DILLIGAF 0 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 So me and my buddy are at this bar. We had a great time and it was getting close to closing time when I noticed these 2 bar skanks ogling us from the other end of the bar. One was a semi-fuckable brawd, probably early 40’s. Her friend was Margaret – the epitomy of a bar skank. She was 48 years old, face looked like a catchers mitt from years of smoking, and damn – a raspy chowd accent thicker than the thickest Baaahston clam chowder ever. So me and my buddy are on our way out the door, and I could just tell it was coming. I’m thinking to myself “man, these beer goggles are pretty damned powerful tonight, and there’s not much stopping me from mercy-fucking one of these brawds.” Sure as shit, as we’re almost to the door, I hear “Heeeeeeeeeeey, cutie. Why you leavin so soooooon? Why not buy us one last beeeeaaaaaaaaahhhhhh?” My buddy looks at me with the look of “This one chick isn’t half bad,” shrugs his shoulders and sits next to her. Her name was Kathy by the way, and she was a fucking goddess compared to her girl Margaret. So I sit by Margaret and order us two more beers. We start small talking and I learn (surprise, surprise!) that she is in town from Boston visiting some relatives. She hadn’t checked into a hotel yet, and was asking advice on which one to stay at. Just then I notice that my buddy is walking towards the bathroom and my cell phone rings. I see from the caller ID that it is him on my phone. So I say “Excuse me ladies, I have to take this.” Margaret says, “Hurraaaaaaaaaah back DILLIGAAAAAAAAAF. Heheheh.” And smacks my ass as I walk around the corner. So my buddy tells me over the phone that Kathy is on her rag, and justs wants to suck him off. He then tells me that we should invite them back to my crib. So I reluctantly agree. We walk back to the bar and I say “how would you ladies like to follow me and Jake back to my crib?” Margaret says, “Oooooooooooooh, okaaaaaay. Make sure we stop at a stowaaah for some caaaaaaaaaaahndoms and beeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.” Which I did. So we get to my house, and no sooner are we in the door, then my buddy and Kathy are practically ripping each others’ clothes off. So Margaret and I go into the living room and I start watching SportsCenter. This whole time I have his sinking feeling that I know I’m gonna bang this hog of a brawd, but I also know I know better, but I also know I won’t be able to stop myself. After a bit of small talk about the MNF game, she starts massaging my **** through my jeans. So I say to her, “Why don’t you suck me off?” My intention was to blow my load before I had to find this brawd’s hole. But, alas, even in my uber-drunken state, I couldn’t get aroused enough to complete. So after about 20 minutes of this monstrosity of a woman going to town on my meat whistle, I had finally had enough and decided I needed to do what I had to do. So I told her to take her clothes of and lay down. I slowly started kissing her small titties, and worked my way down to her huge boiler. Then I reluctantly pried open her meat curtains and found a peyote shaped bud resembling a clit, and slowly started sucking it. Then she moans, “Oooh, yeaaaaaaaaah, DILLIGAAAAAAAAAAAF! Suck it! Suck it like it’s a little caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!” So, I sucked it like it was a little cack. I did this until she had my dome lodged between the tree trunks that she calls legs so tight the I could feel my eyeballs bulging out. Then I felt the ever familiar leg tremble, and knew that I had done my good deed for the year/decade/century/millenium. But I needed to get mine, too. No way I was putting myself through that hell and still dealing with blueballs. So I bent her over and started pounding her gash with all my might. After about 15 minutes of imagining all the beatiful past conquests of my years, every porn I had ever watched, hell, even thinking about naked pictures of Bea Arthur…anything to get my mind off of what I was actully hittin, I finally knew it was coming. So just when I knew it was on it’s way, I spit on the small of her back quietly so she’d think I was finished. Then as soon as he turned around, BAM!! Baby batter in her greel!! That made it all worth it. She kinda seemed pissed, then I just said, “Sorry, you seemed like you’d like that kinda thing. I have to be to work early tomorrow…” then I gave her directions to the nearest hotel, she yelled for Kathy to come out of the spare bedroom and they were on their way. Needless to say, my buddy Jake razzed me quite a bit for doing some hoggin, but I didn’t care at that point. I kinda feel dirty today, but oh well. You only live once.The moral of the story is fold preflop. Link to post Share on other sites
Royal_Tour 0 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 This is the first time i've done this "Off Topic" Link to post Share on other sites
iveyfan30 0 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 got her #? can i have it? :shock: Link to post Share on other sites
DILLIGAF 0 Posted November 1, 2005 Author Share Posted November 1, 2005 This is the first time i've done this "Off Topic"Ya, I know. Figured I'd try to let it get a bit of run in here first... Link to post Share on other sites
AndrewBlack 0 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 fold preflop? I'm all in with those RAGS Link to post Share on other sites
Suited_Up 2 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 LOLThat's bad, but I'm laughing at it anyway.Dear SkankHouse forum... Link to post Share on other sites
dna4ever 2 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Then as soon as he turned around, BAM!! Baby batter in her greel!! That made it all worth it.yea im pretty sure your getting banned now, but strangely enough i enjoyed the story. you got the whole good story wrong place to post thing going on here. Link to post Share on other sites
Royal_Tour 0 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Its a well told story, just brings back memories i dont ever want to re-hash,21st birthday drunk at a bar, left with a mother of two. ect.. ect... Link to post Share on other sites
digitalmonkey 929 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 So me and my buddy are at this bar. We had a great time and it was getting close to closing time when I noticed these 2 bar skanks ogling us from the other end of the bar. One was a semi-fuckable brawd, probably early 40’s. Her friend was Margaret – the epitomy of a bar skank. She was 48 years old, face looked like a catchers mitt from years of smoking, and damn – a raspy chowd accent thicker than the thickest Baaahston clam chowder ever. So me and my buddy are on our way out the door, and I could just tell it was coming. I’m thinking to myself “man, these beer goggles are pretty damned powerful tonight, and there’s not much stopping me from mercy-censored one of these brawds.” Sure as shit, as we’re almost to the door, I hear “Heeeeeeeeeeey, cutie. Why you leavin so soooooon? Why not buy us one last beeeeaaaaaaaaahhhhhh?” My buddy looks at me with the look of “This one chick isn’t half bad,” shrugs his shoulders and sits next to her. Her name was Kathy by the way, and she was a censored goddess compared to her girl Margaret. So I sit by Margaret and order us two more beers. We start small talking and I learn (surprise, surprise!) that she is in town from Boston visiting some relatives. She hadn’t checked into a hotel yet, and was asking advice on which one to stay at. Just then I notice that my buddy is walking towards the bathroom and my cell phone rings. I see from the caller ID that it is him on my phone. So I say “Excuse me ladies, I have to take this.” Margaret says, “Hurraaaaaaaaaah back DILLIGAAAAAAAAAF. Heheheh.” And smacks my ass as I walk around the corner. So my buddy tells me over the phone that Kathy is on her rag, and justs wants to suck him off. He then tells me that we should invite them back to my crib. So I reluctantly agree. We walk back to the bar and I say “how would you ladies like to follow me and Jake back to my crib?” Margaret says, “Oooooooooooooh, okaaaaaay. Make sure we stop at a stowaaah for some caaaaaaaaaaahndoms and beeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.” Which I did. So we get to my house, and no sooner are we in the door, then my buddy and Kathy are practically ripping each others’ clothes off. So Margaret and I go into the living room and I start watching SportsCenter. This whole time I have his sinking feeling that I know I’m gonna bang this hog of a brawd, but I also know I know better, but I also know I won’t be able to stop myself. After a bit of small talk about the MNF game, she starts massaging my censored through my jeans. So I say to her, “Why don’t you suck me off?” My intention was to blow my load before I had to find this brawd’s hole. But, alas, even in my uber-drunken state, I couldn’t get aroused enough to complete. So after about 20 minutes of this monstrosity of a woman going to town on my meat whistle, I had finally had enough and decided I needed to do what I had to do. So I told her to take her clothes of and lay down. I slowly started kissing her small titties, and worked my way down to her huge boiler. Then I reluctantly pried open her meat curtains and found a peyote shaped bud resembling a clit, and slowly started sucking it. Then she moans, “Oooh, yeaaaaaaaaah, DILLIGAAAAAAAAAAAF! Suck it! Suck it like it’s a little caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!” So, I sucked it like it was a little cack. I did this until she had my dome lodged between the tree trunks that she calls legs so tight the I could feel my eyeballs bulging out. Then I felt the ever familiar leg tremble, and knew that I had done my good deed for the year/decade/century/millenium. But I needed to get mine, too. No way I was putting myself through that hell and still dealing with blueballs. So I bent her over and started pounding her gash with all my might. After about 15 minutes of imagining all the beatiful past conquests of my years, every porn I had ever watched, hell, even thinking about naked pictures of Bea Arthur…anything to get my mind off of what I was actully hittin, I finally knew it was coming. So just when I knew it was on it’s way, I spit on the small of her back quietly so she’d think I was finished. Then as soon as he turned around, BAM!! Baby batter in her greel!! That made it all worth it. She kinda seemed censored, then I just said, “Sorry, you seemed like you’d like that kinda thing. I have to be to work early tomorrow…” then I gave her directions to the nearest hotel, she yelled for Kathy to come out of the spare bedroom and they were on their way. Needless to say, my buddy Jake razzed me quite a bit for doing some hoggin, but I didn’t care at that point. I kinda feel dirty today, but oh well. You only live once.The moral of the story is fold preflop.You really fucked your buddy Jake, didn't you? Link to post Share on other sites
ol'number7 0 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 NH Dilligaf -- having a good laugh at the office today, great story Link to post Share on other sites
CodyHartman 0 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Hear Hear...thanks for the morning laugh bro... Link to post Share on other sites
offsuitbluff 0 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 thats a hilariously awful story. what was she on a scal of 1-10? Link to post Share on other sites
DILLIGAF 0 Posted November 1, 2005 Author Share Posted November 1, 2005 thats a hilariously awful story. what was she on a scal of 1-10?I'd say probably...-4.Seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
Royal_Tour 0 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 thats a hilariously awful story. what was she on a scal of 1-10?I dont think she even came close to the scale, like a old man trying to return soup in a deli, i'm sure she was far from cute. Link to post Share on other sites
JSHamm 9 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 thats a hilariously awful story. what was she on a scal of 1-10?I dont think she even came close to the scale, like a old man trying to return soup in a deli, i'm sure she was far from cute.Nice Seinfeld reference...lol :-) Link to post Share on other sites
evesixer 0 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Thats frickin' hilarious. thats all i have to say. Link to post Share on other sites
fryer98 30 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 “Oooooooooooooh, okaaaaaay. Make sure we stop at a stowaaah for some caaaaaaaaaaahndoms and beeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.” Which I did.I'm calling BS from here...because you can't get beer at a store in PA. :shock: nh though. Link to post Share on other sites
SAM_Hard8 50 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 “Oooooooooooooh, okaaaaaay. Make sure we stop at a stowaaah for some caaaaaaaaaaahndoms and beeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.” Which I did.I'm calling BS from here...because you can't get beer at a store in PA. :shock: nh though.But the scank didn't know that Link to post Share on other sites
dna4ever 2 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 “Oooooooooooooh, okaaaaaay. Make sure we stop at a stowaaah for some caaaaaaaaaaahndoms and beeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.” Which I did. I'm calling BS from here...because you can't get beer at a store in PA. :shock: nh though.But the scank didn't know thatsee bolded area Link to post Share on other sites
DILLIGAF 0 Posted November 1, 2005 Author Share Posted November 1, 2005 I'm calling BS from here...because you can't get beer at a store in PA. :shock: nh though.yeah, well we scooped a sixer from the bar before we left and got the j-hoods at the store.But you're missing the point anyways... Link to post Share on other sites
TheWynn 0 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Nice story. I cant believe you ate her hole. That made me puke a little in my mouth. Link to post Share on other sites
kers2 0 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Then she moans, “Oooh, yeaaaaaaaaah, DILLIGAAAAAAAAAAAF! Suck it! Suck it like it’s a little caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!” So, I sucked it like it was a little cack.Absolutely fantasticYou brought it in this thread too: http://www.fullcontactpoker.com/poker-foru...r=asc&start=200Pg 6... trumped my lame story Link to post Share on other sites
imhookdonnfonix 0 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Nice story. I cant believe you ate her hole. That made me puke a little in my mouth.I second that. That story is fucking hilarious though. Link to post Share on other sites
Dave23 0 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 That is, without doubt, the best story i have ever read!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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