turd_ferguson
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Posts posted by turd_ferguson
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He's already got his dream girl, remember? She emails him funny articles and brings him special coffee. If only he could be that thoughtful; then she might really feel appreciated on her birthday.Found speedz dream girl.
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That reminds me, I've got some steak strips malingering in the coolbox. Any suggestions what to do with them that isn't a sandwich?
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Heat up a corn dog and put it in a hot dog bun. Corn hot dog. It's my idea.I'm looking for an idea for dinner. Anyone? -
This is what kids are like these days:
It frightens me. -
So, are we betting on who's the father?Option 1: JeffStratOption 2: loogieOption 3: turd fergusonOption 4: Sal ParazumaOption 5: Dawson Leery
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You know, if she wasn't so nosy about your private life she would definitely de-friend you on FB after seeing this.I deleted it because I'm a pussy and didn't want her to be offended since it seems like her family is all over her facebook, but still thought I should show you guys. It's like the good/bad old days!
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1. Drain cleaner.2. Stop putting used condoms down it.Beans - Our garbage disposal doesn't work. When one flicks the switch nothing happens. It's starting to smell pretty bad, so any help is appreciated. If there's an easy fix let me know, otherwise we'll just pay someone to fix it.<3 Dawson -
I'll take you up on the first bet, but not the second one.Let's play a game...I'd like to put odds on some former members of the thread and what they may or may not be up to, and once we're all done we can try PMing all of them to try and get answers. I'll start. Oh, and feel free to change up the type of odds used, as I know little to nothing about gambling.TurdFergusonIs currently unemployed - 9:1Lives with at least one other man - 2.5:1 -
What about $1.38? I mean, there's the hassle of counting out change...Id buy that for a dollar... -
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Today was the day of my dentist appointment to have my wisdom teeth pulled. All four. I was a little nervous about the whole thing since I've never had any oral surgery or any surgery at all for that matter before, but also I was excited because I thought they might put me under with nitrous, which I've heard is pretty bitchin and then give me vicodin and let me be on bed rest for the next couple days. Anyway, at 8:30 me and my roommate went to where we were to meet the person driving me to my appointment. My roommate had to escort me there and back because afterward they said I'd be pretty woozy. Apparently the narcotics they give you for the surgery are quite strong. Little did I know. So, no hitch in the plan so far, we ride there in a minivan, find the building no problem, I fill out a short form about medical history, and sit in the waiting room reading about Andre Agassi's secret past and meth problem in Sports Illustrated for about ten minutes or so. Pretty interesting actually. His father was a real asshole with a temper and pushed him like crazy. The story starts with him hitting thousands of balls a day, close to a million a year with his dad screaming at him. I didn't get to finish though. They called me back into a little room and had me sit in one of those dentist chairs and take off my long sleeve shirt (i was still wearing a short sleeve one though, don't get excited). This lady gave me a pain killer and valium pill and then a doctor came in and told me about the risks inherent in the procedure, and then i signed a form to that effect. I chatted with the lady that gave me the pill and then some other lady for a bit until the pills started kicking in, which was pretty fast cause i hadn't eaten or had anything to drink in 12 hours like they told me. But anyhow, then the doctor, or dentist, whatever, came in and put in an IV and then lights out. Things just went black. I guess maybe 45 minutes later I woke up with a numb jaw feeling woozy, but pretty nice and immediately asked if I had been a good patient. The lady just said, "Yeah, you were alright, I guess." For about thirty seconds i wondered what the deal was with the lack of enthusiasm in her response, until i realized my pants were wet. Not just a little bit damp, but fucking wet. I sat up and started feeling around, and sure enough the whole crotchal region was soaked. For about a second I considered trying to hide it, but assuming they had already noticed I blurted out, probably louder than was necessary, "I pissed my fucking pants! Can you believe that? I pissed my god damn pants!" It came out pretty mushy (my words, not the piss) but she could understand just fine. So she says to me, "Really? Oh well, that happens sometimes.""What the hell? I told you guys I had to pee! You said it was too late.""Yes, but the IV was already in, it was too late""I'm pretty sure the IV wasn't already in""It was. Don't worry I'll give you this to wear and you can take it home with you."It was this blue gown type of thing that had white cuffs and collar that buttoned up the front and came down a few inches below the crotch of my pants. It covered the wet spot so that was good, but I was still damn uncomfortable with wet underwear and all that. So she told me my ride was on the way and to just lie down and wait on this reclined dentist chair in another room. I asked what about the piss, and she said not to worry it cleans right off. So I sat there mumbling to myself about how can a grown ass man piss his pants and switching the ice pack from one side of my jaw to the other while drifting in and out of consciousness and wondering if the piss smelled until my roommate came into the room to tell me our ride was there. Again, with my roommate I thought for a second about trying to cover up the incident, but decided against it because he would probably smell it even if I couldn't. And then when we made it to the van I had to tell the driver, who was a total stranger. Jesus Christ.Then we had to go from one building to another to get papers signed and get my prescription filled, all the while I'm just nodding or grunting at anything anyone says cause my mouth is starting to hurt and the valium just makes me want to shut down. And at each place we stop and wait I'm ordered to sit and they make some smart remark about my outfit. Hiking boots with a baby blue gown. Cute. Of course I don't want to get piss on their chairs, but I also don't want to tell more people about my condition than I have to so I sit. I figure if they want to make fun of me they can deal with the mysterious urine smelling chair for all I care. Some people are nice to me though. This random lady comes up to me in the dental clinic while we were waiting for some papers to be signed, and told me to lean back and rubbed my head for a second. My roommate looked over after she left and said that that was weird. I just grunted, and figured she was a mom. For whatever reason, I get a lot of sympathy from middle aged women, and I tend to get along with them really well too. If I was a 45 year old man I'd be knee deep in pussy, let me tell you. But I finally got back to my room without anyone else noticing my pee stained pants and changed and collapsed. The end.
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This is dynamite stuff, poolie. Here are a few I tried my hand at:
What do you think? Any good?
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