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I Called In Sick Today


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Ocho, Napster and Sklansky are talking about building a table with fire coming out of the center while Sklansky and I simultaneously discuss the best tools for killing innocent animals.

 

Duh.

 

Someone send the above to Vegas Knight. This is the end scene to Michael Bay's Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe.

 

 

I wish I could sleep. Brv, I'll be in Chicago next week. Margies?

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If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

and after 3 days, he is risen!

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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Adults drink their coffee black.

 

 

 

There's a guy at work, he's in a different department, well liked by everyone, etc. He seems super nice, wound slightly tight, and to me, obviously closeted. He's that gay guy who is in his late 40s early 50s, has a "house mate" and I bet isn't having sex with anyone. I've asked him out to lunch a couple of times, we get along well. I don't ask about his personal life, and even though he's cheery, chipper, and kind, every once in a while there's a moment of anger and frustration from him. I get that too.

 

Last week, I was in a large meeting he was running. He referenced an "ex-girlfriend," and I wanted to interrupt everyone and clarify this memory was going back to his kindergarten years. Now I'm noticing how often he goes out of his way to stop and talk with me, standing or sitting a little closer than necessary. All I wanted was a new gay friend. Now I feel awkward.

 

Yeah, I hate when I try to make new gay friends and they hit on me as well. I hate when I try to make lesbian friends and they don't.

 

Ugh, can't sleep either. Hurt my hand it's throbbing, a torn tendon or something. But mostly it's the stress of the new job trying to figure all this shit out and sell it. Appointment last night ended up being a 40ish black lady on crack. Couldn't sit still, gave me a rough way to go. She was telling me she was a patent lawyer and played high roller black jack for 28 straight hours last night. Dad was wandering around in his pj's muttering stuff. Then she called the guy across the street for advice and ran into the other room to tell him she would give him his $40 back on Friday.

 

Realizing the subdivision was about half full of new roofs I told her I would give her $200 if she referred me to anyone that actually bought a roof. Long story short I sold the guy across the street one. Approved credit, signed and sealed.

 

Now that I think about it, he was gay but didn't hit in me.

 

Oh, I can't sleep because I think I messed up the roof measurement slightly and it would cost me. I am probably just stressing for nothing but oh well.

 

 

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Hey, I'm the same way Tilty! I shoot right handed but my right eye is shit. If I do the dominant eye test where you hold your hands out in front of you and make a triangle...center it on an object...and bring your arms straight back my left eye is dominant. But if you do the one where you hold your thumb straight out my right eye is supposedly dominant. So I don't know. I just shoot right handed with my right eye and deal. Still a really good shot and I usually only ever shoot shotguns where it's not as big of a deal anyways.

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frau's 'gay' friend story put me in an absolutely awful mood this morning. I guess I loaded it on my phone yesterday at work and didn't read it. as I am in the process of digesting it, my officemate, noticing my earbuds are out, starts asking me about my plans for the weekend. "probably going to sit at home and try not to spend any money for the next few months"

 

I feel terrible about being so terrible an officemate.

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So Beans, how can I get something like this without paying these insane prices that these info fire pits dealers get

 

il_340x270.549086709_pl4x.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

 

Basically, youre looking at a piece of half inch black steel gas pipe capped at the end with several holes drilled in it buried in sand....

 

 

 

 

 

But like most things Icewater related, its the simple things that get ya. Somewhere in the warehouse archives there is a cardboard box filled with drawings, sand and mineral samples, notebooks, and orifice prototypes that document at least two thousand man hours invested by yours truly on just this very subject. Many throughout the valley consider me the foremost expert in the category. Not because I researched it so much.... mainly due to the fact that during the period of experimentation I had no eyebrows. Arm and leg hair just on the reward most areas. I stood in the middle of so many explosions to this day I could stand in a cave and touch off a stick of dynamite and not flinch....

 

 

 

 

 

Now dont get me wrong.... the sand and rock burners as I call them your pop wants are perfectly safe. I just went a little NASA with the whole thing. What started off as a little side project turned into a full blown field of study for almost a year

 

 

 

 

 

Long story short. A well known in Vegas magician built a house. Big house. Wanted a realistic fire from the fireplace without using wood. No problemo says Beans. And ya know, while Im at it.... how bout a cool little ring of fire around the outdoor kitchen for mood lighting at night?

 

 

 

 

 

First rattle outta the box, the kinda clientele Im dealing with arent the types that walk over to a manual valve, turn it on, and reach down and light the flames with a match. That would be just..... so labor intensive, ya know. And normal. Nope. Had to be remotely operated. I even took that a step further toward the laziness extreme.... motion activated....which was actually the simplest aspect of the system. The problem centered itself on the ignition portion....

 

 

 

 

 

For about three weeks in the middle of July I stood in the middle of a giant sand pit in the middle of the warehouse perfecting the process. Fans and anemometers were stationed around to simulate wind currents that eventually determined the safe operating parameters of the system. Data from that was used in conjunction with the sensors at the site to shut the system down in unsafe conditions. Anyone visiting the general vicinity of the warehouse during that period were sure to hear a loud "WHOOF!" followed by a short sand storm at least once an hour. Various odors soon followed from the various mineral deposits burning off from flame color experiments

 

 

 

 

Imagine a drunk Doc Brown using natural gas in the flux capacitor and youre there...

 

 

 

 

Soon side projects stemmed from the knowledge.... one fellow wanted his pool to flame like the mirage volcano. Instead of sand, neighbors of the icewater clan were welcomed with a refreshing mist of water following the WHOOFs echoing from my backyard for a couple weeks. Poor Shane went down in a burning tube chair during that one. The pool threw another curve by the addition of several low voltage cooling fans intended for PCs hidden in key locations like under the waterfall and other nooks and crannys to remove unwanted pockets of carbon monoxide. Luckily, only one person passed out before that safety feature was added. I still say it was mostly alcohol related

 

 

 

 

But yeah, I can tell ya how to build one.... its a piece of cake

 

 

 

 

 

 

In other news...

 

 

 

 

 

I musta got pretty hammered last night. A couple years ago I found a nearly brand new mower that some tenants left behind. It had come from one of those rent to own joints by the markings on it. Figured they made a few payments on it and abandoned it. Brought it home and even though its a cheap ole walmart brand I still use it more than the pricey one. It steers easier and it was free, basically

 

 

 

 

 

So since the grass is starting to grow I spent the evening getting the clippers all maintained for their upcoming duties. Oil changed, fittings greased, batteries charged, stuff like that. Somehow all that turned into a full blown custom paint job from what I could tell from the mess this morning. It appears I mixed up a batch of british racing green metallic for the base and some lightly frosted silver for the stripes. Nothing but the best high solids clear from the cans on the bench. Guessing five bones worth of materials on a mower worth slightly more or less than that figure. Looks good, though. Now I dont have any excuse not to get a nineties trans am trunk spoiler at the salvage yard to mount on it. Keep your nose pointed toward twitter and I may give yas a glance at it later

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The deliver pizza idea is straight from Dave Ramsey. You wouldn't have to tell anyone, just do it. If they need you to work your real job, just call-in to the pizza place. What are they going to do? Fire you? Who cares, there are plenty of other pizza joints.

 

Frau: what dates will you be here? Business or pleasure trip?

 

Beans: how you ever considered writing a book?

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Someone send the above to Vegas Knight. This is the end scene to Michael Bay's Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe.

 

 

I wish I could sleep. Brv, I'll be in Chicago next week. Margies?

 

I too will be in Chicago next week. I forgot you had said you're going too. Staying in the "central loop" less than a half mile from the building where our company head quarters are. Looks like it'll be in the upper 40's all week and no snow which is the important part.

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Yeah, I hate when I try to make new gay friends and they hit on me as well. I hate when I try to make lesbian friends and they don't.

frau's 'gay' friend story put me in an absolutely awful mood this morning. I guess I loaded it on my phone yesterday at work and didn't read it. as I am in the process of digesting it, my officemate, noticing my earbuds are out, starts asking me about my plans for the weekend. "probably going to sit at home and try not to spend any money for the next few months"

 

I feel terrible about being so terrible an officemate.

I have asked my gay/not gay co-worker out maybe four times. When he cancels on me I pursue a new time. He's busy at work, and well thought of in the organization. It's in my best interest to go out to lunch with this guy, who when he does sit down with me, enjoys my company.

 

He's never seriously reciprocated the attention level. He'll mention to me (like at the water cooler), "Hey! We should go to lunch." but I'm always the one who follows up with day, time, etc. We always split the check--one time he even "forgot" his wallet. When we do split the check I get stressed out because he never tips enough on his half. I'm willing to overlook all of that though, because he's smart and funny and awkward. If he's straight, and not interested, he would have been weirded out by now. If he's gay, he should stop saying things like "ex-girlfriend."

 

 

My office-mate and I are two peas in a pod. He's smart as hell, and goofy, and mooney eyed about his long term girlfriend. They're getting married, and I think I get to go to an engagement party. Yesterday, office mate was telling me how he has a lock picking set at home. I ask to hear more, and he tells me there was a period of his life where he got really interested in lock picking, getting out of handcuffs, escaping straight jackets, etc.

 

I asked when he was into this sort of thing--he thought about it and put it about a year before he started dating girlfriend. I was all, "Oh, that makes sense. What you're describing sounds pretty nerdy and solitary. Learning how to do that stuff." He's says, "No. It absolutely got me laid."

 

 

Frau: what dates will you be here? Business or pleasure trip?

I fly in Saturday, and leave Chicago on Wednesday--I leave the midwest on Sunday. The trip is pleasure. I have plans to see different old friends, both in the city and in the Northwest suburbs. I've got a ticket to see Emmylou Harris at the Vic on Tuesday, and want to make it to the Art Institute.

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BRB buying a lock picking set.

 

 

 

Man, I really want to build one of those tables now. No need for one. Or space for one for that matter. Maybe I can make one and sell it for a billion times markup.

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I've seen them build those tables many times on Yard Crashers or House Crashers. Doesn't seem awfully hard or expensive. Like Beansey said, run a pipe with hose from a propane tank, bury it in fancy glass, BOOM

 

 

Two different girls sent me boob pics last night. Of course I asked for them. Girls I formerly fooled around with, but still fun

 

Had morning sex.

 

No hangover.

 

Carry on

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Brv, I'm also going to Driehaus Museum. It's on Erie--have you been?

 

http://www.driehausmuseum.org/

 

I haven't been, but would like to go. I only get to go into the city about once a month during the school year if I'm lucky. I haven't been to Margie's either, but would love to take my girls.

 

If this weekend through Tuesday wasn't solidly booked for me, I would definitely try to talk you into hanging out with me and my family. Sadly I'll be in Osh Kosh all weekend for Special Olympics state tourney.

 

It's too bad you weren't coming a couple weeks later. My personal Spring break is from April 11th through the 25th. (I'm taking some personal time, and I don't teach on Fridays, so it worked out awesome this year)

 

Also, I love EmmyLou. I'm jealous. Have tons of fun.

 

 

 

Tilt when are you here?

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The deliver pizza idea is straight from Dave Ramsey. You wouldn't have to tell anyone, just do it. If they need you to work your real job, just call-in to the pizza place. What are they going to do? Fire you? Who cares, there are plenty of other pizza joints.

 

 

 

He could get fired for it. It's not worth it. You have to get permission to have another source of income in that profession. Whether you own the business or are an employee.

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Beans: how you ever considered writing a book?

 

 

 

 

Ive actually been asked that quite a bit over the years. One gal who weve worked with quite a bit over the years thats in "hollywood" bidness got downright pestery about it. Got to the point she was about to hire someone to follow me around all the time and gather information. Pity the person who gets that green weenie. For every humorous explosion or side spitting personal tragedy there are untold hundreds of hours of boring geeky stuff leading up to it. She had the idea I could create a good motivational book. I told her that was the absolute worst subject I could ever head up. Hell, ninety nine percent of the stuff I do is solely for my own personal amusement or to satisfy a curiosity....

 

 

 

 

Maybe a coloring book. One that has the colors already but you have to draw the lines. Hmmm

 

 

 

 

Yesterday, office mate was telling me how he has a lock picking set at home.

 

 

 

 

 

Good example. Ive always loved locksmithing. Best movies ever are about safecracking. Ive spent many an hour studying locks and how to disable them. Im talking since back in grade school. So just look how long it took to get one tiny little story about finding a gun safe with a battery powered keypad at a yard sale that nobody had the combination to. Fifty bucks later and its in the shop. A few hours later Im drilling a two inch hole in the side to remove the mechanism, figure it out, and weld the hole back up. A few hours after that the wife is having a major panic attack after finding out our seven year old is now trapped inside. That one is fifty fifty, though. I usually only pull it outta the bag when Im in the bag like at christmas. Too drunk to be ashamed at the mean nasty looks from all the women

 

 

 

 

I mean, I got it open once.... took out the servo that pushes the bolt cam..... all he had to do was see which locking lug was dragging at its entry. I cautioned him at least once about not turning the cam all the way. Absolutely was not my fault

 

 

 

 

 

Ruining his good school britches with the cutting torch....maybe

 

 

Like Beansey said, run a pipe with hose from a propane tank, bury it in fancy glass, BOOM

 

 

 

 

 

Man.... that would be a great first chapter title, huh?

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He could get fired for it. It's not worth it. You have to get permission to have another source of income in that profession. Whether you own the business or are an employee.

yeah, I have to ask permission. I'm just going to apply to the few things I've shelved and deal with scheduling interviews if it comes to that.

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I think the most expensive part of that table has to be getting that granite inlay. I'm just not sure how you keep that wooden edge from burning. Maybe it's just not an issue with the way the flames going.

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