Dutch Vs. God

[Dirtydutch 8]

Who here remembers my blog entry about a 17-year-old girl who wrecked 6 cars in a year? Well, her father and I have an interesting relationship: I don't like or talk to him, but because he's friends with my father, and also Christian, he thinks he can email me and tell me what an unGodly screw-up I am.Well, after years of ignoring them, he got wind of my trip to the WSOP, which he refers to as a "den of sin," an' kicked it up a notch. I redirected all his incoming to my spam folder, which apparently really pissed him off. Because about 2 weeks ago, I got a phone call from him, just to tell me what a bad person I was, and how my gambling and not going to church wasn't acceptable behavior. I told him to **** off, or something to that effect, and hung up the phone. But then I got drunk, and wrote him, and then soberly mailed him, the following:

In Una, Plures: a Whore of a Witch, or One Bewitching Whore?; an Objective, Coherent and Cohesive Criticism of Your Loose-Cooched Daughter: an Open Letter to [name deleted] By [name deleted]

Originally titled “Hey, You -- Your Daughter Puts Out,” I like to think that this piece functions as a public service announcement. Or better yet, as a repayment for some criticism and life-direction you’ve given me, recently. As a man of God, I take no pleasure in telling you this, but as you’ve probably guessed from the title, your daughter is a complete slag*. This is my business as both a man of God and a man of science: if someone is really as big a slut as footnote(*) suggests, her snatch will eventually reach such a size that all of North American will be perpetually be engaged in one giant, inadvertent, pancontinental orgy.I know sin affords a lot of pleasure (not to mention practical advantages – for instance the other day I saw her at a club, so high on LSD-dusted weed that she thought the DJ booth was the lady’s room. She was taking a dump, and looked bored. But then, suddenly, she went elbow-deep up her twat, and came out with the fall Vogue. Don’t tell me your wife could do that. At least pre-child-birth, anyway). But the Lord is pretty clear about getting your rocks off without binding legal constraints. This activity is positively demonic, which is why I presumed this type of behavior would end after that exorcism video appeared on the internet. But, as it turned out, the wraith-like figure seen emerging from her vagina was actually her then-boyfriend, Romero.I really don’t know what to tell you to do. I’d recommend a chastity belt, but at this point I imagine that the toxic sap dripping from that war-torn battle-box could rust a 12,000ft. cargo barge to the ocean’s floor at a pace that would wipe the smirk off the face of even the grittiest sea captain – which is ironic, because he’s probably ****ing her, too. In fact, I don’t really have any useful advice at all. I just thought that as a Christian you might enjoy feeling guilty about something.* As is demonstrated below:[picture of – and I swear I’m not making this up, and in fact several members of this forum have seen this picture – the girl in question wearing a sexy police outfit, straddling a sexy maid, holding a strand of what appears to be annals beads. This picture is real, undoctored, and was found on her hilariously retarded blog/Myspace] (Katie, seen here attending what appears to be some kind of bizarre sex club. Also,va-va-va-va-ZOOM!)Well, some time passed, and then the other day my phone woke me up at 2pm: "Hello?""What the fuck is wrong with you?""In what regard?""Did you send Mr. [name deleted] a letter about his daughter being a whore?""Yeah.""Well, dad's pretty pissed.""...""Dutch?""Yeah?""You're my hero."Anyway, though most of the family is no long speaking to me, I did receive a response, yesterday/this morning, and It's so retarded and crazy and lame that it makes it all worth my while:Dear, [name deleted], I’m very sad, that you would say these things and attack my daughter like you do. My closeness with your father is the only reason I have not reported you to the authorities. We’ll let God deal with you. The things you said are sick and untrue, and your actions are always evil, disgraceful, and ungodly. I’ve warned you, and I’ve tried to save you but the devil has his hold and you won’t let me or God help. In the name of Jesus, end your rumors now.I feel sorry for you,[name deleted, and there was no signature.] I can't even imagine that any backlash could come that would make me wish I hadn't done this. I sure hope he doesn't turn me in on grounds malformed hyperbole.

[conor_mw 0]

Who here remembers my blog entry about a 17-year-old girl who wrecked 6 cars in a year? Well, her father and I have an interesting relationship: I don't like or talk to him, but because he's friends with my father, and also Christian, he thinks he can email me and tell me what an unGodly screw-up I am.Well, after years of ignoring them, he got wind of my trip to the WSOP, which he refers to as a "den of sin," an' kicked it up a notch. I redirected all his incoming to my spam folder, which apparently really pissed him off. Because about 2 weeks ago, I got a phone call from him, just to tell me what a bad person I was, and how my gambling and not going to church wasn't acceptable behavior. I told him to **** off, or something to that effect, and hung up the phone. But then I got drunk, and wrote him, and then soberly mailed him, the following:

In Una, Plures: a Whore of a Witch, or One Bewitching Whore?; an Objective, Coherent and Cohesive Criticism of Your Loose-Cooched Daughter: an Open Letter to [name deleted] By [name deleted]

Originally titled "Hey, You -- Your Daughter Puts Out," I like to think that this piece functions as a public service announcement. Or better yet, as a repayment for some criticism and life-direction you've given me, recently. As a man of God, I take no pleasure in telling you this, but as you've probably guessed from the title, your daughter is a complete slag*. This is my business as both a man of God and a man of science: if someone is really as big a slut as footnote(*) suggests, her snatch will eventually reach such a size that all of North American will be perpetually be engaged in one giant, inadvertent, pancontinental orgy.I know sin affords a lot of pleasure (not to mention practical advantages – for instance the other day I saw her at a club, so high on LSD-dusted weed that she thought the DJ booth was the lady's room. She was taking a dump, and looked bored. But then, suddenly, she went elbow-deep up her twat, and came out with the fall Vogue. Don't tell me your wife could do that. At least pre-child-birth, anyway). But the Lord is pretty clear about getting your rocks off without binding legal constraints. This activity is positively demonic, which is why I presumed this type of behavior would end after that exorcism video appeared on the internet. But, as it turned out, the wraith-like figure seen emerging from her vagina was actually her then-boyfriend, Romero.I really don't know what to tell you to do. I'd recommend a chastity belt, but at this point I imagine that the toxic sap dripping from that war-torn battle-box could rust a 12,000ft. cargo barge to the ocean's floor at a pace that would wipe the smirk off the face of even the grittiest sea captain – which is ironic, because he's probably ****ing her, too. In fact, I don't really have any useful advice at all. I just thought that as a Christian you might enjoy feeling guilty about something.* As is demonstrated below:[picture of – and I swear I'm not making this up, and in fact several members of this forum have seen this picture – the girl in question wearing a sexy police outfit, straddling a sexy maid, holding a strand of what appears to be annals beads. This picture is real, undoctored, and was found on her hilariously retarded blog/Myspace] def PM me this pic (Katie, seen here attending what appears to be some kind of bizarre sex club. Also,va-va-va-va-ZOOM!)Well, some time passed, and then the other day my phone woke me up at 2pm: "Hello?""What the fuck is wrong with you?""In what regard?""Did you send Mr. [name deleted] a letter about his daughter being a whore?""Yeah.""Well, dad's pretty pissed.""...""Dutch?""Yeah?""You're my hero."Anyway, though most of the family is no long speaking to me, I did receive a response, yesterday/this morning, and It's so retarded and crazy and lame that it makes it all worth my while:Dear, [name deleted], I'm very sad, that you would say these things and attack my daughter like you do. My closeness with your father is the only reason I have not reported you to the authorities. We'll let God deal with you. The things you said are sick and untrue, and your actions are always evil, disgraceful, and ungodly. I've warned you, and I've tried to save you but the devil has his hold and you won't let me or God help. In the name of Jesus, end your rumors now.I feel sorry for you,[name deleted, and there was no signature.] I can't even imagine that any backlash could come that would make me wish I hadn't done this. I sure hope he doesn't turn me in on grounds malformed hyperbole.

i took the liberty to bold my favorite parts.

[sfsjjang98 0]

rofl atlanta

[Dirtydutch 8]

rofl atlanta

What?

[BigDMcGee 3,352]

Owned.

[sfsjjang98 0]

you are a funny person, even for a northern suburb of atlanta type

[Dirtydutch 8]

you are a funny person, even for a northern suburb of atlanta type

Out of curiosity, as a newb (a belated one, granted), how did you know I'm Atlien? This little comeback stink of someone I know...

[Cappy37 0]

vnh, sir.

[Pot Odds RAC 23]

I clearly don' t know nor pretend to know the details of your relationship with this guy, but it seems to be kind of passive aggressive of you to go after his daughter and her behavior and relationship with the man rather than go directly at him for nosing into your business.

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

Can we get some pictures of the daughter? And maybe a phone number?

[erac22 0]

I clearly don' t know nor pretend to know the details of your relationship with this guy, but it seems to be kind of passive aggressive of you to go after his daughter and her behavior and relationship with the man rather than go directly at him for nosing into your business.

Email is by its very nature passive aggressive when used to deal with confrontations. Might as well go all out...e

[speedz99 145]

I clearly don' t know nor pretend to know the details of your relationship with this guy, but it seems to be kind of passive aggressive of you to go after his daughter and her behavior and relationship with the man rather than go directly at him for nosing into your business.

While I agree it was strange to go after the daughter, there was nothing passive about that email.

[Jennings7 0]

Awesome man, but I really need the anal bead pic. Or at least the link to her myspace page.

[GWCGWC 83]

Dude's a fucking poser. A real christian would have abandoned their faith long enough to kick your ass then asked God for forgiveness. What's the point of believing you'll be forgiven if you don't take full advantage of situations where you can do something worthy of being forgiven for?You're lucky he's only acting the christian part or this would have gotten ugly. p.s. You know saying "insert pic of sexiness to make my point" doesn't cut it. I'm sure it was just an over site and you will rectify this soon. Of course by soon, I mean immediately.

[SilentSnow 1]

You should introduce her to Lindsay.

[Dogpatch 2]

Can we get some pictures of the daughter? And maybe a phone number?

Yes, please. I'm only an hour south of Atlanta, she sounds like she could use a good choking.

[Dirtydutch 8]

I'm still weighing the pros and cons of posting the picture, but as far as the letter (not email) is concerned, the whole point is that it's retarded and petty. It wasn't supposed to be just a sick burn of putoff, I thought it would be funny if instead it were a sprawling, over-the-top hyperbole, just to ruin his day, since he clearly likes debating morality.

[GWCGWC 83]

I'm still weighing the pros and cons of posting the picture, but as far as the letter (not email) is concerned, the whole point is that it's retarded and petty. It wasn't supposed to be just a sick burn of putoff, I thought it would be funny if instead it were a sprawling, over-the-top hyperbole, just to ruin his day, since he clearly likes debating morality.

List the pros and cons so we can see what the hold up is.

[El Guapo 8]

Pros - It would be awesomeCons - They only affect you so who cares

[GWCGWC 83]

It's official, I'd hit it repeatedly with gusto.I honestly don't see any cons to posting that pic Dutch.

[Dirtydutch 8]

It's official, I'd hit it repeatedly with gusto.I honestly don't see any cons to posting that pic Dutch.

My biggest issue is that I have no real problem with the sexy maid in the shot.

[GWCGWC 83]

My biggest issue is that I have no real problem with the sexy maid in the shot.

Maid>>>>>>Cop both in the pic and metaphorically.

[Dirtydutch 8]

Maid>>>>>>Cop both in the pic and metaphorically.

She also has a sexy Romanian accent, instead of sounding like a trashy redneck whore.

[Dogpatch 2]

It's official, I'd hit it repeatedly with gusto.I honestly don't see any cons to posting that pic Dutch.

My biggest issue is that I have no real problem with the sexy maid in the shot.

Maid>>>>>>Cop both in the pic and metaphorically.

She also has a sexy Romanian accent, instead of sounding like a trashy redneck whore.

Ok, stop talking about it unless you're going to post it. Or.... link?

[acesinhole7 0]

That bit about the sea captain... priceless.