I Called In Sick Today

[iZuma 764]

too late brv I'm already on the way to gd california

[InternetExplorer 2,609]

it's 66 and sunny outside. nature is SERIOUSLY testing my beer ban.

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

it's 66 and sunny outside. nature is SERIOUSLY testing my beer ban.

hell of a day for a ballgame. beer and brats tonight sir.

[mk 11]

My one non-cheesesteak meal was at a hot dog place. This happened when I got up to the counter:"Yeah, I'll have a foot long hot dog."All of a sudden a deep voice speaks up from behind me."Ohhh, yeah. You GOT to get that foot long!"I look back, and there's a mid-40s black guy standing in line behind me. He was about 5'8", with a scraggly beard and dark green trucker-style hat. I was a bit confused, but quickly turned back to the girl behind the counter."What would you like on that?""Can I get some onions, spi-""Mmm, MM! You got to HAVE them onions!""Uh, some spicy mustard...""SPICY mustard!""...and some jalapenos, please."She rang me up while the dog was being prepared, and handed it down to me. I grabbed it, turned around, and as I walked away..."Ohhhh, yeah. That's a GOOD looking sandwich!"I want to hire that guy to follow me around all the time.

[DJ Vu 176]

I don't remember that story; I liked it.

[vbnautilus 48]

I don't remember that story

not buying it

[brvheart 1,752]

Even I remember that story, and I have dementia.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

even if I was making good money, I wouldn't regularly waste it on expensive steaks. you would think, me being a chubby person, I would put way more value on good food. I have been known to choose fast food over steaks in the past.

You'll change your tune with age and priorities. You're a beer snob now, that'll translate to food later on when you have your own money and no coins or magnets to buy

is it okay to eat my steak with ketchup? because i love ketchup on everything.

I wanna punch you, but at your age, I WAS YOU. Including the no pussy and ketchup on steaks

reduced?

my first thought as well, excellently done.

wait why would anybody buy a pre-seasoned steak?

BOGO bitch. BOGO

[Napa Lite 3,278]

So I'm drunk and at a friends house and the chick is outside the house playing flip cup. Just wanted to update you guys.

[InternetExplorer 2,609]

well that's not awkward or anything.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

So I'm drunk and at a friends house and the chick is outside the house playing flip cup. Just wanted to update you guys.

Please go outside, dive on the table, flop like a fish out of water until you're face up and close to her and scream "I texted you this week!!!!"

[Napa Lite 3,278]

True story. My girl friend who I wanted to help me accidentally run into her went up to her and told her "Napa was hoping to see you" and she's like "oh yeah, he texted me this week but I forgot to text him back".Lol ya ok. It's unfortunate cause she's rolling with some girls I do know that I am friends with that I'd like to see. Gonna keep pounding beers until I really don't give a shit.

[Napa Lite 3,278]

Haha, I went outside after I let you guys know but she was already gone. Love my life.

[InternetExplorer 2,609]

hey, we've cut the response time significantly from 6 months. progress.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

Girl-- "oh no, that guy who has my number, texted me and offered to poop on my chest is here, let's ski-daddle girls. This place is dead anyway."And for the record, you can't take every no as a sign of your horribleness. Sometimes people just got other shit going on. That being said, I take every slight personally, but that's because I'm an egomaniac and think everything is about me. People tell me that's not true. I don't see it.

[Napa Lite 3,278]

Thanks RM. you've always got my back. (that might not be true, I have negative self-esteem so I always assume its my problem).

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

I'll take your back. Grrrrrr. Wink wink Wait, I meant if we wrestled, or did jujitsu together. Yeah, that's itI still can't believe you're tall. You look 12 and 5'5We gotta do something with that hair. Slick it back, spike it up, flock of seagulls that shit. Something. Middle part has gotta go. You are still rockin that right? We shall overcome

[Napa Lite 3,278]

I mean, idk if I've ever middle parted it. As of late I just kinda throw gell in it and see what happens which usually ends up being a side part or something. But yeah, my hair is terrible and I refuse to spend more than $20 on a haircut because I feel like its not gonna matter anyways until I lose weight or something. Idk. At a friends apartment waiting for said girl friend to change before we go out again. Now I kinda want to run into the girl. Make it as awkward as possible for her. **** her.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

Blame some dude for hacking your phone and texting everyone. You would never text her and have no idea why you'd have her number. Also, after perusing your pics, you ain't that fcking fat so stop using that as a crutch tubby. Second, comb your damn hair. You got something to work with. $20 haircut is fine. Put a little color on the face. Get some sun. Third, the suit pic looked good. Become the blazer and jeans guy. You're a professional now. Use that. The green shirt with glasses pics were good. Too bad at night or indoor glasses are douchey. Maybe you're too much of a goofball and the ladies dont see you in a sexual way. Ratchet the sex talk up around women, but don't be creep. Maybe make up a girlfriend that you used to fck all the time. Wait, don't do that. Scratch that. That's all I got for now.Innuendos. That's all I'm sayin

[Sickinfo2 291]

So I'm drunk and at a friends house and the chick is outside the house playing flip cup. Just wanted to update you guys.

Beans advice:Get within earshot and start playing with your phone. Phone. Then loudly state... "HOLY HELL SHIT FIRE DAMN! I HATE THIS DAMN PHONE! JUST GOT A TEXT FROM A BUDDY WHO WANTS TO HIT THE HAUNTED HOUSE LATER TONIGHT! WHADDA THEY USIN OVER THERE...VACUUM TUBES? THESE SENDING DELAYS ARE GETTING WORSE AND WORSE! IM SWITCHING TO VERIZON....CANT TRUST ANY CELL COMPANY CALLED PONY EXPRESS!"In other news, ya....the propane scam hit me pretty hard a few years back. Bastards wanted like two hundred bucks to fill the motorhome that holds probably twenty gallonsSame shit for the forklifts, so when they wouldnt cut me a discount for throwing them so much business I bought two five hundred gallon tanks for a few hundred and rigged up a pumping station to fill my own shit. At first the bastards wouldnt fill them because they knew what I was going to do, so I hooked both tanks up to a tiny gas heater in the warehouse and threatened to get the public service commission involved if they didnt "So youre telling me that you need a thousand gallons of propane for that little heater?"Fuckin A bubba....""..."I came out like a bandit...that was back when the stuff was about a buck a gallon. Last I heard it was pushing three now. Probably still have seventy five percent of it leftSo Sal, detour up ninety three in Kingman and exit off Dean Martin on fifteen. Give me a ring when you get in front of the warehouse used to build the duplicate safe in oceans eleven...Ill bring you in from there

[Tiltinagain 973]

i want to ed norton on jared leto in fight club you so bad right now.

And you wonder why you can't get laid.

hell of a day for a ballgame. beer and brats tonight sir.

Don't forget the Ketchup!

I wanna punch you, but at your age, I WAS YOU. Including the no pussy and ketchup on steaks

See, Mr. Mexico gave up spicy tomato paste and started getting laid. Huh.

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

So I'm drunk and at a friends house and the chick is outside the house playing flip cup. Just wanted to update you guys.

fuck that bitch.

And you wonder why you can't get laid.Don't forget the Ketchup!See, Mr. Mexico gave up spicy tomato paste and started getting laid. Huh.

i got laid last halloween, so i'm good for a year or two.i put more ketchup on my dollar hot dogs than any man before. and it was amazing.mr. mexico probably has a thigh slapper. i don't have a thigh slapper.

[ShakeZuma 585]

Even I remember that story, and I have dementia.

haha you're old and stupid

Get within earshot and start playing with your phone. Phone. Then loudly state... "HOLY HELL SHIT FIRE DAMN! I HATE THIS DAMN PHONE! JUST GOT A TEXT FROM A BUDDY WHO WANTS TO HIT THE HAUNTED HOUSE LATER TONIGHT! WHADDA THEY USIN OVER THERE...VACUUM TUBES? THESE SENDING DELAYS ARE GETTING WORSE AND WORSE! IM SWITCHING TO VERIZON....CANT TRUST ANY CELL COMPANY CALLED PONY EXPRESS!"

oh my god I don't know why but I couldn't stop laughing at this.but seriously napa, she's horrible. rape is the only solution. the FINAL solution. get it? GET IT?

So Sal, detour up ninety three in Kingman and exit off Dean Martin on fifteen. Give me a ring when you get in front of the warehouse used to build the duplicate safe in oceans eleven...Ill bring you in from there

one of these days beans, one of these days. I actually am just going to drive out there with a cooler and a fishing pole and god damn it, one of us is going to die.edit: napa I mean rape her and call her a jew.

[brvheart 1,752]

I still can't believe you're tall. You look 12 and 5'5

Because I'm so tall I generally see everyone around me as short. I spent hundreds of hours working with Napa and I couldn't begin to accurately nail his height without completely guessing. My honest guess is that he's 5'10". I have no idea if that's true.He does look 12.

[brvheart 1,752]

I came out like a bandit...that was back when the stuff was about a buck a gallon. Last I heard it was pushing three now. Probably still have seventy five percent of it left

Yeah, I've been out of the propane game since 2005, when we were buying it wholesale for 50-65 cents a gallon. I was just guessing the price, although I'm surprised to hear it's up to $3. Does it go bad like gas? I mean, at this rate, you won't need a refill until 2030.