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I Called In Sick Today


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Also, Nebraska had a god damn black qb in 1983 and miami had a white guy named ****ing bernie as their QB, so this isn't as *ahem* Black and white as you're making it. And I Know that TO is super white, but Schneillinberger smoked a god damn pipe, and looks like santa claus.

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If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

and after 3 days, he is risen!

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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Also, Nebraska had a god damn black qb in 1983 and miami had a white guy named ****ing bernie as their QB, so this isn't as *ahem* Black and white as you're making it. And I Know that TO is super white, but Schneillinberger smoked a god damn pipe, and looks like santa claus.

 

We've all seen The U. There is a standard of blackness that was set by that team that's scarcely been achieved elsewhere. Were there white people and black people involved on both sides? Sure. Were there black people rooting for both sides? Of course not.

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For what it's worth, I have no idea what I'm talking about. I just remembered that documentary and looked up the year that Nebraska lost to them out of spite. For all I know it was 2003. I don't watch games that Vick doesn't dress for.

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So Essay, I need details on this new potential lady. Are your outings dates? Are you inviting her over to the new place? Can you Christen the new place with her?

 

Brvheart is the Thread Christen-er.

 

 

 

Today I continued my backlash of office cohesiveness. In the forced teambuilding exercises, some of the other departments teased Development about our coffee consumption. (Yes, you candy ass never-gonna-make-its. We get to work early and leave late. We boosted revenue by 25% from last fiscal. We drink all the coffee and you are lucky to sweep up the treasure trail of grounds.)

 

This afternoon I announced to my two direct reports I wanted Development to act like Texas or Quebec. We went out and got our own coffee maker, nicer than the rest of the office, and I'm sure we'll bring in better coffee, too.

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The Black man is by nature a Winner.

 

LOL wut?

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Similar story to fraus above but with a Beans twist:

 

 

 

 

For the last few months Ive been forced to participate in a regularly scheduled "meeting"

 

 

 

 

 

Nope, not the typical Icewater Mechanical kind. Instead of a vomity smelling tit bar where employees can either pass out or pony up funds for a cubic zercoina room visit to avoid my drunken ramblings, these bastards are held in an actual conference room with lights and everything. And the fellow hired to spew hours and hours of facts and figures at me and my fellow gooberment contractors ia as serious about it as a hog fartin. Immediately after my first no-show after lunch he instated a sign in/out sheet policy. Following my pay off the electrical guy to sign the sheet for me stunt he replaced the sheet of paper with a security badge swipe. Yeah, after that my mugshot was compared to all leaving visitors at the guard shack. Just try paying one of those guys off

 

 

 

 

So hell, like I always say.... cant beat em, try, try again....

 

 

 

 

After the skin mask of my likeness made by the transexual productions makeup artist failed miserably at making Shane into me, I threw in the towel and joined em. My next appearance brought a cooler filled with canos, a fully charged phone with video poker app, and perscription of xanax. The time went by so fast it was unreal. In fact, I stayed later than everyone else. The security guy who woke me up at eight thirty that night said the others left before five. Talk about a go getter. I fully expected to have a star next to my namecard upon arrival next week

 

 

 

 

 

Imagine my surprise when the star was replaced by a two page front and back set of new rules was in its place. Leading the pack at number one was, "NO PERSONAL COOLERS, BACKPACKS, PURSES, COATS, OR CLOTHING WITH LARGE POCKETS"

 

 

 

That bastard. A few hundred spots down brought, "ATTENDANTS MY BRING ONE UNOPENED NON-ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE FROM HOME AND/OR BUY BEVERAGES FROM THE SUPPLIED VENDING MACHINES LOCATED IN THE BREAK ROOM NEXT DOOR"

 

 

 

 

This guy was starting to get on me nerves a mite...

 

 

 

 

 

Those out there who recollect my method of smuggling several gallons of whiskey onboard the cruise a while back can predict the future here.... unfortunately the twenty four oz Mt Dew can of Crown was detected not by the o-ringed pop rivit on the bottom but by what was later described as an obviously increasingly intoxicated one liner cracking sleeping until seven that night attendee

 

 

 

 

 

Presto.... the one unopened beverage from home was crossed out the following scheduled date....

 

 

 

 

 

Luckily for me theres just one more of these things to deal with on the fifth of next month. Even luckier, I know the guy who runs the coke route

 

 

 

 

 

 

For anyone out there attending a future GSFMC meeting at Nellis..... insert seventy five cents in the pepsi machine toward the back wall. Select the unnamed button at the bottom. If anything comes out, congratulations, you now have either a cold beer or a crown-n-coke and a souviner cano.....

 

 

 

 

 

...Im keeping the key

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Beans, can I work for you next summer? I'll stay quiet and do whatever you tell me.

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bought a little JSAIY this morning. solid UK grocery store chain at an 8 P/E. okay.

 

 

If this were Facenook, under this post, it would read:

See Translation

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Hey Suited, if this new girl actually smiles at you, or dare I say it, kisses you, how long after that will you delete your twitter account and disappear from here?

 

 

Also, any girl you'd have to hide your online presence from isn't worth dating. Obviously, you don't advertise it, but it's easily managed. All the married guys agree

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Also, any girl you'd have to hide your online presence from isn't worth dating. Obviously, you don't advertise it, but it's easily managed. All the married guys agree

 

That's all well and good, until the messy breakup when she links all your FB friends to a Reddit thread you started about how South Americans are better at soccer than Mexicans, because of all the conquistador rape babies and their superior genetics, and suddenly everyone has the wrong idea about the kind of person you are.

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my girlfriend got me plain white notepads for my birthday and they might be my favorite present ever

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(Bigger dicks)

 

Oh, right.

 

my girlfriend got me plain white notepads for my birthday and they might be my favorite present ever

 

That's....nice.

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my girlfriend got me plain white notepads for my birthday and they might be my favorite present ever

 

Just us your iPad for that. As an Apple guy, I feel a responsibility to help prevent deforestation anyway.

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