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I Called In Sick Today

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scientology? that's just silly. the "s" stands for (close your eyes brv)


Ok. Let me know when I can open them.

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and after 3 days, he is risen!

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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My wife has to have an uncomfortable conversation with one of the patrons at her salon because apparently she is the only one with the balls to do it. A few days ago there was a lady who came in to get her nails done. The nail lady has her own room, which the mom was in with the door closed while her child was in the waiting area. This area is a separate room, but the wall is all glass. So you can see everything in there. Apparently this boy, guesstimate 9-10 years old, was fervently masturbating in plain site. One of the other stylist yelled at him and he stopped, then she drug him into the room where the mom was and shut the door and told her he has to stay in there, but did not tell her why.


I am totally confused by this, I don't understand how a 9 year old can masturbate. I also don't understand how the mom didn't ask why he was sent in the room.


This is not the first time a kid has whacked it at her place of work. A few years back a teenage boy would take the cosmos/rollingstone magazine and disappear into the bathroom for 20 minutes. He aparently was not good at cleaning up after himself. He was partial to Christina Aguilera from what I was told.

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Well Hank certainly doesn't lend them his fleshlight, if that was what you were wondering. Ignore what you'd heard, it probably wasn't true.


well the little shithead didn't say "please."

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Went to the lady's house tonight. Got there and she directed me to her bedroom. We laid down and cuddled and watched Seinfeld. Started kissing a little. Stopped and talked and laughed for a bit. Started kissing again. My hands started to run a little wild. She stopped and said dont get your hopes up I'm on my period. I said ok that's cool and we went back to Seinfeld and cuddling and talking. She then laid on her stomach and said I needed to rub her back. Did the nice, soft touch all over the back for a good long while. Then said she had to lay on top of me so I could use both hands because it would feel better. Rubbed her down for a good long while never leaving the back. Such smooth skin on this one. She started breathing heavy and slight grinding. She starts kissing my neck. My hands start to go elsewhere. Go like this for a good long while not sure what to expect. Is she gonna let me in for some red wings? Just some heavy dry humping? She stops and goes on turns off Seinfeld. Sorry Jerry! Rips off my shorts and starts in on the BJ. Even better this time much more aggressive, lot more ball play. Basically trying to suck it right off. About 5 minutes of this and the rumbling begins. Not the Mexican food type rumbling. I inform her the impending incident and she gives the lovely nod and extra aggressive work on my junk. And needless to say clean up was pretty easy. I think I'm in love, bros.

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Somehow my paint gun technique improved during my hiatus. Laid down epoxy primer and high build tonight.... Not a hint of orange peel




Could be that I haven't had a beer/booze in almost a week. Probably save an hour a "shift" in the shop by not taking refreshment breaks. Truth is, just got tired of it again. Plus after Tony's demise the wife has been hinting around that I could be in the same shape one day. It has been in the back of my mind, I have to admit, so the sabbatical will also test my reaction. So far just like in the past I can't tell any difference. I plan on taking time off from the hobby at least once a year from now on as a self checkup. First sign of trouble and it will be time to dump any hops/barley/corn futures contracts. The bins will runnith over....




Anyway, back to the lawnmower modifications




Is it a hydrostatic drive? I've never screwed with one on a mower but hydraulics is one of my areas of expertise. The engine drives a pump that sends oil under pressure to the drive "motors" at the wheels. Only two ways to increase their rpm without re-engineering the turbine style blades in the motors for better efficiency.... Increase engine rpm or add a higher volume pump




Well, you could install larger diameter drive tires....




There should be an adjustable governor on the carb assembly that will increase max rpm. An extra couple hundred should add some mph without diminishing reliability. Also there is usually a pressure regulator assembly in the pressure side of the hydraulic system that, if adjustable, could increase speed as well




Several years ago I had a case 580d that had an adjustment near the controls. After beering it over for a while I took out the Allen wrenches and did a little experimenting. Bastard moved almost twice as fast than before. I toned down the dipper valve after ripping off three teeth on some rocks. Otherwise it didn't harm a thing. My latest tractor got the same treatment within hours of delivery




Anyhoo, get the the make and model and ill do some investigating




Forgot how much I enjoy paint fumes

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Hey beans send me a gross of those blue bombs. if i don't get that raise i might have to resort to ugly pros and i'll need all the help i can get.



my dumbass internal clock is really screwing with me lately. i'll fall asleep for about 20 minutes at night and then can't get back to sleep until 4 or 5 in the morning. makes for a long shitty day.

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Hey beans send me a gross of those blue bombs.





Love to sir, but the man in brown picked them up yesterday...




These werent the "real" deals, although Shane was told they are the "in" thing these days. Apparently the mexican versions have a little more kick to em. I dunno. Didnt even keep a pack or two for myself. Afraid to. I have enough difficulty enough on testosterone preventing tent poles while walking by a bent over stock girl in the local grocery store




My fear, which would actually be sorta fun if drunk enough just to watch folks reactions, is take one of the things and have to go to the emergency room when it didnt deflate in several hours....





Imagine me sitting in the waiting room sayin.... How you doin?... to the gal with the colicky fevered screamin kid in her arms. Id be leaned back resting my head on one arm and raising an eyebrow of course





Anyway, these things were called siagra or some shit. Oval pill but it was tan I think. I have a pic to twit but wanted to make sure they got to the intended destination first. Cant be too careful these days. Might give the family a tough time being teased about hitting CNN with that one

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Napa, I wasn't making fun of you, I was making fun of italidisco. I do love you.


Dawson, I wasn't really serious with that diatribe. I am a big fan of science/innovation history, and it does fit. maybe a bit of overemphasis, but OK. if you are looking for some great stuff with both history and geography, try Connections.

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Walked past Michael Cera about a block from my place last night. I played it cool, so did he. Yes, having that story is what made me decide to jump on here. Also having a day off and no bullshit to do helped as well. Hope everyone is well, etc.


I don't have any kids. Sorry.




I got a bj.


Way to go?

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All right busy day here in the office. Boss scheduled another useless meeting for tomorrow, but this one is over lunch, so free lunch and get paid. I'll take that. Just my luck though and I'll get fired immediately after.



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Yeah well, that's what made it funny.


I'm not comfortable with you making these sort of calls.



please note, I am fully aware that it is spelt 'fraught'





I don't see it going down like that. If it all. She'll probably tire of me in the next week as I fear she already is.


That's the spirit.



Yes. No more thought or teetertottering or feelings. Feelings are for ugly people. Ask her.


Things to avoid: apologizing for not knowing the happy couple. Feelings.

Things to embrace: a straightforward invitation


So great.



I just want to put this out there for next week's rankings JJJ. I am claiming full credit for bringing Frau into this thread. I mean, 100%. That's got to bump me up to at least #15.


No way; I get partial credit. In fact, I'm deducting points from you for not giving me my credit.

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In fact, I'm deducting points from you for not giving me my credit.



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tommy has been juicing the shit out of his power rankings with these sex stories. it will work until it doesn't, I guess.


I had sex last week. Does that get me out of the basement?


I guess it wasn't much of a story.

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Sweet. The girlfriend at the time was watching the dog sniff around a bunch of garbage and doing an impression of what he was probably thinking. Suffice it to say, there's a lot of remorse on her part (she's a huge AD fan). It's probably a good thing, as she wouldn't have played it nearly as cool as me and Michael.

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