JaNnN 0 Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Hey all,A few week ago something happendon the tables I will not soon forget, and it made me think of how poker has become an anyone-can-play game. And with that I do mean anyone.What are the filthiest and most obscure people you have ever seen on the tables?Well, here is my story.In Holland we have only 1 franchise casino. It belongs to the state and is called Holland Casino. I've been going there for about 5 years now and HC always had the reputation of being a classy place. In the early years man had to wear a minimal of a tie and a nice jacket and the woman just had to look...good. Nowadays you don't have to go to formal, but you still can't put on your jogging outfit.Every couple of moths I go to HC to play some poker, wich is a fairly new game over here, and have a fun night out with some friends.A few weeks ago I was all hyped to go 'cause it had been a couple of moths since my last visit and I was itching to play. I took a long shower, shaved, picked out some fancy clothes ( there are always beautifull girls walking around so I try to look my best) and my 2 pokerbuddys came to pick me up and we drove of to Amsterdam.In the casino we signed up for a 10-20 limitgame and since poker does'nt start untill 8 o'clock we had dinner in the fine casinorestaurant. So far so good. We had a blast and were drinking a few beers and than Theo came along. I didn't know Theo than, but I surely do now.When we were having desert Theo walked by and this nasty smell of poop and sweat pushed themselves up my nostrills. My eyes went wide in astonishment for I had never smelled something like that before. He had this greasy hair, ripped jeans and an old t-shirt. Normally I'm a healthy eater but this stench made me want to put down my spoon and never eat again in my life. Looking at Joost, a friend of mine, I saw he was just as surprised as I was. How can someone be that...nasty.Awell never mind, we were called to our tables and I was ready to play some cards for the next couple of hours. I bought in and imidiatly was of to a good start. Had K's and A's and the nutflush within the first hour and had a nice stack in front of me (why is live poker always so much more gentle with me opposed to the internet). I took a small break and went to see how the others were doing and I saw an old friend walking by, so I took her to a table, had a drink, and talked for a couple of minutes.When I got back to my table dissaster struck. Nasty Theo was sat down at my table, 4 to my left, and his fumes had already infested the whole table. The table was awfully quite suddenly and erupted with laughter when I appoligised for having farted a silent one when I left some time ago. Well Theo new exectly what I ment and gave me long look. Screw it, I'm not going to let my night be ruined because some lowlife with bad bodyhygine problems and stained clothes wants to play some poker. I'll do anything I can to piss someone like that of and to chase him away. The other fellows on the table wern't to happy with the fact he was sitting there and I wanted to do the table a favor. After 20 minutes or so a raisingwar happend between Theo and a young fellow. First and second street were fairly agrassive with 2-3 bets and fourth and fifth street were capped for Theo was all-in. Proudly he turned over the Ace high flush and started to collect the pot, but the young fellow showed the rivered straight flush King high, and a small applause and some cheering arose from the table. I was laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes.Theo stormed away from the table and yelled to hold his seat untill he returned. When he returned his eyes were all big and he had the sniffers, and since it was becomming a bit warm his pungent smell was becoming worse. I looked at him and the dealer was ready to call the floor on him. Theo was dripping from his nose on the table and someone told him to blow his nose or something because it was disguting. He looked around the table and sniffed lightly before getting to this...loud...obnoutious...nausiating SNIFF. No it was no sniff, it was a ****ing vacuumcleaner being turned on. After a few seconds his eyes began to twitch and there was like a bloody Niagrafalls coming out of his nose. All over the table and thank god not over someones chips or clothes.Well, Theo was brought to the hospital for having an overdose of some drug, I took my winnings and went to the bar with my friends. It was an old fashioned fun night . I will no never forget that one.Tell your disgusting stories also.Jan Link to post Share on other sites
Mercury69 3 Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 I got nothing... Link to post Share on other sites
StrippersNBlow 0 Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 This Annie Duke story has gotten old. Link to post Share on other sites
kook04 0 Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 My favorite part of the novel:"Theo walked by and this nasty smell of poop and sweat pushed themselves up my nostrills." Link to post Share on other sites
....Ian.... 0 Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 drug overdose? near amsterdam?i dont buy it Link to post Share on other sites
PotemkinCity 1 Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 this part made me giggleThe table was awfully quite suddenly and erupted with laughter when I appoligised for having farted a silent one when I left some time ago Link to post Share on other sites
DonkSlayer 1 Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 I love it when non-native English speakers write. They use a lot of proper English and phraseology that most Americans don't use in common conversation, and also rarely use contractions (must be hard). I think it adds a lot of flavor to a story:"My eyes went wide in astonishment for I had never smelled something like that before."That's why they tend to get laid when they come to America. An American dude would tell a girl in a bar "*****, you look hot." while a non-native would drop: "I find you beautiful." Link to post Share on other sites
Jordan 1 Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 i actually laughed out loud at this one...haha- Jordan Link to post Share on other sites
Swift_Psycho 1 Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 NH, hahahaha. Great, great story. Link to post Share on other sites
SweetDaddyFreak 0 Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 This Annie Duke story has gotten old.That one got me laughing Link to post Share on other sites
Simpleton 0 Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Can someone translate that nonsense for me please. All I got from the story was it sounded like he was in Atlantic City at the 2-4 tables where homeless people actually play. Link to post Share on other sites
Vatche 0 Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 can smeone give me the cliff notes on the OP? Link to post Share on other sites
Mercury69 3 Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 To sum up: Smelly druggie joins metrosexual Dutchman's table, loses his stack, his cool, his bowels, leaves... Link to post Share on other sites
JaNnN 0 Posted March 14, 2006 Author Share Posted March 14, 2006 Haha it realy was one of the most weird experiences of my life. We are not used to strange things in Holland. I forgot to mention the police asked the table if we found that the man had strange behavior before the incident. And again the whole table began to snicker a bit.As for my English, lol i do my best Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki_N 17 Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 I love it when non-native English speakers write. They use a lot of proper English and phraseology that most Americans don't use in common conversation, and also rarely use contractions (must be hard). I think it adds a lot of flavor to a story:"My eyes went wide in astonishment for I had never smelled something like that before."That's why they tend to get laid when they come to America. An American dude would tell a girl in a bar "*****, you look hot." while a non-native would drop: "I find you beautiful."I prefer the non-native speaker then. "I find you beautiful," would work fine on me.Haha it realy was one of the most weird experiences of my life. We are not used to strange things in Holland. I forgot to mention the police asked the table if we found that the man had strange behavior before the incident. And again the whole table began to snicker a bit.As for my English, lol i do my bestYour English is just fine, sir. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
Kuge 0 Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 This Annie Duke story has gotten old. FTW Link to post Share on other sites
Simpleton 0 Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 I prefer the non-native speaker then. "Suck me beautiful," would work fine on me.Your English is just fine, sir. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.Your Welcome,Stiffler Link to post Share on other sites
NaturalSelection 0 Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Haha it realy was one of the most weird experiences of my life. We are not used to strange things in Holland. I forgot to mention the police asked the table if we found that the man had strange behavior before the incident. And again the whole table began to snicker a bit.As for my English, lol i do my bestFrom what I remember of my experience in your fine country, you sir are full of excrement...Also, is that Tom Waits in your avatar?... If so you have good taste even if you ARE full of excrement... Link to post Share on other sites
Mike Matusow 0 Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 I found it disgusting and messy when Gus Hansen got hit by a bus Link to post Share on other sites
theomen 0 Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 I choked and spit beer all over the blackjack table once. they had to swap out three hands worth of cards plus the dealer's.that was some shame - but I was up so I didn't leave. Link to post Share on other sites
MasterLJ 0 Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Haha it realy was one of the most weird experiences of my life. We are not used to strange things in Holland. I forgot to mention the police asked the table if we found that the man had strange behavior before the incident. And again the whole table began to snicker a bit.As for my English, lol i do my bestLOLOLOLOL.Yes, women having sex with donkeys in the streets is totally normal. Dude, you're Dutch... haven't you SEEN the Red Light district?LOLOLOLOL Link to post Share on other sites
mrdannyg 274 Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Can someone translate that nonsense for me please. All I got from the story was it sounded like he was in Atlantic City at the 2-4 tables where homeless people actually play.it's worth the read.LOLOLOLOL.Yes, women having sex with donkeys in the streets is totally normal. Dude, you're Dutch... haven't you SEEN the Red Light district?LOLOLOLOLoddly enough, internet pornography does not always accurately reflect reality. then again, i gotta jump in the shower since i ordered a pizza, and the deliveryperson is obviously a tall blonde wearing high heels with double D's. Link to post Share on other sites
MasterLJ 0 Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 I'll level with you (and yes, I have been there)... maybe I didn't see donkeys, but walking by a lounge and watching two people having sex in front of a crowd of people is a bit strange. Link to post Share on other sites
Demonde 0 Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 I was in Amsterdam all of last week...it's incredibly awesome, as is the Red Light District. Transvestite hookers winking at you from their windows...you shudder and look away quickly...I went to the Holland Casino also, and was really happy to make the cut (18 years old). I quickly blew 50 euros at the blackjack table so that was it for me. Your story was awesome, by the way. Link to post Share on other sites
finztotheleft 0 Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 I prefer the non-native speaker then. "I find you beautiful," would work fine on me.Your English is just fine, sir. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.Exactly Link to post Share on other sites
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