beliblis 0 Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Phil Hullmuth once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands. Phil Hullmuth counted to infinity - twice. Phil Hullmuth does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Phil Hullmuth goes killing.Phil Hullmuth' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Phil Hullmuth.Phil Hullmuth thought up some of the funniest Phil Hullmuth facts ever, but he hasn't submitted them to the site because he doesn't believe in any form of submission.Phil Hullmuth does not sleep. He waits.Phil Hullmuth can speak braille.Phil Hullmuth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop. Phil Noris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".The chief export of Phil Hullmuth is pain.If you can see Phil Hullmuth, he can see you. If you can't see Phil Hullmuth you may be only seconds away from death.Phil Hullmuth frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.If Phil Hullmuth is late, time better slow the **** down.Phil Hullmuth sleeps with a night light. Not because Phil Hullmuth is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Phil HullmuthPhil Hullmuth sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Phil roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.Phil Hullmuth, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, "I believe... I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride." Arnie says, "I believe... that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements." God then turns to Phil Hullmuth, who replies with, "I believe... you are sitting in my seat."Phil Hullmuth doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.Phil Hullmuth does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.Most men are OK with their wives fantasizing about Phil Hullmuth during sex, because they are doing the same thing.Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Phil Hullmuth can kill 100 percent of whatever the **** he wants.Phil Hullmuth is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.If you try to introduce your mother to Phil Hullmuth, she'll introduce you to your biological father.The quickest way to a man's heart is with Phil Hullmuth's fist.Phil Hullmuth died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.When Phil Hullmuth sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Phil Hullmuth has not had to pay taxes ever. Phil Hullmuth once survived a suicide bombing. He was the bomber.At birth, Phil Hullmuth came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Phil Hullmuth but Phil HullmuthPee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Phil Hullmuth got an award for masturbating in public.Superman owns a pair of Phil Hullmuth pajamas.Phil Hullmuth once went on Celebrity Jeopardy and answered, "Who is Phil Hullmuth?" to every question. It was the first and only time in Jeopardy history that a contestant answered every single question right.Phil Hullmuth can slam revolving doors.Phil Hullmuth can divide by zero.We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Phil Hullmuth doesn't believe in magic.Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Phil Hullmuth enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants. Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is achieved.Phil Hullmuth once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.Phil Hullmuth has to sort his laundry into three loads: darks, whites, and bloodstains.Phil Hullmuth is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis.Geico saved 15% by switching to Phil Hullmuth.A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Phil Hullmuth and that you will be handicapped if you park there.Phil Hullmuth' sperm can penetrate 13 condoms, the birth control pill, a brick wall, and the 1975 Pittsburgh Steelers offensive line in order to impregnate a woman.If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Phil Hullmuth says its beef, then it's ****ing beef.Phil Hullmuth does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them. Phil Hullmuth owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.Water boils faster when Phil Hullmuth watches it.Phil Hullmuth got in touch with his feminine side, and promptly got her pregnant.They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Niether does Phil Hullmuth. He doesn't have to.The only thing we have to fear is fear itself... The only thing fear has to fear is Phil Hullmuth.If at first you don't succeed, you are obviously not Phil Hullmuth.When Phil Hullmuth exercises, the machine gets stronger.If you see Phil Hullmuth crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish is dying.Phil Hullmuth once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan.Phil Hullmuth' cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.Phil Hullmuth clogs the toilet even when he pisses.A blind man once stepped on Phil Hullmuth' shoe. Phil replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Phil Hullmuth!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Phil Hullmuth.Phil Hullmuth never gets brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back the **** off.Phil Hullmuth is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Phil HullmuthPhil Hullmuth is allowed to talk about Fight Club.Phil Hullmuth refers to himself in fourth person.The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type "Phil Hullmuth" into Google and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky!".Phil Hullmuth ends every relationship with "Its not me, its you".Switzerland isn't really neutral. They just haven't figured out what side Phil Hullmuth is on yet.Phil Hullmuth was sending an email one day, when he realized that it would be faster to run.Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when Phil Hullmuth is going to kill you.In order to survive a nuclear attack, you must remember to stop, drop, and be Phil Hullmuth.Phil Hullmuth doesn't give Christmas presents. If you live to see Christmas, that is your Christmas present from Chuck.Phil Hullmuth has never had an alcohol problem. However, alcohol has had a Phil Hullmuth problem.Phil Hullmuth uses all seven letters in Scrabble... Every turn.Oxygen requires Phil Hullmuth to live.One time in an airport a guy accidently called Phil Hullmuth "Chick Norris". He explained it was an honest mistake and apologized profusely. Phil accepted his apology and politely signed an autograph. Nine months later, the guy's wife gave birth to a bearded baby. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but himself.Phil Hullmuth doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.When Phil Hullmuth laughs too hard while drinking milk, he accidently shits a cow.Phil Hullmuth gave cats nine lives so he could kill them more.When Phil Hullmuth was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Phil Hullmuth received an "A+" for writing only the words "Phil Hullmuth" and promptly turning in the paper.Phil Hullmuth frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the **** out of little kids. The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Phil Hullmuth.Jesus owns and wears a bracelet that reads, "WWCND?" Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Phil Hullmuth open you would find another Phil Hullmuth inside, only smaller and angrier.Phil Hullmuth' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Phil Hullmuth will not take **** from anyone.Phil Hullmuth always gets blackjack. Even when he's playing poker.Whenever someone is constipated, doctors send them to Phil Hullmuth so he can scare the **** out of them.When Phil Hullmuth answers the phone, he just says "Go". This is not permission for you to begin speaking, it is your cue to start running for your life.Phil Hullmuth wears custom made boots with his name imprinted on the bottom. The reason being is so if anyone ever asks him for his autograph, they will get it permanently across the side of their face.Whenever Phil Hullmuth's wife asks him nicely to do the dishes, he throws them in the garbage and tells her she looks fat.Microsoft has released a new Anti-virus removal tool called Phil Hullmuth. The tool dares the virus to enter the machine.Nobody has ever heard a woman while she was in bed with Phil Hullmuth. This is because only dogs can hear the frequencies in which they're screaming.If you come home to find Phil Hullmuth doing your wife, it's probably best to go fetch a glass of water and stand there in case Phil gets thirsty. There ain't no future in any other course of action.Phil Hullmuth doesn't have a bank account. He just tells the bank how much he needs.Someone once tried to tell Phil Hullmuth that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.Contrary to popular belief, George Bush is a great speaker and rarely mispronounces words. He appears incompetent because he knows Phil Hullmuth is watching.Phil Hullmuth does not have pubic hair, he has a groin beard.The phrase "Made by Phil Hullmuth" is imprinted beneath the surface of China.If Phil Hullmuth were an Olympic athlete, the Olympics would be canceled. Every four years they would just mail Phil Hullmuth his 237 gold medals.Jesus's Birthday isn't December 25 but Phil Hullmuth once sent him a birthday card for that day, Jesus was too scared to tell Phil the truth. Thats why we celebrate ChristmasWhen the Incredible Hulk gets angry he transforms into Phil Hullmuth.Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Phil Hullmuth brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Phil Hullmuth roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Phil giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. Phil Hullmuth never hides, he only seeks.There was going to be a special edition Phil Hullmuth toliet paper, but Phil doesn't take crap from anybody.Phil Hullmuth lost his virginity before his dad did. Phil Hullmuth only uses one chopstick. Link to post Share on other sites
pokerplayer24 0 Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Whos phil hullmuth Link to post Share on other sites
zimmer4141 0 Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Die. Link to post Share on other sites
KowboyKoop 0 Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 If you're gonna try and idolize the guy....you might want to learn to spell his name. This has GOT to be the funniest thing I have seen in a while..........all those mispellings....lol. Link to post Share on other sites
ElToasto 0 Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Phil reminds me of a guy named Bill Brasky. He was the meanest SOB ever! Link to post Share on other sites
Vick12 0 Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Blah Blah BlahBlah Blah Blah BlahBlahBlahFYP Link to post Share on other sites
ROGUE06 0 Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Whos phil hullmuthNot sure but theres this poker player named Phil Hellmuth with 9 Gold Bracelets! Link to post Share on other sites
Vick12 0 Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Not sure but theres this poker player named Phil Hellmuth with 9 Gold Bracelets!Plainfield is nuttin but Hillbilly's! Link to post Share on other sites
turd ferguson 1 Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Phil reminds me of a guy named Bill Brasky. He was the meanest SOB ever!Better watch what you say. He lurks on this forum. Link to post Share on other sites
NocturnalRob 0 Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Phil reminds me of a guy named Bill Brasky. He was the meanest SOB ever!We once had a bachelor party for Brasky. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it. Link to post Share on other sites
beliblis 0 Posted March 24, 2006 Author Share Posted March 24, 2006 If you're gonna try and idolize the guy....you might want to learn to spell his name. This has GOT to be the funniest thing I have seen in a while..........all those mispellings....lol.I didn't make it up I pulled it off the net. At least I don't idolize Carrot Top. that is who you pic is ? Link to post Share on other sites
srblan 0 Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Didn't get every mention of Chuck Norris out of there, since that is obviously who this was written about. Link to post Share on other sites
Zach6668 513 Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 I didn't make it up I pulled it off the net. At least I don't idolize Carrot Top. that is who you pic is ? Now you've gone and done it. Link to post Share on other sites
MJINK3 0 Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 We once had a bachelor party for Brasky. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it. Link to post Share on other sites
chrozzo 19 Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 has Phil Hellmuth won any world series of poker bracelets? Link to post Share on other sites
ROGUE06 0 Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Plainfield is nuttin but Hillbilly's! LOL Montgomery, Yorkville and Oswego are the real hillbillies. Link to post Share on other sites
Demonde 0 Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 has Phil Hellmuth won any world series of poker bracelets? Link to post Share on other sites
KowboyKoop 0 Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 I didn't make it up I pulled it off the net. At least I don't idolize Carrot Top. that is who you pic is ?You clearly are not cool if you don't know who my pic is of. I am not afraid to hit a person with glasses. Don't make me, hobo. Link to post Share on other sites
bigdaddy15 0 Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 That was terrible. All of those lines were originally referring to Chuck Norris. Also, please learn to spell, you are an embarrassment Link to post Share on other sites
davezz5 0 Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 the amount of effort invested in producing this, all that typing, is somehow annoying. Link to post Share on other sites
phlegm 6 Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 I wonder if phil hulmuth knows phil namuth? Link to post Share on other sites
gary21212121 0 Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 most of these are not funny because most of them have to do with chuck norris being a god....phil is a fag and no one is scard of him.... Link to post Share on other sites
mrdannyg 274 Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Phil Noris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".the find/replace search missed one Link to post Share on other sites
KowboyKoop 0 Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 MIKE JONESZSSZSZSZSZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now