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Essay's Personal Record Book


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The following NBA championships have been corrected in Essay's Personal Record Book (EPRB):

 

In EPRB, the 1994 and 1995 NBA Championships are taken from Houston and awarded to Michael Jordan – not the Bulls, just Mike. The GOAT is now an 8 time champion. David Stern is also wiped from the records, he was never commissioner. I don't think this needs any explanation.

 

The 2004 NBA championship is taken from Detroit and the 2008 NBA championship is taken from the Celtics and both are awarded to Kobe Bryant and Phil Jackson. If it wasn’t for Shaq in 2004 and soft ass Pau Gasol in 2008, Kobe would have 7. So that injustice is corrected, and in EPRB, Kobe is now a 7 time champion.

 

The 2013 NBA Champion, in EPRB, is the San Antonio Spurs. Accordingly, Lebron James (and the rest of his useless teammates) is stripped of the 2013 championship, and Tim Duncan is awarded said championship. It should be noted, however, that Greg Poppovich is not awarded a championship for the 2013 season (for terrible coaching).

 

After these adjustments, in EPRB, Tim Duncan is now a 6 time NBA champion – Congratulations Timmy! Lebron James is now a two-time NBA champion. Greg Poppovich stays at 5 championships.

 

The 2016 NBA Champion, in EPRB, is the Golden State Warriors. Accordingly, Lebron James (and the rest of the losers in Cleveland) is stripped of the 2016 championship. Everyone on the Warriors, except for Draymond “Nut Puncher” Green is awarded the championship for that season. Congratulations to Steph Curry and Klay Thompson, who are now 4 time NBA Champions.

 

Lebron James is now only a one time NBA champion, and, in a shocking development, EPRB researchers are currently reviewing the 2012 NBA finals for any necessary adjustments – so stay tuned for more on that.

 

Next we will be looking at 1990’s baseball, and you can expect EPRB to reflect more than one championship for the Braves.

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In Essay's Personal Record Book, Tom Cruise is a four time academy award winner. His first oscar would have been for Best Actor in 1992 for A Few Good Men - the award went to Pacino in some kind lifetime achievement recognition. Next up was his groundbreaking performance in 1996 in Jerry Maguire - the award was erroneously given to Geoffrey Rush in Shine (which is a disgrace). Next up was Tom's performance in Magnolia, which should have been awarded Best Supporting Actor in 1999 - the award was mistakenly given to Michael Caine for Cider House Rules (jesus with this travesty). His fourth win should have come in 2003 for his performance in THE LAST SAMURAI, where he was amazing.

 

Moreover, depending on how 2018 closes, he will be awarded his fifth oscar in EPRB for his perfect performance in Mission Impossible: Fallout.

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Mickey Rourke got Best Actor for The Wrestler

 

It's actually pretty crazy that he didn't win. It's especially sad that Sean Penn won because of the subject of his film. The entire film you knew you were watching Sean Penn. Rourke WAS Randy the Ram.

 

That whole year was f-d up. Kate Winslet definitely shouldn't have beaten Melissa Leo in Frozen River, and In Bruges and Wall-e weren't even nominated for Best Picture. When both are easily better than any of the 5 movies that were.

 

They definitely got it right with Heath Ledger though. Wow.

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I’m Essay’s Personal Record Book, Elisabeth Shue won the Oscar in 1995 for Leaving Las Vegas. She was amazing, and made Susan Sarandon’s performance in the Dead Man Wlakimg look like amateur hour.

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