night. Lets just say that I had entered a "poker twilight zone" and spent most of the night sitting there flabberghasted and in sheer terror of the inevitable river that would eliminate me. Keep in mind that this was a $125 buyin tournament. Not a lot of money by any means, but certainly not penny poker at the kitchen table either! At about 8 p.m. we took our seats and the cards were up in the air shortly after the tournament director explained the basic rules and table etiquette over the mic. to the packed banquet room full of players. While this was happening I examined the characters at my table. Nothing out of the ordinary, a few middle aged men, the obligatory unmatching sweatpant/sweatshirt wearing degenerate types that follow the charity circuit (we've all seen them), and a few twenty-something guido characters with dress clothes and slicked back hair. Now I'm not one to stereotype a players ability solely based on appearance, but after a brief examination I concluded that some of the players had to know what they were doing. I mean come on, these older guys must have been around the block a couple times and these Italian kids at least looked somewhat streetwise! Boy was I wrong. We each started with a stack of T4,000 and the blinds went 50/100, 100/200, 200/400, 300/600 etc every 20 mintues. Crapshoot. I knew luck was ultimately going to be the determining factor here but I needed to figure out my opponents first before developing a sound strategy. I knew what I was in for once the first hand was dealt and there were 8 limpers seeing a flop. Typical post flop action was as follows: with 8 players in the hand and multiple muli-way draws on the flop, someone would open up for 100 into a pot of 950 and get 5 callers then a raise from the other side of the table to 200..... call call call call call etc etc. I stared in disbelief at the lack of basic poker knowledege and sat in anticipation of the absurd plays that were about to come before the night ended (or my tournament life more specifically). At one point I saw a guy go allin on the river for his last 1,500 into a pot of 500 and get called instantly by a player to his left. The board read K Q 9 4 6. The guys who pushed flips over 10-9 and drags a T3,500 pot with a pair of nines while the caller sheepishly turns over A 7o for "no pair no draw", shrugs his shoulders and says "I had the ace". I looked around the table for a reaction from someone - nothing. I was all alone. My strategy at this point was simple. Pick up a hand, push it to the max, pray it holds up. During the second level I still hadn't played a hand and I picked up AdKd on the button with 6 limpers behind me. I went allin. Everyone folded. A few hands later (blinds at 100/200) I pick up QQ on the cutoff and make it 1,200 to go with 2 limpers in front of me. The button, one of the guido characters, calls without hesitation and the two limpers fold. Sweet - we're heads up. Flop is 996. I bet the pot - about 3,200, essentially putting the button allin since he'd only have 600 left if he just called. To my amazement he calls the 3,200 instantly. Before the turn is dealt I ask for a remaining chip count and he indeed has 600 remaining. I announce that I'm allin on the turn before it is dealt. The turn is another 9. I have my cards in hand ready to flip over, waiting for him to call, and then realize that he is comtemplating a fold! He is sitting there thinking, straining if you will, about what to do with his last 600 chips with over 9k in the pot. After deliberating for a minute or so he to sses his last 600 in and turns up AQ for "no pair no draw". River A. The reaction from the table was as expected: "OOOOOOHHHH!!!!!!". Then everyone looks at me for a reaction. I didn't even flinch. This is partly because I have trained myself to not show any emotion at the poker table whatsoever, regardless of a hand's outcome, and partly because I knew the ace was coming the whole time. Now heres the good part. The dialogue that followed this hand, between the hero with AQ and another donkey across the table from him was absolutely priceless, and may be the greatest fish quote of all time - hands down.Guy across the table (as serious as can be): "Wow nice call man - you were pot committed there! Good play."Hero with AQ: "Thanks. Ya see I'm just tryin to play agressive here.... thats the name of the game." I nearly spit my drink out across the table. This was too much. I was at a complete loss for words. I have been humbled. Long story short, I tripled up my remaining stack (about 900) with Ace high after I got 2 callers on my allin 5 hands later. Yes, an ace high was good on a board of K J 8 9 2 (neither of them had a pair) after they checked it down attempting to eliminate me. At least thats what I think their intentions were. With about 3000 in my stack a few hands later I moved in from the cutoff with AKs after a shortstack UTG moved allin, in an attempt to isolate him and get heads up for a race. I had a reliable read on him that he was holding exactly two cards. To my dismay, I got called for my last 3k (blinds at 200/400) by the button, the small blind, and the big blind, creating a 5-way allin with 2 sidepots. I missed my flop and some guy who called off half his stack with J-9 quintrupled up after flopping a full house. I wished everyone good luck and left in gentlemanlike fashion in a complete daze... not sure what had just occurrred. I got a call later on that night from John. Apparantly he won the tournament and his girlfriend Jen had come in 2nd. I laugh and accuse him of rigging the event. No seriously, I was amazed at how he could possibly navigate a field of land mines and come out clean on the other side. He admitted that he witnessed some of the worst play imaginable throughout the course of the night. God Bless Chris Moneymaker! Overall, I had a great time and learned a lot from my fellow donkey players. Exactly what, I'm not sure, but I learned something! I think.....

[Guest]

that truly was the best fish quote I've ever heard...classic

[Guest]

but I just want to remind you that results are the only thing that defines your poker skills. Therefore although you think you are good, these players destroying you proves to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are all better poker players than you are. Sincerely,wwdd

[CrackofmyACE 1]

but I just want to remind you that results are the only thing that defines your poker skills.  Therefore although you think you are good, these players destroying you proves to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are all better poker players than you are.  Sincerely,wwdd

LMAO :-) Happy Turkey Day

[precise148 0]

Long post but once I got hooked, I read it all the way through and that was hilarious! The donk of course, not you. I was in a similar situation at a charity event. Blinds were 400/800 and I didn't play a hand for a good 3 rounds. I had 4200 and KK on the cutoff so I move all in. Big blind says, "Oh well, I already have chips in the pot and this is my favorite number" 4-8 offsuit. He turns the straight! Guy next to him says, "I would have done the same thing. Good call" Pathetic. No matter what the cause, I don't think I can join a charity tournament after that.

[Neo 0]

I love the "trying to be aggressive" quote. Thats a classic lmao.

[gkunit20 1]

Wow. That was incredible. I'm at a loss of words :shock:

[CrackofmyACE 1]

Long post but once I got hooked, I read it all the way through and that was hilarious!  The donk of course, not you.  I was in a similar situation at a charity event.  Blinds were 400/800 and I didn't play a hand for a good 3 rounds.  I had 4200 and KK on the cutoff so I move all in.  Big blind says, "Oh well, I already have chips in the pot and this is my favorite number"  4-8 offsuit.  He turns the straight!  Guy next to him says, "I would have done the same thing.  Good call"  Pathetic.  No matter what the cause, I don't think I can join a charity tournament after that.

Yes, Ill stick to my guns and never enter one of those again!

[TheWynn 0]

I was hoping that your post would never end. I could have went on reading that all day. You have to play in one of those again. Next time wear one of those pinhole camera's and mic's. Priceless.

[Longshanks 0]

that was good read, its amazing the tlak you will hear when fish suck out, they will NOT fold their 2 big cards and call all bets with overcards, and you are right, GOD BLESS CHRIS MONEYMAKER!

[CrackofmyACE 1]

I was hoping that your post would never end. I could have went on reading that all day. You have to play in one of those again. Next time wear one of those pinhole camera's and mic's. Priceless.

That would certainly make for some great entertainment. I was wishing I had viewers at home last night... Ive never felt so ALONE ...LOL

[CrackofmyACE_FTP 0]

that was good read, its amazing the tlak you will hear when fish suck out, they will NOT fold their 2 big cards and call all bets with overcards, and you are right, GOD BLESS CHRIS MONEYMAKER!

I played in another charity event last night, and although the events that transpired were in no way as bewildering and hilarious as my OP, I still managed to witness some serious donkish activity... anyone else mess around in these local charity events? Theyre popping up all over the Greater Boston area like mushrooms after a rainstorm...

[acesfullmike 0]

bumping this for the people that havent read it, freakin hilarious

[Guest]

I actually dealty a charity tournament tonight in NYC.The guy I work for actually runs things very well. It's the second time I've worked for him and we ran without a hitch. I think we had 110 players tonight for 100+50 to the charity. I got paid 140 for 4 hours work which isn't bad at all.The play in the tourney I dealt is just as horrendous as you describe.I dealt some major beats in the tournament and ensuing cash games. AA falls to J10, AA falls to A3, QQ to J9 off, KK to 67....you get the picture.I know the charity rake is ridiculous and the structure is terrible, but with the amount of absolute donks who don't have a clue...could these tournaments possibly be +EV?Two players have final tabled for a total of 5 times in the 3 times this event has been ran. (2 and 3 times apiece). That shows some consistent results.With the horrendous play, I think these things might be beatable in the long term. I'm probably absolutely wrong though.

[CrackofmyACE_FTP 0]

I actually dealty a charity tournament tonight in NYC.The guy I work for actually runs things very well.  It's the second time I've worked for him and we ran without a hitch.  I think we had 110 players tonight for 100+50 to the charity.  I got paid 140 for 4 hours work which isn't bad at all.The play in the tourney I dealt is just as horrendous as you describe.I dealt some major beats in the tournament and ensuing cash games.  AA falls to J10, AA falls to A3, QQ to J9 off, KK to 67....you get the picture.I know the charity rake is ridiculous and the structure is terrible, but with the amount of absolute donks who don't have a clue...could these tournaments possibly be +EV?Two players have final tabled for a total of 5 times in the 3 times this event has been ran.  (2 and 3 times apiece).  That shows some consistent results.With the horrendous play, I think these things might be beatable in the long term.  I'm probably absolutely wrong though.

As a dealer in these events, I hope you follow the basic fundamental rules of poker LOL.. In the event I was in, the dealer was allowing people to raise 300 to 500 etc etc... I kindly interrupted the action and explained to the dealer that the minimum raise had to be twice the amount of the initial bet. He condescendingly told me to check the rule book and went about dealing the hand. During the first break I took him aside and further explained the rules regarding raises etc and he snapped at me and called over the tournament director. The tournament director reinforced the dealers argument by explaining to me that the "minimum raise had to be at least the amount of the big blind...not twice the initial bet"... My jaw dropped and I walked away in silence.... seeing that I was outnumbered by imbeciles. I mean.. how can you run one of these companys and NOT KNOW THAT.. only in America... Oh by the way... here is the link to the company's website that runs these things so none of you EVER play in one of their events if youre around Boston:http://www.baystatepoker.com/

[jesseru87 0]

This is creepy, because I just played in one of this week. Mine was a $125 tourney too, with half going to CYO baseball. It was only about 18 players, with exactly one knowing the basic rules of No Limit Texas Hold Em, me. I was explaining to everyone that the player under the gun isn't allowed to check, he has to call. I also had to explain the rules of minimum raising, and the other player's argument was "I've been playing texas holdem for over 15 years and I know I can raise an 800 chip bet to 1000 if I want, it's no limit, you can bet whatever you want." With the blinds doubling every 15 minutes (that's right they went 25/50 50/100 100/200 200/400 400/800 800/1600, with starting stacks of 2000)My basic strategy was similar to the OP's, wait for big hands and push hoping to get called by donks. My strat worked perfectly and I made the final 4 with a huge chip lead (3 got paid). Then with the blinds at 400/800, everyone limps to me in the big blind with 78 off. I ckeck and the flop comes 8 8 9. SB checks, I bet 5000, it's folded to the small blind (second biggest stack) who moves all in for about 600 more. I call, he flips 9 2, river 9. I figured something like this would happen, but his comment after was classic..."Well I figured you for the 8, but I thought I could move you off the hand with my all in, and I had outs if you called." He was dead serious too. I ended up losing the very next hand with QQ against K 2. This guy goes "whew, you almost got lucky there." I said "what? you mean you got lucky?" and he goes "no, king high is a better starting hand than pocket queens because if i flop a king there is no way for me to lose."

[CrackofmyACE_FTP 0]

This is creepy, because I just played in one of this week.  Mine was a $125 tourney too, with half going to CYO baseball.  It was only about 18 players, with exactly one knowing the basic rules of No Limit Texas Hold Em, me.  I was explaining to everyone that the player under the gun isn't allowed to check, he has to call.  I also had to explain the rules of minimum raising, and the other player's argument was "I've been playing texas holdem for over 15 years and I know I can raise an 800 chip bet to 1000 if I want, it's no limit, you can bet whatever you want."  With the blinds doubling every 15 minutes (that's right they went 25/50 50/100 100/200 200/400 400/800 800/1600, with starting stacks of 2000)My basic strategy was similar to the OP's, wait for big hands and push hoping to get called by donks.  My strat worked perfectly and I made the final 4 with a huge chip lead (3 got paid).  Then with the blinds at 400/800, everyone limps to me in the big blind with 78 off.  I ckeck and the flop comes 8 8 9.  SB checks, I bet 5000, it's folded to the small blind (second biggest stack) who moves all in for about 600 more.  I call, he flips 9 2, river 9.  I figured something like this would happen, but his comment after was classic..."Well I figured you for the 8, but I thought I could move you off the hand with my all in, and I had outs if you called."  He was dead serious too.   I ended up losing the very next hand with QQ against K 2.  This guy goes "whew, you almost got lucky there."  I said "what? you mean you got lucky?" and he goes "no, king high is a better starting hand than pocket queens because if i flop a king there is no way for me to lose."

Classic. The donk quote I heard was worth the $125 if its any consolation.

[wellsberry 0]

Those were very funny.

[Balloon guy 158]

Couple months ago I played in a Celebrity Charity event, so double the donks. The dealers had just come from their first alcholoics anyonmous meetings and were still too busy shaking to shuffle well.I'm sitting at a table with Tom Dreesen, famous older comedian who opened for Frank Sinatra for years ( for you youngsters)blinds 100/200donkey under gun raises 2xbb $200Tom raises to $600gets 1 reraise to $800donkey calls $600Tom raises all in $1200+ morenext player calls and donkey thinks and calls and turns over 66Tom has AAother player has QQturn is 6Tom is very nice and leaves shaking hands etc.I go to a friends later and tell him I played with Tom Dreesen , and he knows him well enough to call him right there and tells him I saw the play and what a bad call that guy made, I can hear Dreesen cussing up a storm while we laughed.Later I have ace king, king comes on flop I bet all in against older women who plays alot of Omaha etc in casino, she calls with QQ and catches queen on river leaving me with 300.I go all in on button when 6 people limp with 9 2 offflop come 9 5 2she bets into pot, everyone folds she has J2 off, and I'm thinking, great she got everyone else out for me.catches j on river.1/2 hour later she gets busted out when she calls with JJ against an all in with ace king on flop and she complains to her husband about how bad the players were.I almost hit my first old women...okay second

[ChipLeader7 0]

The ops story is definatley a classic.

[TheRake_MD23 0]

:shock:

[MOMOwheeler 0]

Great story! :)But its stories like these (coupled with my own experiences) that keep me away from such events.There's nothing on this planet more frustrating (to me) than losing to complete ignorance; home and charity tournaments are -EV on the experience alone.

[SpeedKills 0]

Long post but once I got hooked, I read it all the way through and that was hilarious!  The donk of course, not you.  I was in a similar situation at a charity event.  Blinds were 400/800 and I didn't play a hand for a good 3 rounds.  I had 4200 and KK on the cutoff so I move all in.  Big blind says, "Oh well, I already have chips in the pot and this is my favorite number"  4-8 offsuit.  He turns the straight!  Guy next to him says, "I would have done the same thing.  Good call"  Pathetic.  No matter what the cause, I don't think I can join a charity tournament after that.

ha

[CrackofmyACE 1]

"John" from the OP won yet ANOTHER charity event last night for 5k and a crummy trophy that will collect dust in his closet.I don't know how the guy does it. Bumpin this for some more laughs....

[Mercury69 3]

That's a priceless story. Thanks for the laughs!