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Seriously. When is it o.k. for someone who believes in God to walk away from a marriage?
Well, you edited this post. .I was going to say you answered you own question in the post, but you edited and deleted it before I could quote it..... I think, perhaps, because you know what the answer is already. I, as you know, can't give you any religious advice for when to walk away, and if it's okay. But it seems to me that you already know the answer to what you're asking. If you aren't making her happy, she isn't making you happy, and there isn't any hope of it improving in the future, I see absolutely no reason to submit yourself and her to years and years of further unhappiness. Doesn't make any sense to me at all. I Know it will hurt a lot at first to seperate.And you know what, Lois.. I can give you some religious advice. as I understand it, your wife is a non-believer, and your faith and her lack of it have been a stickling point between you. I don't think this is ever going to be resolved. If you want to continue being a Christian, she doesn't now and she will never support you in your belief. Conversely, you will never respect her lack of faith, and will be perpetually trying to change her, or at least hoping she will change ( because who wants their spouse doomed to eternal fire?) As the bible says, Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.” Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty. 2 Corinthians 6:14-18I agree with that bible verse, just not for the reasons it says. Your kind of faith is too big of a core issue for you. It's never going to resolve, and you two are never going to be what each other needs. Good luck, Lois, I mean this sincerely. Breaking up sucks, and getting divorced sucks times 10.. but getting divorced sucks way less than being trapped in a doomed marriage.
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Well, you edited this post. .I was going to say you answered you own question in the post, but you edited and deleted it before I could quote it..... I think, perhaps, because you know what the answer is already. I, as you know, can't give you any religious advice for when to walk away, and if it's okay. But it seems to me that you already know the answer to what you're asking. If you aren't making her happy, she isn't making you happy, and there isn't any hope of it improving in the future, I see absolutely no reason to submit yourself and her to years and years of further unhappiness. Doesn't make any sense to me at all. I Know it will hurt a lot at first to seperate.And you know what, Lois.. I can give you some religious advice. as I understand it, your wife is a non-believer, and your faith and her lack of it have been a stickling point between you. I don't think this is ever going to be resolved. If you want to continue being a Christian, she doesn't now and she will never support you in your belief. Conversely, you will never respect her lack of faith, and will be perpetually trying to change her, or at least hoping she will change ( because who wants their spouse doomed to eternal fire?) As the bible says, Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.” Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty. 2 Corinthians 6:14-18I agree with that bible verse, just not for the reasons it says. Your kind of faith is too big of a core issue for you. It's never going to resolve, and you two are never going to be what each other needs. Good luck, Lois, I mean this sincerely. Breaking up sucks, and getting divorced sucks times 10.. but getting divorced sucks way less than being trapped in a doomed marriage.
My first post was a bit to involved, and you are right, but this time it has nothing to do with faith, it has to do with who I am at the core, the things with me that are part of me that actually took me away from church, if that makes sense. I like to enjoy life, and while things always get taken care of I do put us into financial pickles at times with the decisions that I make, but that is me and always has been. This worries her, it doesn't worry me, it probably never will. So, when I do what I do(aka something stupid) she then worries, and worries, and worries, and generally just plays miserable until things get back to normal. Here is what I need from her- let me be me. Here is what she needs from me- be somebody else, or at least make more money, which I did and do, we payed off about 25% of our debt last year BECAUSE of me, yet we didn't save anything so it doesn't matter. She wants what is doable but will take time, but she wants it on her terms- notice, I said I made more money. She still gets to work at restaurants with her friends and have a grand old time, which I loved by the way, yet I took myself out of my comfort zone and what did she do? Nothing, and then still makes me feel like it's not enough, and at some point will it ever be? There are some interesting angles to this that just make it worse, the thing is I don't know if she has ever had the comfort level she is looking for, so how does she know she would be happy? Her life was chaos before me with some of her family issues, it only makes sense that she would latch onto a chaotic personality. I don't know that it's over, when she is relaxed we have a great time, we really do, she just doesn't relax enough, and I am always at ease. I grew up on welfare, I know what broke REALLY is. I know what it's like to need money and know it ain't coming. We don't live a life anywhere close to that, we always have money or at least have money coming in. I think about these things and I laugh at how boring and stupid it all is- the number one reason people fight is finances, and here I am , I can't figure THIS out? I mean, ****. How stupid is that? So, I look to the future and I know that by the end of this year we will have paid off more debt, will she be any happier? No. So, when it's all said and done and we are down to zero, than what? Will she be any happier? I don't think so. I think it's deeper that, I know it is. Lets paint a pattern: 1. Frank spends to much. 2. Franks wife gets uneasy, is stressed out. Relationship,sex life suffers, it is downright boring, 3. Frank buys porn site membership to weather the storm. Also gambles a bit. I'm bored WTF? 4. Wife gets mad because he spent more money, and probably also feels inadequate on some level. 5. Things are fine in the end, everything gets paid, but she still hold onto this and holds it against me. Two months later the cycle starts again. Arrrggggghh!! Except it builds up because now she gets to add it to the anger that she is still holding inside, and now it's worse because it's "AGAIN?" All of this would be alleviated if she could just say,"My husband is an idiot but things will get taken care of, they always do. Maybe I should just not be the most boring miserable person ever just because he likes a colorful life." Is that to much to ask?
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Well, you edited this post. .I was going to say you answered you own question in the post, but you edited and deleted it before I could quote it..... I think, perhaps, because you know what the answer is already. I, as you know, can't give you any religious advice for when to walk away, and if it's okay. But it seems to me that you already know the answer to what you're asking. If you aren't making her happy, she isn't making you happy, and there isn't any hope of it improving in the future, I see absolutely no reason to submit yourself and her to years and years of further unhappiness. Doesn't make any sense to me at all. I Know it will hurt a lot at first to seperate.And you know what, Lois.. I can give you some religious advice. as I understand it, your wife is a non-believer, and your faith and her lack of it have been a stickling point between you. I don't think this is ever going to be resolved. If you want to continue being a Christian, she doesn't now and she will never support you in your belief. Conversely, you will never respect her lack of faith, and will be perpetually trying to change her, or at least hoping she will change ( because who wants their spouse doomed to eternal fire?) As the bible says, Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.” Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty. 2 Corinthians 6:14-18I agree with that bible verse, just not for the reasons it says. Your kind of faith is too big of a core issue for you. It's never going to resolve, and you two are never going to be what each other needs. Good luck, Lois, I mean this sincerely. Breaking up sucks, and getting divorced sucks times 10.. but getting divorced sucks way less than being trapped in a doomed marriage.
Not to gloss over any of this- if I ever do get my religous shit together this will be an issue, guaranteed.
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Not to gloss over any of this- if I ever do get my religous shit together this will be an issue, guaranteed.
well, I figured this was a spiritual issue, since you put it in the religious forum at all.. I forgot the subtitle is "lois's forum" I don't know if this is going to get better. like you said, this kind of thing torepedos marriages all the time. I don't understand why, but it does. You'll be wiser than Solomon if you can figure it out.A key thing to remember is, people don't change who they are. At this age, who a person is, is pretty much who they are. If your wife wants you toe be someone different, and you want your wife to stress less and to leave you alone.. well, neither of those is probably going to happen. Your wife is who she is, and you are who you are, if in solving your martial problems will require some magical change in one or both of you , well, I wouldn't wager on it.
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well, I figured this was a spiritual issue, since you put it in the religious forum at all.. I forgot the subtitle is "lois's forum" I don't know if this is going to get better. like you said, this kind of thing torepedos marriages all the time. I don't understand why, but it does. You'll be wiser than Solomon if you can figure it out.A key thing to remember is, people don't change who they are. At this age, who a person is, is pretty much who they are. If your wife wants you toe be someone different, and you want your wife to stress less and to leave you alone.. well, neither of those is probably going to happen. Your wife is who she is, and you are who you are, if in solving your martial problems will require some magical change in one or both of you , well, I wouldn't wager on it.
Lol. I put it here because the people who are in this area tend to be a little more thoughtful, can look deeper into an issue. I trust your opinions, and you also know me, you guys have an insight into how I think however ****ed up it may be sometimes. If I put this into general all it would get is pictures of serious cats. That being said, I do take marriage seriously because of my background, so I would want to know that I did all I could. I can't tell you how many times I have played an online tournament and would go deep, and the one thought I was focusing one was "This will take care of another chunk of debt, in one shot." What she doesn't realize is the things that are important to her are important to me but I still have to enjoy life, I must, otherwise WTF am I living for? The grind? Hell no.
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when the day is over... You have to be happy. Sounds selfish but if you aren't happy, you cant make someone else happy. Realtionships involve sacrifices. How much are you willing to sacrifice to make her content? Divorce isn't the end of the world and happens just as much in the church as it does outside of the church. I think people should cohabitate for a long time before they take the walk. Good luck.

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Lois,Money will be an issue your whole life, if you have it or don't. For the most part Men are still supposed to be the breadwinner. That does not mean that she gets to have a crappy job as a server working 20 hours a week because you are supposed to be the main bread winner.The religion thing will probably always be an issue too, unless one of you gets an epiphany either way.I have been with my wife almost 10 years now (married just shy of 4) and for the most part its been good. You know what I do for a living, it can very lucrative, but it can also be slow at times. So money has been an issue at times. If it weren't for that we would fight/argue 80% less easy.If you love her and you still have fun with her don't give up. Marriage is not easy (total cliche) but it is true. Add kids in the mix and it gets 10 times harder. My wife are always talking defining where we stand on certain issues, most of which has to do with child rearing and family stuff. But the more you learn who each other are and how you think on certain issues then you can work around them.Obv. it is easier to be on the same page for most stuff, but its impossible for everything. Just don't let it get too far, I have too many friends who have let their marriages drift apart due to lack of communication and there is a certain jump off point where there is no coming back from. Hopefully you are not there.GL. And why are you paying for porn? You do know SpecBrad has a thread that should alleviate that expense?

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Lois,Money will be an issue your whole life, if you have it or don't. For the most part Men are still supposed to be the breadwinner. That does not mean that she gets to have a crappy job as a server working 20 hours a week because you are supposed to be the main bread winner.The religion thing will probably always be an issue too, unless one of you gets an epiphany either way.I have been with my wife almost 10 years now (married just shy of 4) and for the most part its been good. You know what I do for a living, it can very lucrative, but it can also be slow at times. So money has been an issue at times. If it weren't for that we would fight/argue 80% less easy.If you love her and you still have fun with her don't give up. Marriage is not easy (total cliche) but it is true. Add kids in the mix and it gets 10 times harder. My wife are always talking defining where we stand on certain issues, most of which has to do with child rearing and family stuff. But the more you learn who each other are and how you think on certain issues then you can work around them.Obv. it is easier to be on the same page for most stuff, but its impossible for everything. Just don't let it get too far, I have too many friends who have let their marriages drift apart due to lack of communication and there is a certain jump off point where there is no coming back from. Hopefully you are not there.GL. And why are you paying for porn? You do know SpecBrad has a thread that should alleviate that expense?
Good stuff, thank you very much. Just a little FYI, she actually does pretty well as a server, it just is dead end, meaning you work your 40 hours, you make your 600 to 800 depending how good the week was and that's it. Raises come in the form of price hikes. I can't fault her for staying with it, I enjoyed that life immensely, but I take issue with the fact that I am the only one to make any sort of change, I am the one who puts myself out there to fail. Incidentally, I don't fail, the only thing I have failed at is poker, and even then I have years to makes sure I am not a failure. Life is one big session. I guess that's the big difference, I look at life as one huge session and she wants to live and die every hand. Communication is not an issue, we both are heard, it's just what we do with what we hear. We did at one point come close to that point, though, about the 6 or 7 year mark, where we just stopped talking about shit. I have seen Specbrads thread but really I have found that if you want quality in a timely fashion you must pay.
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when the day is over... You have to be happy. Sounds selfish but if you aren't happy, you cant make someone else happy. Realtionships involve sacrifices. How much are you willing to sacrifice to make her content? Divorce isn't the end of the world and happens just as much in the church as it does outside of the church. I think people should cohabitate for a long time before they take the walk. Good luck.
This is true, and I am happy. If I did what it took to make her happy I probably wouldn't be. Quite the pickle.
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This is true, and I am happy. If I did what it took to make her happy I probably wouldn't be. Quite the pickle.
Have you considered going on Dr Phil? This type of thing seems right in his wheel house..
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Divorce will not fix your problems.It will only change them.The problem with life is we take ourselves with us everytime we move.As far as wives, I've never been happier in my marriage than when I am focused on making her happy, and never had more problems than when I focus on making myself happy.You know the Bible answer.

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Divorce will not fix your problems.It will only change them.The problem with life is we take ourselves with us everytime we move.As far as wives, I've never been happier in my marriage than when I am focused on making her happy, and never had more problems than when I focus on making myself happy.You know the Bible answer.
Listen here wise ass I said SERIOUS. Very wise indeed as always. Now if we could only get people to listen to you in politics threads the world would be 1000 times better,.
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Divorce will not fix your problems.It will only change them.The problem with life is we take ourselves with us everytime we move.
This is extremely true. So many people think so many superficial things will change their life, like moving.. will make them happier.. I just talked to a friend of mine, and he told me that a mutual friend (well, his friend, not really mine) of ours had moved from San Fran to Portland, and telling me how good this was for her, that she could sort of reign court over the portland punk scene, be in bands, and that seemed really happy. And I'm like yeah, but Steve.. Nadia's crazy.. and crazy follows you where every you go. Moving to Olympia, or Austin, or SF or Portland isn't going to change the fact that she's bat shit and can't deal with life or people in a meaningful way. I don't know if this is true with you or not, LMD... me, closet capitalist that I am, would do a cost/benefit analysis of the situation. Balloon Guy is right, you'll be trading one set of problems for another.. but that still doesn't mean that getting divorced isn't the right choice.The most important question I think is the long run, what are the long term prospects. Are you going to be happier in 5, 10 years married to this woman, or single ( or married to someone else). Are the problems irreconcilible or can you fix them? Are you willing to do the work that it will take to fix them? Will she? These are the things you need to ask yourself
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The real question is could you function single again? My wife and I joke about this all the time. We have been together since she was 18 and I was 22. Neither of us would know how do date if god forbid something happened to one or the other. We would be functionally retarded in social dating scenes.I'm kind of a hands on guy, I would probably inadvertently molest any date I had. But of course since I would probably be dating single 30+ years olds, this may be a good approach. :)In all seriousness. BigD is right, it opens up a whole new set of problems. It is going to be really hard for anyone on here to give you pertinent advice, unless you just want a sounding board, because we really don't know you, and we don't know your wife at all. I would explore every avenue, including counseling to save my marriage if it ever got to that point. FWIW.

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Perfect. Guapo, a sounding board is really all I was looking for. Generally my friends offline are idiots and my wife and I are who THEY come to for advice. Our marriage is thought to be very succesful, we just hide our issues well. As far as the protege thing I meant more of the reality of what an ugly **** I am on TV. It wasn't really a reality show, although they did try to sneak little reality type twists in. I don't think there realy are links for that anymore as far as watchable ones.
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I really am not qualified at all to give advice seeing how I've never been close to being married, so I'll let some of my more esteemed colleagues put in their two cents. I just wanted to say, Lois, that I hope, whatever happens, you end up happy in the long run.

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