Learning to use all my Powers!
Things have been going great in my life recently. I went to a Rodeo here in Las Vegas and many of the best rodeo guys recognized me and dropped by to kiss my hand. (Billy Bob Sway, John Marx, Jethro Hull, etc.) In fact, they even put me on the jumbotron and had me saying, “Run pigs! Run for your lives!”
A movie about my life is about to be green light as well. It’s called, “I can dodge bullets baby,” and will star Emanuel Lewis and Charlie Murphy as my brother. My wife will be played by Bobby Lee from MadTV. It’s a big time production, the budget is well over $35,000.
I was also asked to be the face of a new soft drink called, “Poker Superstar” for poker players “Tastes better than Dutch Boyd’s pee pee or your money back!” I will be drinking 10 of these a day at the WSOP and will be refilling the cans with my own urine for resale. I will also be happy to autograph the cans for an additional $8.95.
I was asked to be the face of a new poker video game also. In this game you can actually go into “KidPoker mode” which means you can see everyone’s hand and know when you are beat. There is a small glitch we are working on with that software, though, because currently the software makes you call anyway even when you are beat.
I have launched a new children’s line of clothing as well. On the chest of each T-Shirt is a big picture of me smiling. However, when you shake the picture, or put it on “tilt,” my smile will quickly turn to tears and you’ll hear one of the following great one-liners of our time:
“You can’t even spell poker!”
“If it weren’t for luck, I’d win every tournament.”
“I can dodge bullets baby.”
I also have a new poker course available at kungfukarate.com. This course is chalk full of over 8 minutes full of useful information. AMAZING!!! Right now I’m in Flint, Michigan, in a $23 a night suite with an excellent view that is out of this world! The other night, I ordered a can of 1967 Welch’s grape juice for 47 cents from the pimp on the corner. Yum yum! After all this I decided to play Chinese Poker with three Chinese men that were staying in the room next door. They only had one chair so we all sat on the kitchen floor. None of them spoke any English at all and were so freakishly lucky it was unbelievable! We started out playing for a penny a point and I was quickly stuck $247. I was a little steamed up so I decided to see if they wanted to kick it up to $1000 a point. They all seemed like honest people with high paying jobs in Flint. Then, in 100 straight hands Chin-Su and Min-Li had royalties and scooped me! They ended up beating me for $2.7 million. What was I going to tell my wife, “Honey, I just lost over $2 million playing Chinese poker with three Chinese guys?” The next morning I had to play the tournament in Foxwoods. It started at noon but I decided to show up at 8:00pm when the day was almost over. Would I let one big loss destroy me? Other people have, but I’m not other people. As the night ended, several questions came to me: should I spend $9 on a bottle of Figi? No more taking the bus across country to tournaments anymore. If I’m willing to lose almost $3 million to three random Chinese guys in one night, I’m going to start taking the train to tournaments! Should I go back to Flint to play those Chinese men again? After all, they were freakishly lucky. How could I be so unlucky? Is my ego out of whack? How do I take this huge negative, and turn it into me tapping into all of my super powers right now? Then boom! It all clicked! I called my wife and ORDERED her to do a good deed for someone. With her being my wife, that would count as me doing half of the good deed since we are married and all. I instructed her to write out a check for $8.35 to “Poker Dealers Across America,” a wonderful organization that teaches dealers how to cope with abusive poker players. I then told her to go down to the homeless shelter and to give each and every person there a copy of my new book, “Why I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread.” Along with a copy of the book, I figured that it would inspire the people there to have a bobble head of me that they could cherish each night before bed. It would give them the inspiration to know, that while they could never be me and will probably lead miserable lives in the shelter…. I care about THEM. And I will break records… for THEM. It always feels good to give. Giving those homeless people a piece of me makes me feel entitled to win big and set records. I’m not just playing for me anymore, those homeless people will now be living their lives vicariously through me and I can’t disappoint them. With all this, imagine what a “Super Powered Daniel Negreanu” is capable of at the WSOP in 2007? If I use all of my powers, who can stop me? Someday I will thank those three Chinese men for taking my money.
(As strange as it sounds, a friend of mine had a very similar epiphany recently. Checkout his blog here: BiggestLossEver)]]>