you might be a fish if . . . . .

[FOOSE1 0]

OK guys let's have some fun. Over the last few weeks I have collected some useless information from the hundreds of "FISH" that I have played with online. Some of the quotes, responses to criticism and just their downright bad play cracked me up so much that I started writing them down. These are REAL quotes and situations which make them all the more funny. I am saving the very best one for last - make sure you read all the way to the end!!!!! To copy Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a redneck if . . ." routine I introduce to you the "You might be a fish if . . ." Here's the top twenty I came up with. Feel free to add others. This should be good for some laughs!! :-) 1) YOU MIGHT BE A FISH IF . . . you've ever called a $175, 3-way all-in bet with 9 4 2) YOU MIGHT BE A FISH IF . . . you've ever bought into a $1/$2 table with your last $5 hoping to "double up".3) YOU MIGHT BE A FISH IF . . . you ever have explained playing 3 8 UTG by saying, "I can't win with good hands"!4) YOU MIGHT BE A FISH IF . . . folding is Never . . . Ever . . . Ever . . . Ever . . . Ever or Ever and option.5) YOU MIGHT BE A FISH IF . . . you've ever called to the river with 7 high . . . and then got mad when you lost???!!!???6) YOU MIGHT BE A FISH IF . . . you've ever announced that you were on tilt and then proceed to go all-in until someone took your remaining $20 ( took him out with JJ )7) YOU MIGHT BE A FISH IF . . . you justify playing every single stinking hand be saying, "any two cards has just as good a chance to win the hand as any other two cards including Aces"!8) YOU MIGHT BE A FISH IF . . . you've ever cursed out the big blind because his 9 2 cracked your Aces after you limped in first position trying to "slow play".9) YOU MIGHT BE A FISH IF . . . you have ever gone all-in with your 2 with 1 other person in the hand and the board showing 5 other . . . and then not fully understanding how the pot was split because you "had a and they didn't".10) YOU MIGHT BE A FISH IF . . . you've ever flopped quads and immediately gone all-in UTG, with 5 other people still to act and a whopping $1.25 in the pot . . and then said . . . "I didn't want anybody sucking out on me" . . . and . . . "I was protecting my hand" . . . oh yeah they were KINGS!!!!!!!!!11) YOU MIGHT BE A FISH IF . . . you have ever called a 6xBB bet and proceed to hit a fullshouse 2's full of 7's . . . EVER . . . think about it!!!!!12) YOU MIGHT BE A FISH IF . . . you have ever said, "BUT IT WAS SOOOOTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!"13) YOU MIGHT BE A FISH IF . . . you have ever called someone a "lucky a-hole" when their pocket Kings beat your pair of Queens . . . when you raised the pot UTG+1 with Q 3 14) YOU MIGHT BE A FISH IF . . . you have ever called two re-raises with nothing but Jack high and then said, "I was hoping you had a small pocket pair" . . . ummmmmmm . . . but you din't have a . . . nevermind.15) YOU MIGHT BE A FISH IF . . . you have EVER made an all-in, side-pot bluff . . . in a tournament . . . 1 spot away from the money . . . with 4 other people in the pot . . . WITH NOTHING BUT THE BLINDS AND THREE CALLS IN THE POT . . . and then not understand why you are getting grief from the other players when the person at risk survies!! (Side-note . . . next hand, same person at risk . . . same side-pot bluffer bluffs. . . bluffer gets knocked out 1 away from the money by chip leader who is holding the nuts!!!!! Ahhhh poetic justice is served!!)16) YOU MIGHT BE A FISH IF . . . you have ever said, "online poker is rigged because I can't win".(17) YOU MIGHT BE A FISH IF . . . you bet your nut straighton the river with 5 on the board . . . and you don't have one in your hand!! :shock: (18) YOU MIGHT BE A FISH IF . . . you've ever said, "I thought 2 pair beat 3 of a kind" . . . and was totally serious!(19) YOU MIGHT BE A FISH IF . . . you have EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER . . . flopped a straight flush and checked it all the way down?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????[/b]AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST . . . AND MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE ON OF ALL . . . DRUM ROLL PLEASE . . . . .(20) YOU MIGHT BE A FISH IF . . . you have ever bet out your "nut straight" . . . . . . . K A 2 3 4 :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: . . . he's on my buddy list!!!!!!!!!!!

[DeadMoney6545 0]

Foose1 wrote:

(19) YOU MIGHT BE A FISH IF . . . you have EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER . . . flopped a straight flush and checked it all the way down?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

This could be one of the funniest things i've ever read... exceptional post by the way all the way around..Hold On.... wait wait wait....2 pair doesn't beat 3 of a kind?????

[711Buddha 0]

Thank you! Great collection.

[Dan74 0]

Hey I remember the time I used to think a wraparound straight was good hehe. I think I'll make those good in my home game if I ever have one.

[bourbenz 0]

if you call 5 times the big blind with 82 then flop comes 82k diamonds and you go all inn against the riaser who flopped a nut flush and the river brings your 2, you might be a fish if you proceed to tell him you flopped the nuts when you were an 80 percent dog.you might be a fish if your name is Hoyt corkins. (seiosly hes good but man talk about someone getting lucky)if you call an ak 8 flop with 87against pocket aces with a 6 time the bb bet you might be(are) a fish.if you ask in the chat box " you got the ace high flush?" with a paired board and you are obviously strong you might be a fishif you call 20 dollar bet in a csh game with j7 os and runner runner a flush you arent only a fish you are a dumb ass fish.

[justblaze 0]

You might be a fish if...... you always play A4 because "if you flop trip 4s youve got a good kicker!"... you like to play low cards in capped multiway pots at 10-20 because "everyone else has high cards, so your low outs are live"... you 'knew' i had the flush, thats why you only called with 2 pair instead of raising... you criticize other players for their 'stupid preflop betting when 'you havent even seen the flop so you cant know how good your hand is' "... you reraise the river with 'all black'.... you check your 1 card royal flush from the button on the river.... you fold to a reraise on the end with the stone cold nuts on the board. (ive witnessed all of these things.)

[vaglvr 0]

... you like to play low cards in capped multiway pots at 10-20 because "everyone else has high cards, so your low outs are live"

Damn, thats bad logic?

[justblaze 0]

... you like to play low cards in capped multiway pots at 10-20 because "everyone else has high cards, so your low outs are live"

Damn, thats bad logic?

well the guy dropped about 15k over the course of a week playing 10-20, so yea. i was happy though.

[DeadMoney6545 0]

Justblaze wrote:

... you check your 1 card royal flush from the button on the river.

hahahahahahahahahagreat play

[Guest]

good post , some funny chitt in there

[justblaze 0]

Justblaze wrote:

... you check your 1 card royal flush from the button on the river.

hahahahahahahahahagreat play

he didnt realize he had it. he flipped his hand and said "straight". then another player was like "what are you talking about you have a flush! your queen is a club!" morons.

[akoff 0]

If you are in 1/2 nl game and call a $40 flop bet with $43 in the pot because you have 4 parts of a jack high flush. Then call a $100 turn bet after a blank on the turn. Make a a two of clubs on the river and look at the man your playing and say I had to call I had flush draw. After seeing the top set that was flopped.True story of hand yesterday that I lost at the Trop in AC. "Had to call I had flush draw" was the quote. I agreed with him and told him I would have played it the same way. The two guys in seat 7 & 8 almost pissed themselves from laughing.The guy got up and left next time the blinds came to him. He played about 30 hands.I hate fish.

[dtemp 0]

You might be a fish.... if you call other people fish instead of respecting them and their money.Sorry, but I don't like derogatory labels for people whose only mistake is playing poorly. If their jerks, that's another matter.

[justblaze 0]

You might be a fish.... if you call other people fish instead of respecting them and their money.Sorry, but I don't like derogatory labels  for people whose only mistake is playing poorly.  If their jerks, that's another matter.

why the hell should i respect them. respect is earned not given. i do take their money, and i dont call them fish to their face. not out of respect, but for fear they will realize they're fish and change their ways.

[GT123 0]

You might be a fish.... if you call other people fish instead of respecting them and their money.Sorry, but I don't like derogatory labels  for people whose only mistake is playing poorly.  If their jerks, that's another matter.

you might be a fish....if you get offended by a harmless joke that are making fun of fish.

[dtemp 0]

You might be a fish.... if you call other people fish instead of respecting them and their money.Sorry, but I don't like derogatory labels  for people whose only mistake is playing poorly.  If their jerks, that's another matter.

why the hell should i respect them. respect is earned not given. i do take their money, and i dont call them fish to their face. not out of respect, but for fear they will realize they're fish and change their ways.

Well, then I guess i think differently. With me respect is there until a person shows me I shouldn't respect them (i.e. being a jerk).

you might be a fish....if you get offended by a harmless joke that are making fun of fish.

I might be overreacting but I was more responding to the general hatred for fish. Which I don't appreciate because I honestly love these people for giving me their money so readily.Anyway, ignore the comments. I'll quit crapping on someone else's thread.

[tampapoker 0]

Better yet, you might be a fish if you get offended by the person making fun of the person making fun of the person making fun of the fish. How about that for logic. OK here is a real postYou might be a fish if you truly believe that you got a bad beat when your a-3 lost to a-k because "that player got lucky picking up his pair of aces on the river." True story and this happened at the 5-diamond in December (WPT event, but not at the main event) this actually was said to me (by some service-industry, black coat wearing wannabe who rides his scooter up and down the strip all day). And no, his 3s were not paired on the board.Steve

[GT123 0]

you might be a fish....if you get offended by a harmless joke that are making fun of fish.

I might be overreacting but I was more responding to the general hatred for fish. Which I don't appreciate because I honestly love these people for giving me their money so readily.Anyway, ignore the comments. I'll quit crapping on someone else's thread.

I was just kiddin around, I dont think you're a fish, and the original post wasn't directed at anyone specifically so there is no need to feel that it is direspectful. P.S crap all you want.. you are entitled to your opinion.

[dtemp 0]

you might be a fish....if you get offended by a harmless joke that are making fun of fish.

I might be overreacting but I was more responding to the general hatred for fish. Which I don't appreciate because I honestly love these people for giving me their money so readily.Anyway, ignore the comments. I'll quit crapping on someone else's thread.

I was just kiddin around, I dont think you're a fish, and the original post wasn't directed at anyone specifically so there is no need to feel that it is direspectful. P.S crap all you want.. you are entitled to your opinion.

Don't worry. I didn't really take it as disrespect. Though I think I need to start using emoticons or get an avatar, so my posts don't make me look like a complete jackas. Just a mild jackas. :-)

[Hmmmm 0]

Don't worry. I didn't really take it as disrespect. Though I think I need to start using emoticons or get an avatar, so my posts don't make me look like a complete jackas. Just a mild jackas.  

Good luck with that.

[BigRob 0]

my favorite was with a fish and he had i think 2 clubs in his hand and 3 hearts were on the board he went all in i called with ithink 2 pair and then he started yelling yes i have the flush and paradign around his house talking smack..but my favorite thing is when i crack someone when they limp and they start telling me how that was a bad play and what not and i say :hey thanks man keep telling me im bad while i stack your chips...

[ddoggphx 0]

...if you raise every hand, from every position and cap every round with any possible pair 22, 44, whatever, and proceed to piss all of your money away, ya might be a fish.

[Raindog 0]

Well, I was playing 7 Card Stud once and my board was showing three 2s (which happened to be my hand, three of a kind, twos), and I bet on the end and a guy called me and lost. Now, let's think about that, he can SEE I have at least three of a kind, I bet, he calls with worse than 3 of a kind. Yes, I think that's a fish.

[looshle 6]

Well, I was playing 7 Card Stud once and my board was showing three 2s (which happened to be my hand, three of a kind, twos), and I bet on the end and a guy called me and lost. Now, let's think about that, he can SEE I have at least three of a kind, I bet, he calls with worse than 3 of a kind. Yes, I think that's a fish.

I don't know what worse, him calling or you betting when your hand is showing.

[smurdogg 0]

You might be a fish if I ask you why you just called the river with the nuts. You might be my least favorite person at the bachelor party if you can't admit you didnt know it was the nuts. I hate you, Todd.