Galactic Ray Jetworn 0 Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 I’ve been touring the country for years, entertaining people like nobody’s business. It’s been a long, arduous journey, but I’ve learned things along the way, things which I think it’s time I shared. Wanna see what I got, OK? Haha, right, let’s do this then.Usually I start my set with a killer joke, the following never fails to disappoint.“I think I’d like to be a nomad! Hahhaaha, why? That way I’d never be mad again. Llooll!!! Hey, Galactic Ray the nomad, are you mad?? I’m NO MAD! Haha”Then I follow up with my egg joke. I re-enact a typical scene in a grocery store. I play both the consumer and the guy working at the grocery store. Consumer: “Hmm, eggs, I wonder if white eggs taste different from brown eggs?”Guy working at grocery store, looking at audience super exasperated: “Not this question again!”Hahaha, if the audience isn’t laughing it’s because they’re a group of mentally retarded people from the home down the street.Once you have the crowd warmed up, you can try some “risky” material. One of my favorite inappropriate jokes is the one about a fat person.Hey, look there’s a fat guy sitting at the back of the roomWait for everybody to turn around.JUST JOKING!Hahahaah. Made them look.Now, if you’re in a city, there’s bound to be a lot of traffic on the highways. So, a standard joke you can make is “Hey, I’ve noticed here in Detroit, there are only two seasons, winter, and construction season!” That joke is so old though, I like to add my own special twist.“Hey, Detroit, I’ve noticed you have two seasons. Construction season and *ahem*, CONSTRUCTION SEASON! LOOOOOLLO. So much construction, that’s all it ever is!” Edgy I know, but sometimes a comedian has to hold up a mirror to the world, and if the world doesn’t like what it sees, hey, not my problem. I’m just telling it like it is.When I have them rolling in the aisles, I usually like to do something I call the “invite a lady up on stage and cop a feel” bit. That’s where I invite a lady up on stage and , you guessed it, totally cop a feel. HIGH FIVE! Link to post Share on other sites
El Guapo 8 Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 "TYPEWRITER!" Link to post Share on other sites
mr_druid 0 Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 timing is everything.....and I've spoken too soon. Tom. Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise 57 Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 HIGH FIVE! Link to post Share on other sites
Max_Powers 0 Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 But did you ever notice that we DRIVE on a PARKway and PARK on a DRIVEway???Its f ucking crazy! The English language is nuts. Link to post Share on other sites
hank213 1,823 Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 In Soviet Russia, road forks you! Link to post Share on other sites
Max_Powers 0 Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 My wife and/or significant other sure does drive me crazy!We are very different from one another!She bothers me while I watch sporting events. I scratch my balls while she tries to communicate with me!And don't get me started on other drivers! Sheesh! Link to post Share on other sites
Yoda 1 Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Worst joke account sighting of the day. Link to post Share on other sites
showstopper24 0 Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 What did the dentist give to the orchestra?A tuba toothpaste. Link to post Share on other sites
AdamC 0 Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 It's a good thing clowns don't start gangs. Nothing would be more embaressing than getting killed in a driveby on a unicycle. Just imagine the cops standing over you talking."Jeez, I don't know how he didn't hear it comin'. Witnessess said the clown was honkin' his nose the whole way," Link to post Share on other sites
jkalib 0 Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Current Score:OP - 0Replies - 11 Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise 57 Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Worst joke account sighting of the day. Current Score:OP - 0Replies - 11you have both chosen... poorly. Link to post Share on other sites
hank213 1,823 Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Boy, white people really can't dance. Link to post Share on other sites
CBass1724 1 Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 don't lol at your own jokes like drew carey Link to post Share on other sites
KowboyKoop 0 Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Repitition. Link to post Share on other sites
BigDMcGee 3,352 Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Repitition. Link to post Share on other sites
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