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Everything posted by speedz99

  1. I'm no human doctor, but I'm pretty sure the eating he's doing, while extreme, is not healthy. The thing I find most interesting about the whole story is the fact that Cosby could have been sleeping with plenty of women, probably including a lot of the ones he drugged. He clearly has a "passed out chick" fetish. I didn't realize that was a thing, although I'm sure if I googled it there would be plenty of videos proving me wrong. Go on... Only the thread participant with ladyparts gets an invite? Things have changed, man. Things have changed. Meanwhile, I star
  2. Holy shit you're a real lawyer now. Crazy. Just think, if she was a man he/she would make 2.5x what you do! Guy already won't stop talking about his damn baby.
  3. Oh my dear lord things are worse than I ever imagined. FINE, me too, I guess. I hope she's been handling the spiders ok.
  4. She looks happy, he looks a little...something else. I'm seeing shades of, "I can't believe she's spent 3 nights in a row at my house - is this really a good idea?"
  5. Hey, you got a job in finance? Do you pronounce "finance" in the super pretentious manner now? Fin-ANCE. I'm legitimately excited...unless this is actually another job you hate, in which case I apologize for making this awkward.
  6. She is, in fact, a better "doctor" than me. Makes more money too, but she's also carrying about $150k more debt, so that's suboptimal. Sounds like today's the first day of the rest of my life. Oh, I forgot the other bit of important life news! I took up whittling as a hobby. So far I've whittled a bunny, a bird, and the face of a tiki mug. That all sounded more masculine in my head. Knives are involved, I swear. Sharp ones. Hello. I appreciate it. By "it" I mostly mean you ruining his joke, but also the support. I saw it and am not-so-cautiously
  7. Does marriage count as moving up? Also, not to be a dick about it, but it's Dr. Speedz now. Edit: I'm still not fully there, JLL. I feel like my punctuatory growth is only just beginning.
  8. We do Parks & Rec quotes now?!? And thanks, I suppose.
  9. I'd recommend watching the first two seasons then the last 10 minutes of the series finale. Save yourself a lot of disappointment but still get the solid payoff of the last scene.
  10. Well hello. Happy Thanksgiving to all, and to all a Happy Thanksgiving. What'd I miss - anything good? Not much news out here. I've apparently started to use a dashes instead of an ellipses to try and approximate my manner of speaking, which is pretty exciting. Also I'm engaged to be wed to a human woman.
  11. Yesterday was the first time I saw someone command everyone's attention in the train car and ask for money...while eating a piece of pizza. "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I AIN'T GONNA LIE. I NEED MONEY. I DO HAVE THESE TWO PIECES OF PIZZA THAT A KIND LADY GAVE ME, AND I AIN'T GONNA LIE, I'M GONNA EAT 'EM. GOD BLESS YOU IF YOU CAN HELP ME OUT" You got to HAVE them onions!
  12. Well, that's the fun part of crazies on the train. The less fun part is when they yell at everyone about complete nonsense and you have to just kind of sit there and hope a cop shows up because you'd rather not get knifed for asking them to please shut the **** up already. I mean, for christ's sake, do they really need to be crazy at 7am on a Saturday? Have some decency.
  13. My AC works great. Yesterday I was sitting on the train, and (as one tends to do) looked up as a new group of people loaded on at a stop. Once the train started moving again I turned my eyes back to my book, before making a 10 second delayed double-take. Apparently a homeless man wearing nothing but boxers and socks, with unwrapped drinking straws sticking out of his ears, is not enough to fully register with me on first glance. I'm pretty sure this is sign #1 that I'm now officially used to commuting in the big city.
  14. Oh, well that's still pretty good. I'd pick that. I see.
  15. It's an interesting theory, but I still hate it. If you don't use a condom while practicing, you're more likely to last longer when you wrap it up and can feel less. Secondofly, I don't know how much condoms cost in your neighborhood, but if I used them to masturbate when I was single I would have gone broke in a week. Oh, well that's different. I wasn't thinking she'd cuddle and talk about her aspirations as a sex doll after, but I thought that during she'd be vocal what with the moaning and the dirty talk and the etc. That is a good one. I suppose that depends on how we
  16. So I can still choose exactly what she looks like? If so, I'd choose this one. The first choice is basically getting to regularly bang a passed out chick, which really doesn't sound like all that much fun. You have to do all kinds of work, and all it/she would do is sort of flop a round a little and not make a sound/snore. The 15 footer may be huge, but at least she could pretend to be enjoying it.
  17. But what's the point of the thing if you don't actually feel it? Just pull out and cum on its tits, or handle, or whatever.
  18. Ha, didn't know that existed. Well this just makes no goddamn sense.
  19. That was it. I was paying attention to George Michael, I don't know what she was saying. I think you did. L'chayim! I had to google that. I'm a bad jew.
  20. Sweet. The girlfriend at the time was watching the dog sniff around a bunch of garbage and doing an impression of what he was probably thinking. Suffice it to say, there's a lot of remorse on her part (she's a huge AD fan). It's probably a good thing, as she wouldn't have played it nearly as cool as me and Michael.
  21. Hello. I had sex last week. Does that get me out of the basement? I guess it wasn't much of a story.
  22. Oh, Rando, FYI: http://www.fox19.com/story/23149889/dog-deaths-after-eukanuba-iams-recall-prompt-investigation
  23. Walked past Michael Cera about a block from my place last night. I played it cool, so did he. Yes, having that story is what made me decide to jump on here. Also having a day off and no bullshit to do helped as well. Hope everyone is well, etc. Heh. Way to go?
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