I Called In Sick Today

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

Glad to see youre back to normal now

Well, not normal, but yeah...I'll tell ya, I'm pretty spoiled when it comes to baked goods. Mom, in addition to being a slot player, is probably one of the best bakers you'll never meet. She can bake some cakes, pies, black and white cookies, etc. Not a single person that's ever tried her NY Style Cheesecake can go back to eating store bought, or even bakery bought. Not to mention the homemade creampuffs, but I will take your advice and give a muffin a try. I did see a key lime cupcake for 4 bucks that looked interesting. It was big, but I'm pretty hit and miss with Key Lime Pie flavored stuff. Sometimes its just too tart.I digress. These damn cooking shows are making me homo...ok, more homo.But yeah, as far as drinking, my body always hates me for the first half of the next day.

[beans-n-icewater 18]

One the box was gently coaxed open, I found the following items packaged in doubled bagged zip locks.... so much for the dogs noseSince Brad placed his phone in his gift pic, I figured Id do the same....Instructions were as follows:MISSION MEATLOAF UNBEARABLEAGENT: BEANS-N-ICEWATERALIAS: LEGUMES-N-FROZENAGUAUSE ONLY IN AN EMERGENCY SITUATION!Contents:* 1- Plastic bag* 1- Roll of tape* 1- Everyday shaving mirror* 1- Fire starter* 1- Roll of emergency antacid relief* 1 - Twenty two ounce Corona* 1 - Lime* 1 - Twenty two ounce Sierra Nevada Pale Ale* 1 - RATT Invasion of Your Privacy - Cassette tape* 1 - One point four nine ounce bottle of mouthwashInstructions: Prior to completion of the unbearable meatloaf: Fill bag with mixture of oxygen acetylene, tape opening closed. Check for leaks. Place meatloaf distraction apparatus approximately fifty yards from kitchen window. Hidden from view. Place fire starter soaked in lighter fluid at base touching bag, place mirror facing south/southwest at a thirty seven degree angle, igniting bomb at approximately 6:38:32 P.M. CST. (Adjust angle appropriately if timeline is altered) Hide beer, lime, and RATT cassette tape nearby. Take emergency antacid relief approximately thirty minutes prior to completion of meatloaf. (This is important, if meatloaf is completed early, Agent Beans may have to consume a portion before the distract is complete). When meatloaf distraction has detonated do the following:1. Tell everyone to stay put and if you have not been seen or heard from in two hours, call Shane. Shane has been briefed.2. Proceed carefully to the distraction area.3. Dispose of contraption.4. Cut lime.5. Open Corona and insert lime.6. Drink Corona while enjoying the smooth sounds of the eighties.7. Open Sierra Nevada.8. Drink Sierra Nevada while continuing to enjoy the smooth sounds of the eighties.9. Use breath masking device.FROM HERE YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN AGENT BEANS. GOOD LUCK AND GODS SPEED.*This message will self destruct as soon as you light it on fire*The package also included a personalized drawing by an unknown disturbed child (own words) that shows a car running over several bloody bodies and a caricature of me hunting in a tree while watching a flat screen television.The are currently framed and proudly hanging at the house in my officeExcellent effort and an extra bonus of beer....Thanks secret santa!

[Painter567 0]

Since Brad placed his phone in his gift pic, I figured Id do the same....

Nope....Was an Ipod Touch.....not my phone.Nice gifts!LOL RATT

[beans-n-icewater 18]

Nope....Was an Ipod Touch.....not my phone.Nice gifts!LOL RATT

Ah...Im still trying to figure out who fired the round at the glass.... it still works fine but it has to be protected from moisture Great album... although I havent driven one of them since the cold snap, I have no less than four cars with cassette playersIt will be played, I can assure everyone

[Painter567 0]

Ah...Im still trying to figure out who fired the round at the glass.... it still works fine but it has to be protected from moisture

I saw that!

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

bravo, beans' secret santa. i'm impressed, and glad i had this idea. also glad i paired you up with beans, completely by random chance of course.

[speedz99 145]

Your cat has a cocaine problem?

loloricat

Excellent effort and an extra bonus of beer....Thanks secret santa!

That has CindyLou written all over it. I think.I mistook my dog's vagina for her asshole. Don't ask.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

loloricatThat has CindyLou written all over it. I think.I mistook my dog's vagina for her asshole. Don't ask.

you stuck a moistened qtip in your dog's vajayjay to try and get her to poop quicker and now she REALLY loves you?

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

oops, i asked.

[Painter567 0]

loloricatThat has CindyLou written all over it. I think.I mistook my dog's vagina for her asshole. WHAT?

LOLFYP

[beans-n-icewater 18]

bravo, beans' secret santa. i'm impressed, and glad i had this idea. also glad i paired you up with beans, completely by random chance of course.

It was so good Im terribly disappointed in my effort toward my recipient....Speaking of.... I know FedEx has been around the block a time or two, but what the hells up with this???Did all SS gifts have to be shipped directly to Santa first or what?

That has CindyLou written all over it. I think.

We wait until all gifts are received to reveal the sender, correct?I thought I read that-renae

[Painter567 0]

It was so good Im terribly disappointed in my effort toward my recipient....Speaking of.... I know FedEx has been around the block a time or two, but what the hells up with this???Did all SS gifts have to be shipped directly to Santa first or what? We wait until all gifts are received to reveal the sender, correct?I thought I read that-renae

Yep...I haven't said who sent me the Cockring!LMFAO @ 55 pounds!!!!!!Alaska......heh

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

hmmmm, 55 lbs..... had to stop for a pick up in alaska......must be a russian bride for speedz.

[Painter567 0]

hmmmm, 55 lbs..... had to stop for a pick up in alaska......must be a russian bride for speedz.

Nice

[beans-n-icewater 18]

Yep...I haven't said who sent me the Cockring!LMFAO @ 55 pounds!!!!!!

I couldnt find an appropriate sized box so I used one that was three times too big I just kept throwing stuff into the box until it was full...One item is something that I designed and fabricated many years ago. Ive probably made a thousand or so over the years. Theyve been a hit with everyone that sees themso far....

[El Guapo 8]

sam adams' octoberfest or whatever is nice. as is blue moon's fall seasonal.

Those are good, and not pumpkin flavored.

[strategy 4]

Those are good, and not pumpkin flavored.

this is an excellent point. can't say I've ever had a pumpkin ale. don't really know why I said the above.

[mln_falcon 0]

Speedz it sounds really awesome what you're doing with that dog. Especially the rectal thermometer in the vagina or whatever it was.I have a story of failed, well not even attempted, love. Friday night we had a Christmas party here. I had to be up at 7 the next morning and was already tired. So I just unsuccessfully tried to convince one of my friends to stay in my bed for the night rather than her being driven to another house, catching a bus back the next day in order for her to pick up her car. I would of course have been a perfect gentleman but whatever.Anyway, it's about 1230, said friend is leaving and I see this hot girl I've never seen before. I'm a little tipsy, so I can actually talk to people at the moment for more than 5 seconds, but I decide that she looks like she is with the guy she is currently standing next to and I can't be bothered. I stumble into bed alone.7 am the next morning, stumble back in to the kitchen, and I see in the lounge room the girl sleeping on our couch. Alone. Sigh. Of course I go upstairs to have a shower and she's gone by the time I get back down.

[mln_falcon 0]

Oh yeah, I had my first Corona. It was agreeable

[beans-n-icewater 18]

Oh yeah, I had my first Corona. It was agreeable

Little known fact of the day....My first Corona was bought from a sidewalk vendor in Tijuana after running three blocks from an unfortunate donkey show stampede incident at the age of seventeenI suppose the tragic event triggered some sort of brand loyalty or something

[brvheart 1,752]

Little known fact of the day....My first Corona was bought from a sidewalk vendor in Tijuana after running three blocks from an unfortunate donkey show stampede incident at the age of seventeenI suppose the tragic event triggered some sort of brand loyalty or something

El Guapo will be pleased with this latest turn of events.

[MisterB 2]

Ummm is this the same guy? I mean, really?

[MisterB 2]

Going to my photobucket for the first time in ages and I found this:2 Members: MisterB, Randy Reed

[speedz99 145]

this is an excellent point. can't say I've ever had a pumpkin ale. don't really know why I said the above.

There's only one pumpkin ale I've ever enjoyed. I can't remember what it was.

Little known fact of the day....My first Corona was bought from a sidewalk vendor in Tijuana after running three blocks from an unfortunate donkey show stampede incident at the age of seventeen

Little known, and yet completely expected.

Ummm is this the same guy? I mean, really?

Creepy.

[Theraflu 1,035]

There's only one pumpkin ale I've ever enjoyed. I can't remember what it was.

Rock Bottom maybe? I don't like many, if any pumpkin ales, but my friends like them. There's a Dogfishhead one, a Blue Moon, and some awful one with a pumpkinheaded character on it.Also, I can't believe it's fucking snowing again. I'm going to the Celts game later, and not really looking forward to the drive to the city. I'm in my 5th or 6th fantasy championship game in my life, and I've never won one. I'll probably lose today too. It's very depressing for someone who spends as much time on this nonsense as I do.