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I Called In Sick Today


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and after 3 days, he is risen!

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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I had a dream about taking a cruise, being bored out of my mind, being dared to get off in Beleze and get home some other way, thought about it for a second, rented a scooter, toured the most impoverished area this side of NLV, befriended a drug cartel, almost flew a twin cessna home, decided against it due to the pot seeds in the floor boards and general poor condition of it, bought a jeep with fake paperwork, bluffed my way across the border, signed paperwork and gave a two hunded dollar fee that it wouldnt be a abandoned, toured the eastern carribean, drank enough to float the ship home, probably ate dogs and cats but it was all delicious, made it to Nuevo Laredo, spent the night in a shack, got up the next morning and gave the pos to an old man walking out of a grocery store, walked across the bridge, got in a car waiting in the parking lot, a ninety something civic Shane bought on Craigslist, headed to Dallas, toured the new garage and office, came back home, unpacked five thousand boner pills, and collapsed on the couch.

 

 

 

And met and partied with Ron in Florida in real life....

 

 

 

It was all just a dream

 

 

 

Now I just have to figure out where the civic in the yard came from....

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How would you know how long you'll actually last? You did it 3 times in 2011 and none in 2012. You really have no frame of reference. Maybe you'll be a tiger, or as Magill said, a rhino

 

They have desensitizing cream and condoms, but my thought is, why would i do that, the whole point is to feel good

 

Just get good with your mouth and hands, and be ready to go in 2016

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Random things you do with a baby: drive aimlessly in circles if he is overtired.

Any teething tips? That seems to have started this weekend.

 

(I'm certainly not just trying to make your ranking lower)

 

You should get one of those porn star fake vaginas.

 

The night I graduated from high school, me and a couple buddies left at 10pm for a random road trip to NYC. We "paid" some probably homeless guy like $40 for a "tour" after getting lost in some awful scary part of Brooklyn at 1 am, and then he pretty much demanded we bring him home from the city. Then we "paid" him some more money as "thanks" for not killing us. Got home around 6 am. After we woke up, my buddy that drove wanted to head down to the local porn store (located about two miles away from his house) and buy a fake vagina. So, he went and did that. We got pulled over on the way home for speeding, and unfortunately the cop didn't have any reason to search the car. When we got back to his house, he went to his room and used it.

 

He's now a (recovering?) heroin addict. I didn't see him much after that night.

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Now THAT is a story. Love that he went and used it with everyone there. Love that lack of shame

 

As far as the teething, have you considered rubbing his gums with bourbon?

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I thought tilt's zing was solid

That's just because he flew down to Florida to read it to you.

 

You either need to provide some personal content or be me to rank in the top ten.

I choose to be you.

 

The whole pantsless thing didn't become known until today, which is the start of the next week.

I'm pantsless right now. I didn't realize it would move me up in the rankings.

 

Here's a graph:

 

pQSaIDp.png

This is pretty fantastic. I'm proud of myself for posting it.

 

The best joke of the day was unwittingly made by Ronald. 250k for my education? I wish.

The remedial tutoring after failing the bar six times was a buck and a quarter alone.

 

Pussy is my drug. Can't get enough of it.

Technically this may be correct, but let's focus on getting SOME of it first.

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Hey bar exam jokes. Terrific. Sorry Thera, Eli is still about a month or so from teeth. Whiskey on the gums is advice I received as well.

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Hey bar exam jokes. Terrific. Sorry Thera, Eli is still about a month or so from teeth. Whiskey on the gums is advice I received as well.

Yeah that works pretty well. Don't forget to swallow it too, though - its far more effective that way. Helps me sleep through 'most any noise.

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Hey bar exam jokes. Terrific. Sorry Thera, Eli is still about a month or so from teeth. Whiskey on the gums is advice I received as well.

 

Brv, I was joking Hey, go with it

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Watching a documentary called Sunset Strip. It's about, well, the Sunset Strip. If you have any like of history about Hollywood and that scene, it's crazy interesting. Playing on Showtime

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The first half, covering the inception through the late 50's was the most interesting so far. Just made it to the 80's now.

 

Dave Navarro seems like a hyper-tool

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