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I Called In Sick Today


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Whaaaa? Yeah, that shit was cool in your 20's, maaayyyyybe the early 30's. But at 40, not so much. Pay for delivery or a mover.

 

 

Those "hey, can I borrow your truck" calls go so old

 

I generally don't lend my truck. I go with it and help. It's usually fun.

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Fun things to do to either make the cashier laugh, be perplexed or insult you.

 

I blindly pulled a card out of my wallet to pay for an item. Wasnt paying attention and handed her my wallet. She says "thats your driver's license" and I say "yes, I know, I'm paying for this with my good looks"

 

Crickets

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Could you let Napastratessay borrow 1% of your confidence please?

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I was in an Arab store earlier today when the storekeeper recognized a customer from the local sex offender registry and demanded he get out. The guy was trying to buy a beer and a beef jerky, put it down and quietly left. Storekeeper made a real scene.

 

Looked him up by zip code, IL sex offender registry posts the offense and age of the victim.

Sexual relations with a 16 year old when he was 25.

 

HE SHOULDA SHOT HIM IN THE HEAD AND KILLED HIM IF SOMEONE EVER DID THAT TO MY KID I'D GET OUT MY GLOCK 17L WITH 3.5# CONNECTOR TRIGGER AND TRIJICONS AND EXTENDED MAG RELEASE AND EXTENDED MAG BASE WITH +10% FEED SPRING LONEWOLF DUAL PORT BARREL AND SHOOT SOME +P 147 GRAIN RANGER SXTS INTO HIS CENTER OF MASS THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE THANKS OBAMA!!

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It was just a cover up for my stupidity. I just enjoy being silly

 

 

Went to go pee at an office building bathroom ad dude walks in after, beelines to the stall, does what people do in the stall, and he was just bringing heat. So off putting to hear a stranger loud bowel movements. Not good, but you cant hate, its the designated area. I skinned out fast

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Depending on her body, that probably shouldnt be a crime. If ole girl is built, no male judge convicts

 

A ton of states actually have statutory wording that precludes "I don't know she was underage" (aka, the Stacked Defense) as an affirmative defense.

IIRC, your state is one of them, so yeah.

 

There's a legal onus to card your sexual partners.

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Ronny there is nothing quite as disgusting as the sounds of strangers pooping. It's why I keep headphones on me and at work listen to music in the stall so I can't hear it. I'll start to dry heave if I hear it. It's revolting.

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Or you can just never use public toilets for any reason like me and never have to deal with these nasty situations.

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I haven't pooped there yet, but I drink >100oz of water a day and a large diet soda for either bfast or during lunch. Brvy, where do you propose I deposit that liquid, if not the bathroom.

 

 

Hates bj's

Likes helping people move

Doesn't go to the bathroom anywhere besides home

Never gets drunk on a fifth of booze

Eternal optimist.

Believes in the Easter bunny

 

 

Seriously, brvy is the bizarro me

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when i gotta go, i go. doesn't matter where.

 

I have a sex offender app on my phone, there's 3 pervs within 5 minutes of me. not sure if that's a lot or not.

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