A Call To The Fcp Community Relationship Advice

[mtdesmoines 3]

But this is based on the falsehood that women are rational creatures.

Once you know this, it's all cool.

sounds like jessica wants to be with a guy who doesn't like strip clubs in the least bit, not even for a once in a blue moon whim kinda thing. well contrary to what everybody said, there are plenty of guys out there like that; they're called homosexuals. get her one of them. I hear they enjoy shopping as well.

If a man "went off" every time a woman did something he didn't like ...

[DoinSublime 0]

If a man "went off" every time a woman did something he didn't like ...

lol

[day_knee 0]

*sighs* I'm going to tell the truth. Everyday we, and by we I mean most guys, do whatever we can in moral and ethical limits to see what's going on underneath a womans clothing. It's embarrassing to admit but what can I say? If you bend over and reveal a little cleavage, we are looking. If you bend over and your thong sticks out of the top of your blue jeans, we are looking. If the wind blows and your skirt dances like something might be getting ready to revealed, we are looking. Now, take that knowledge and know that in a Strip Club we can see everything that we are looking for and it cost a dollar. It's like the extra value menu of life. Now, we are nowhere near as into those women as our girlfriends/wives and they could prob never fill those roles(not seriously anyway). So I'll just go ahead and put this out there, if a guy says "I hate stripclubs", he's a liar. Now I guess there are exceptions to this rule but the exceptions would be worse not better. It's not our fault, it's in our nature. So your friend may break up with this guy for being a liar and never speak to him again and at this point that's prob what's best for both of them. But before she goes out and finds some other guy that can't possibly hold up to her standards, she needs to seek help to solve the problem bc with this looming over her head, she can never be happy.

I actually don't disagree with anything you said. I find that the majority do enjoy strip clubs and beautiful women. I do believe that the majority of men can't help but stare at a beautiful women with big tits or anyother part of a women. I am told that it's quite unfair of me to lump all men in that category though. I have only been proven right every single time a man says they don't do this or that. Now in the case of Jessica, it isn't that her standards are impossible for a man to meet, it's that she thought they both had the same standards. It doesnt make her a bad person becuase she doesn't like those places..hell..she's aware that the majority of men would love to go and oogle and the like, she just happened to assume she chose one who really didn't. Is she nieve? Probably..Did she get a reality check? ABSOLUTELY.

[DoinSublime 0]

it's that she thought they both had the same standards.

Any other questions about reality just fire away

[day_knee 0]

proI mean...it was kind of the most important thing you said. But I hear you.Sorry, but most (or at least many) guys lie about their feelings toward strip clubs, especially when dating a prude girl. That's life...although technically that probably isn't fair. She really does need to grow up and realize that even guys that don't 'love' strip clubs might still go with friends once in a long while.Except when it comes to strip clubs...which is very normal.

Yeah well...she agrees with you now, that most guys lie about their feelings towards strip clubs. She'll get over it and she'll move on from it.I always wonder though, how men would feel if their gf's/wives started doing the same thing.Any takers?How would you feel being lied to about your significant other saying they don't like these sorts of things then you find they went to such place and where the ones acting the craziest? Would it be ok as long as she came home and gave you some?Would you ever think that she is screwing you and thinking of the hot man she gave money to?

[Suited_Up 2]

I actually don't disagree with anything you said. I find that the majority do enjoy strip clubs and beautiful women. I do believe that the majority of men can't help but stare at a beautiful women with big tits or anyother part of a women. I am told that it's quite unfair of me to lump all men in that category though. I have only been proven right every single time a man says they don't do this or that. Now in the case of Jessica, it isn't that her standards are impossible for a man to meet, it's that she thought they both had the same standards. It doesnt make her a bad person becuase she doesn't like those places..hell..she's aware that the majority of men would love to go and oogle and the like, she just happened to assume she chose one who really didn't. Is she nieve? Probably..Did she get a reality check? ABSOLUTELY.

See what I did there?Naive as naive can be.I mean honestly, I've been to a stripclub one time. It was this past summer, and I'm 26. Know why? Because I never really saw the purpose of the place. But it doesn't mean I didn't want to go when given this specific opportunity. I didn't get a lapdance, and I still don't see the point in paying for being teased. But that doesn't mean I'll never go back either. If Jessica was getting into a relationship with me, and asked me what I thought of stripclubs, I would say I think they're pretty much pointless. This might lead her to believe that we're on the same page for our dislike for the place, but that doesn't mean I don't like looking at naked women and will always turn down the chance to do so.Someone might want to explain this to her.

[day_knee 0]

See what I did there?Naive as naive can be.I mean honestly, I've been to a stripclub one time. It was this past summer, and I'm 26. Know why? Because I never really saw the purpose of the place. But it doesn't mean I didn't want to go when given this specific opportunity. I didn't get a lapdance, and I still don't see the point in paying for being teased. But that doesn't mean I'll never go back either. If Jessica was getting into a relationship with me, and asked me what I thought of stripclubs, I would say I think they're pretty much pointless. This might lead her to believe that we're on the same page for our dislike for the place, but that doesn't mean I don't like looking at naked women and will always turn down the chance to do so.Someone might want to explain this to her.

haha..oh she gets it alright...or at least she does now. You know..women like naked men too! Women like seeing a naked man with a nice body..would that offend you if your gf was that way..Not openly of course, but..on the sly? Maybe looking a bit longer here or there at another man..do you think most men would be offended?

[renaedawn 1]

Once again:

Don't be so hung up about trips to the strip club.Guys will automatically lie about that even when they believe that they did nothing wrong because they've had too many experiences and heard too many stories about crazy girlfriends who went all psycho on some poor guy because he stuck a buck in a g-string.Honesty is all great and stuff. It really is and you should never ever lie about the big stuff. The stuff that matters. What that stuff is is different to every couple but each person in the couple knows what the big stuff is without having to make a list. That being said, no relationship that lasts is 100% honest about every single thing. Honesty about the big stuff, about the core values, is what matters. Ask any man or woman who has been married for 20 years or more and they'll tell you this is true.If she flips out about a visit to the strip club, he will continue to lie about a visit to the strip club. He won't stop going. I promise you that. He will just continue to lie about it. And really, in the grand scheme of things, should that be one of your "big" things? I think not.

[day_knee 0]

Any other questions about reality just fire away

[Lolli 0]

My issue is with him, because he didn't have the balls to tell her he was going. We can't know what her reaction to that would have been, because of the choices he made.If we accept his rationale for not telling her as his concern for her feelings because of her past relationship issues with porn, how do we excuse his ignoring the fact that her other issue with the past relationship was about lying ? His attempt toprotect her feelings was seriously misguided, IMHO. He knew about her worries about porn and lying, yet he purposely deceived her about his plans and then repeatedly lied about it after the fact. How much differently this all could have gone down if he had been upfront about his plans and said , "Honey, I'm not thrilled about going to a strip club (an acceptable white lie), but I really want to spend the evening with Tim and that's what he has his heart set on doing. I know this is similar to the porn issue, but I swear you are the only woman I am interested in........and I'll prove it to you when I get home (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)." Even if Jessica had complained, just say, "Honey, I know that you don't like it, but I am going this one time and we can talk about this more when I get home." Then, when he gets home, say something like, "I am so glad that I am with you and don't have to go to that shallow oversexualized environment. I don't get why Tim likes that at all."Maybe Jessica does have some issues, but if Jeff knows about them and wants to be in a relationship with her, he needs to learn how to deal with things appropriately, not by being a lying scuzball and purposely aggravating those issues. He sounds very immature to me......and has some work to do to be relationship material. I'm not saying that's a definately kick him to the curb offense, but he has a lot of work to do to prove that he is a responsible and caring partner.Good luck girl !

I dont disagree with the first part of your post at all. He lied. Plain and simple. A lie is a lie is a lie. But the bolded parts speaks volumes. The way Im reading it is, "Im going to the strip club whether you like it or not and we'll talk when I get home." Because I would bet money on it that that's the way Jessica would be hearing it. To me that seems more disrespectful than the lie. To basically say "I know youre uncomfortable with this and you dont like it, but too bad, Im going anyway" seems far more consequential than hiding it to save her feelings.Once he was caught in the lie, he should have just been a man and fessed up, and not made matters any worse.I think there was a lack of communication from the beginning between both parties. I think perhaps they both sugar coated their feelings about strip clubs to appease the others fears.

[renaedawn 1]

Yeah well...she agrees with you now, that most guys lie about their feelings towards strip clubs. She'll get over it and she'll move on from it.I always wonder though, how men would feel if their gf's/wives started doing the same thing.Any takers?How would you feel being lied to about your significant other saying they don't like these sorts of things then you find they went to such place and where the ones acting the craziest? Would it be ok as long as she came home and gave you some?Would you ever think that she is screwing you and thinking of the hot man she gave money to?

They'd flip out of course.Here's another secret of life for you and your friend Jessica: As a general statement and rule, men are much more jealous than women. They just express it differently.

[DoinSublime 0]

<3, I'm being all sarcastic and stuff, but really....Off to bed, much love to all.

[Lolli 0]

haha..oh she gets it alright...or at least she does now. You know..women like naked men too! Women like seeing a naked man with a nice body..would that offend you if your gf was that way..Not openly of course, but..on the sly? Maybe looking a bit longer here or there at another man..do you think most men would be offended?

Lol, to be perfectly honest, Id much much MUCH rather go see naked women and get a lap dance or twelve from a hot blonde than I would a naked man.The female body is a much more beautiful specimen than a mans.Sorry, fellas. But cmon, you know its true.

[renaedawn 1]

Lol, to be perfectly honest, Id much much MUCH rather go see naked women and get a lap dance or twelve from a hot blonde than I would a naked man.The female body is a much more beautiful specimen than a mans.Sorry, fellas. But cmon, you know its true.

Also truth.The bottom line is it's just unrealistic to expect a guy to NEVER go to a strip club. If everything else is okay in their relationship, the fact that he lied about it spare her feelings and the fact that he went to begin with should both be minor annoyances not big fights.

[Lolli 0]

Also truth.The bottom line is it's just unrealistic to expect a guy to NEVER go to a strip club. If everything else is okay in their relationship, the fact that he lied about it spare her feelings and the fact that he went to begin with should both be minor annoyances not big fights.

QFMFT

[ShakeZuma 585]

I've gotten one lapdance in my life. it was awkward.

[Suited_Up 2]

They'd flip out of course.Here's another secret of life for you and your friend Jessica: As a general statement and rule, men are much more jealous than women. They just express it differently.

I'm not sure I'd go that far.I can definitely see guys like that in the world, but I think guys grow out of that a bit. Speaking from personal experience and just observation. Either that or I used to be jealous and now I'm just jaded and closed off. One or the other.But I still think that women are quite a bit more jealous than guys. I mean women are jealous at things that don't even matter half the time. All this is not meant towards you though, because you actually strike me as quite the opposite, but just from most of the women i've come across.

[Jadaki 0]

Here's another secret of life for you and your friend Jessica: As a general statement and rule, men are much more jealous than women. They just express it differently.

Don't get me wrong, I love these hoesIt's no secret, Everybody knowsYeah we fucked, Bitch so what?That's about as far as your buddy goesWe'll be friends, I'll call you againI'll chase you around every bar you attendNever know what kind of car i'll be inWe'll see how much you'll be partying thenYou don't want that, Neither do II don't wanna flip when I see you with guysToo much pride, Between you and INot a jealous man, but females lieBut I guess that's just what sluts doHow could it ever be just us two?Never loved you enough to trust youWe just met and I just fucked youBut I do know one thing thoughBitches they come they goSaturday through Sunday MondayMonday through Sunday yoMaybe I'll love you one dayMaybe we'll someday grow'Till then just sit your drunk ass on that fuckin runway ho...

[Ouch-8s 4]

She really does need to grow up and realize that even guys that don't 'love' strip clubs might still go with friends once in a long while.

This is true. I don't really like strip clubs either, but I've still gone to them on occasion. Special occasions.ONLY special occasions.AND I didn't like it.Honey?

[renaedawn 1]

I'm not sure I'd go that far.I can definitely see guys like that in the world, but I think guys grow out of that a bit. Speaking from personal experience and just observation. Either that or I used to be jealous and now I'm just jaded and closed off. One or the other.But I still think that women are quite a bit more jealous than guys. I mean women are jealous at things that don't even matter half the time. All this is not meant towards you though, because you actually strike me as quite the opposite, but just from most of the women i've come across.

Thank you, Kurt. I really am not a jealous person at all. Hell, you could sleep with my husband if you want. ;)Here's why I say that men are more jealous than women. It's not scientific, just anecdotal. The difference in most women versus most men is that women's jealousy issues (again, these are all GENERAL statements) tend to originate from insecurity issues. "Do you like her more?" "Do you think she's prettier?" "You're thinking about her when you're having sex with me!" That kind of thing.Men's jealousy issues come from a sense of territorialness or ownership. "How could that slut (which she always becomes just for having normal urges) sleep with Justin 4 months before we started dating?" "She went to a club and danced with some popped collar douche and my friend saw her. What a whore." That kind of thing.Men mark territory sometimes where it's not even appropriate and see any appreciation of another male as a threat to their territory. It's a lot like hippos defending breeding grounds. If a female hippo glances in the direction of the new male that's hanging out on the outer edge of the herd, the dominant male has to put an end to that. He has to control what is his.Now, while women's jealousy issues are illogical because in most cases, we are the only ones who even compare other bodies to our own in that way, men's deep rooted reasons for their jealousies are much more primal and instinctive and therefore harder to squash.Women, while often jealous, are that way because we think something is wrong with us as women, that we don't measure up if you will. Men, when having irrational fits of jealousy, are that way because they blame it on something being wrong with us (ie, that slut, that whore). I hope that made sense. I'm not sure it did. *Edit - One other thing I forgot to address. You are right, Kurt, that most times guys grow out of that. They grow out of it when they get into a relationship where they realize after time that they don't have to defend their breeding grounds. That the female hippo is just looking at that rogue male because he's there and that she's not gonna wander off. Unfortunately, most women never come to peace with their bodies or their self image so that kind of jealousy never goes away.

[renaedawn 1]

Don't get me wrong, I love these hoesIt's no secret, Everybody knowsYeah we fucked, Bitch so what?That's about as far as your buddy goesWe'll be friends, I'll call you againI'll chase you around every bar you attendNever know what kind of car i'll be inWe'll see how much you'll be partying thenYou don't want that, Neither do II don't wanna flip when I see you with guysToo much pride, Between you and INot a jealous man, but females lieBut I guess that's just what sluts doHow could it ever be just us two?Never loved you enough to trust youWe just met and I just fucked youBut I do know one thing thoughBitches they come they goSaturday through Sunday MondayMonday through Sunday yoMaybe I'll love you one dayMaybe we'll someday grow'Till then just sit your drunk ass on that fuckin runway ho...

I'm pretty sure this rapper has read my hippo analogy.

[Lolli 0]

Thank you, Kurt. I really am not a jealous person at all. Hell, you could sleep with my husband if you want. ;)Here's why I say that men are more jealous than women. It's not scientific, just anecdotal. The difference in most women versus most men is that women's jealousy issues (again, these are all GENERAL statements) tend to originate from insecurity issues. "Do you like her more?" "Do you think she's prettier?" "You're thinking about her when you're having sex with me!" That kind of thing.Men's jealousy issues come from a sense of territorialness or ownership. "How could that slut (which she always becomes just for having normal urges) sleep with Justin 4 months before we started dating?" "She went to a club and danced with some popped collar douche and my friend saw her. What a whore." That kind of thing.Men mark territory sometimes where it's not even appropriate and see any appreciation of another male as a threat to their territory. It's a lot like hippos defending breeding grounds. If a female hippo glances in the direction of the new male that's hanging out on the outer edge of the herd, the dominant male has to put an end to that. He has to control what is his.Now, while women's jealousy issues are illogical because in most cases, we are the only ones who even compare other bodies to our own in that way, men's deep rooted reasons for their jealousies are much more primal and instinctive and therefore harder to squash.Women, while often jealous, are that way because we think something is wrong with us as women, that we don't measure up if you will. Men, when having irrational fits of jealousy, are that way because they blame it on something being wrong with us (ie, that slut, that whore). I hope that made sense. I'm not sure it did. *Edit - One other thing I forgot to address. You are right, Kurt, that most times guys grow out of that. They grow out of it when they get into a relationship where they realize after time that they don't have to defend their breeding grounds. That the female hippo is just looking at that rogue male because he's there and that she's not gonna wander off. Unfortunately, most women never come to peace with their bodies or their self image so that kind of jealousy never goes away.

I understood perfectly fine.You think I look like a hippo and dont love me or want me anymore.:breaksdownthedoortothecopyroominahystericalcryingfit,waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh:

[Jadaki 0]

Thank you, Kurt. I really am not a jealous person at all. Hell, you could sleep with my husband if you want.

Didn't you hook up with your husband because you were jealous of his relationship with some other girl you didn't think deserved him?

[Lolli 0]

Didn't you hook up with your husband because you were jealous of his relationship with some other girl you didn't think deserved him?

Thats not jealousy, thats going after and taking what we want.

[Jadaki 0]

Thats not jealousy, thats going after and taking what we want.

So it's showing territorialism, like the male hippo...Is that even a word?