funny poker article from phatphree

[VegasScribs 0]

Please, resist the temptation! I've been playing poker all of my life. It started when I was a kid- my family would normally end any given holiday by getting completely shit-faced over a good old-fashioned game of poker. With the popularity of poker soaring and constantly hearing all of my coworkers talk about it, I decided to start hosting a monthly game. During the last year or so, I have seen a lot of ridiculous stuff, most of which has taken place with less than $20 in any given pot. I’ve narrowed it down to the most annoying things that are sending the home game to hell in a hand basket faster than a rapper can steal (I mean sample) a classic rock riff.First of all, what the **** is up with the goddamn sunglasses? Ok, I can cut some slack to the pros with the bright lights and all. For the record, I still think it makes them look like pussies that are afraid to look someone in the eye with any amount of confidence. But come on, a home game? If you can’t keep a straight face over a $20 pot, stop gambling and save your money.Second, I don’t know what the fascination is with 'the odds', but now everyone thinks they’re a ****ing actuary. Half of these guys can’t balance a ****ing checkbook, but somehow they manage to memorize the odds of every given combination of cards on the table. Here’s a thought; put that much effort in to your work and maybe you won’t have to wear sunglasses in my ****ing basement in the middle of December. Im not impressed that you know all of Teddy KGB's lines, just ****ing deal! Third, if I hear one more ****ing reference to the movie Rounders, I will shove the entire deck straight up your ass, and you can sit there and tell me the odds that the next card you shit out will be the Ace of Diamonds. I don’t give you a shit if you and your buddy can reenact an entire scene switching back and forth between Matt Damon and John Malkovich, really, just save it for the gay bar (it’s not like you can’t wait one more hour).Fourth are the gift-givers. Don’t precede any statement to me with 'here’s a gift'. Unless you truly have a piece of information that will ensure I never lose another ****ing hand, or something that guarantees me a piece of ass at the drop of a hat. I don’t need a poker tip that is the equivalent of telling me to pull out if I don’t want to knock up my girlfriend. I really didn’t need your gift to inform me that I always take a 'deep breath' before I fold, no shit, I’m irritated that I can't play the hand, and now I’m going to have to sit here and listen to your bullshit without having the opportunity to take your money. The fact that you figured out that gem all on your own doesn’t make you a ****ing mind reader.Fifth, nobody at the table gives a flying **** that you kicked some guy’s ass last night when you were ‘online’. If you are that good, Slick, why are you wasting your time in my basement? Unless you consider your insightful gifts a form of giving something back to the poker community and not losing touch with your roots, shut the **** up. Instead of bragging about how badass you are on PartyPoker why don’t you tell us about the hot twins you hooked up with last night; neither are believable, so at least be creative.Poker is cool, poker as entertainment is cool. Tools trying to be their favorite TV poker idols is not cool. After years of swirlies and ass beatings for making statements like ‘May the force be with you’, ‘Live long and prosper’, or ‘hasta la vista—baby’, the World Poker Tour has encouraged this group to once again ‘express themselves’ and take yet another cool thing way too far.

[justblaze 0]

so basically, you suck at poker and are annoyed that the kids you picked on in high school destroy you at the card table?

[Fphillips 0]

Second, I don’t know what the fascination is with 'the odds', but now everyone thinks they’re a censored actuary. Half of these guys can’t balance a censored checkbook, but somehow they manage to memorize the odds of every given combination of cards on the table. Here’s a thought; put that much effort in to your work and maybe you won’t have to wear sunglasses in my censored basement in the middle of December.

This is Fabu

[KappaKid83 0]

LOL

[Fphillips 0]

so basically, you suck at poker and are annoyed that the kids you picked on in high school destroy you at the card table?

lighten up buddy.

[VegasScribs 0]

Ummmm no you douche, I didnt write the article look at the topic! I thought it was a funny article and posted it. I wish we were in high school though so I could kick your dumbass.

[TobyOrNotToBe 0]

Please, resist the temptation! I've been playing poker all of my life. It started when I was a kid- my family would normally end any given holiday by getting completely censored-faced over a good old-fashioned game of poker. With the popularity of poker soaring and constantly hearing all of my coworkers talk about it, I decided to start hosting a monthly game. During the last year or so, I have seen a lot of ridiculous stuff, most of which has taken place with less than $20 in any given pot. I’ve narrowed it down to the most annoying things that are sending the home game to hell in a hand basket faster than a rapper can steal (I mean sample) a classic rock riff.First of all, what the censored is up with the censored sunglasses? Ok, I can cut some slack to the pros with the bright lights and all. For the record, I still think it makes them look like pussies that are afraid to look someone in the eye with any amount of confidence. But come on, a home game? If you can’t keep a straight face over a $20 pot, stop gambling and save your money.Second, I don’t know what the fascination is with 'the odds', but now everyone thinks they’re a censored actuary. Half of these guys can’t balance a censored checkbook, but somehow they manage to memorize the odds of every given combination of cards on the table. Here’s a thought; put that much effort in to your work and maybe you won’t have to wear sunglasses in my censored basement in the middle of December. Im not impressed that you know all of Teddy KGB's lines, just censored deal! Third, if I hear one more censored reference to the movie Rounders, I will shove the entire deck straight up your ass, and you can sit there and tell me the odds that the next card you censored out will be the Ace of Diamonds. I don’t give you a censored if you and your buddy can reenact an entire scene switching back and forth between Matt Damon and John Malkovich, really, just save it for the gay bar (it’s not like you can’t wait one more hour).Fourth are the gift-givers. Don’t precede any statement to me with 'here’s a gift'. Unless you truly have a piece of information that will ensure I never lose another censored hand, or something that guarantees me a piece of ass at the drop of a hat. I don’t need a poker tip that is the equivalent of telling me to pull out if I don’t want to knock up my girlfriend. I really didn’t need your gift to inform me that I always take a 'deep breath' before I fold, no censored, I’m irritated that I can't play the hand, and now I’m going to have to sit here and listen to your censored without having the opportunity to take your money. The fact that you figured out that gem all on your own doesn’t make you a censored mind reader.Fifth, nobody at the table gives a flying censored that you kicked some guy’s ass last night when you were ‘online’. If you are that good, Slick, why are you wasting your time in my basement? Unless you consider your insightful gifts a form of giving something back to the poker community and not losing touch with your roots, shut the censored up. Instead of bragging about how badass you are on PartyPoker why don’t you tell us about the hot twins you hooked up with last night; neither are believable, so at least be creative.Poker is cool, poker as entertainment is cool. Tools trying to be their favorite TV poker idols is not cool. After years of swirlies and ass beatings for making statements like ‘May the force be with you’, ‘Live long and prosper’, or ‘hasta la vista—baby’, the World Poker Tour has encouraged this group to once again ‘express themselves’ and take yet another cool thing way too far.

Bad day huh ????

[VegasScribs 0]

The main reason I thought it was so funny were the odds post which someone already mentioned and the last paragraph. Just last week me and my friend were playing 2-5nl at the bellagio, hes an EXCELLENT player but is a bit of a nerd, hes also really obnoxious as he plays since hes so good. We were sitting across the table from one another so the guy next to me didnt know we were friends. The guy leans over to me and goes look at that kid, hes probably never been laid in his life, got picked on all the time, and now finally found something hes good at so he takes every oppourtunity to point it out. I just started dying laughing and then told the guy he was my buddy. The guys comments though were completley accurate. LOL.

[Mesisca 0]

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