I Called In Sick Today

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

Says the guy that lives among snakes and spiders, camps out, buys Everclear for no apparent reason, refuses to drink or masturbate while in the same state as his parents and spends every last dollar on high fashion and Mac products, the high fashion part being the real troubling part because most men dress nice so as to get girls, but he never talks to girls, much less gets them.Yeah, those people are fcked up

[Iphonenkinder 558]

Troubling day at work. Boss man is supposed to be on vacation for the next two weeks. That's fantastic, I don't like looking at his smarmy face.But now he's thinking he might call it off? Or maybe just a week of it?My internet better get hooked up tomorrow no problem. Do I ask too much, good sirs? No I do not.Less troubling anecdote from work:A female acquaintance told a story that was designed to shock. In the middle of an innocuous work lunch, with everyone in their button downs, she says, "I have two lovers in New York. And all we do is fck."She's super attractive but mean, so when I hear this story, now I've got weird super dramatic voice over in my head, not quite synced up with her speaking. Well. If I hear about something like this, all I want to do is hear more about it. Not because it's sexy or hot, but mostly because of how ludicrous it is coming from her. A friend and i added some dialogue we think should have followed--like--"I have two lovers in New York, and we would like to get some froyo.""I have eight children, but my Kegel exercises have kept them all in.""My lovers call my vagina the Boa Constrictor. It will turn all of you blue."Please boss man go away as planned. Please Internet work.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

My boss is gone for 3 months on baby havin leave so I can relate. Who needs people wanting you to work and telling you what to do all day? Not me, that's for sure. So wait, she has two different lovers in NY? Does she live in NY? Does she do them both, threesome style, to save time and enhance the experience or separately? Does she spend a small fortune on cab fare going to and fro betwixt her luvahs? (I would've asked all that if I knew she was going for shock value. I double shock back, while making others chuckle at her expense) She's attractive? That makes most of her ridiculousness allowable. Well, unless she is clearly being an attention whore. Those are the ones that must be ignored, but most men aren't built to accomplish that. We is simple. I picture her saying that in a Mrs. Howell voice from Gilligan's Island

[Napa_Don 688]

This chick is looking to be really high in this week's power rankings.

[Iphonenkinder 558]

Everyone in that story (except for the lovers) are in LA. That's part of the funny to me, like she's consumed the men in LA, and has worked her way to the east coast.For the voice and general attitude, think Maude Lebowski.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

You mean, coitus?

[InternetExplorer 2,609]

How old is she?

[ShakeZuma 585]

that was mean ron.there's a god damned brown widow outside of my parent's place. these god damn things, I swear. it's like I got a poltergeist except with poisonous spiders.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

AND PUSSY

Hey, not all of us hate pussy. Speedz likes pussy so much he went to vet school.Its not working out quite like he planned, but I'm sure he'll do fine.

"I have eight children, but my Kegel exercises have kept them all in."

Fantastic.

[InternetExplorer 2,609]

I am content to sleep among my brown friendsJesus this set on KEXP is all country. I probably only rank Jesus music lower.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

there's a god damned brown widow outside of my parent's place. these god damn things, I swear. it's like I got a poltergeist except with poisonous spiders.

We have brown widows in the house here. In the shower, on the living room floor, I even found one on my pillow a couple of weeks ago. Wikipedia says they're highly venomous but don't tend to bite humans because they don't defend territory, so I wasn't worried, but now that we know the spiders are responsible for keeping their own wiki pages up to date, I'm a bit more concerned.

[ShakeZuma 585]

how long have you had them? I didn't even know such a thing existed until a few months ago when I read an article that said they were taking over black widows' territories. but yeah, I remember the article saying they were kinda dangerous but not as much as black widows, but the wiki page I just read basically said the venom is the same. what the frick. gonna have funnel webs in a month I can see it now.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

that was mean ron.

You want mean, I'll give you mean...ok, I got nothin. As Chet from Weird Science once said "It's done out of love."Hell, I was gonna compliment you by saying only gay dudes dress better than you do.

[brvheart 1,752]

but that would probably take longer than just waiting for you to respond.

haha. It's funny because FCP is such a slow piece of sh%t.

[brvheart 1,752]

I quoted this so I could answer you but see below. (and below that for some clarification)Aww, I love you too!I reaize I was painting with a broad brush but have you ever flew into Denver or SLC? Always surprised how brown and mostly featureless it is.Well thanks brv. The job isn't in NOLA though, the interview was. Let's just leave it at that.Shake is right. I was a District Manager over 14 - 19 payday loan/check cashing stores in E. WA and Idaho for 7 years with the largest payday loan company in the US. In Jan of 2010 the legislature in WA changed the laws governing the industry which resulted in crippling losses of revenue, the closure of over 500 stores in the state (resulting in thousands of lost jobs statewide), and, ultimately, my getting laid off at the end of August last year. Since then I've tried to find similar positions in the retail industry.While I was hoping to move to a different industry, just for something new, the lack of opportunities combined with the number of people in the job market looking for similar positions has caused me to look at areas outside of WA and both within and outside of the payday/check cashing field. Call it bragging or blowing my own horn or whatever but I was really good at my job and have the verifiable results to back that up. I paid a professional resume writer to help me showcase that after the resume I had written wasn't getting me the results I needed/expected. Through LinkedIn, I have received a LOT of interest from recruiters and companies, mostly wanting me as a DM in the payday/check cashing field and mostly in the South. While there are a lot of unemployed district managers out there, there aren't a lot that have the experience and successful track record in the field that I have. Thus, they're willing to pay to bring me to them for interviews. The only reason I've talked about my lack of a college degree is because there are still some companies (not in the payday field) living in the stone age that think that a 23 yo kid right out of college is somehow a better candidate than someone that has been in the field doing the work successfully for years and won't even look at me simply because I don't have a degree. Or the willingness to lie about it.What else Ron? Oh, I'm 44. Married for 25 yrs and have 2 daughters, age 24 and 18. Somehow that I really don't fully understand, I've managed to come off as a douche or an a-hole or an idiot or illiterate depending on who's opinion you listen to in here. I suppose mostly it's because I have a very sarcastic sense of humor and, combined with the fact that I have a tendancy to say what I think rather than coddling peoples egos that's just the way I've come across. I really am a good guy that will do just about anything for anybody. Including sending my resume to Brv so he could see the layout after I mentioned having it professionally redone. Despite the fact he's never been anything but a douche to me in here. I just don't take life, or this thread, as seriously as some I guess.So there, more than you ever wanted to know about Tilt.

For the record, I've always thought you were a nice guy.ps. I'm sorry that I treated you poorly. You didn't deserve that as a person. As a faceless internet avatar, coming into my house, making terrible jokes with terrible timing, you did deserve it, but as a person you didn't. So I screwed up. Sorry.Have a cartoon as penance:

[Essay21 2,385]

Yeah I always lIked tilty too

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

how long have you had them? I didn't even know such a thing existed until a few months ago when I read an article that said they were taking over black widows' territories. but yeah, I remember the article saying they were kinda dangerous but not as much as black widows, but the wiki page I just read basically said the venom is the same. what the frick. gonna have funnel webs in a month I can see it now.

I only moved here in January, and they only showed up in the summer, but I had never heard of them either until Jess said she found a brown black widow in the bathroom sink. I said "Ha there's no such thing as a brown black widow", and all was good in the world when I showed her, in a clever fit of linguistic dexterity, that I was right - they're not black widows at all, but brown widows. That night I slept the sleep of the just and correct but Jess was not as lucky - she said it was because of the spiders but I really think she thinks I cheated her out of being right.

[brvheart 1,752]

I'm surprised you and brv don't get along, then. He too thinks he's funny in real life.

You bastard.

[brvheart 1,752]

ol/dr'd

This is definitely a thing now in this thread. This here is good.

[brvheart 1,752]

Troubling day at work. Boss man is supposed to be on vacation for the next two weeks. That's fantastic, I don't like looking at his smarmy face.But now he's thinking he might call it off? Or maybe just a week of it?My internet better get hooked up tomorrow no problem. Do I ask too much, good sirs? No I do not.Less troubling anecdote from work:A female acquaintance told a story that was designed to shock. In the middle of an innocuous work lunch, with everyone in their button downs, she says, "I have two lovers in New York. And all we do is fck."She's super attractive but mean, so when I hear this story, now I've got weird super dramatic voice over in my head, not quite synced up with her speaking. Well. If I hear about something like this, all I want to do is hear more about it. Not because it's sexy or hot, but mostly because of how ludicrous it is coming from her. A friend and i added some dialogue we think should have followed--like--"I have two lovers in New York, and we would like to get some froyo.""I have eight children, but my Kegel exercises have kept them all in.""My lovers call my vagina the Boa Constrictor. It will turn all of you blue."Please boss man go away as planned. Please Internet work.

DO YOU SEE RON MEXICO!? THIS IS WHY I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET HER IN HERE FOR LIKE 2 YEARS!

[brvheart 1,752]

Yeah I always lIked tilty too

What do you mean: too?

[Speedziphone 12]

I find masturbating in the shower to be difficult, yet rewarding. You need a good conditioner for lube, and hot water helps. I once did it for four days in a row, but stupidly, I used the lather from my Irish Spring bar of soap. Maybe it was 3 days, and when I tried it on day 4, the tip was raw. I didn't realize the granules of the soap was tearing my stuff up. Couldn't touch my junk for a week.

Been there. And the girlfriend noticed."Oh no! Did I do that?""...no."

Heh.

Troubling day at work. Boss man is supposed to be on vacation for the next two weeks. That's fantastic, I don't like looking at his smarmy face.But now he's thinking he might call it off? Or maybe just a week of it?My internet better get hooked up tomorrow no problem. Do I ask too much, good sirs? No I do not.Less troubling anecdote from work:A female acquaintance told a story that was designed to shock. In the middle of an innocuous work lunch, with everyone in their button downs, she says, "I have two lovers in New York. And all we do is fck."She's super attractive but mean, so when I hear this story, now I've got weird super dramatic voice over in my head, not quite synced up with her speaking. Well. If I hear about something like this, all I want to do is hear more about it. Not because it's sexy or hot, but mostly because of how ludicrous it is coming from her. A friend and i added some dialogue we think should have followed--like--"I have two lovers in New York, and we would like to get some froyo.""I have eight children, but my Kegel exercises have kept them all in.""My lovers call my vagina the Boa Constrictor. It will turn all of you blue."Please boss man go away as planned. Please Internet work.

I enjoyed this.

How old is she?

Creep.

Hey, not all of us hate pussy. Speedz likes pussy so much he went to vet school.

Well that's certainly not going to put you back on top in the one-liner category.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

Well that's certainly not going to put you back on top in the one-liner category.

Luckily, I'm funny in real life.

[Tiltinagain 973]

Says the guy that lives among snakes and spiders, camps out, buys Everclear for no apparent reason, refuses to drink or masturbate while in the same state as his parents and spends every last dollar on high fashion and Mac products, the high fashion part being the real troubling part because most men dress nice so as to get girls, but he never talks to girls, much less gets them.Yeah, those people are fcked up

Ron wins the internetz today. Again.

For the record, I've always thought you were a nice guy.ps. I'm sorry that I treated you poorly. You didn't deserve that as a person. As a faceless internet avatar, coming into my house, making terrible jokes with terrible timing, you did deserve it, but as a person you didn't. So I screwed up. Sorry.Have a cartoon as penance:

Yeah I always lIked tilty too

See, sarcasm CAN be funny on the internet!!!!!!!

What do you mean: too?

Heh

[Speedziphone 12]

Luckily, I'm funny in real life.

There he is.