hozzleshank

Perhaps I am not Web 2.0-savvy enough to understand what "joke account" means. Do I need to use more emoticons?

Fair enough - I am 6' tall, have curly brown hair, a wispy beard I have been cultivating for months (it's really starting to come in now, isn't it?) and have an affinity for ironic, red, hipster t-shirts. I love long walks in the rain and flaming posts. Here's a small pic I have one restraining order against me, but that is just a misunderstanding I had with my old yoga teacher, Garth.Thanks!

Oh cool - you guys have some sort of automatic lame response generator! Is it Java script or something?

I don't want the poor guy to sit in his fancy hotel bored out of his gourd all day. I'll take him out and show him how we hack up a golf course, BC-style!Anybody got a clue on how to get in contact with him?

YOU'RE HIRED!!!

We are still hammering out the details, but he has assured me all will be paid. Not even close enough to quit your day job, but maybe enough to pay for Starbucks a couple times a week.

Okay, I am really putting it out there.I am not sure if anyone saw the posting on craigslist a few weeks back looking for poker writers. I surely did, and lo and behold I have somehow scored a gig compiling and editing a poker blog for the European guy financing a whole whack of poker-related media. Needless to say, I am in way over my head. So I need two things from you guys.a) I need the nasty, mean spirited, flame-spewing lot of you to go to my old blog and read yesterday’s posting. It is a test posting in the vein of this European guy’s vision, (think deadspin.com and oddjack.com meet card

What I’ve always wanted to know is how these guys ever get ahead playing “the big game” at the Bellagio. Isn’t variance just sort of shuffling the same money around between them?

If you've actually seen woman naked in real life and don't have to get your rocks off flaming posters on innocuous poker forums

In the case of against Record and Ticket Sales as Indicators of Talent, I present exhibit A - The Backstreet Boys, who have sold 26 million albums.

but with a "in the money" percentage of around 25-30%, maybe I am one of these table fish?If you are ITM 30% of the SnGs you are hardly a fishWell, full disclosure dictates that I admit this is a ballpark figure. What do you guys call it…tracing or tracking or something? – this involves math and stuff and is therefore too difficult. Now I know this thread is a joke. Not a funny one, but a joke nonetheless.I was being ironical. Perhaps I should stick to poo and homo jokes?

but with a "in the money" percentage of around 25-30%, maybe I am one of these table fish?If you are ITM 30% of the SnGs you are hardly a fishWell, full disclosure dictates that I admit this is a ballpark figure. What do you guys call it…tracing or tracking or something? – this involves math and stuff and is therefore too difficult.

but with a "in the money" percentage of around 25-30%, maybe I am one of these table fish?

So, it’s a $10 SNG on PokerStars. Prob around 8 players left – average stack around $3100. I go all in ($2400) with AA on a queen high flop and get called by Donkmeister, who turns over his 88 and hits his 8 on the river to cripple me.Before you tell me to post this in the bad beat section, I need to get to the meat of the problem. Can I expect these kinds of, um… c*ckheaded plays in higher stakes games or am I just complaining about the new realities of poker?

I have as much luck with sex as I do with pokerhozzleshank strokes his chin with his calloused, tired hand and thinks about his tiny little bankroll