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Things My Mother Taught Me


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1. My Mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."2. My Mother taught me RELIGION"You better pray that this will come out of the carpet!"3. My Mother taught me TIME TRAVEL"If you don't straighten up I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"4. My Mother taught me LOGIC"Because I said so, that's why."5. My Mother taught me MORE LOGIC"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you are NOT going to the store with me!"6. My Mother taught me FORESIGHT"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."7. My Mother taught me IRONY"Keep crying and I'll really give you something to cry about."8. My Mother taught me OSMOSIS"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."9. My Mother taught me CONTORTIONISM"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck."10. My Mother taught me STAMINA"You'll sit there until all of that spinach is gone."11. My Mother taught me WEATHER"This room of yours looks like a tornado went through it."12. My Mother taught me HYPOCRISY"If I told you once, I've told you a thousand times - Don't exaggerate!"13. My Mother taught me about THE CIRCLE OF LIFE"I brought you into this world and I can take you out!"14. My Mother taught me BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION"Stop acting like your Father!"15. My Mother taught me ENVY"There's a million less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you."16. My Mother taught me ANTICIPATION"Just wait until we get home!"17. My Mother taught me RECEIVING"You're going to get it when we get home!"18. My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE"If you don't stop crossing your eyes they're going to freeze that way!"19. My Mother taught me ESP"Put on your sweater, don't you think I know when you are cold?"20. My Mother taught me HUMOR"When the lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."21. My Mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up!"22. My Mother taught me GENETICS"You're just like your Father!"23. My Mother taught me ROOTS"Shut the door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"24. My Mother taught me WISDOM"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."25. AND MY FAVORITE - My Mother taught me JUSTICE"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out to be just like you!"Happy Mothers Day to all FCP Moms and to my MOM

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just got home from visiting my mom, not sure why this thread has zero responses -- kind of corny oh sure, but seriously, FCP give it up for MOMS -- #24 sums it up, Happy Mothers Day

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I'll refrain from going into detail about the things your mother has taught me over the years, I always thought a Dirty Sanchez was a beaner who needed a bath.

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I'll refrain from going into detail about the things your mother has taught me over the years, I always thought a Dirty Sanchez was a beaner who needed a bath.
Now, what would YOUR mother think of your saying things like that? Give her some respect.(wow, hypocricy?) Anyways, I think that list is perfect.#26: My mom thaught me THE DOPPLER EFFECT"Juuuuuuuuniooooooooooooooooor!"(normally as she ran past my ususal hiding place)
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