rkard 0 Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 Hi great friends who I'm yet to know. I have not posted regularly here for a while and I'm not sure if anyone has noticed/cares/knows who I am but here I am anyways! I see this forum has grown quite a bit now.Hm, a lot of things happened to me, I suppose I can mention something I don't want anyone to know but I've dissolved my ego so I don't care. Or maybe I'm just a sick b*st**d and I take pleasure in telling people this stuff.(This might contain some stuff which sensitive people can't take)I made teh whooopy with someone (who wasn't me) and I forgot to wear the rubber balloon which goes on your pinkleponk. What's it called again, oh yea condom.Then two weeks later this annoying tingling sensation came about in the top of my head. No, not the head which contains my supposed brain but the other head. That coupled with feeling that I needed to go have a wee all the time. Seing as I'm a stubborn person, or maybe just stupid, I ignored it for like a month. I mean, there was no way I could contract any sort of disease, my cells are steelencrusted diamonds. Not that crappy steel they make in Russia either. Bla Bla Bla. Eventually I gave in and admitted that maybe, someone had poisoned my privates... with kryptonite. I went to the doctor and he said I had a little bit of an infection and put me on antibiotics. I completed the course, then went back as the symptoms had not disappeared but the doctor claimed that I was insane because the infection was not visible in the urine sample. So I demanded to see a specialist because if I was insane then I would know it (or is it the other way around?)The specialist determined that seeing as I was young-ish I shouldn't have had an infection and there might be something wrong in the urethra or bladder. So they wanted to investigate, stick a camera tube up my urethra (through the wang) and look at my bladder. I opted for the general anesthesia (rigid cystoscopy) because I would not very much like to watch something going inside there and wriggling it's way into my bladder. Afterwards, I woke up feeling a bit dopey and comfortable until I realized I had to go veeery badly. I got to the toilet and I swear, I was pissing knives! Blood was coming out and it was some seriously painful shiz. Although I did find it fairly comical as I watched myself in the mirror pulling all sorts of faces, trying to keep quiet as there were people outside waiting.Well, apparantly everything was fine and dandy in my bladder. And feeling like edward scissorhands had just given my a handjob was normal because the tube stretched the Urethra and breaks it internally. It would heal in a couple of days (OF TORMENTING PAIN).I had to urinate 16 times a day for 3 days until Ed left for somebody else. On the third day I was thinking about my life and where I wanted to be when this was all over, when my diddlywink felt like it didn't have a village tribe living inside it...Then it dawned on me, I wanted to be a POKER PLAYER!After it had settled in I realized that I was infact already a poker player.. disappointed, I took some time to reflect and find myself a new revelation and so I found Buddha. Wow, if there was ever a religion suited for poker it's Buddhism - although I don't want to defame Buddhism with that statement, the philosophies and scriptures have helped me become a better player - but more importantly a better human being.Here are some quotes: Every human being is the author of his own health or disease. - Buddha Hell yeah, wear a damn condom people!!Do not overrate what you have received, nor envy others. He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind. - Buddha Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.Buddha I do not believe in a fate that falls on men however they act; but I do believe in a fate that falls on them unless they act.Buddha (Buddha figures out tournament strats 2500 years before WSOP even existed)Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.Buddha PS. turns out I had urethritis, took a couple of weeks to treat it with the right antibiotics. They stuck a urethral swab into my thing, ouch that stings... Link to post Share on other sites
beans-n-icewater 18 Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 So you were the guy in the room next to me during my physical....The doctor used the camera up my arse before he went to your room...dont worry though... he kinda wiped it off Link to post Share on other sites
rkard 0 Posted April 24, 2006 Author Share Posted April 24, 2006 So you were the guy in the room next to me during my physical....The doctor used the camera up my arse before he went to your room...dont worry though... he kinda wiped it offWhat the hell kinda stuff have you been getting into?.. or should I say what has been getting into you Link to post Share on other sites
Actuary 3 Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 hi rkard.welcom back.read your stuff all the time.You're mentioned herehttp://www.fullcontactpoker.com/poker-foru...topic=56720&hl=may help the ego. Link to post Share on other sites
Dr. Mario 0 Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 You're the man..We could definitely use you around here. Link to post Share on other sites
timwakefield 68 Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 Hey dude you should check out this thread, and should bump it:FCP - Buddhism Link to post Share on other sites
rkard 0 Posted April 24, 2006 Author Share Posted April 24, 2006 sank u.Oh oh, Hellmuth into Buddhism? Wow, he's like the complete opposite of Buddha. Maybe he's a fashion-buddhist. Andy Black seems genuine. Link to post Share on other sites
Dirtydutch 8 Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 Welcome back. Link to post Share on other sites
KDawgCometh 2 Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 sweet, rkard is back, much is right with fcp now Link to post Share on other sites
Jordan 1 Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 i lollard at that story.- Jordan Link to post Share on other sites
HangukMiguk 8 Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 you frighten me.but welcome back anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
mk 11 Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 nice! you've been missed. seriously, you were one of my favorite posters back in the day. i've hyped you up in so many "funniest/best poster" threads. welcome back... Link to post Share on other sites
digitalmonkey 929 Posted April 26, 2006 Share Posted April 26, 2006 Welcome back rkard, I've always wondered where you went. Link to post Share on other sites
rkard 0 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 Thanks guys . I'm trying to get more involved in the whole posting on poker forums thing as it might make the old profession more um, involving, immersive. This is like the office cafeteria where everyone gossips. I will stop being that creepy guy in the corner whos rubbing his nonospot. Oh and maybe I shouldn't take one and a half years to type a reply either. I'm getting better with my speed typing though. I can now type 122 words per week. In fact, I almost starved to death typing this message. Also, I smell. Link to post Share on other sites
sandwedge 30 Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Welcome back. Looking forward to your Happy New Year 2010 thread, so get to work. Link to post Share on other sites
Jennings7 0 Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Welcome back. Now... Link to post Share on other sites
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