getcolor12 1 Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 One day in the future, George Bush has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." George thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell. "No," George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long." The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, this is no good; I've got his problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented George. The devil opened a third door. Through it, George saw Bill Clinton , lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. George looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said........... “OK, Monica, you're free to go." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrfritz 879 Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 this is how you write a script vegas knights Link to post Share on other sites
BigDMcGee 3,352 Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 Maybe don't start a thread about a joke, with the punchline in the title 1 Link to post Share on other sites
David_Sklansky 1,903 Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 I'd rather suck a dick than do n1gger work all day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The Machine 210 Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 I don't really get the Al Gore one. Why is he breaking rocks? Link to post Share on other sites
SuitedAces21 2,722 Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 cause fvck him, thats why. Link to post Share on other sites
chrozzo 19 Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 K Link to post Share on other sites
phlegm 6 Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 K Warning about hell. It aint wat it seems. In the operating room I was dead for 35 minutes. During that time I was in a place im sure was hell. i waslead into a room where there was a bunch of pots with boiling water, there was A person in each pot screaming . I was put into a pot, but I was in no pain. I was afraid if they knew I didnt hurt something worse would happen, so I started screaming like everyone else. Interesting place this hell is. Link to post Share on other sites
SuitedAces21 2,722 Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 Warning about hell. It aint wat it seems. In the operating room I was dead for 35 minutes. During that time I was in a place im sure was hell. i waslead into a room where there was a bunch of pots with boiling water, there was A person in each pot screaming . I was put into a pot, but I was in no pain. I was afraid if they knew I didnt hurt something worse would happen, so I started screaming like everyone else. Interesting place this hell is. sounds like a san francisco bath house to me. Link to post Share on other sites
David_Sklansky 1,903 Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Yeah, it's weird. Growing up, whenever I pressed religious leaders about what heaven and hell were like, they would always tell me that they weren't comparable to any pleasure/suffering that people could understand. But all the writings about them, and all these experiences of people going to them, seem to indicate that they are extremely simple, primitive executions of punishment and rewards. Everything seems to be easily envisioned. Being scalded forever in a tub. Fire. Gold. All the same physical properties and laws seem similar to the point where God still needs to sit down in heaven. If the biblical heaven were real, then everything we know from modern physics would suggest that there is still much, much more beyond the scope of what the biblical god would even seem to have created or over which he'd hold domain. God's imagination and creativity would almost seem more limited than that of a typical physicist. Or he at least inexplicably favors a bizarrely small and truly arbitrary collection of things. Link to post Share on other sites
phlegm 6 Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 sounds like a san francisco bath house to me. Are they still open? Link to post Share on other sites
SuitedAces21 2,722 Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 not in san fran, but dutch has a hot tub that we make work. Link to post Share on other sites
David_Sklansky 1,903 Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 not in san fran, but dutch has a hot tub that we make work. I do have a hot tub, but since moving into my hot tub residence, so many yeast infections have occurred that a strict no-hot-tub-penetration rule has been put in place. It's a shame, really, because I've never had a yeast infection anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
BigDMcGee 3,352 Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I do have a hot tub, but since moving into my hot tub residence, so many yeast infections have occurred that a strict no-hot-tub-penetration rule has been put in place. It's a shame, really, because I've never had a yeast infection anyway. get your tub professionally cleaned, ffs Link to post Share on other sites
David_Sklansky 1,903 Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 get your tub professionally cleaned, ffs It's not about dirtiness, it's about the mechanics of forcing volume of water into the cavity. You're really not supposed to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
BigDMcGee 3,352 Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 IF you chemically treat it, you should be fine. High chlorine levels and the like Link to post Share on other sites
David_Sklansky 1,903 Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 IF you chemically treat it, you should be fine. High chlorine levels and the like I've had sex in a lot of different hot tubs, many of them serviced to very high standards, and the results have always been an infection. My partner's doctor instructed them to stop getting penetrated while submerged in water. Link to post Share on other sites
David_Sklansky 1,903 Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Oddly, a santorum of cannabutter doesn't seem to present issues. Link to post Share on other sites
SuitedAces21 2,722 Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 i had sex in a hot tub a few times. guess i never lasted long enough for her to get infected. Link to post Share on other sites
David_Sklansky 1,903 Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 i had sex in a hot tub a few times. guess i never lasted long enough for her to get infected. It's not about endurance, it's about displacement. My penis has a displacement of about 750mL. Link to post Share on other sites
CobaltBlue 662 Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 It's not about endurance, it's about displacement. My penis has a displacement of about 750mL. Arcockmedes 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SuitedAces21 2,722 Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 yeah i'm coming up short there too. Link to post Share on other sites
phlegm 6 Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 It's not about endurance, it's about displacement. My penis has a displacement of about 750mL. You are either being extremely modest, or publicly admitting to being not well hung. Link to post Share on other sites
navybuttons 15 Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Are they still open? Hell is still open to you. In fact you seem to be content to KNOW that there is a HELL, ie a place worse than you could possibly imagine, and you are content to go back. Either that or you think its a joke. Garbage either way. Have a blessed day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SuitedAces21 2,722 Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Hell is still open to you. In fact you seem to be content to KNOW that there is a HELL, ie a place worse than you could possibly imagine, and you are content to go back. Either that or you think its a joke. Garbage either way. Have a blessed day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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