what not to do in kentucky - pt. ii

[justblaze 0]

heres part I - http://www.fullcontactpoker.com/poker-foru...der=asc&start=0heres part II - Next scene: it has finally sunk in that im going to jail, right around the time that we pull into the jail. sh1tty. My idiot friends had followed the cruiser into louisville, and i can only presume were laughing hysterically at this point. The cop leads me into the booking area and takes off my cuffs. they do the pat-down, and tell me to empty my pockets. Im a cell phone fanatic, and at this point i had a motorola V600 - if you dont know what that is, dont worry. just know it was goddamm expensive, and it had just been released. The woman in the booking room was throwing it around in an evidence bag, so that pissed me off a little. "um, could you be careful with that? its really expensive.""what, this thing? these are really cheap! everyone has one."really? i guess they all bought them this week, since it was released on wednesday. This was going to be trouble. next, she got to my wallet. I had some canadian cash with me, and she pulled it out and asked me what it was. "its money. you use it to purchase goods and services.""ive never seen money like this. im going to write down 'papers with numbers on them'." ugh. Then she asked for my belt. So now im sitting in a giant waiting room, sans belt, wondering what the guy next to me did. i doubt it was speeding. Someone comes over and tells me that my case is going to a JP for bail to be set, and it shouldnt be long before im out of there. yea, right. The guy next to me, 'big earl', informs me that since im from out of country, my bail is going to be thousands. ugh. Then the first guy comes back and tells me that it probably wont get processed till tommorow. double ugh. Then im informed that tommorow, a friday, is ronald reagan day or something, and all the courts are closed. im looking at a weekend vacation, courtesy of jefferson county. UGH. They give me my phone call, but that doesnt go smoothly either. I dont know any local numbers, so ive got to call collect. collect calls dont work with cell phones, so i cant call my buddies outside. my parents are both out of the office, so no good there either. I ask the woman what to do. She refuses to believe i dont know anyone in kentucky. Lady, i live in canada. Finally, she agrees to try to call my parents, who are both lawyers. She gets my mom's voicemail, and leaves a message:"hi, im calling from the jefferson county correctional institution. we're holding your son on charges." Say for speeding! say for speeding! no dice. just charges. great. now my mom thinks ive murdered someone, in kentucky no less. Back to waiting i go, where i politely decline to be tested for cyphilis at least 10 times over the next hour. A tap on the shoulder wakes me from my daze: its a cop, telling me ive got a phone call. my buddies on the outside somehow negotiated a direct line into the jail, and they wanted to know if they should leave and come back on monday. hells no. stay where you are, assjockeys. Now me and big earl get moved into a big cell, with about 20 bunk beds, a tv, and a toilet (but no stall). I soon learn what everyone else is in there for. about 1/3 are in for failure to pay child support. another 1/3 for selling drugs, and the last 1/3 for driving mopeds without a license. there seems to be an illegal moped epidemic in louisville (my friends didnt believe me either, till we showed up in court on monday and the guy in front of me was being charged with moped violations). One of the guys was smart enough to smuggle in some cigarrettes, but not smart enough to bring a lighter. As i laid down, clenching my cornhole firmly, these geniuses were busy sticking metal rods in electrical sockets, trying to light the butts. Im pretty much resigned to being there for 4 days, until someone calls my name. Its an officer, telling me ive been processed. Processed? wtf? Turns out my buddies had managed to sweet-talk some paper-pusher out front into completely subverting the judicial process and letting me post bond for $150. well, you dont have to tell me twice. I grabbed my 'paper with numbers on them' and i was outta there. The longest 5 hours of my life were over. "dude, how was it?""JUST DRIVE."

[Nikki_N 17]

I'm glad your cornhole wasn't violated. Did your mom and dad freak out when they got the call? Glad to hear you made it out of Kentucky.

[Nikki_N 17]

BTW, It took you way too long to post part II. I know, I need to get a life.

[pokerspice 0]

I love this story. Thanks again Blaze.

[jayistheman 0]

[sw]the justblaze i know would complain that the op didnt use that website that shortens links.[/sw]in all honesty, he prolly would though,,,,i get a new job and return to the forum in the fall, friends

[justblaze 0]

I'm glad your cornhole wasn't violated. Did your mom and dad freak out when they got the call? Glad to hear you made it out of Kentucky.

my rents are both lawyers so they were displeased (note: understatement of the year). my mom had her secretary looking through atlases to find jerfferson county. Jay, congrats on the job, and your right, that justblaze is a moron for not using tinyurl

[DCWildcat 0]

That's one of the funniest stories I've ever heard. Kinda funny it happened in Jefferson county, they're pretty civilized (most populous county in our great state)

[custom36 5]

bump

[renaedawn 1]

Where is Jeremy lately? Anybody know?

[Petoria 0]

I wouldve laughed more, if this wasnt the 2nd time you've told it on the forums.Good news with this story is that we got the "director's cut". More special features basically. I think the cell phone part was new.Good story. Sorry to dampen the mood though.

[custom36 5]

I wouldve laughed more, if this wasnt the 2nd time you've told it on the forums.Good news with this story is that we got the "director's cut". More special features basically. I think the cell phone part was new.Good story. Sorry to dampen the mood though.

You might want to check the date on the OP.