I Called In Sick Today

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

Nap said "In HS I was voted Least."

 

And the easiest comment I came up with and didn't post was "Must not have been referring to weight"

 

But I'm not going to be mean on FB because I don't know who else reads that, except to you, because you are mean to yourself and even then when I do post something I hold back.

 

What the hell? Why be mean to me? I gave you huge bartender boobs and laughs at my expense.

 

Try not to hit any cars as you leave the parking lot.

 

Pretty sure they will avoid him as well

[InternetExplorer 2,609]

got turned down at the place I interviewed earlier this week. I went ahead and sent a thank you to the HR woman asking for feedback or whatever.

 

"Hi IE-

 

I was actually just speaking to [hiring manager] about you!

 

He said you interviewed very well. The team really liked your enthusiasm and eagerness and said you seemed very organized and energetic. They were also thrilled with your MS Excel/Access knowledge. In this instance, however, candidates who had completed internships with [company] in the [department] were also in the running, and those candidates are usually first in line.

 

[Hiring manager] has recommended you to several different departments at [company]. He thinks you would be a great asset and addition to the company. I know I have sent you links to a few open positions, but I would encourage you to get on the website (link below) and submit your resume for any open position you have interest in. I will do my best to get your resume in front of any hiring manager. "

 

So it sounds like this place is almost definitely going to hire me.

[David_Sklansky 1,903]

Texted my girlfriend a few hours ago about hanging out tonight and she hasn't responded. I'm sure she's very busy and that's why.

 

I don't know why everyone in this thread spends so time on people who don't want to have sex with them that night, but here is a lifehack for you: people don't dodge your calls on Friday afternoon when you are the one with the cocaine. And when someone is on enough cocaine, who's to say that she is or isn't repulsed by who and what you are as a person after all. All kinds of things can happen.

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

I don't know why everyone in this thread spends so time on people who don't want to have sex with them that night, but here is a lifehack for you: people don't dodge your calls on Friday afternoon when you are the one with the cocaine. And when someone is on enough cocaine, who's to say that she is or isn't repulsed by who and what you are as a person after all. All kinds of things can happen.

 

believe me, if you read the sex story i posted last week then you know i'm intimately familiar with he effects of cocaine on women.

[David_Sklansky 1,903]

believe me, if you read the sex story i posted last week then you know i'm intimately familiar with he effects of cocaine on women.

 

I missed it, but they are magical.

[InternetExplorer 2,609]

he almost broke his dong in that story. no, it's not a good story at all. if he were any more well-endowed, the thing would have probably needed surgery. I read an AMA on reddit about it, a guy smaller than me did the exact same thing with his fiancee and ended up losing 1cm.

[David_Sklansky 1,903]

Will someone please link/repost this cocaine/women/penis story?

[InternetExplorer 2,609]

look man, he posts a ****ing lot, and very little of it is worth reading after the fact. just wait for The Machine to spit out some results.

[The Machine 210]

So it sounds like this place is almost definitely going to hire me.

 

That's cool. Do any of those other open positions sound good?

[The Machine 210]

So this was summer 2009 and I'm in love with this girl. Her mom gambles a lot so we got a free room at Harrahs here I town and me and her and her friend and her boyfriend are staying there and we all go out and have a great time and are drinking. Girl is extra sexual that night like she is all over me which I like. Eventually we make it back to the hotel room and the boyfriend of the friend offers me some coke. I was like nah bro I'm good. Well I didn't put I together at the time but my girlfriend is high as shit on coke and she drags me into the bathroom and were having sex in there real hard. Like she is telling me harder and to fvck her harder and she wants it and saying things like when we first met did you ever think you'd be fvcking me like this? I seriously never considered that she was high. I was like oh man she just really likes me. But anyways I'm thrusting away and I pull out to far and my dick slips out and I thrust into her ass and my dick sorta bends and I tell in pain. I go limp and she's not happy. I'm like just gimme a minute here. So she's blowing me and I can't get it back up. But in my defense we'd had sex four times earlier that day. She's not happy, she's like just let me sit on it and I'm like I need a break here. You're such a pussy! And she leaves the bathroom. I walk out and lie down for awhile. Eventually she gets in bed with me. She goes for the dick and we have sex while her friend and her boyfriend we sleeping right there. I finish shockingly quick considering the situation but what can you do. She isn't happy with that either and just goes to sleep or passes out or whatever. In the morning we had sex again.

 

Goddamn she was awesome. Not surprisingly though she cheated on me with her ex and then broke up with me.

[InternetExplorer 2,609]

That's cool. Do any of those other open positions sound good?

yeah, it's all the same shit at that company. same work, more pay. she specifically recommended a tier III spot, and it sounds like I already have the traction to get into tier III interviews if this dude is going around talking to people about me. low 40s? that's amanda money right there.

[David_Sklansky 1,903]

lol, if you are going to get a bitch coked up, you're going to have to bring the ruckus. Rape play, spanking, cannabutter butt sex, the works.

[The Machine 210]

lol, if you are going to get a bitch coked up, you're going to have to bring the ruckus. Rape play, spanking, cannabutter butt sex, the works.

 

I think Shake has been holding out on us.

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

its gonna be a long 8 weeks. i'm already bored as shit.

[ShakeZuma 585]

people don't dodge your calls on Friday afternoon when you are the one with the cocaine.

 

probably the most accurate thing ever posted in this thread.

 

he almost broke his dong in that story.

 

and what a loss that would have been!

 

I think Shake has been holding out on us.

 

lol at me getting an erection on coke

[InternetExplorer 2,609]

so, definitely flying to louisville to hang out with my friend, no telling what will happen with his company. he makes 60k this year, after just two years with them, and will probably make 80+ next year. I'd be interviewing on the 18th, meaning Amanda could totally be pregnant with someone else's kid by then, so I may as well do it even though I'm leaning heavily against ditching KC at the moment.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

lol at me getting an erection on coke

 

I'm pretty sure everyone assumed you were the catcher anyways.

[BigDMcGee 3,352]

Goddamn she was awesome. Not surprisingly though she cheated on me with her ex and then broke up with me.

 

shocking.

[Essay21 2,385]

 

 

shocking.

 

I just wasn't confident enough I guess.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

Goddamn she was awesome. Not surprisingly though she cheated on me with her ex and then broke up with me.

Well, I hope you learned the important lesson here: never, ever, run out of coke.

[David_Sklansky 1,903]

Well, I hope you learned the important lesson here: never, ever, run out of coke.

 

The trick is to run out at the exact time you are bored with the girl.

 

Hey, here is something: it seems like a common element I am see with failed romantic endeavors is that you like the girl more than she likes you. Almost by definition. Have you considered pursuing girls you don't like?

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

The trick is to run out at the exact time you are bored with the girl.

 

But then how do you attract the next one?

[David_Sklansky 1,903]

But then how do you attract the next one?

 

A BMW?

 

(You reup the flake, obv.)

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

Sklansky makes me smile

[InternetExplorer 2,609]

I should like force myself to go back and read what I was thinking and predicting a week ago, every day. for most people you have to go back further than a year or two to break into "well, this person was clearly not me" territory, but I think my threshold is about a week right now. anyway, I booked the flight.