I Called In Sick Today

[Whiskers 680]

Do it!

[ShakeZuma 585]

Obligatory mocking of manliness for not being able to drive a stick.

I mean, I can drive one. How's that taste?

 

hey congrats. 1 out of 5,384 ain't bad!

[The Ocho 970]

So speaking of chainsaws...(I'm bad at segues. Transitions. Not the motorized cart that Gob drove. I'm not bad at those. Well, actually I've neve been on one, but I'm sure it can't be too hard. Not like driving a stick, right?)

 

So speaking of chainsaws... I was watching this DIY show where this idiot homeowner (he was black. That's not relevant, but it sorta is) was trying to saw a stump off a hillside that separated his house from his neighbors. The stump has grown into a chain link fence.

 

Oh ya, he rented the chainsaw btw.

 

He was hacking at that stump something fierce and them he hit the fence. He was sawing at head level and that ****ing saw snapped back at him and caught him right on his shoulder. Almost got him in the neck. Took a chunk of flesh with it.

[InternetExplorer 2,609]

hey congrats. 1 out of 5,384 ain't bad!

it's so cute to imagine the little guy behind the keyboard typin' this up

[iTommyGavin81 288]

Feisty strat is the best strat

[hank213 1,823]

You'd jam up his game. That ain't cool.

 

Funny though.

 

fuck his game. it's a jungle out there baby and strat needs to let the beast roam free. is this guy a buddy of strat? is he this girl's boyfriend? have they so much as gone on a date? she's up for grabs.

[YonYonson 156]

I agree with Hanky. Time to let the big dog hunt.

[hank213 1,823]

shit. guess i need to re-examine my life.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

 

it's so cute to imagine the little guy behind the keyboard typin' this up

 

Presumably while sitting on a couple of phone books just to reach the keyboard.

 

(I'm aware the joke doesn't work if he's using a laptop. Work with me here)

 

I agree with Hanky. Time to let the big dong hunt.

 

Fyp

 

While I'm usually about "may the best man win" and "hey, if your wife was THAT into you, she wouldn't have made out with me" type stuff, Strat works here and it's a delicate balance. If this girl knows the guy is going around telling people about the IM and the response, or even thinks it, it could get touchy, and then Strat could be in a bad spot. She'd end up being less flirty with Strat because she might be on the defensive.

 

C'mon guys, it's like the old poker thing. It's not what I have, it's not what they have, it's not what I think they have, it's what I think they think I have. Gotta go deeper.

 

Strat can only bring it up if he's at happy hour with them, and only after drink 2.

 

Work inappropriateness. Next to Beans, I feel I'm the leader in this field. And beans doesnt count because he owns the joint.

[YonYonson 156]

I feel like Strat has never been to a work happy hour. Am I wrong there strat?

[runthemover 39]

I mean once strat arrives it's no longer a happy hour. AmIrightorwhat?oh-bab-idab-idah-ohh-myyy-uhhhhhhhhh. sorry. always a pleasure.

[InternetExplorer 2,609]

I feel like Strat has never been to a work happy hour. Am I wrong there strat?

you're not wrong.

 

 

c'mon. I think of this kind of shit all day long, I just write it out here rather than saying it to bitches. if I really wanted to approach this girl, I'd figure something out that doesn't require me to be a douchebag to an otherwise likable guy.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

I responded "definitely. When you getting into town?" Like 15 minutes later. Gave me her plans. And then "sounds good, ill keep it open. I'm excited, its been awhile". And then she said something about yeah I think it was so and so's wedding (it wasn't). And then I never responded because I got to the client.

oh that's no good at all. You are supposed to respond in December with "I think I was busy that night"

 

Good ketchup today

[Tiltinagain 973]

It's only sexual harassment if it's unwelcome. That's why that feeling out is important. Like Meximelt said.

 

Right. And technically, they have to tell the offender that their advances/off color jokes/ass grabbing etc... are unwanted.

Which I find odd in a way. Is rape not rape if the girl doesn't say no/stop? I guess it gives the offender fair warning to knock it off before

the HR shit parade comes to town.

 

Well, unless they were looking to get paid.

 

For that reason, never sexually harass a black girl.

 

Right again. Except the manager I had that was accused of sexual harrassment was accused by a black girl. Well, technically I guess she's have guatamalan and half black. Same thing really. Anyway, she looks 100% black. And the manager she accused is, of course, mexican. When asked point blank, she refused to answer to whether or not she ever told him to stop tellling her she had a nice ass. Kept changing the subject. Then the "other girl" that she swore was also being treated the same way had nothing to say when given the opportunity. In fact, she just put in for a promotion and requested his store.

 

Black girl said multiple times that she had dates and times of the incidents against her. Not that that would matter much I would think. Hell anyone can by a $2 notebook and write whatever they want in it. Despite multiple requests, she never sent in the information. Case was dropped for lack of evidence/corroboration. I'm not sure what really took place but my guess was that it was playful joking that was laughed off at the time but, for some reason I can't come up with, she decided was a big deal later.

 

Bitches be cray, yo.

[Sickinfo2 291]

back to the tractor... I mean, you understand I have absolutely zero tractor driving experience, right? are these things moderately easy to learn?

 

 

I have zero knowledge of maintenance. I feel like that's something one should know a little about before owning one. is it a learn as you go thing?

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was gonna cover this topic at a later date...glad you asked

 

 

 

Its a skill that you have to learn yourself. The only assistance youll get is watching someone else operating it. Im sure youtube is filled with guys running the things. Within a few minutes youll be comfortable using the shuttle, which is just a small lever to the left of the steering wheel thats moved up for forward and back for reverse. Then the front bucket control is next... to your right is a lever that operates it. Pullit back and the bucket goes up...forward down... to the left curls it up to scoop... right to dump. Takes a couple hours to get that down max. You then practice advanced maneuvers like rotating the bucket ninety degrees to the ground, pushing the lever forward all the way, and activating the float control. It keeps a constant pressure on the cutting edge for grading the surface evenly. Then flatten it back out slightly tipped forward and activate it again while in reverse. Smooths gravel and dirt out like a trowel

 

 

 

Simple. No kidding, my kid was doing that stuff around the fifth grade...

 

 

 

The ass end is more complex, but since you will have unlimited practice time with it and since you wont be operating it much over idle while practicing it wont use more fuel than a lawnmower its cost negligible as far as thats concerned. Theres no way you can cause the boom/dipper/bucket to come inside the cab and hurt yourself. I have busted two trackhoe windshields out over the years, though. Different animal. Plus they had bigger buckets on them than necessary. I was drunk dammit. With an audience. Evil Beanevil shit

 

 

 

Within a few months youll be able to dig a half-assed flat ditch as far as you want. Cover it up as well. Probably look like normandy beach after d-day but youll still be learning.

 

 

 

Then after getting comfortable with it youll start planning things out. Hey... if I put this dirt over here instead of there I can just swat it back in the ditch with the ass end instead of the front bucket. Better not pile the dirt over here between the house and the trees... will be hard to get it out from there. Pull a big ass rock from the ground...take a few seconds to push it away from the dirt so it wont fall in and damage the water/sewer/electric line when I go to cover it back up. Put it over there so I can fill the ditch almost all the way up before rolling it in....

 

 

 

After tearing up a few phone and cable lines running from pedestals to houses youll also learn to request one-call for locating them before digging. At this point you can scrape the ground in half inch increments and "feel" for utilities under the colored flags. The backhoe will become an extension of you arm. Pretty soon instead of getting off to move something youll use the bucket. Pick up kids bike and put it down fifteen feet away. Put a corner tooth through a shovel handle and hand it to the guy that supposed to be watching for the electric line. Confidence will grow. Sheetrockers parked in the way? Roll them out of the way by lifting up the rear bumper until the tires are off the ground. Dog keeps barking and charging at you? Stick the teeth in the ground and throw a shovel full of dirt in his face by kicking it forward. Pretty soon youll be inventing stunts for the hell of it. Big parties using the front bucket as a giant cooler filled with ice and beer. Extending the ass end all the way and trowing other drunks outward and into the pool. Tying a rope to it and having mechanical bull contests over the deep end. Putting the front forks on and setting the neighbors wifes miata on top of the dumpster. Possibilities....endless

 

 

 

By this time....maybe a year or so with dedication... youll tire of working five days a week making three times less than what youre making on the weekends drinking beer... seventy five per hour for playing. Cash.

 

 

 

Learn to change oil and filters...use a grease gun...and thats about it. Anything else and a competent mechanic/welder can do the rest. Like I said earlier, most common problem is busted hydraulic hoses...expensive at the case place, cheap at NAPA... screw on and off. A/C problems are common on cab models but I dont like or have them. Use a button on soft cab like a jeep in the winter with an auxiliary heater for pushing snow

 

 

 

Its one of the biggest money making secrets out there...

 

 

 

So I asked the lady last night about the whole pulling out debate. She prefers it the way we do it. Easy clean up, doesnt bother her a bit.

 

She probably omitted the part about not wanting even a 10% chance of conceiving a mongoloid baby. Then we'd have to throw her down the stairs until she miscarried, and that would just be dangerous

 

 

 

 

Whatever you do, dont start taking an NRI....

 

 

Atomoxetine for one. Strattera. Maybe others. I dunno. But those bastards can/will seperate the act of orgasm and ejaculation. Hope strat isnt eating. Youll shoot off without knowing it. Wont feel a thing. Wife will just start gagging and griping that you didnt warn her. You wont believe her until shown the evidence. Next morning youll be waiting in docs parking lot when he pulls in. Bastard changed the gate code or you'd been at his front door. After some convincing youll try it again and find that it will happen at least once if not twice before you still can and do reach climax. Since you personally witnessed her taking the pill each and every morning after changing the first shitty diaper, got tired of it, and scheduled her for a routine pap-smear in which the doctor advised her getting fixed in exchange for teaching his son to fly including the plane and fuel, you dont give a shit one way or another about it

 

 

 

..just assuming all of that of course

 

 

 

 

Wait, you never said it had a pond. This changes everything.

 

 

 

Maybe one day he'll have a cement one...

[ShakeZuma 585]

hmm, yeah that all does sound like something that could be done. only problem is that I can't imagine anybody around here paying me to do anything like that. I'm a well known idiot. you gotta have licenses or something to do work like that? not even gonna ask about taxes (cause I ain't payin' em [just kidding nsa! {I'm sure they're reading this}]).

 

I'm pretty sure it's a null issue though because I did the math yesterday and more than likely I'll have to sell my car and eat ramen noodles for the next 20 years if I buy this farm so there's very little chance I'd be able to buy a piece of heavy machinery to go along with it. that's not accounting for the possibility of making money with said machinery since, like I said, I can't imagine anybody paying me to do something like that.

 

 

though if I did buy one I could start smoking full time again... that might be fun. you're required to smoke while driving one, right? don't think I've ever seen one operated without the guy smoking.

 

 

I mean once strat arrives it's no longer a happy hour. AmIrightorwhat?oh-bab-idab-idah-ohh-myyy-uhhhhhhhhh. sorry. always a pleasure.

 

just want to let everybody know that I "liked" this.

[InternetExplorer 2,609]

IT staffing place in the BoA building wants to talk to me. ding.

[YonYonson 156]

That's a nice building.

[InternetExplorer 2,609]

seems like it could be good. if the pay is decent, I'm willing to set aside pretty much any and all career aspirations.

[YonYonson 156]

I understand that feeling completely. I don't really have career aspirations right now beyond getting hired full time here or there or anywhere.

 

Good news is they gave me a whole new set of responsibilities, and increased my workload in my original role. All while not increasing my pay and still telling me I have to take 8 weeks off at the end of the year so they don't have to give me benefits.

 

So things are rocking and rolling.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

Welcome to corporate america in 2013

 

I feel corporations, long ago, knew that having a semi-happy, decently compensated workforce meant good things for said corporation, and bigger, on the domestic economy. Now, its just all bout dat bottom line. Slash and cut to the bone.

 

This George Packer book called The Unwinding is really good. Covers similar subjects and the decline of America in general.

 

My company just raised our quarterly sales goals and actually took away some of the things we were credited for. So, essentially, made it harder to get there while also raising the goal. One email just said " we have shit to pay for, so we cant just compensate people all willy nilly." forgetting the fact that the comp plan is substandard to begin with

 

God i hate sales more than i hate god. Wait, what?

[iZuma 764]

well you're in luck now buddy because apparently the supreme court hates god too! we're all going to hell now!

[YonYonson 156]

Yeah thanks Obama.

 

 

[iZuma 764]

he's probably sucking a celebratory dick right now!

[Roll the Bones 74]

Well, interview done. Pretty intense actually. The owner, his son who is the acting head honcho, and another guy who must be the GM of the Ford dealer. Grilled me for about 45 minutes. I think it went well but who knows. I know they have another interview this afternoon. I think a lot of things I said shocked them in a good way. I had a pretty good mix of innovative ideas and yet tempered it since this was obviously an old school dealer. Yep, they all wore ties. I was pretty comfortable and did a fair amount of sucking up, name dropping and such. The dealers I have been a manager at much larger dealer group than them, and I was clear they had sought me out I was upfront that this was the first interview in 25 years and came about pretty quick. I told them I mentioned to a couple people yesterday Monday morning I was going to make a resume and attempt to get a job with them and they called me an hour later so I obviously didn't have one, and they honestly they didn't care about that. Weird, my "enter" button on my keyboard isn't working. I feel pretty good about it I guess but you never know.