I Called In Sick Today

[Whiskers 680]

From the guy who wakes up at like 2 in the morning?

 

Yeah, seems like the guy who can never sleep would be the one who doesn't mind being out late.

[speedz99 145]

CNN decided to test stoned drivers' skills.

 

1. Cute 27 year old heavy daily user

2. 34 year old weekend user

3. 50-something year old occasional user

 

http://www.cnn.com/video/?hpt=hp_c4#/video/us/2013/02/13/dnt-driving-under-influence-marijuana.kiro

 

"The one time in your life you get to do this, you should do it. You should do it!!!"

[ShakeZuma 585]

oh I go to sleep early though. early to bed, early to rise. like 45 minutes later. but still, yeah, I like going to bed early. plus, if you can't sleep, you appreciate the act of sleeping all that much more.

 

plus I haven't had that much trouble sleeping lately. it'll be back soon I'm sure. works like that.

[Kyrie Eleison 42]

this girl is BULLSHIT and not worth your time

 

just have to say it again

 

I'm sorry

 

you guys only get the bad stuff really. so i can see why you think that. i'm not without fault though.

[Whiskers 680]

i'm not without fault though.

 

The hell you say.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

No chance I get laid tonight. Probably not even any boob action either. She won't want to come over after dinner because of work tomorrow and a late reservation. But this weekend could be different if things go well. Fingers crossed!

 

This post right here precludes you (or this loopy **** you call a girlfriend) from ever calling me old again.

 

Unless of course we just admit that it's just an excuse to avoid the el sexo with you.

 

Strat is right though, she takes flowers from you, dinners, etc but doesn't do any of the actual girlfriendy things. Was she molested at some point? A Friend of Sandusky? Something is up. Then again, taking female advice from Strategery probably isn't your best option. His Valentine's Day plans involved PM'ing an Internet girl for nudes and calling his Transatlantic, bi-polar ex that flies off the handle, immaturely at the slightest sign of....anything at all.

 

I made a ribeye on my skillet, properly this time, corn on the cobb and twice baked potatoes for me and the lady tonight. No el sexo. I still feel sickish and she's got....well, you know.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

 

 

you guys only get the bad stuff really. so i can see why you think that. i'm not without fault though.

 

Oh, you're an idiot, we know that, but still

 

 

Ending a sentence with "but still" really says everything without actually having to think of anything to say

[speedz99 145]

Strat is right though, she takes flowers from you, dinners, etc but doesn't do any of the actual girlfriendy things. Something is up.

 

Kyrie, if you want the correct advice on this situation, feel free to catch me up on the whole timeline of events.

 

I made a ribeye on my skillet, properly this time, corn on the cobb and twice baked potatoes for me and the lady tonight. No el sexo. I still feel sickish and she's got....well, you know.

 

The fact that she wants this as her valentine's dinner makes me a fan. Although the lack of el sexo is very Non_Mexico.

 

Nailed it.

[ShakeZuma 585]

sure did

 

 

 

damn I want a steak now. and a twice baked potato. hey I have a prime filet in the freezer. ought to make that this weekend. also got some fancy ass bourbon I'm gonna make an old fashioned out of tomorrow night. gonna be a banner weekend in the zuma household!

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

I've (we've) given him the proper advice. We gave him slow moves to make, shit or get off the pot moves and everything in between. He goin do wha he goin do. I'll be happy either way. He'll get laid and get a gf or I'll get to say I told you so. Win/win.

 

Ocho gave great advice as did TommyG

[speedz99 145]

The saddest thing about the inner portion of me GI tract having sloughed off over the past 5 days is the fact that all those things sound great in my head, but aren't actually appetizing at the moment. Interesting how the wiring between the brain and gut works. Well, interesting to me at the moment, anyway.

[ShakeZuma 585]

hey whatever I gave the best advice. pretty sure I told him to leave her alone like 6 months ago because she was a woman and therefore evil.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

sure did

 

 

 

damn I want a steak now. and a twice baked potato. hey I have a prime filet in the freezer. ought to make that this weekend. also got some fancy ass bourbon I'm gonna make an old fashioned out of tomorrow night. gonna be a banner weekend in the zuma household!

 

I have extra of all, come on down buddy. I cooked, You make the Old Fashioneds. We'll get weird with each other.

[speedz99 145]

I've (we've) given him the proper advice. We gave him slow moves to make, shit or get off the pot moves and everything in between. He goin do wha he goin do. I'll be happy either way. He'll get laid and get a gf or I'll get to say I told you so. Win/win.

 

Ocho gave great advice as did TommyG

 

Ok, good to know.

 

So Kyrie, if you want the correct advice on this situation, feel free to catch me up on the whole timeline of events.

 

I kid. But really, one more voice couldn't hurt. But more really, I just want to also be able to say either "congrats" or "told you so" when something happens.

[Whiskers 680]

The fact that she wants this as her valentine's dinner makes me a fan. Although the lack of el sexo is very Non_Mexico.

 

Nailed it.

 

[speedz99 145]

hey whatever I gave the best advice. pretty sure I told him to leave her alone like 6 months ago because she was a woman and therefore evil.

 

Staggering coincidence that the percentage of relationships that fail and the percentage of times you're right about this assessment is identical.

 

Edit: Thank you.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

The saddest thing about the inner portion of me GI tract having sloughed off over the past 5 days is the fact that all those things sound great in my head, but aren't actually appetizing at the moment. Interesting how the wiring between the brain and gut works. Well, interesting to me at the moment, anyway.

 

Totally agree with the gut/head dynamic.

 

I can't remember if it was my 6 day gall bladder hospital stay or 4 day hospital stay for my appendix, but one of those times, I actually uttered the words "I never want to eat any food ever again." ME? Not eat? Ridiculous

[InternetExplorer 2,609]

suited is definitely not asking for advice, we're just a bunch of jackasses

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

we're just a bunch of jackasses

 

THIS, my friend, is not news.

[Theraflu 1,035]

I could do 15 drinks a day, but the first day off after the cruise I'd be a shaky, alcoholic mess. One drink an hour starting with breakfast? Not bad at all. Plus there'd be an amazing nap in the middle. I would most certainly need to kept away from any and all gambling though. And my wife wouldn't put up with it. But sure, I could do it.

 

Made some steak in the cast iron tonight. Wife likes it could very-well done though, which I've yet to find a good way to make mine medium rare and still get all the food out at the same time. Gotta go ref tonight from 9-11, so that's pretty romantic.

[speedz99 145]

Are you also not looking for advice about a problem we could solve?

 

Edit: That was a joke. I understand that suited doesn't consider this a problem, per se. I also understand that he's just telling us what's going on, not looking for us to tell him what to do about it.

 

Edit 2: But really, I think we can all work on this steak thing.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

I could do 15 drinks a day, but the first day off after the cruise I'd be a shaky, alcoholic mess. One drink an hour starting with breakfast? Not bad at all. Plus there'd be an amazing nap in the middle. I would most certainly need to kept away from any and all gambling though. And my wife wouldn't put up with it. But sure, I could do it.

 

Made some steak in the cast iron tonight. Wife likes it could very-well done though, which I've yet to find a good way to make mine medium rare and still get all the food out at the same time. Gotta go ref tonight from 9-11, so that's pretty romantic.

 

I forgot about you my alcoholic friend. Fair beer selection, nothing crazy.

 

Start her steak 5-7 mins before yours. Make sure you give your steaks 10 minutes to rest. That gives you time to finish off the side dishes

[Kyrie Eleison 42]

i don't eat steak. or red meat for that matter. so i don't need any advice thanks.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

i don't eat steak. or red meat for that matter. so i don't need any advice thanks.

 

Holy fcking shit, don't drink, don't hump, don't eat red meat, cheap. What in the hell do you do?

 

Edit: no wonder she won't date you. This is all making more sense now.

 

Double edit, for speedz: I'm kidding, I'm sure he's very dateable. He'll eventually make good money and be a provider

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

Wait, are you a vet or a shrink? Eff off Doctor Brooklyn. Go sodomize a horse

 

Wait, is that part of the curriculum? Because if so I have real bone to pick with my high school guidance counsellor.

 

Where is beans when I need him? I need an ally

 

Oh, I'm not trying to dissuade you. I'm just lamenting the drop-off in my drinking ability.

 

I was thinking about it, though, and being on a cruise with no need to drive ever, and no real responsibilities, maybe I could do it. I'd sure save a lot of money in future Valentine's gifts, anyways.

 

There was a Deadspin article where they estimated that there are about 800,000 naked women on the internet. I feel like that number is low. That's low, right?

 

It's way low, and I'm not sure how comfortable I am with the level of authority I feel I can answer that with.

 

no, it's not creepy, she removed them and replaced with "PM me if you want these." it's still going to be weird for me. these girls get sent the oddest shit, I'm sure my coy PM is going to sound really professional. might even get a job offer out of it.

 

Or at least some good cover letter practice.