BrandNew 0 Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 I don't know if this has been posted but, I just read the Brad Garrett jokes that he made. They are some pretty funny jokes so I thought i'd share. My favorite is the one about Daniel LOL.Ive been lurking for a while, so I finally decided to join.*** JOKES TOLD BY BRAD GARRETT ***Right away Garrett started ripping on Phil Hellmuth:"We've got Phil Hellmuth in the house tonight... No one toldme that, I just know because I heard WHINING as I came in.""Next year we're actually gonna have the award show OUTSIDE,that way Phil can bring his ego..."LOL.Then it was on to Mike "The Mouth" Matusow..."Mike Matusow is also here tonight. Hey Mike, where you at?Oh wow... I'm surprised you can raise your hand with thosecuffs on!""Mike Matusow is nominated for an award tonight, whichproves Darwin didn't know s**t!"Later, Matusow presented the award for "Best PokerAmbassador". Here's what Brad Garrett had to say about that:"Having Mike Matusow present the award for Best PokerAmbassador is like having **** Cheney present an award formarksmanship."Then it REALLY got bad..."Jennifer Tilly is shacking up with Phil Laak, theUnabomber. Jennifer told me backstage that "Unabomber" iscode for one testicle-- and apparently she's having a ball.""I love watching Jennifer Tilly on that celebrity poker TVshow... people, those aren't nipples. Those are triples!""Jennifer has the best rack in all of poker-- Wait, I takethat back. She has the second best rack in all of poker. Thebest belongs to GREG RAYMER!"(OUCH)"When Greg Raymer says "all-in", it's at the buffet table.""Greg, you seem like a really nice guy, and you won a couplemillion dollars last year... now try eating a f***in salad!"Garrett had plenty of one-liners for others in the audiencetoo:"Amir Vahedi, I haven't seen him since flight school..."After the break:"Welcome back ladies and gentlemen. The theater wants me toremind everyone that there's no smoking inside. Amir, pleaseput out your shoe."To Doyle Brunson and his son Todd:"Hey Doyle, the Civil War called, they found your journals.""Todd Brunson skipped the clan meeting to be here."When speaking to Daniel Negreanu:"Don't worry Daniel, I'm sure your nuts will drop soon."To Scotty Nguyen:"Please Scotty, have a sandwich. You look like my X-ray."And last but not least, Garrett cracked on Barry "RobinHood" Greenstein. Here's what he said:"Barry Greenstein gives all his winnings to charity... ofcourse, Charity happens to be a STRIPPER who works the lateshift at Spearmint Rhino. If you hurry Barry, you can catchher after the show!" Link to post Share on other sites
showstopper24 0 Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 very funny-the tilly part was great. Link to post Share on other sites
MaryWithoutSound 0 Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 Beautiful. Link to post Share on other sites
Rman3911 0 Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 Pretty good ones there. Link to post Share on other sites
Mongoosey 0 Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 Umm, nevermind. Link to post Share on other sites
showstopper24 0 Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 nevermind what? Link to post Share on other sites
CzechRazor 0 Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 Garrett is certainly no Jeffrey Ross. Link to post Share on other sites
Vogelb5 0 Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 Nicely done, Wonder if they have this on youtube or anything? It'd be nice to see the players reactions to some of the jokes. Link to post Share on other sites
jcpoker 0 Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 garrett held up his ipod earphone cable during the main event this year and screamed, "hey doyle, i found your catheter!"he also really pissed off pam anderson with a raunchy roast at a party for doyle's room in which she was a guest of honor. Link to post Share on other sites
showstopper24 0 Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 hes very funny but his new shoe 'til death, isn't too good Link to post Share on other sites
Ron_Mexico 4,219 Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 Garrett is certainly no Jeffrey Ross.not too much to work with as far as material. They're just poker players. Think before you type. Link to post Share on other sites
jcpoker 0 Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 hes very funny but his new shoe 'til death, isn't too goodwhen men the master won POY last year garret also made some comment about plucking men's neck hair, which is hilarious because men has one single hair that sticks out about 6 inches from the left side of his neck. Link to post Share on other sites
showstopper24 0 Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 i know, its so annoying to look at the hair, but you can't look away Link to post Share on other sites
jcpoker 0 Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 nothing compares to being dealt cards by the harrah's dealer with the crazy clown nose. Link to post Share on other sites
WashaUffizi 0 Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 ""Todd Brunson skipped the clan meeting to be here.""ROFLMAO Link to post Share on other sites
PokerDealer2005 0 Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 nothing compares to being dealt cards by the harrah's dealer with the crazy clown nose.Holy **** I saw that guy when walking by and almost threw up. I actually did feel bad for him, that was some sort of disease, no way a nose is that big. Link to post Share on other sites
HoosierAlum 0 Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 nothing compares to being dealt cards by the harrah's dealer with the crazy clown nose.Ya he dealt my table like 4 times at the WSOP. I became less disgusted by it each time, but it was still nasty as ****! Link to post Share on other sites
CzechRazor 0 Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 not too much to work with as far as material. They're just poker players. Think before you type.Jeffrey Ross usually makes fun of the way people look. He usually does roasts for celebs, who are better looking than the average person....think before you type, I guess. Maybe stick to your own bad jokes? Meh. Link to post Share on other sites
DrawingDeadInDM 0 Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 Jeffrey Ross usually makes fun of the way people look. He usually does roasts for celebs, who are better looking than the average person....think before you type, I guess. Maybe stick to your own bad jokes? Meh.Oh.. Link to post Share on other sites
runthemover 39 Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 you guys are arguing (well not really) over 2nd rate (this is generous) comedians Link to post Share on other sites
speedz99 145 Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 Garrett is certainly no Jeffrey Ross. not too much to work with as far as material. They're just poker players. Think before you type. Jeffrey Ross usually makes fun of the way people look. He usually does roasts for celebs, who are better looking than the average person.Yeah...Bea Arther is a stunner. So are Drew Carey, Hugh Heffner, William Shattner, and Jerry Stiller. I mean...how could anyone make up material to make fun of how they look these days? Link to post Share on other sites
ShakeZuma 585 Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 I don't know, I'd probably do Jerry Stiller. Link to post Share on other sites
CzechRazor 0 Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 Yeah...Bea Arther is a stunner. So are Drew Carey, Hugh Heffner, William Shattner, and Jerry Stiller. I mean...how could anyone make up material to make fun of how they look these days?Hey, you can quote exceptions to a rule! ^5! 'St00pid face. Link to post Share on other sites
eYank 0 Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 daniels thing from the video blog is def. better but these were pretty good lol Link to post Share on other sites
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