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I Called In Sick Today


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and after 3 days, he is risen!

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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Oh, I've recommended movies I haven't even seen.

 

How about: you can't blame a movie for not grabbing you when you're also browsing the internet while watching? Is that an acceptable parameter?

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my diesel jeans sort of bulge out in the crotch making it look like I actually have a package. so that's why they're worth $200.

 

You know what's good for making jeans bulge out?

 

A few years ago, I worked in a hotel where one of the interview questions was "are you likely to file a sexual harassment lawsuit?" Okay, not really, but there should have been that question because the entire staff was a hotbed of mostly un-requited sexual tension. I say mostly because someone has to be the lion amongst the pride of lionesses.One afternoon I join a few of the girls outside for a cigarette. We're all talking and one of them notices that I have new pants. She starts going on about how good I look in them, how well they fit me, how good I look in them, how she wants to jump me, how good I look in them..., you get the idea. I got the idea. Or at least I started to get ideas, and so did Ouch-8"s. So he stirs from his slumber a little bit, just as she starts to comment that the new pants make me look like I have a very large penis. To make her point, she reaches down to indicate which part of my anatomy she is talking about. She 'misjudges' how far she can safely reach, and procedes to trace the outline of my burgeoning erection through my pants. As she realizes what she is doing, she trails off in midsentence, stares at my crotch, and drags hard on her cigarette. I chuckle and stand still, slightly shocked at this (welcome) invasion of my personal space and wondering how to get it to continue.Unfortunately, the other girls didn't want to see for themselves what she was talking about. I tried for some time after that to give the girl in question an unobstructed view, but never got anywhere.

 

Penis.

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I paid attention to the movie. It was good, what do you want?

 

I want to rape Suited and Whiskers for always dogging my movies likes and dislikes. But not like a sweet, senstive Stuebenvillesque rape, more like a Shawshank prison rape

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A sexy girl I'm friends with randomly sent me 3 pics last night. Nothing nude, but close. I would love to get with her again. Damn marriage (hers, noy mine) and distance

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my manager says to me, "we are expected to show overtime this week." not, "we need to get all this stuff cleared," or "we need to be more focused on x, y and z." just a simple, if you show up on Saturday we will pay you 1.5x and it will make some important person happy.

 

so I've been sort of not doing work as quickly as I could have today in anticipation of having to kill this time tomorrow.

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ron I was talking about attractive women just randomly sending you almost nude pictures. closest I'll ever get to that is saving a pic from the reddit gonewild section and texting it to myself.

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