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I don't hate myself, I hate this rube-apalooza state. I went to see the state's most iconic natural landmark, Chimney rock, this summer and it was the least impressive thing I've ever seen. It wouldn't crack the top 100 best natural places in Oregon. This state was founded by people who's axle's broke on their way to Oregon, and the most redeeming quality is the low cost of living.

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I think he really really relates to Home Alone just for the title.

So, instead of doing actual work i need to do I decided to go through and tabulate all the punishments handed down by Essay. Not counted: prelim warnings (1 each) for BigD and Rod. Also, Essay was "

I'm assuming my jokes are valued at .77 of a man's.

Nebraska is seriously a nightmare. I have to drive from Iowa to Colorado at least once a year, and every moment in Nebraska makes me want to kill myself. Although I did have a Runza for the first time last summer and it was good.

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You really should reconsider that list, essay. It’s legacy tarnishing. You don’t want that list on your hypothetical IMDB page of lists

 

 

Sort of like this new Eminem album, i’m hearing

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Nebraska is seriously a nightmare. I have to drive from Iowa to Colorado at least once a year, and every moment in Nebraska makes me want to kill myself. Although I did have a Runza for the first time last summer and it was good.

you're splitting a strange hair there, because everything between Chicago and Devner on 1-80 is terrible, including Illinois and Iowa.

 

I will recommend, if you have some time next time, to get off at highway 2 in grand island and take the sand hills highway. The platte river valley is just one long corn field , broken up only by soy fields. But that field extends from Colorado to Chicago, so that you'd hate nebraska specifically, and not Iowa is strange to me. However, once you get north of the Platte river valley on highway 2, it's actually a rather lovely drive, rolling hills and absolutely no one is on the road, so you can really fly. I took it for the first time on my way to Alliance for the Eclipse and it was a delight.

 

The people, however, in the places I stopped along that highway, were an absolute nightmare. There was this one small town that had no business district, but it did have a house, painted hazard orange and black, that said "Guns, Ammo and Silencers" I didn't even know silencers were legal at the time. This was in the absolute middle of no where, it was shocking to me. Made me wonder if there was like a John Wick-style assassin community living out in the sandhills.

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that you'd hate nebraska specifically, and not Iowa is strange to me.

 

I get that, but I actually really like the look of Iowa's terraced cornfields and rolling hills. It looks very different than Illinois or Nebraska from a topographical standpoint along I-80. I get that different parts of every state could be pretty, but I only care about the views on I-80.

 

 

Also, I'm super biased because Iowa is my home.

 

 

Also, I'll check out your route suggestion. If it doesn't add more than a couple hours to Denver, I might give it a shot. EDIT: I just looked and there is no way I could give that road a shot, as I'm heading to Denver and that is the wrong direction.

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How about Top 10 Christmas gifts you've ever received?

 

Here's my guess what he'll say:

 

1. Dildo from Dad (2011)

2. Dildo from Dad (2002)

3. Dildo from Dad (2004)

4. Dildo from Dad (2009)

5. Dildo from Dad (2011 - got two that year)

6. Dildo from Dad (2014)

7. Dildo from Dad (2007)

8. Dildo from Dad (2017)

9. Dildo from Dad (2006)

10. Dildo from Dad (1999)

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Here's my guess what he'll say:

 

1. Dildo from Dad (2011)

2. Dildo from Dad (2002)

3. Dildo from Dad (2004)

4. Dildo from Dad (2009)

5. Dildo from Dad (2011 - got two that year)

6. Dildo from Dad (2014)

7. Dildo from Dad (2007)

8. Dildo from Dad (2017)

9. Dildo from Dad (2006)

10. Dildo from Dad (1999)

 

I think you're really under rating 2005's dildo, tbh

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Here's my guess what he'll say:

 

1. Dildo from Dad (2011)

2. Dildo from Dad (2002)

3. Dildo from Dad (2004)

4. Dildo from Dad (2009)

5. Dildo from Dad (2011 - got two that year)

6. Dildo from Dad (2014)

7. Dildo from Dad (2007)

8. Dildo from Dad (2017)

9. Dildo from Dad (2006)

10. Dildo from Dad (1999)

 

Five hundred demerits for the most foul, odious, execrable post in the history of Essay’s Top Ten.

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I've been through Nebraska once and saw the rolling sand hills. Was really strange, because I didn't expect those at all. Kept seeming like the ocean would be right over the next hill.

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you must have been off I-80. It's a pretty drive.

Was driving Denver, CO to Pierre, ND. Know I took I-76 east...can't quite remember exactly where I cut north.

 

Edit: Dug up the route...

 

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Essay's Top Ten Keanu Reeves Movies

 

1. Speed

2. Point Break

3. John Wick

4. John Wick 2

5. The Matrix

6. Street Kings

7. The Replacements

8. The Matrix Reloaded

9. The Devil's Advocatre

10. Constantine

 

 

I finally saw point break, and it will slide in at number 2, just below speed. The Matrix Revolutions has been stricken from the record - IT NEVER EXISTED.

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No way it doesn't beat Speed. I don't even understand how you could think that without laughing at yourself. I know that early 90's Sandra was awesome (as was the show stealer Dennis Hopper), but having a bus jump 50 feet only going 70mph without a ramp? That's too much of a plot hole for me. Point Break is 1000x better.

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Essay's Top 9 Harry Potter Movies

 

1. Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2

2. Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 1

3. Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix

4. Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire

5. Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince

6. Harry Potter and The Sorcerers Stone

7. Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban

8. Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets

9. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

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Essay's Top Ten George Strait Songs

 

1. Amarillo by Morning (

)

2. I Got a Car (

)

3.Carrying Your Love With Me (

)

4. Write This Down (

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5. I Just Wanna Dance With You (

)

6. All My Ex's Live in Texas (

)

7. Check Yes or No (

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8.The Chair (

)

9. Ace in the Hole (

)

10. Love Without End, Amen (

)
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