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For Those Of You Who Play Live - What Not To Do


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After an aggrevating night of dealing to general poker idiots, I thought I'd post a couple tips on what not to do at the table.1. Scream "SHIP IT" at the dealer when you win a pot. Especially if it's a $30 pot and you outdrew the shortstack's $15 QQ all-in with 109s.2. Complain that you "can never hit my draw. I see everyone else hitting there's, but mine never seem to hit". You'll hit your 19% draws about 19% of the time, just like everyone else. Also, nobody cares even if you couldn't actually hit your draws. They're happy you can't. Nobody likes a whiner. I know it's tempting, but really, just stop it. Also don't complain you have no luck either, it's the same thing.3. Ask the dealer to colour up your chips during play because you like having greens/blacks etc. Nobody wants to waste time during the game because you're playing the super fun amazing colour game at the poker table. If it's a dead game or you're leaving and don't want to haul around 115 nickels, that's cool by all means, but let's be reasonable. 4. When you outdraw someone, don't hide the fact you're embarrased about calling with second pair versus a set by bitching at the guy you outdrew for how they "priced you in" or "played like such a donkey all night I couldn't give you credit for anything". Just take the money and shut up. And if they steam a little and say "how could you call with that?" just let it go. Let them be mad, don't get into a confrontation over it. Also, don't apologize - you're not sorry, and they know it. If you REALLY want to apologize, follow it up by returning their money to them.5. Comment on hands you're not involved in. This is such terrible poker etiquette but it happens so consistently it blows my mind. I wish I had the abililty to reach across the table and smack your ignorant *** for pointing out how "last time Player X made that move he was bluffing and therefore you should call", but instead I'm relegated to reminding you five times over the course of the night that "Sir, during play you cannot comment on a hand".6. Argue with the dealer because you think you know the rules. Unless the dealer looks like it's their first day, chances are they know the rules better than you. For example, a player bets $10 UTG, and then a late position player raises to $18, and you decide to demonstrate your profound poker knowledge and let the table and dealer know that he has to raise to the minimum of $20. If you're honestly looking for clarification and not being ignorant I'll explain that the original bet was actually an $8 raise of the forced $2 blind bet, and therefore the minimum raise is the difference between the new bet ($10) and the big blind (therefore $8), but if you're acting like an idiot I'll just say "he can raise to $18" with a little uncertainty and let you get all worked up over it to the point where you make some innapropriate comments about my game knowledge and I call the floor over to embarras you in front of the table. If you're going to question a dealer on something be sure you know that particular house's rules. 7. Piss off the dealer by constantly questioning him, forcing him to tell you to shut up, to post your blinds, to pay attention, to stop commenting on hands etc. Most dealers, myself included, are pretty hard to actually piss off, as we deal with idiots all night long. While it's a bit of an accomplishment to get the dealer worked up, it's not going to help you. I would never steal from a pot myself, but I know of dealers at other casinos who have employed 20% rakes up to a maximum of $20 on certain players, purposely "not hear that you said raise sir, so I'm sorry, but that's a call", and so and so on. Also you can be sure that dealer's going to let every other dealer he talks to know about you.

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You would think everything here comes under common sense and common courtesy, but any session I play in AC, I invariably come across at least one player who acts in this way. Hopefully those who don't play live will remember these things when they start to do so. However, I will say there are very few things in the world more satisfying than watching the asshole at the table take a beating.

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Actually there's nothing more satisfying than having the ******* at the table call a 300 pound powerlifter a "fat slob". then watch as he's chased around the casino by that "fat slob" and his buddy, till he finds the security podium and cowers behind it, asking for the other guy to be arrested.

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Actually there's nothing more satisfying than having the ******* at the table call a 300 pound powerlifter a "fat slob". then watch as he's chased around the casino by that "fat slob" and his buddy, till he finds the security podium and cowers behind it, asking for the other guy to be arrested.
I love live poker. I really do. It's hilarious. You can spend a couple bucks for a funny movie and laugh maybe three times. Or you can play poker and laugh almost every hand all night long. I was at a table the other night ... I HAVE to tell these stories ... where this decent-looking chick (OK player) had accumulated a little over $500 on a 1/2 100 buy in table. She did OK. She was also quite drunk. She was racking her chips and getting ready to go and got the "one more hand before you go ... " So she took one more hand with all her chips racked. Three players in. Myself included. Big pot developing ($200 give or take.) River comes. She's in middle position but before anyone before her can act, she dumps her entire rack in the middle of the pot as soon as the river hits the board, starts laughing and giving the me the stink eye. I fold my pair of kings, but she gets a call from the other guy, who she of course had covered and beat. I've seen a lot of things, but I've never seen a racked dumped in the middle of the pot before.This is the same table where a guy built a $400 stack by calling AA with both a 5-6 (he called a $20 preflop bet, heads up with a 5-6 and hit two pair and went all in; aces did not improve) AND a 2-3 os. Here's how it happened: six big blind callers around the table, guy on the button shoves his stack in preflop -- it's $93. Mr. 2-3os thinks and thinks, gets the clock called on him and says, "any two cards" -- calls, flips over the 2-3 os, then proceeds to hit a straight over the AA.You'll all be relieved to know he busted out 118 minutes later, infuriated (yes, INFURIATED) when someone hit a straight flush over his A high flush. I love live poker. It's fun with friends. It's even better against strangers. But I love live poker.
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Great post. Only two disagreements: 1) I have to admit being a chip color upper. I hate mounds of low value chips. But thats what chip runners are for imo...and it doesn't seem to slow up the game...2) If I call someone down that is a donkey, and suck out on them with some crazy hand, and they say something like: How could you call with that?? you can be sure I won't let it go, I'll say whatever I can to tilt them into oblivion...Mark

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After an aggrevating night of dealing to general poker idiots, I thought I'd post a couple tips on what not to do at the table.1. Scream "SHIP IT" at the dealer when you win a pot. Especially if it's a $30 pot and you outdrew the shortstack's $15 QQ all-in with 109s.
Or say, "NUTS. I've got the nuts." as you turn over your cards. This idiot did that at the casino on Sunday. it was really funny the one time he said it, and he didn't have anything that closely resmebled the nuts.
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I would never steal from a pot myself, but I know of dealers at other casinos who have employed 20% rakes up to a maximum of $20 on certain players, purposely "not hear that you said raise sir, so I'm sorry, but that's a call", and so and so on. Also you can be sure that dealer's going to let every other dealer he talks to know about you.
ahhh the extra drop...."I for the house, one for me!"
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"Pass the sugar"By the way I love it when the guy scoops a monster pot off me by hitting his one outer then doesn't tip the dealer. I usually ask the dealer "How was your tip on that one" when the retard doesn't do anything I usually toss the dealer a buck.

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Now from the other side;1. Dealers that want to wax on about the jackpot they dealt 3 days ago, and miss the action causing us to all remind him that there was a raise.2. Chick dealers who like the flirting guy, and slow down play3. Chick dealers4. Dealers that tell us how cheap the another player was after raking a pot, I tip well, but when a dealer starts complaining about not getting more from a big pot at another table I drop back to a buck a scoop.5. Misdeals.6. Dealers that read my mind and start telling me to call with 3rd pair. Get out of my mind7. When a dealer follows me home, begging for me to teach him how to play perfect poker. Man get Helmuth's book and study it, there are no short cuts.Actually almost all dealers I've dealt with were good honest hard working people. There is one guy that deals while sticking his two index fingers straight out and that freaks me out. But I like 99% of the dealers I've dealt with

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Or say, "NUTS. I've got the nuts." as you turn over your cards. This idiot did that at the casino on Sunday. it was really funny the one time he said it, and he didn't have anything that closely resmebled the nuts.
I really see that quite often. (When it's not actually the nuts, that is)
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Or say, "NUTS. I've got the nuts." as you turn over your cards. This idiot did that at the casino on Sunday. it was really funny the one time he said it, and he didn't have anything that closely resmebled the nuts.
I don't think there's anything wrong with saying you have the nuts if you actually, in fact, do have the nuts.
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I don't think there's anything wrong with saying you have the nuts if you actually, in fact, do have the nuts.
Or something close, like 3 pair
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:club: great postHaving played a live tourney in Blackhawk CO last weekend (I've only played in AC before this) I have to say that 99% of poker dealers are at least good at what they do, some are better than others, and occasionally you run across the 1% that either don't have a clue (poor training before being put on the floor?) or have been pissed off by a jack*** at the prior table so they come to my table with an attitude. At the tourney in CO, there was an aggressive, talkative player at the other end of the table who went all in several times at the beginning and bought pots and then caught a card to win an early hand. He had a comment for every hand, even the few he wasn't in, and it was obvious that he was pissing alot of the rest of us off, and the dealer too. About 20 hands in, he was in the small blind, nobody ahead of him had called, and he bet 500. The tight player to his left in the BB raised to 2000.The loudmouth gave a wide eyed exagerated look of suprise and went all in. The tight player who had the smaller stack immediately called and turned over black Aces. The loudmouth jumps up, knocking his chair over into the aisle, and slams down his cards while yelling "no way!" showing the red Aces. One of his red Aces bounced and slid across the table and came to rest on the table pad. Every one commented on how unlikely it was to see AA vs AA, etc. etc.and the dealer retrieved the errant card back to the middle of the table and finished dealing the hand. Three spades made the board, but no flush so it was a split pot. After the loudmouth had gotten his chair back and had sat back down, the dealer calmly announced to the loudmouth that he was lucky the card stayed on the table. When the guy asked why, the dealer told him that any card that left the table and landed on a lap, a chair or the floor was considered a dead card, and that he would have lost the pot to the other player. That seemed to calm him down for a while, and he got knocked out later by a set of 9's beat his AJ. We had a different dealer by that time, but when the original dealer came back to our table, he looked around and said "I see Mr Personality isn't here any more" which broke the table up into laughter.He got tipped pretty well for that session.I guess there are plenty more jack*** players than there are bad dealers LOL
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BAHWAHAHAHAHAYou must hate poker players. All these happen constantly in live games and they're silly as hell.I should do a dealer rant for you. I bet you have an idea of what 5 of my points would be.

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At foxwoods last week, I was playing 2/5NL, and there was a guy who bet 500 bucks (all in) into a 250 dollar pot after the turn. He got called by a guy who had nothing more than an open ended straight draw. The best part was when he missed his straight and banged the table and got angry, saying "Damnit! I can never hit my draws!"

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Now from the other side;1. Dealers that want to wax on about the jackpot they dealt 3 days ago, and miss the action causing us to all remind him that there was a raise.2. Chick dealers who like the flirting guy, and slow down play3. Chick dealers4. Dealers that tell us how cheap the another player was after raking a pot, I tip well, but when a dealer starts complaining about not getting more from a big pot at another table I drop back to a buck a scoop.5. Misdeals.6. Dealers that read my mind and start telling me to call with 3rd pair. Get out of my mind7. When a dealer follows me home, begging for me to teach him how to play perfect poker. Man get Helmuth's book and study it, there are no short cuts.Actually almost all dealers I've dealt with were good honest hard working people. There is one guy that deals while sticking his two index fingers straight out and that freaks me out. But I like 99% of the dealers I've dealt with
I definitely agree with number one. Hear this story all the time at the tables. Troy, are u sure that wasn't FoxwoodsPro?
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