kobe2odom8 14 Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 this is the best stuff ive read since february's hustler, man keep em coming Link to post Share on other sites
Balloon guy 158 Posted March 9, 2007 Author Share Posted March 9, 2007 I knew it! I knew there was some secret to live poker but could never figure it out but thanks to BG now I finally know! just remember to be cool about it seacyour welcome Link to post Share on other sites
finztotheleft 0 Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 ALL I CAN SAY IS RETARDWhy is the author of the Arthur series of children's books trolling a poker forum ? Link to post Share on other sites
Balloon guy 158 Posted March 9, 2007 Author Share Posted March 9, 2007 Why is the author of the Arthur series of children's books trolling a poker forum ?Obviously to learn how to play better. And he came to the right place, realized it was unattainable to have the skills I have, and lashed out in anger.You can hear the cry for help clearly if you listen. Link to post Share on other sites
AceJackOffS 0 Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 Best post in months, BG may have single handedly saved general Link to post Share on other sites
seacucumber 2 Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 just remember to be cool about it seacyour welcomeI definitely will try not to make it too obvious. However, if the dealers keep giving me the old "Aces and Kings are winning a lot" BS then I might have no choice but to pull out my valet ticket B) Link to post Share on other sites
Janfor99 0 Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 BG, if you are taking pre-orders for "BGOH Vol 1" online, I'll take 1 copy, ty! Oh, and do you take Neteller? Link to post Share on other sites
SpiderGuard 0 Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 Well played~! Link to post Share on other sites
JesseW316 0 Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 gh sir Link to post Share on other sites
finztotheleft 0 Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 You can hear the cry for help clearly if you listen.LOL. I do believe you are right !The "aces and kings are winning a lot" was awesome. Link to post Share on other sites
Balloon guy 158 Posted March 10, 2007 Author Share Posted March 10, 2007 Table folds to button who calls, and so does the big blind and the limper. Flop comes 3 7 J with two spades. First guy checks and I show my AK and muck. The dealer does his standard whine about other players etc. but he has to, even though he knows that it was the right move. I know it's bad form to quote oneself, but this part still has me laugh and I wrote it, or maybe this is a shameless bumb, I don't know it's late. Link to post Share on other sites
BigDMcGee 3,352 Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 bwahahahah I agree, this is the best OP in general of the year, so far. Link to post Share on other sites
BigDMcGee 3,352 Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 ALL I CAN SAY IS RETARDhhahahaha this is pretty funny too. Link to post Share on other sites
Jelly-Filled Ace 1 Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 this is the best OP in general of the year, so far. Link to post Share on other sites
JesseW316 0 Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 bwahahahah I agree, this is the best OP in general of the year, so far.TOTY Link to post Share on other sites
Canuckickstan 2 Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 I fold for the next 4 or 5 hands, limp in with KJ and hit my J on a 7 A J flop, but I get sucked into this by some donkey that plays A9. I mean so what if you’re the small blind, ace rag is for donkeys. Total hoover hand for me there. I am going to use this in the most improper context. Link to post Share on other sites
SCYUKON 0 Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 I think this is a cry for help and Balloon Guy is actually broke.....I wonder how big BG's bankroll is... Link to post Share on other sites
joethepro 0 Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 this was so funny. dunno how i missed this thread until today.i'll probably reread it again tomorrow when i'm not so tired. great post. Link to post Share on other sites
Balloon guy 158 Posted March 11, 2007 Author Share Posted March 11, 2007 I think this is a cry for help and Balloon Guy is actually broke.....I wonder how big BG's bankroll is...You know what people say, big feet...big bankroll.Size 14 baby. Link to post Share on other sites
davezz5 0 Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 .Time to tighten up, 4 re buys is my maximum for a one hour session, so I am dangerously close to having to watch High Stakes Poker for the rest of the night.lol Link to post Share on other sites
Canuckickstan 2 Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 Just incase anyone was wondering, 5's are hot today. Link to post Share on other sites
Balloon guy 158 Posted March 13, 2007 Author Share Posted March 13, 2007 Tournament play is a very specialized form of poker. Many of the top pros are not able to make the transition. You get some old guy that played on the road in Texas his whole life, put him in a tournament and he’ll be toast by the first break. Internet players have the best chance to win because we have mastered the skill of playing really fast, and if you can play really fast then the slow people can’t catch up. Its flop, bet, reraise, then watch the older players get confused trying to remember what their hand is. I am one if the best players on the circuit today, even though I really only play the $40 super duper satellites, Once I get staked I will probably win about half the tournaments I enter.First thing to get ready for a tournament you need to have your house in order, and by house I mean girlfriend. Last thing you want is to be worrying about her getting seduced by some poker stud like me. So do what I do and drug her lunch. Pour a couple percoxycainodyle in her iced tea, then get to the hotel room real quick. Tell her you forgot the to give her a lot of money so she can do whatever she wants while you are playing, she’ll be dragging you to the room. Then tell her you want to watch espn to see if the interview you did where you talk about how special she is and how she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you blah blah blah. Once she hits the floor you should put her in the bed, other wise the maids will call the police etc etc. So now you are ready and there are not going to be any distractions so you can begin your domination of the tables. This is a breakdown of the last tournament I played in, which should give you a really good indication of how good I am.It was a $125 buy in +$50 at a local casino. I got their early because I know the real secret of tournaments, the secret that will make or break you as a career tournament pro. Seat choice. You get the wrong seat, forget about it. Remember the 2005 WSOP Main Event, Sammy Farha got their early and picked the right seat, seat number 6. That guy that is related to Goldie Hawn some how just showed up and let them put him in the worst seat, seat number 10. You ever seen anyone win in seat 10? And you never will. First hand Sammy busted him when Sammy made a good read with his A10 and busted him when Sammy flopped the nuts. First hand…so avoid seat 10. Also avoid seat 1, it is to the dealer’s left and if the dealer is left handed they look spastic every time they deal to you, which will make you think about the time at school you gave a wedgy to the retarded kid and had to clean toilets for a month. Hard to concentrate after that.So I get there early and get a seat card, seat number 4, Table 3. Now these numbers add up to 7, which is a lucky number. 4’s are hot a lot of times, which is good for me since I know about these things, and 3s are the most famous number in the Bible, so I got God working on my side too.Then I left. No reason to give the other players anything by being in the same room. Once I was sitting at a table waiting to play when this older guy came over and sat down next to me. After 4 minutes of awkward silence where he just stared at me I said: “You got a problem” He just kept staring at me, until I figured it out, he was trying to read my mind so I quickly started thinking about how I am going to play really really tight for the first hour. I am going to play so tight it will be hard, I will only play with AA KK or J10 suited, maybe 67 suited. This way I am sure to set him up for later. Then I got up and turned to him and he was still staring at where I was, that’s when I noticed the TV behind me with the game on. That was probably just his way of covering his tracks after reading my mind, but you never know. Now I just leave.I play blackjack for a bit to get used to squeezing my cards. Sometimes when I am in the groove I can take up to 45 seconds to see my second card. It’s a 4, no an ace, maybe the ace of diamonds, wait it might be a 2, no it’s a 4, wait a minute it’s a face card, yes face cards are good, it’s a king, no it’s a queen. Yep I got a Queen 6 suited. I set the cards back down and check to see the flop, dealer has a 10 showing but has a 6 behind so we push, wait she decided to go for another card, she is totally gambling now, she gets a 9 and whammy I am up another $5. I left after making about $60. I know if the poker ever fails me I will be able to fall back on blackjack since the dealers are so bad.The clock says 6:45 and the tournament started at 6:30 so I only have about 10 minutes to show up right when you should. Phil Helmuth once told me on the side, when there were no cameras around that showing up late is the best thing you can do since most people will be on tilt after losing and you can sweep in and wipe out the table. Plus you are almost never the first one out this way.Another characteristic of a good tournament poker player is in the way you get the other players to make mistakes. I find the best way to do this is to call out their hands as often as possible. So if you call out KJ off and they have it, they are going to give you their chips out of respect. If you are wrong with your call, then they will not expect you to be as good as you are. So right or wrong it’s a win/win. You can always fall back on “I put you on pocket Queens”, people always seem to play pocket Queens the same.So I sit down, and look around the table. Seat one is a donkey, how else would he let himself get seat one, so I ignore him. Seat two is shuffling his chips, hiding behind his sunglasses and wearing a full tilt hockey jersey. Basically I am of the opinion if you can shuffle chips than you suck at poker. I mean a real poker player is in too many hands to have time to play with his chips. Sun glasses also are a big tell, he’s afraid of me but doesn’t want me to see him look down in fear, so he hides it behind glasses. Hockey Jersey is just his way of saying he’s fat.Seat three is an oriental, either Japanese or Korean or something. These guys are the best poker players in the world, so you have to be careful with them. They invented poker I think but they called it Poklucdong or something. I’ll be careful of him and respect his raises. Seat four is a really good looking guy that obviously is the best at the table. Seat five is some old guy that looks like he needs another drink like Michael Jackson needs another nose job. I’m not sure what that means but Jack Nicholson once said it so it’s got to be cool. Seat six is a women, not to worry about. Seat seven is another women, man what luck to get two of them, but she might be Asian, so I’ll keep an eye on her. Seat eight already busted, so I missed out on a donkey and seat nine is an old guy. I try to figure if he’s a “Bored with life and want to kill 8 hours away from my wife who hates me” poker guy or a “Been doing this my whole life and I can’t accept I’ve wasted my life” poker guy. So I’ll keep him in the not sure side of the line. Guy in seat number ten is not to be counted either since he’s in seat ten, but then I notice that he squeezed his cards right as they were dealt.A few years back some pro wrote that you should wait to look at your cards till it’s your turn so you don’t give away the strength of your hand to an early position player. That is so dumb, how many times have you watched a guy yet to act if he looks at his cards, you look at the guy whose turn it is. So obviously if you wait till it’s your turn, then everyone has a chance to watch you. Unless you have nerves of raw steel like me, you are going to give away your hand. So as soon as those cards come, look right away. Then you can judge everyone else. Plus those few times you are going to fold, you want to have them ready to fold so that people can expect you to fold, then you can hit them with a re-reraise a few times to slow them down. It’s all a battle.Next post I’ll share some hands and how well I played them. Link to post Share on other sites
finztotheleft 0 Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 I vote for Balloon Guy, because he's my American Idol ! Link to post Share on other sites
SpiderGuard 0 Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 I have a question for Balloon Guy about people respecting my raises. Lately I've been playing like you suggest, and everyone folds every time to my standard 8x raise. I'm not getting action on my premium hands like KJ and anything with a 7 (when it's hot), and that's been a problem. Is it possible that people respect my raises TOO much? Link to post Share on other sites
Balloon guy 158 Posted March 31, 2007 Author Share Posted March 31, 2007 I have a question for Balloon Guy about people respecting my raises. Lately I've been playing like you suggest, and everyone folds every time to my standard 8x raise. I'm not getting action on my premium hands like KJ and anything with a 7 (when it's hot), and that's been a problem. Is it possible that people respect my raises TOO much?Wow sir you have asked the ultimate question.Can your raises be over respected.........?I will pray and meditate on the answer for you.But I suspect the answer will be maybe Link to post Share on other sites
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