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The Vegas/poker Themed Screenplay “Vegas Knights” Wins Its 3Rd Honor.


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Out of curiosity, what's your asking price for this script?

 

I answered your post earlier ($65,000, and I would go lower with a percentage of the profits).

 

But I forgot to mention that many movie deals start out with an "option". I would let someone "option" the script for 1 year for $10,000. If they option it, that means I can't sell the script to anyone else for a year while they decide if they want to go ahead and buy it outright. During this time the option purchaser will see if they can get a studio, or investors, or name actors/directors interested in the project. If they decide they want to buy it during the year then they pay ($65,000 minus $10,000) $55,000. Also, if there is a renewal clause, they could option it again for a second year if they want more time.

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I have a question for world famous script writer, Gerry Burlage. Do you like renaissance faires?

Just so we're clear:   You're counting making this list as one of the 'honors'?            

Things don't move as quickly as you think in the screenplay world, Guapo. In the industry (that's what we insiders call it. You might know it as "Hollywood") it takes years, and at least three natio

I'm beginning to see how you failed to sell this baby in all the pre-message board market options and have resorted to trying to hustle poker pros.

Your post doesn't make much sense especially considering most spec scripts are optioned first.
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  • 3 weeks later...

Well, now that Runner Runner is out, I see we're back to the rumors that Rounders 2 might be made. I wish them well but I think the writers of Rounders (Brian Koppelman and David Levien) are going to have a problem. Probably 90% to 95% of the movie going public have no idea who Mike McDermott is whereas many fans in the poker community can practically repeat his lines verbatim. I see this as possibly causing some difficulty with a Rounders 2 script unless they just release it straight to DVD for the poker community.

 

I have some ideas where Mike McDermott could be incorporated into my 3x honored script. Hell, if the writers of Rounders (who are also producers) bought my script for probably 1/50 of what they made writing Runner Runner they could incorporate some of the ideas from my script into theirs. How much screen time Mike McDermott could get in “Vegas Knights” (which would be owned by Koppelman and Levien if they bought it) could vary anywhere from 3 scenes to being a main character. Even with 3 scenes, I think there could be a happy and fitting ending to the Rounders saga. And if he did the 3 scenes then there could always be another Rounders down the road and this time more of the general public would know who Mike McDermott is. Who knows, Damon might go for doing 2 or 3 scenes as a cameo if a Rounders 2 never materializes.

 

If anyone happens to know Brian Koppelman or David Levien maybe you could direct them to this post.

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If anyone happens to know Brian Koppelman or David Levien maybe you could direct them to this post.

 

Koppelman favorited one of my tweets so I think that makes us blood brothers.

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  • 1 month later...

Bump

If nothing pans out in 3 months, I'll bring a scene in here and people can critique it.
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  • 3 weeks later...

A few poker books and authors are mentioned in the script. I guess since Daniel is #1 in the world now it would be appropriate to have one of his books in it. Hell, if he bought it he could play the scene Mike Matusow is in which has 45 words of dialogue.

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If I paid you your asking price, would you write in a scene where a ...

Anyone who buys it can change it any way they want, and they will get partial writing credits.
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  • 2 months later...

Well, I promised I would bring in some of the script. First let me say I made a list of what I thought were the 15 best scenes in the script and the below scene is "not" one of them. I’d rather not put the best material out there now. But the scene does show some of the importance of poker to the film. It also mentions the WSOP. If the WSOP doesn't want to get involved, some other big tournament could be written in.

 

Excerpt from the copyrighted screenplay “Vegas Knights”

___________

 

 

Brad and Ed are seated at a lounge table. Ed has a plastic bag on the table with some items inside.

 

ED

(to Brad)

I was cleaning up my condo yesterday

and I realized that I really don’t

need all the poker books I have. I

thought you might like a few.

(hands 2 books to Brad)

 

BRAD

Oh, wow...

(looks at front covers)

Dan Harrington, Daniel Negreanu- hey

thanks, Ed, these are some nice

books...

 

ED

I also have a little video I thought

you might like. It’s about the history

of American card games. It has a nice

little segment in here on poker...

(Brad takes DVD - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - (note to the people in this thread: the DVD will be important later)

“Oh, thanks”)

And I’ve got one more surprise for ya-

I’ve decided to enter the World Series

next week.

 

BRAD

Ed, are you serious! The Main event-

(Ed nods)

you’re going to pay the $10,000 entry fee?

 

ED

Yeah- I thought about it for almost 2

hours last night- $10,000 is a hell of

a lot of money- but then I thought, what

the heck, I’ve been playing this game

for 45 years- I gotta take a shot at

the big one at least once in my life.

 

BRAD

Aw, that’s great, we’ll both be in

it together. Maybe you being there

will help me relax a little...

(Ed smiles)

Well, I better get back to work.

(stands)

Thanks again for the books and DVD.

(Ed smiles and nods)

 

 

INT. BRAD AND KAREN’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

 

Brad is laying on the bed reading. Karen enters the room.

 

KAREN

What ya reading?

 

BRAD

It’s a poker book Ed gave me- man

this guy really gets into some deep

shit. I wish I had a couple weeks to

study this before the tournament.

(sighs; puts book down)

 

KAREN

What’s wrong, hun?

 

BRAD

Oh, I don’t know- it’s just a lot of

stuff- this tournament comin’ up-

dealin’ with the assholes at work...

(sighs)

And I’m really gonna have to make a

decision about.......

 

_________________________________________

 

Note: One thing I'd like to emphasize is that even though poker is an important element, the true heart of the film will be the personal lives of the main characters away from the tables.

 

Another scene from the script can be seen on this link: http://www.fullcontactpoker.com/poker-forum/index.php?showtopic=147299

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BTW, the actual script has the dialogue in the center of the page (which is the proper format), not all the way to the left as shown above. When transferring it to this site it places the dialogue to the left.

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BTW, the actual script has the dialogue in the center of the page (which is the proper format), not all the way to the left.

 

I was on the fence for a while. But since you've cleared up the proper format issue, I'm sold.

 

Who do I make the check for $75K out to?

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pretty edgy dialogue.

I wrote it mainly for mall-going mainstream America. I believe they're the ones you're going to have to attract for a gambling themed film to be successful. Rounders had somewhat edgy dialogue but that film didn't do all that great with middle America.

 

Even though the main character in my script might not be as dark and edgy as some young people in the gaming community want, I believe this film goes deeper into gambling than most gambling films including Rounders. And for the record there are some dark scenes in the script.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I'm no expert but I am a member of the wga, have several screenplays under my belt, two of which are in negotiations at this point (god knows if that'll turn into anything), have taken countless classes over the past few years etc. Although it comes from a very small sample size from your work it seems as though there were some fairly basic things that were brushed over during any coverage that you've received. In general it is recommended that you start scenes at the furthest point where it make sense but to skip over things that are thought to have happened (for example: you wouldn't show every conversation from the exact starting point), same goes for dialogue- to find the quickest, most fluid way to get to the "point" (obviously there are tons of exceptions). Also with dialogue we try to limit things our characters are saying if it is something that is as purposeful simply for the viewer to see (for example unless it serves a large purpose from a plot point we wouldn't likely have a character comment on the weather.

 

Things such as stating that Ed and Brad are seated together and then when Ed talks pointing out that it's to Brad are redundant. Same as mentioning the buy-in amount twice in a row. Space is supposed to matter most, use each page wisely.

 

INT. LOUNGE- EVENING

 

Brad and Ed are seated at a table. Ed takes a long swing from his drink. With a look of a child on Christmas morning Brad rapidly flips through a few books

 

ED

(sets down his drink and smiles)

I was doing some spring cleaning and

came across those. Figured you could

use them more then me.

 

Brad sets the books on the table. Harrington on Hold'em, The theory of poker etc. Some of pokers biggest titles.

 

BRAD

Those are incredible! Thanks

 

ED

I've got a few videos too that I left in my

car.

(On Brad's smile)

There's one more surprise for ya-

I’ve decided to enter the World Series

next week.

 

BRAD

(shocked)

Wow

(Ed nods)

ten grand is a lot to put up.

 

ED

Yeah- I know. I've put a ton of thought into it.

(sighs)

a hell of a lot of money but I've been playing

this game most my life...I've gotta take a shot.

 

BRAD

(nods understandingly)

I get it. That's great. I just hope you

don't get stuck at my table.

(motions to the books)

Or you're in for trouble

 

They both laugh.

 

INT. BRAD AND KAREN’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

 

Brad is laying on the bed reading. Karen enters the room.

 

KAREN

Are you still reading those?

 

BRAD

(without looking up from the book)

I wish I had a more time to study this

 

Karen makes her way to Brad's side, takes a seat on the bed and gently lifts the book from his fingers.

 

KAREN

What’s wrong, hun?

 

BRAD

(sofly)

this tournament...the assholes at work...

(sighs)

And I’m really gonna have to make a

decision about.......

 

 

Things such as Karen entering the room and questioning what he's reading seem unnecessary and out of place. As excited as Brad was to get these books one would think the topic would've come up off screen before bed. I imagine these aren't pivotal scenes in the screenplay but am pretty shocked that some glaring things were over looked in coverage. Congrats on all the awards.

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I'm no expert but I am a member of the wga, have several screenplays under my belt,

 

You mention having screenplays under your belt. Looking at your picture, I see you are wearing a gi. What martial art are you trained in? What is the color of this belt you speak of?

 

Why are neither the belt or screenplays under said belt visible in your picture?

 

I call shenanigans. (It's St. Patrick's day... I just had to use that word.)

 

BTW... even I know that your formatting is all wrong.

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You mention having screenplays under your belt. Looking at your picture, I see you are wearing a gi. What martial art are you trained in? What is the color of this belt you speak of?

 

Why are neither the belt or screenplays under said belt visible in your picture?

 

I call shenanigans. (It's St. Patrick's day... I just had to use that word.)

 

BTW... even I know that your formatting is all wrong.

 

The formatting is to the side because I simply re-did how he did it. Obviously written on final draft it's proper I was just demonstrating the difference in wording with is. The picture is clearly Danny McBride (foot fist way), as I said I'm no expert I've gotten severe screenplays registered under the wga admittedly they vary in quality. Two are I believe decent but decent to film could be a world of difference. I was just trying to point out how very off base his scenes were for a screenplay that he believe will sell for $75,000. I'm certainly not here making outlandish claims I've written two things that currently have a bit of interest-haven't made a dime and odds are slim to none I ever will.

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...

INT. LOUNGE- EVENING

 

Brad and Ed are seated at a table. Ed takes a long swing from his drink. With a look of a child on Christmas morning Brad rapidly flips through a few books

 

ED

(sets down his drink and smiles)

I was doing some spring cleaning and

came across those. Figured you could

use them more then me.

 

Brad sets the books on the table. Harrington on Hold'em, The theory of poker etc. Some of pokers biggest titles.

 

BRAD

Those are incredible! Thanks...

 

Thanks for your input but I have a few disagreements. You have Brad saying, “Those are incredible!”, when given 2 poker books. This dialogue seems like too much emotion. Granted they are good books but I don’t think it warrants such a reaction. Now if Ed had given Brad a diamond studded Rolex watch, that might warrant a “Oh, wow- this is incredible!"

 

ED

I've got a few videos too that I left in my car.

 

This a minor point but if he is bringing a bag of stuff for Brad, he wouldn’t have left the videos in the car.

 

(On Brad's smile)

There's one more surprise for ya-

I’ve decided to enter the World Series

next week.

 

BRAD

(shocked)

Wow

(Ed nods)

ten grand is a lot to put up.

 

ED

Yeah- I know. I've put a ton of thought into it.

(sighs)

a hell of a lot of money but I've been playing

this game most my life...I've gotta take a shot...

 

As I mentioned, Ed has been playing poker for 45 years. So he is about 65 years old. It doesn’t seem natural for a 65 year old man to say “I’ve put a ton of thought into it.”.. “Ton of thought" seems like something a much younger person would say.

 

INT. BRAD AND KAREN’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

 

Brad is laying on the bed reading. Karen enters the room.

 

KAREN

Are you still reading those?

 

BRAD

(without looking up from the book)

I wish I had a more time to study this

 

Karen makes her way to Brad's side, takes a seat on the bed and gently lifts the book from his fingers.

 

KAREN

What’s wrong, hun?

 

BRAD

(sofly)

this tournament...the assholes at work...

(sighs)

And I’m really gonna have to make a

decision about.......

 

Things such as Karen entering the room and questioning what he's reading seem unnecessary and out of place. As excited as Brad was to get these books one would think the topic would've come up off screen before bed...

Actually I think you are over analyzing a minor scene but you are at somewhat of a disadvantage by just seeing a part of the scene. The dialogue and events that come next (which aren’t shown) make more sense of the scene... I didn’t want to give away too much so I didn’t put them in.

 

And you are right to assume that these scenes aren’t really the big scenes in the movie. As I mentioned earlier, I wouldn’t even consider them as being in the top 15 best scenes, but they do demonstrate the importance of poker in the movie. But even though poker and gambling is important in the script, the true heart of the film is the personal lives of the main characters. The personal lives of the characters is what will mostly interest mainstream America.

 

 

...Congrats on all the awards
Thanks
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Thanks for your input but I have a few disagreements. You have Brad saying, “Those are incredible!”, when given 2 poker books. This dialogue seems like too much emotion. Granted they are good books but I don’t think it warrants such a reaction. Now if Ed had given Brad a gold Rolex watch, that might warrant a “Oh, wow- this is incredible!"

 

 

 

This a minor point but if he is bringing a bag of stuff for Brad, he wouldn’t have left the videos in the car.

 

 

 

As I mentioned, Ed has been playing poker for 45 years. So he is about 65 years old. It doesn’t seem natural for a 65 year old man to say “I’ve put a ton of thought into it.”.. “Ton of thought" seems like something a much younger person would say.

 

Actually I think you are over analyzing but I think you are at somewhat at a disadvantage by just seeing a part of the scene in the bedroom and the house. The dialogue and events that come next (which aren’t shown) make more sense of the scene... I didn’t want to give away too much so I didn’t put them in.

 

And you are right to assume that these scenes aren’t really the big scenes in the movie. As I mentioned earlier, I wouldn’t even consider them as being in the top 15 best scenes, but they do demonstrate the importance of poker in the movie. But even though poker and gambling is important in the script, the true heart of the film is the personal lives of the main characters. The personal lives of the characters is what will mostly interest mainstream America.

 

 

Thanks

 

Constructive criticism my dialogue wasn't particularly inspired just a means to show that there's a quicker way to get through the dialogue. You have the two seated in a lounge together, point out that Ed is talking to Brad etc. the bag is there unopened so we essentially start at the begining of there meeting. It's a quicker path to have the books exposed and seen by the audience as opposed to having a character read the titles out loud. (Why's he reading them out loud? Ed is aware of the books he gave him). "That's incredible" may be an over sell but many variations work as opposed to needlessly reading the titles. In truth I wouldn't mention videos at all in the way you did or I did unless they will serve a pivotal point in a future scene. And if that were to be the point I'd have them seating on the table and viewed by the audience.

 

"Put a ton of thought into it", "thought about it non stop","driven myself nuts thinking about it" are all examples that may be more natural then Brad "$10,000 is a lot of money..."Ed "yeah $10,000 is a lot money.."just an opinion.

 

There's not much from the second scene but it felt as tho the conversation could've started at a further point, is it essential for Karen to just now learn of these books? Or can we jump forward a little?

 

There's an awful lot, that is easily gleaned from two scenes that likely don't have much importance in the overall screenplay. 1: we know Ed is older, been playing poker a larger percentage of his life. $10,000 is a lot to him, he studied poker but doesn't feel he needs to at least in the same manner. 2:) Brad is also a poker player, likely younger and a chunk less experienced in poker. He's also playing in World Series, nervous about it and he has a full time job. 3:) Brad is either married or in a relationship (one where they don't communicate til bed lol), he's nervous, stressed out and not entiring loving his job or at least the people he works with.

 

The point is in two very insignificant scenes or portions of scenes this is a fair amount established and a question that I believe would be asked in coverage is why? If most of or all of this info is established earlier is it necessary to re-establish it? Each scene should progress our journey ( to the next scene or to the overall point) and do so in as short and concise a means as possible. Perhaps thrown into the larger picture they do so it just seemed to me some very glaring things that should have been mentioned in coverage and if they seem as such from two small insignificant scenes it makes one wonder of the quality and the flow of the overall screenplay.

 

 

 

 

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...In truth I wouldn't mention videos at all in the way you did or I did unless they will serve a pivotal point in a future scene. And if that were to be the point I'd have them seating on the table and viewed by the audience...
The video does serve a purpose in a later scene which is why I mentioned it. And I don't think it's that big a deal whether the video is in the bag or on the table as long as Ed mentioned it. The director could always take a few seconds and say put the video on the table if he thought it would add to the scene.
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