Jump to content

I Called In Sick Today


Recommended Posts

  • Replies 267.8k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Ron_Mexico

    19410

  • speedz99

    16304

  • Napa Lite

    7767

  • ShakeZuma

    7517

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

and after 3 days, he is risen!

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

Posted Images

Tilty, that's some compliance dept you guys have

 

You have no idea. The last company I worked at was obsessive about compliance. This one was like coming the wild west in comparison. I'd ask questions or point out how something "should" be done and I'd get the hand in the face. We just got an operations manual a month ago. Before that everyone was expected to know company policies and procedure via tribal knowledge or years old e-mails that were sent at one time. Within the last year or so they are finally getting their act together. The CFPB looming over the industry had something to do with that.

 

There was a time when the sound of coins jingling in your pockets was a sign of wealth. It's almost beautiful and poetic how simple and shallow that is. It's like audio-bling, but much more literal in its presentation. I need to do it with krugerrands or something. Maybe a framed Berkshire Hathaway stock certificate on a chain.

 

My grandfather was very old school, english proper. He was born and raised in London, moving here with my grandmother and father when grandpa was 30 or so. He used to always tell me to carry a little bit of change so you had something to jingle in your pocket.

 

Of course, I hate carrying change so I rarely do that.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I'll tell you what I did today. I had intentionally and slyly left a few pennies on my coworker/boss's desk ("trash"). in that same visit, I had seen $25 sitting in my IRAs doing nothing, so I demanded that my coworker buy me a few shares of a free trade short-term bond fund that yields 3.5%. after making the trades, he pulls out his calculator and informs me that I gained ten cents per month, but lost five cents to his desk. "I hope it was worth it." ten cents COMPOUNDING.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites

Already seen OitNB. Watched a few episodes of HoC with my roommate and then he went and watched the rest without me, so I never got back into it. Settled on blue is the warmest color before realizing it was in French but I was already in bed and can't be bothered to get up and change.

 

Have decided I am figuring out how to get a job in Paris and moving there and finding a blonde French chick to be my wife. That accent. Got damn.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.

 

It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me.

I was dating a bluegum negress named Marlice.

 

 

 

 

 

2awpKw9.jpg

 

We were walking out from a CVS after picking up the evenings provisions (Assorted 2 liters of fruit flavored Fanta, one can: honey roasted peanuts and a Massengil Douchebag) when the bum outside asked Marlice for change.

 

 

 

 

 

 

pKwou6Y.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She was surprised, I was drunk and in a raging hurry up and get home for our game of "Massuh Sez" so instead of just ignoring him, I took all the change I had in my pocket and fastballed it in his face.

 

 

 

 

 

fTM35LH.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am not proud of that, I was an ******* but shockingly enough, apparently, the whore had a heart of gold because she immediately launched into some tirade about 'being raised for Jesus' and doing that black girl thing.

 

 

 

 

 

pRAQ3L.gif

 

 

 

 

So I wound up leaving them both there and went home and shot up the dope for the both of us.

  • Like 11
Link to post
Share on other sites

emptying a storage locker of 9 years worth of banker boxes full of customer files

 

Manual labor like that

 

oh my I hope you didn't chip a nail

 

like coming the wild west

 

that does sound fun though

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Already seen OitNB. Watched a few episodes of HoC with my roommate and then he went and watched the rest without me, so I never got back into it. Settled on blue is the warmest color before realizing it was in French but I was already in bed and can't be bothered to get up and change.

 

Have decided I am figuring out how to get a job in Paris and moving there and finding a blonde French chick to be my wife. That accent. Got damn.

 

Well I turned on the TV last night and apparently what you really need is a castle and a few props to get women to lose their sanity.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Also, if someone asks you what time it is, they are a poor person. I'd imagine that something close to 100% of muggers are poor, so if someone asks me, I'm going for my gun before he can draw his.

 

 

Make sure you say something cool like, "It's 22 past 3 o'glock."

Link to post
Share on other sites

Last time I went was with my ex, who's family was involved in the church and my ex still had those last tentacles of church hanging on. She felt obligated to go on Easter, to the Christmas Eve program, stuff like that. My fav was when she got banged up the night before and was leaving the service to puke in the bathroom. Sooo funny. I finally just made the decision not to go anymore. Then she left and that problem was solved. I think she got all devout again. Which made me laugh because after me, and our threesomes and foursomes and her lesbian sex and dabble into cheating, then divorce, then having an out of wedlock kid, then marrying a dude 17 years older than her and then having another kid, I guess she felt god was the answer. Laughable.

 

You know how they say love the sinner, not the sin. Well I love both

 

Profound high five

Link to post
Share on other sites

Whoa. That's a good idea. Link?

 

The last time I went to church was yesterday. Of course it doesn't really count, because it was a Mormon church. Weird is the best way to describe it.

 

It was almost like a cub scout meeting. They dont have a nursery, so there were kids screaming the entire service. At points, I was struggling to hear the mic'd speakers voice.

 

They also voted on a ton of stuff. "So and so is now going to work with the elementary kids. Everyone who agrees with this appointment, signify so by raising your right hand. Those opposed, same sign."

 

I think they had about 20 such votes during the church service.

 

There is a ton of funny things about the Mormon church from secret ceremonies to extreme guilt but they have mastered the art of using their tax free status to accumulate wealth from shopping malls to real estate. I've always kinda regretted not being religious in that regard. Hell, I had to run a siding appointment yesterday and I don't know shit about it and sold a $10k siding job. Sat in my car and had someone help figure out how much I'd need etc. I'm sure I could have really cashed in if I was heartless enough to threaten eternal damnation and eternal orgasmic existence after death. I could shun some mother****ing non--believers as well.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Do you keep your wallet in your front pocket, too, Strat?

 

I do, but its more because I don't like the feeling in my back pocket.

 

*tear*

 

I used to, Napa. I used to.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Napa. Season 2 of Orangle is coming June 4th or 6th. BOOM. 13 more eps

 

 

I also suggest watching Mixology, if you can find it. It was canceled after one thrill ride of a season. Don't mink Hank, he's a humorless hermit-twat

Link to post
Share on other sites

Critics are never respected. I decide for me. I'm a free thinker, not a sheep that follows someone else telling me what to watch, where to eat or who to listen to. Maybe that's your bag. I ride alone

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Announcements


×
×
  • Create New...