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The Biatch's Barbershop


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I got screwed when Chris put that $60 bounty on my head
It wasn't a bounty, I just took action against your blind shove with 1/2 the chips in play in your stack. It seemed like a good bet....
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For anybody in the hotel, me and zach, and ray are just sitting here. Somebody come play with us bring poker chips or something.It's raining, we're watching forrest gump, I'm eating jerk chicken, Ray is eating a steak, and Zach is eating a butter sandwich. Somebody come play with us. Call Zach

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For anybody in the hotel, me and zach, and ray are just sitting here. Somebody come play with us bring poker chips or something.It's raining, we're watching forrest gump, I'm eating jerk chicken, Ray is eating a steak, and Zach is eating a butter sandwich. Somebody come play with us. Call Zach
Holy shit this was one of the funniest things I've seen, hahahahaha.
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Day 1 Balance: $200.00Day 2 Balance: $186.70Day 3 Balance: $150.80Day 4 Balance: $150.80Day 5 Balance: $236.28Day 6 Balance: $224.47Day 7 Balance: $174.47Day 8 Balance: $274.49Day 9 Balance: $159.47Day 10 Balance: $464.84Day 11 Balance: $527.34Day 12 Balance: 794.64Day 13 Balance: $744.64Day 14 Balance: $1020.64 (goal of 1000, reached, next goal 3000)Day 15 Balance: 1274.122-Way ParlayOrlando Magic ML against Boston CelticsBoston Red Sox (-1.5) against Tampa Bay Devil RaysRisk $74.12 to win 181.11Biatch's Blog of the WeekendFriday10:00am: Some dude in a Penguins Jersey picked me up. 11:35am: Zach and I stop at McDonalds, we order two quarter pounders, two large drinks, two large fries, one double cheeseburger, one bacon double cheeseburger, comes out to $20, something. Zach says that wrong. Sure enough it was, we get $2.30 back. Go figure. 2:45pm: Meet up with three FCP dudes at the bar at the lobby of the Westin, Ray and Brent are two guys there, but I shake the other guys hand first, who I don't know who it is. It's Mike, awkward! LOL, just kidding, Mike's an awesome dude. Poker machine this weekend. 6:30pm: Sev is making fun of Eddie Shack on the way to the tourney. Pretty funny stuff. Makes fun of his shirt, something about his wife picking it out. Shack is a wreck. 7:15pm: I busted Keith Primeau for the 2nd time, with 5 6 offsuit to make a runner runner straight against his trip queens. Booooooyaskahsa.7:20pm: I busted out. 8:30pm: I play in a SnG, showing Serge my cards before my hand, then never looking at my cards again, and just going all in. Did well for a bit, then I busted out. 10:45pm: Went to some bar, nothing too crazy. 11:25pm: Ray and Zach talk about putting their balls in my mouth and then making love with Ovechkin inside a jigsaw puzzle. Yeah, I have no idea.Saturday 11:00am: Wake up, and get some jerk chicken across the road. Convince Ray to make bets online. Ray eats some steak, Zach eats a couple butter sandwiches. 2:00pm: Poker starts in the lobby of the Westin. $20 buy in cash game, dealers choice. Adam, Adam's wife, biatch, ray, zach, mike, john, and steve. I am going to f*cking destroy these punk ass bitches. 3:40pm: I am down $120, f*ck this shit. 6:45pm: Arrive at the bar. There's a sucker bet on the menu between large and small chicken wings. I ask the waitress about the sucker bet. 6:50pm: Ray buys a round of girl shots. Hooooooray. We get a couple pitchers of Rickard's White. Hoooooray.6:55pm: I owe John a shot, so he gets us a shot of something manly. Yuccccccck. 7:00pm: Ben and I share some chicken balls and feed each other with forks. We're not homos. (Steve, don't post that picture!)7:10pm: I buy a round of more girl shots. Hooooray. More pitchers of Rickard's White. Hooooooray.7:30pm: Prop degenerate bets happen. Random shit like which faceoff dot the next puck will be on, who will score the next goal, who will make the next slap shot, and my personal favourite, which end the puck will be in at the end of the period. I always ended up with the f*ckin neutral zone on that bet and got screwed. Degenerate bets cost me about $100. FML. 10:34pm: Daniel Sedin gets a penalty, John owes us all shots. Man shots again. Barf. 10:35pm: We hold a snake draft for who scores the first goal. $5 bucks each. Each period, it ups $5 bucks. Mike drafts Kesler and Sundin.10:36pm: Kesler scores, he wins $40.11:25pm: Sundin scores, he wins $80. Mike runs amazing.12:01pm: I beat Steve at pool for $5 bucks, I'm a beast. Ray and Steve then beat me and Adam's wife for $10. F*ck. 3:00am: I'm already asleep feeling sick. Zach comes in. I want to barf but don't want Zach to see me barf, so I wait for him to leave. He then comes back bc he forgets something, so I jump back on my duvet. He leaves. I barf. Yes. Happiness. 4:30am: Zach and Ray come back, talking about making love with a duvet. Ray tries to get my duvet, I give him the evil eye. Ray is scared. It's ok, imaginary hug in my head. They order too much food. Only words I can remember are evil eye, Zach's sister, and something about a vegetarian midget. Sunday8:00am: I wake up at 8, bc I'm a morning person, so I go downstairs to lobby to drink Starbuck and browse the internet since beavis and butthead (Ben and Zach) need their beauty sleep. 9:25am: I meet this random girl, she's cute. We talk, cool beans!10:38am: Meet Mike on the way out, introduce him to random girl, make fun of Milbury, say our goodbyes. 11:15am: See Steve on the way out, introduce him and his wife to random girl still sitting with me. Say our goodbyes.11:45am: Text Zach to wake up since check out is at noon.12:01pm: Introduce Zach to random girl, who thinks I live in Toronto. Even though I gave her my Ottawa number, and it starts with 613. We leave.5:30pm: Text from random girl to hang out sometime, too bad I live in Ottawa, lol.7:24pm: Back to Ottawa, miss my bed. It's much better then the floor.

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I think I was the only one who didn't see her :(How did you come up with Ben by the way? I don't really get it but it's funny!
She was pretty good looking. I am glad I didn't barf on her.
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