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I Called In Sick Today


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and after 3 days, he is risen!

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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Nah, you've plateaued.

 

Yeah, don't see how brv could possibly win. I wouldn't win either because I'm already a lean, mean, fightin' machine.

 

 

Hey suited, hypo for ya. What if Chipotle came out with some weird new rule that said they only serve people currently getting vag at least once every two weeks, or people that actively tried to get some, like attempted. Striking out counts, but you have to ask for the "business" and maybe even use an assumption close, what would you do?

 

Worst hypothetical ever.

 

 

Oh, and apparently, there is a twitter account titled @girlsinyogapants or something. 144k followers. Lotsa pics

 

144k +1 now.

 

 

GIVE ME YOUR PHONE. GIVE ME YOUR FUCKING PHONE.

 

dude I was surprised at that too. like the times I've talked to her recently she barely would even speak to me and then bam, commenting on a status with a joke. an inside joke at that because we had a thing about that cafe food. weird. guess she saw the next girl commenting and got all jealous and shit. haha, fucking women.

 

is him wittle tongue too sensitive to eat him a pepper???? aawwwwww

 

seriously though, you're a homosexual.

 

I liked this post three times.

 

 

I like this new Shake even more than Happy Shake.

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yes it means we already talked about going out and getting drinks together and it occured on tuesday. she's gonna do jager shots when we do. she may be going to this beer festival I'm going to on saturday. she'll be leaving to go see her boyfriend right afterwards. hoping to bang her before she goes to see him. that would be funny.

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The black girl and I mutually agreed last night wasn't a good night to get together. The 20 year old had a free night from her child so she came over last minute to watch tv and relax. We were just doing your generalized cuddling on the couch. I was rocking a little soft touch but since she was in sweats and not reacting much I was figuring it wasn't gonna happen. Then I was about to stand up and go out and smoke so I just gave her a quick kiss and she just shoved her tongue down my throat about as aggressively as I've ever had. So it was on then. Nice body, enthusiastic, not the best ever but not the worst ever. Her vag was just as wet as I've ever felt a vag. Hard to accurately put it into words. She seems like a very busy gal with a lot on her plate who isn't going to pester me for a relationship and just wants a little friend with benefits scenario. Which is all I want from her. Sorry this was such a boring recap. I wish the ex had knocked on my door asking to get back together just as I was entering her or something.

 

EDIT: And I even used a condom Mexi-melt

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yes it means we already talked about going out and getting drinks together and it occured on tuesday. she's gonna do jager shots when we do. she may be going to this beer festival I'm going to on saturday. she'll be leaving to go see her boyfriend right afterwards. hoping to bang her before she goes to see him. that would be funny.

 

I love you.

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Oh shake, I'm so happy. I want to move into a house with you and we can just womanize together. We'll tag team some broads. Ill give you doggie while she's blowing me and we can take swigs of our beers together and give each other high fives.

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Oh shake, I'm so happy. I want to move into a house with you and we can just womanize together. We'll tag team some broads. Ill give you doggie while she's blowing me and we can take swigs of our beers together and give each other high fives.

 

I feel like you haven't actually read any of Shake's posts.

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Condoms atre for the weak

 

Shake, you gotta jizz inside this girl and then send her off to her boyfriend, that way, part of you is squishing inside of her while she kisses him

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Hey Napa, Suited, IE. You guys want to rent a sweet bachelor pad together where we have awesome parties 5 days a week, invited scantilly clad women over, dance with them while we are less than fully clothed then play switcheroo, Eiffel tower, fingercuffs, isthatherbuttoryoursoopsdoesntmatterSEX; with all the sexy women we have over. We will also workout all the time, be social, go to clubs, bars, and lounges. We will also all have great jobs with tons of time off, be way over paid for our skills. I can't imagine we won't ever not be smiling because of all the sex and money we will have, oh and our six pack abs. Don't forget those.

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Well, put your dick back in your boxers and maybe they would

 

 

And who the heck is this ahake guy lately? Guy is making moves

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That is fantastic

 

What movis is he better in:

 

Anchorman (been heavy in the rotation lately before bed. Always on)

 

I Love You Man - uncomfortable sad sack

 

Role Models - huge sarcastic dick

 

40 Year Old Virgin - just all around comedy

 

 

Edit: now he's a great comedic actor. I mean, no Vin Deisel, but still solid.

 

Vin Deisel :palmtotheforehead:

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