I Have No Opinion On Contracts Thread 2011 Edition Part A

[Dubey 1,035]

Those apartments sound way too confusing for my tastes, I think I'll just continue to live in BFA.btw, 700/month? can't you buy a mansion in Detroit for like $700 right now?

[ajs510 122]

My mother-in-law's parents were expecting a son, who they were going to name Hugh, as every first-born in the family for generations has been Hugh. The name on her birth certificate was Hughina, until someone regained their sanity and changed it to something normal. Hughina. What an awful name. Oh, and she was a bastard, and they were religious, so they moved out West for a year or two when the mother was pregnant, then moved back and lied about her birthday. But they lied by 6 months, so she was 6 months behind other kids development-wide for years, and people thought she was just dumb.

I take it you didn't need to provide a birth certificate to enroll your kid in school back then?A friend of mine's mother was/is such a space cadet that for years the girl always "knew" that she was born in 1979, so the year she was due to turn 16 she wanted to go get her learner's permit so the mother dug out her birth certificate and surprise, surprise...she was actually born in 1980. Imagine finding out when you're a teenager that you're a year younger than you had always been led to believe you were...I have no idea how that happened but it did.

[Skeleton Jelly 2]

A friend of mine's mother was/is such a space cadet that for years the girl always "knew" that she was born in 1979, so the year she was due to turn 16 she wanted to go get her learner's permit so the mother dug out her birth certificate and surprise, surprise...she was actually born in 1980. Imagine finding out when you're a teenager that you're a year younger than you had always been led to believe you were...I have no idea how that happened but it did.

You've got me beat, but I do know someone who around age 30 found out she had been spelling her name wrong her whole life.

[ajs510 122]

I love your stories, Steve.

[Dubey 1,035]

How about Jaff Decker, an MLB prospect, who's name was supposed to be Jeff, but was a typo on his birth certificate. Rather than change it, they just went with Jaff (pronounced Jeff)

[Zach6668 513]

I love your stories, Steve.

[SBriand 4]

Ahh man, the rapist just came home. Way to early. He usually works till 6:30. Fack!Anyway, our prices are higher than anyone around us but you do get what you pay for. I can honestly say that the last 2 years has been crime free. There was a scare with the rapist because he said that all his stuff was stolen out of his storage locker but he put it in the wrong one and found it all this week. But other than that the last crime I am aware of was two guys stealing rims off Ford Fusions but they were caught in the act 2 summers ago. I get a lot of tenants from the other nearby apartment complex's in here telling me all the horror stories. Some women have sat here and cried while telling me about all the tenant on tenant crime that goes on at the place this lady today will end up living. So because of that we charge more. I would say must places here are $500-$600 and closer you get to Detroit you start seeing $400.

[Skeleton Jelly 2]

Ahh man, the rapist just came home. Way to early. He usually works till 6:30. Fack!

Who's stalking who here?

[ajs510 122]

That's "therapist".

[Zach6668 513]

I pay far too much in rent to live across from a homeless shelter.

[ajs510 122]

I pay far too much in rent to live across from a Cracker Barrel.

[SBriand 4]

For those unaware of the my rapist tenant...

I so have a new tenant who is a serial killer.What a crappy sentence, but I will leave it.Guy comes in a few months or so ago to see an apartment. It was on my late night so it was getting dark which added to the creepiness. Tall white guy, late 50's. Just his demeanor came off as odd. I think I just finished watching last seasons Dexter and he carried himself much like John Lithgow did. I was actually truly uncomfortable and really hoped to give him a brochure and send him on his way. But no he wanted to see a couple apartments. So I grabbed my keys and my mace (which I got the week I started 6+ yrs ago and never ever felt the need to bring it with me till that day) and we headed out. As a rule I always try and keep all the people either beside me or in front of me. Never like to have them walking behind me. This guy no matter how I tried to maneuver stayed behind me at all times. We get to the first apartment, a 2 bedroom, and I open the door and step in and stop. He stops and stares at me. I finally told him that he is free to look around and I will be right here to answer any questions he may have. He hesitated and finally did. Then he came back and said he would like to see the one bedroom apartment. So we walked over there. I started texting Liz and telling her that I was with a serial killer and that she split my belonging up any way she wished. We get to the one bedroom and I do the same, open the door stand aside and let him walk through the apartment. Meanwhile I continue to have a secretive texting session with Liz and she, the worrier, is freaking out. We leave the one bedroom and I hope to be done with him and he stops me as I get outside and asks to see the basement. Damn! The basements are dark and creepy enough but with a serial killer with me. Damn! Again, I try as hard as I can to get him to stay in front of me but we literally stood at the top of the stairs telling the other "after you" "no after you". I conceded and quickly went down the stairs and showed him around. Then he asked if we could go back and look at the 2 bedroom. COME ON! He finally left and said he would keep our place in mind. About a month ago he shows up again to fill out an application for a one bedroom apartment. We talk for awhile. Seems like a decent enough fella. Great job at the Detroit Medical Center, good money, pretty even tempered dude, easy to talk to. So I think, well I just over reacted a bit when he first came in. Of course he isn't a serial killer. So we get him set up and he is approved and he tells me that in a couple weeks he will know when he wants to move in. I told him that he can move in any time after May 31st. He called me back about mid May and said June 7th. Well I will be in Vegas next week so we needed to schedule the lease signing before the 3rd so he said 31st at 6:30. Cool.On May 24th I was sitting in my office at 6:30 and he walks in, says hello, and sits down. I said hi and asked him what I could do for him. He said he was here for the lease signing. We discussed the mistake and how I don't even have his lease and paperwork in the office yet so we can't even try and do it that night. He apologizes and then just sits there. I thinking, really, get out of here. So I got up and started doing some busy work and he starts asking me personal type questions like how is life, how is my family, what have I been up to lately aside from working. Dude, you're a fucking serial killer! He finally gets the hint and says that he can see I am busy and says goodbye till next week.So Tuesday he comes at 6:30 and we go through the lease signing. No big deal, not being terribly creepy this time. At the end he just again, sits there. I thought we were done. Nope. He then asks me if it was possible that since he just got Friday, Sat, and Sun off if he could start moving things in early and he would pay us for the extra days since he doesn't actually take possession till the 7th. I told him that I wouldn't need extra money but I would have to see if it was even going to be done by then. This month we have broken our record of 6 move in in one month by 8. 14 move in's. There is very little extra free time to get apartments ready 4-5 days earlier than scheduled but I said I would ask and let him know Wednesday. He was greatful and luckily I had a 7:30 appointment of he would have never freaking left.So I called my maintenance guy Wednesday and asked him and he was in the middle of something and would call me back. Well he forgot and so did I. I got a call from the killer at 4:50 and he wondered if I had an answer yet. I apologized and said I would call him back in 2 minutes. Tom, my coworker, said that it was not possible. They cleaned the carpets that day so it would be 24 hours till he could get back in and he still needs to paint the bathroom and kitchen, repair a wall in the bedroom from the previous tenant and the cleaning crew is scheduled to come the 6th to clean it for the scheduled move in date for the 7th. So no, moving in on the 3rd will not work. Reasonable to me. Again, he is working with 14 move ins and has everything scheduled based on the dates the new tenant gives us.So I figure this guy seems pretty mellow so I call him up and apologize and say that unfortunately it will not be possible. Oh boy. Yup. Serial Killer. He got angry and his voice was completely different. I explained in full detail why it would not be possible and he kept going on about how unfair this is and this screws everything up for him and he doesn't know what to do and how could we be so inconsiderate. And he is saying all of this with a deep aggressive voice that honestly sounds nothing like the dulcet tone of his normal voice. It was a long day so I got a little annoyed after a bit and interrupted him and said that for one, if you needed it sooner you should not have asked to change the move in date at the 11th hour. If he would have called 7-10 days ago we probably could have arranged it. But to tell me 20 minutes after you finished signing a lease where we specifically discussed the fact that he can't take possession till the 7th! Lastly, screw you(i didn't say that, but it was implied). If we could do it, we would, we can't. It's not personal. You can still have access to your storage unit which in reality I am not allowed to do but I will but other than that, you apartment won't be ready till the 7th. He then told me I need to give him an extra storage unit. I don't have one and told him so and he got mad again. Then he goes on about when can he actually move in then. I said the 7th, I don't care, 4am if you want. But not Monday the 6th. He grumbled and bumbled and I finally said I had to go and hung up.I am so going to be murdered. This guy kind of scares me a little.

So CREEEPY.Came back from lunch and there was a police officer waiting for me. Seems my old tenants who stole cars are at it again and he wanted to get some info and let me know they would be serving a search warrant on the apartment next week sometime and wanted to know if we would be kind enough to give them access so they don't have to bust our doors down. In the middle of this discussion serial killer walks into my office. WTF!?!I tell him that this is important and the cop tells him he can stop back in 10 minutes. I ask quickly what he is going to need because I just started my lunch hour so if it is going to take awhile he can come back in 45 minutes instead since he didn't bother to let me know he was coming. He told me that he heard that the 7th was going to be really hot and wanted to know if we would turn his AC on the day before. I said sure. Then he said that he would be back in 10 minutes because he needs me to show him how a thermostat works. (Really?) Fine.Cop leaves and SK comes back. So I ask him again if he really needs me to walk him out to his apt and show him how to work a thermostat. Yup. He has no idea how to use one. So we walk over. As we are walking, him behind me as always, he tells me that he is sorry for bugging me but he wanted to be able to see me before I left for my vacation. Oh, so you are not a killer, you are gay. Damn, that means you might rape me before you kill me. Awesome.I showed him how to work the thermostat and said that I needed to eat lunch before it gets any colder (ha! I had a sub sandwich, it was already cold!) He said that was okay and glad he caught me to see how that thing worked or he would have never figured it out. I took that moment to remind him that Joyce and Tom are always available and they have worked here longer than me so he should not be afraid to ever go to them. He laughed and wished me well on my trip and said he will look forward to seeing me on Monday the 13th.I really need to win about $25K. I think I can quit and never return and have enough money to find a new job.

[SBriand 4]

It's good to be back at work after a nice relaxing trip to Vegas. NOT! So as I am away I have the awesome luxury of getting texted any voice mails that come through to the office. I got one from serial killer who stated that he started to put stuff in his storage and came back to find everything stolen. That is just odd to me but I was on vacation and figured it would be dealt with while I was gone. Sadly though since he wants to kill or rape me he decided to wait till I got back and showed up last night and sat down and started making friendly small talk.Rapist: Hey Steve, good to see you back, I missed you. So how was your trip, Vegas if I am not mistaken?Rapee: Hey, yeah Vegas, it was good, thanks.Rapist: Where did you stay?Rapee: ... In Vegas ...Rapist: Oh, well I know that but I was wondering if I could get more details.Rapee, yeah, no, it's not important, sorry, so what can I do for you today Bill?Rapist goes on a long discussion with himself about how he lived in Vegas and his mom and sister also lived there and how long ago it was so the City Center is probably much different now and he was curious.Rapee: Interesting, so what can I do for you?So he starts talking about the theft. I tell him how surprised I am because in all honesty, we have not had an apartment break in in the six and a half years that I have worked here and the last crime committed that I can remember happened 2 summers ago when 3 guys got caught in the act of stealing rims off a couple cars. I apologized for his ordeal and asked if he had anything else.He thought it was an inside job and wanted to know if i thought maybe the maintenance man stole his stuff. I told him I already asked Tom because my first thought was that Tom went to clean out the storage for Bill and didn't realize Bill was putting stuff in his storage before his actual move in date but Tom said he cleaned it out a couple weeks ago and hasn't been down there. I then told Billy the Rapist that I doubt the 7 other tenants in his building were the thiefs and pointed out that he was the youngest there by 15 years and he himself is believe 60. He then said that it must have been the previous tenant.Billy: Then I bet it was the previous tenant, he made copies of the keys.Me: I am pretty sure it wasn't the previous tenant.Billy: You can't be sure, you don't know if he had extra keys.Me: You are right, I don't know if he had extra keys but I am 100% positive that the man did not steal your stuff.Billy: How can you be so sure?Me: Because he is dead.Billy: Oh...Me: And he was a priest. So I don't think it was the dead priest who stole your stuff...He then brought up insurance. He said he had renters insurance and that they would pay for $500 worth of his property but he figures he had $1000 so are we going to cover the other $500. I told him that I doubt it. I told him to write a letter to my boss with all the info he has and see what happens but I doubt we will be paying for anything. He said we should since it is our building. I asked him if he had a lock on his storage bin and he said that he did. I asked him how it was broken into and he said to me that he just bought it and he is not sure he secured it properly and anyway, they took the lock with them. Yeah, ok. So there is no proof you even locked up your belongings and you just admitted to me that you don't even know if you locked it properly. Yeah, we aren't paying for anything. He sat there and I was writing an email and I asked him if he had anything else. He said yes, I need you to come over and show me how to work the thermostat again, it confuses me. HELL NO KILLER RAPIST!I grabbed an index card and started drawing a thermostat, I wrote notes on what each thing does and I handed to him. He said thanks but if I could just show him. I told him it is all right there. Put it on auto, select heat or cool, set the temp to where you want it and leave it be. I don't have time to walk over there and show you. If you are having problems then call Tom and he will explain it to you and anything else you don't know how to work in the apartment. He said that he only wants to deal with me on all issues and I told him that won't always be possible and some things are not my responsibility so he better get used to the other employees. I asked him if there was anything else he needed. He said no and started talking about Vegas again. I went back to my email and just listened and then the phone rang and I told him that I needed to take this and apologized again for his fake robbery and said goodbye and then answered the phone.What a fucking nutter butter. Later on one of my good tenants came in and I gave her a mini rundown and she thought he sounded strange and she is a teacher at the college next door and said that she has a term off and will come hang out with me on Tuesdays around 6 when he usually comes in. lol

[SBriand 4]

Little recap on the murder/rape tenant I have. I believe I talked about how he dropped his stuff off in the storage room and came back and found it stolen and has been in the process of getting $500 from us to cover what his insurance company won't cover. Remember that? Good, the story continues...So the two Tuesday evenings prior to last night I was able to leave before 6:30pm to avoid seeing this guy. I guess last Tuesday he stopped by and rang the bell and Joyce answered it and they had this conversation...Rapist: Hello, I thought there was someone here late on Tuesday nights?Joyce: Umm, yeah, I am right here, I opened the door. What can I do for you?Rapist: I wanted to pay my rent and Steve said he was here late on Tuesdays.Joyce: He usually is but he had to leave early today, I can take your rent.So he walks in and pulls out his checkbook and starts writing out a check which tells me that he was planning to hang out and BS with me or keep attempting to woo me into his bed. Sadly he had to deal with an 83 year old woman. Rapist: I doubt you know anything about this but I was wondering if Steve mentioned anything to you about your boss possibly paying me $500 for the stuff that was stolen out of your basement.Joyce: No. By the way, are you sure that you didn't put it in one storage room and then come back and look into another storage room because it just doesn't make sense that someone took your stuff and there is no signs of break in. Did you even lock it?Rapist: I know which room I put it in and yes I had a lock but they stole it. Joyce: oh, well thanks for the rent, I will let Steve know you dropped it off when he returns tomorrow. So cut to last night around 6:30pm and I see him pull in last night and head on up the walk. I start trying to find paperwork to use to give the illusion I am busy. Didn't work.Rapist: Hello Steve, nice to see you actually here when you are supposed to be <chuckle chuckle>Steve: *sigh* what can I do for you?Rapist: Oh I meant no harm, just a joke.Steve: Ahh, so what's up?Rapist: Well i was in here last week and talked to the woman and she made a comment about me not putting my belongings in the right storage room so yesterday I went downstairs and decided to take a quick look and I walked over to bin 4 and it was still empty. I then went around the corner and there in front of 5 was all my stuff!Steve: heh, you do know that room 5 is yours and not 4?Rapist: I just grabbed one and 4 was empty. Steve: You asked me the day before I left on vacation what bin was yours and I told you it matches your apartment number. You're in 5 and your bin is 5, not 4. Rapist: oh, that makes sense, I guess I forgot, I thought it was 1st come 1st serve.Steve: yeah, no. Well that is good, glad it worked out.Rapist: Yes, and I have decided to let bygones be bygones.Steve: ??? ooooh kay, sure... same here I guess.Rapist:.(stares at me)Steve: anything else?Rapist: How are you?Steve: Fine, busy, anything else you need Raper?Rapist: Oh, I found out who the tenant was that you said died in the apartment.Steve: didn't say he died IN the apartment, said he died.Rapist: Yeah, ok, he was a friend of mine, the Reverand Vu. Steve: yup that was him.Rapist: yes we used to work at the VA hospital, we had many spiritual meetings together...Steve: ahhhhh...Rapist: are you a spiritual person Steve?Steve: NopeRapist: oh, well I can help you with that.Steve: Nope. Not to be rude but no, that won't be happening. Rapist: You seem put off by me.Steve: nope, just busy and don't have much time for non business related discussions.Rapist: So when I was in the application process you were much more, how shall I say, social, what happened.Steve: Nothing, I probably wasn't busy at that time but these days I have actual work to do and I need to do it.Rapist: you weren't just playing a salesman back then were you, I thought we made a connection.Steve (!!!!) Uh, well, maybe I was, my job is selling apartments. Sorry you took it the wrong way I guess but... well I don't know what to tell you, I don't generally spend my time here discussing my personal life with tenants.Rapist: Oh well, ok, I guess I have overstepped my bounds. (gets up) sorry to have disturbed youSteve: cool, take care.Rapist: ...Hopefully that will be the last of it. He seemed a bit hurt or taken aback by my comments but I can't do this every Tuesday.So who thinks he returns next Tuesday?

[ajs510 122]

"I don't think it was the dead priest who stole your stuff" might be the best line on FCP since Ron Mexico yelled at the deaf guy.

[Babying 613]

OMG this is awesome stuff. I can't stop reading.Edit: My wife will vouch for me. I have read 2 books after University, Darryl Sittler's book and a poker book.

[Zach6668 513]

I love your stories, Steve.

[SBriand 4]

Damn, missed this one. This would be the second of those 4 posts.

So CREEEPY.Came back from lunch and there was a police officer waiting for me. Seems my old tenants who stole cars are at it again and he wanted to get some info and let me know they would be serving a search warrant on the apartment next week sometime and wanted to know if we would be kind enough to give them access so they don't have to bust our doors down. In the middle of this discussion serial killer walks into my office. WTF!?!I tell him that this is important and the cop tells him he can stop back in 10 minutes. I ask quickly what he is going to need because I just started my lunch hour so if it is going to take awhile he can come back in 45 minutes instead since he didn't bother to let me know he was coming. He told me that he heard that the 7th was going to be really hot and wanted to know if we would turn his AC on the day before. I said sure. Then he said that he would be back in 10 minutes because he needs me to show him how a thermostat works. (Really?) Fine.Cop leaves and SK comes back. So I ask him again if he really needs me to walk him out to his apt and show him how to work a thermostat. Yup. He has no idea how to use one. So we walk over. As we are walking, him behind me as always, he tells me that he is sorry for bugging me but he wanted to be able to see me before I left for my vacation. Oh, so you are not a killer, you are gay. Damn, that means you might rape me before you kill me. Awesome.I showed him how to work the thermostat and said that I needed to eat lunch before it gets any colder (ha! I had a sub sandwich, it was already cold!) He said that was okay and glad he caught me to see how that thing worked or he would have never figured it out. I took that moment to remind him that Joyce and Tom are always available and they have worked here longer than me so he should not be afraid to ever go to them. He laughed and wished me well on my trip and said he will look forward to seeing me on Monday the 13th.I really need to win about $25K. I think I can quit and never return and have enough money to find a new job.

[SBriand 4]

Now they are in order. Sorry about that. I think that one is important to the story because it sets up the rape.

[Zach6668 513]

Steve, when I (inevitably) go broke and become homeless, can I come stay in your building? Instead of rent, I'll provide security. I'm bigger than you, and although my face isn't particularly scary, I'll work hard on that. Thanks.Also, how did he go from SK to Rapist?

[serge 904]

Steve stories are awesome..I went golfing today. I shot my best nine holes ever..39..I chipped in for 3 shots off the green..I dont think i missed a fairway and every drive was 250-265..(which is good for me)...My record for best round ever is 87..Ironically Sidney Crosby number..So the back 9 i figure its impossible to not break 87 and I got a good shot at 80...First two holes on the back nine par par..Then the brutality started..3 double bogeys and a triple ..I end up with a disastrous 48 on the back nine for, 87..Tie my best score ever..My game is getting better, i am on the crusp of becoming a good golfer..I would love to shoot 80 and lower..I had fun...

[SBriand 4]

Steve, when I (inevitably) go broke and become homeless, can I come stay in your building? Instead of rent, I'll provide security. I'm bigger than you, and although my face isn't particularly scary, I'll work hard on that. Thanks.Also, how did he go from SK to Rapist?

Lol, I am sure we can work something out.I think the rapist came about from the story I just posted and then added to the first post of the story. He was real touchy feely with me telling me how he wanted to see me before I left for Vegas so I think he has a thing for me so I have decided to call him a rapist slash serial killer.

[Dubey 1,035]

My golf game is godawful this year. I have a membership but haven't been out much. I usually shoot 85-90, but I've been more like 95-100 this year, which has had the doubling effect of making me not want to golf as much, which means I get less practice. Last year I shot an 81 on my third round of the year, I haven't really come close since.

[serge 904]

My golf game is godawful this year. I have a membership but haven't been out much. I usually shoot 85-90, but I've been more like 95-100 this year, which has had the doubling effect of making me not want to golf as much, which means I get less practice. Last year I shot an 81 on my third round of the year, I haven't really come close since.

Its such a weird game..I was dialed in today on the front nine..Every drive was perfect..I picked the right club every time and had some amazing chip ins..Then reality set in..

[Zach6668 513]

Steve stories are awesome..I went golfing today. I shot my best nine holes ever..39..I chipped in for 3 shots off the green..I dont think i missed a fairway and every drive was 250-265..(which is good for me)...My record for best round ever is 87..Ironically Sidney Crosby number..So the back 9 i figure its impossible to not break 87 and I got a good shot at 80...First two holes on the back nine par par..Then the brutality started..3 double bogeys and a triple ..I end up with a disastrous 48 on the back nine for, 87..Tie my best score ever..My game is getting better, i am on the crusp of becoming a good golfer..I would love to shoot 80 and lower..I had fun...

39!!!!!! AWESOME! I've had a couple <40 rounds. My best was 36 (par 36) on a super easy course. Otherwise, 38 is my best, on the hard 9 at Chapples in T-Bay... shot 40 on the easy 9. Blah. I miss being in school when I could golf everyday on a $200 junior membership.I'm going golfing with my friend on Sunday, but then on Tuesday I'm taking some girl golfing. Kinda retarded story... Two weeks ago, I woke up with a failed text message that said "Tess" and some number that I couldn't remember to put the area code in front of... so it didn't send. I ignored it, then on Canada Day, I got yelled at by Tess's friend for not texting her or something. Apparently we made plans to golf. I don't recall a second of our convo, but I facebook stalked her, and she's hot, so.... hopefully that overrides my emotions relating to golfing with awful women golfers.

Lol, I am sure we can work something out.I think the rapist came about from the story I just posted and then added to the first post of the story. He was real touchy feely with me telling me how he wanted to see me before I left for Vegas so I think he has a thing for me so I have decided to call him a rapist slash serial killer.

How do you feel about illegal immigrants?