Musings From A Man Who Likes Iceberg Lettuce Too Much

[Governator 54]

I don't know what's more sad.. that this topic actually exists or that I had to google "Iceberg Lettuce"...

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

I don't know what's more sad.. that this topic actually exists or that I had to google "Iceberg Lettuce"...

I'm pretty sure the answer is obvious to everyone.

[DoinSublime 0]

I'm pretty sure the answer is obvious to everyone.

lol.And is Mr. Zimmerlin's picture the basis for some of the Fraggle Rock characters, or is that just me?

[magnus72 0]

[Mr. Zimmerlin 13]

Musings From a Man Who Will Let You In On His Strategy If He Ever Gets To Play At A MLB Allstar Game.

 

2-0? I'm looking FASTBALL. But the pitcher knows this. SCREW IT, I'm going straight to LEVEL 15 THINKING. I'm still looking FASTBALL.

 

When the ball leaves the bat and I am sure the ball is over the fence, I will RAISE MY HANDS IN CELEBRATION. But not for too long. I don't want to look like an ass. Three minutes SHOULD BE ENOUGH.

 

As I round 1st base, I'm going to smile at the first baseman. During the regular season, this is BAD FORM. But not today. Today we're GONNA HAVE SOME FUN.

 

As I approach home plate, I will resist the urge to SLIDE HEAD FIRST. If they didn't find it funny the first time, they for sure won't find it funny THE THIRD TIME.

[Don Giovanni 0]

haha i demand more of this

[CrackofmyACE 1]

Musings From a Man Who Will Let You In On His Strategy If He Ever Gets To Play At A MLB Allstar Game.2-0? I'm looking FASTBALL. But the pitcher knows this. SCREW IT, I'm going straight to LEVEL 15 THINKING. I'm still looking FASTBALL.When the ball leaves the bat and I am sure the ball is over the fence, I will RAISE MY HANDS IN CELEBRATION. But not for too long. I don't want to look like an ass. Three minutes SHOULD BE ENOUGH.As I round 1st base, I'm going to smile at the first baseman. During the regular season, this is BAD FORM. But not today. Today we're GONNA HAVE SOME FUN.As I approach home plate, I will resist the urge to SLIDE HEAD FIRST. If they didn't find it funny the first time, they for sure won't find it funny THE THIRD TIME.

Heres my theory. If you rearrange all of the capitalized words in each of your posts you can form a sentence that reveals the meaning of life. I'm going to start playing around with it now... gonna be a long night. You're a genius by the way. That is all....

[Mr. Zimmerlin 13]

Musings From a Man Who Aims to Be Obama's Speech Writer

 

Nobody tells you being president is a FULL TIME JOB. But if my advisers can be trusted, I'll have to work over thirty hours per week, and EVERY THIRD SATURDAY. American people, I am UP TO THE TASK.

 

Sometimes at night when my wife, whose NAME ESCAPES ME, is off in the bathroom, I say very presidenty things like "Everybody, I AM YOUR PRESIDENT, I floss twice per day, SO YOU SHOULD TOO."

 

When I wrap up a big peace deal in the MIDDLE EAST, I am going to break out into an AIR GUITAR SOLO. "Look at Obama go" they'll say. And I'll just politely grin, all while SHREDDING IT OLD SCHOOL to the Lion King's Hakuna Matata

 

I heard the second oldest boy from TOOL TIME IS GAY. This came as a complete surprise to the WHOLE OBAMA FAMILY.

[LongLiveYorke 38]

...there are no words.

[Sal Paradise 57]

omgomgomg. sexual infatuation etc.

[Jadaki 0]

<3

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

i didnt think it was that good.OH NO HE DIDNT!yeah, you're right, i loved it.

[DrawingDeadInDM 0]

Fun facts about iceberg lettuce:Iceberg lettuce is not a viable alternative to CHEMOTHERAPY. My wife learned that THE HARD WAY.

Still one of my favorite lines ever posted on this forum. New one is great, too.

[Shimmering Wang 1]

Sometimes at night I think about: what if Mr. Zimmerlin is actually "Zimmer4141?" Wouldn't that be outrageous? That Zimmer just created this semi-boring, Subway-eating personality so he could come back with Mr. Zimmerlin -- pretty much revealing his real identity in his alter-ego's name -- and nobody would ever suspect the twain are actually one and the same?Just in case, I feel like I have to throw it out there, even though everybody already knows who Zimmerlin is.

[BigDMcGee 3,352]

Musings From a Man Who Aims to Be Obama's Speech WriterNobody tells you being president is a FULL TIME JOB. But if my advisers can be trusted, I'll have to work over thirty hours per week, and EVERY THIRD SATURDAY. American people, I am UP TO THE TASK.Sometimes at night when my wife, whose NAME ESCAPES ME, is off in the bathroom, I say very presidenty things like "Everybody, I AM YOUR PRESIDENT, I floss twice per day, SO YOU SHOULD TOO."When I wrap up a big peace deal in the MIDDLE EAST, I am going to break out into an AIR GUITAR SOLO. "Look at Obama go" they'll say. And I'll just politely grin, all while SHREDDING IT OLD SCHOOL to the Lion King's Hakuna Matata I heard the second oldest boy from TOOL TIME IS GAY. This came as a complete surprise to the WHOLE OBAMA FAMILY.

[Mr. Zimmerlin 13]

Musing From a Man Who Plays In A Band But Doesn't Have A Part In This Particular Song  

 

Oh good, it is time for MY BREAK. I will close my eyes for a few minutes and HOPE I DON'T FALL OVER, like I did THE LAST TIME.

 

I feel all the eyes on me, asking why is he STILL ON STAGE, just standing there. I would make a FUNNY FACE AT THEM, but Charles got real mad THE LAST TIME I DID THAT. 

 

Charles in the LEAD SINGER. He dated my sister for a few weeks, but IT DIDN'T WORK OUT. He says THEY DIDN'T VIBE, but I think it was because of her TERMINAL GOUT. 

 

At her funeral, I was asked TO GIVE THE EULOGY. I didn't want to do it, but I had to BECAUSE OF SOCIAL PRESSURE. I said some nice things and some mean things, MOSTLY ABOUT THE GOUT. We had egg salad sandwiches afterwards, which isn't that interesting, but IS DEFINITELY A THING THAT HAPPENED. 

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

you got any musings from a man who is tired of the rona virus?  something timely and topical might land better next time. 

[The Opulent Gentleman 79]

Agreed, he needs to get back to his roots, topical humor. Who can forget 2007, when all we talked about was *checks notes* iceberg lettuce. 

 

But it was a poor showing this last one, no doubt about it. 

[Essay21 2,385]

I demand to be entertained and Mr Z needs to deliver. 

[Vegas Knights 54]

I can attest that those little pet turtles that drug stores used to sell also love lettuce.  Here is a comedian that does an impression of a turtle eating lettuce.  Starts at 1:18.

The Many Impressions Of Charlyne Yi - CONAN on TBS - YouTube

Maybe you can make a video of you enjoying some iceberg lettuce.