ShakeZuma 585 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 yeah that bacon cake did not make me hungry. so I thumb my nose at you. the frying bacon is pretty nice though. got some in the freezer actually. might have a slice tomorrow morning. been coming in at around 1,100 the past couple of days so I need to add a little extra somewhere, the earlier the better. Link to post Share on other sites
Napa Lite 3,279 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Muther ****in manager has been working on his brackets for the past half hour. Muther f the hotel has Internet. I got porn to watch swear this dude has aspergers. Link to post Share on other sites
Essay21 2,387 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Easy big guy. Don't Go Lenny on the manager. Link to post Share on other sites
Theraflu 1,035 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 I laugh at your one possible slice of frozen bacon. Sounds great. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JubilantLankyLad 1,957 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 I concur. Dinner: Dessert: Link to post Share on other sites
loogie 115 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 I could never eat that many pixels. Link to post Share on other sites
Theraflu 1,035 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 I could never eat that many pixels. I favorited it, which I think I've only done once or twice, but that Jurassic Park 4 tweet/video was amazing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JubilantLankyLad 1,957 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 I could never eat that many pixels. You are weak! Link to post Share on other sites
Essay21 2,387 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 The pixels are weak? YOU'RE WEAK. They always clean the bathrooms here at 8pm. So I hold it until 830ish so I can enjoy a freshly scrubbed bathroom and some privacy. Good decision by me every time. Link to post Share on other sites
JubilantLankyLad 1,957 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 is there anything better to do on a friday night than to sit at home by yourself drink beer and watch friday night lights? no? didn't think so. also, thinking about buying a pair of cowboy boots so I can be more like tim riggins. clear eyes full hearts etc etc Who wants to watch Shake cry? Tim Riggins is Canadian. Link to post Share on other sites
hank213 1,823 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 I don't take advice because it always requires me to act like a man and that just isn't gonna happen. Lady cancelled dinner/movie night. But she can fit me in for lunch tomorrow so it's all goooooooddddddd. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Dawson Leery 12 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 maybe I'll just send them both flowers and candy. that might work. Gotta have the buddy send an email to the HR person. Someone sent us a $100 gift card for Ruth's Chris - didn't get an interview. My sister got that interview with Berkshire Hathaway for some hr job. She's always been kind of dumb, but objectively speaking, she's not an ugly looking girl and so she'll probably get it and then make more right out of college than I do 3 years removed. That's awesome. From Warren Buffett's Annual Letter in 2012: "Berkshire’s yearend employment totaled a record 288,462 (see page 106 for details), up 17,604 from last year. Our headquarters crew, however, remained unchanged at 24. No sense going crazy." - headquarter crew = the people who actual work for Berkshire. Link to post Share on other sites
Essay21 2,387 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 apparently jon hamm's dick is so big the network had to tell him keep it tucked in during filming. Link to post Share on other sites
Sickinfo2 291 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 I laugh at your one possible slice of frozen bacon. Like drinking one six pack... Not worth the effort Had the new pooch spayed on Tuesday... Cori for those keeping track at home. Pretty sad to take an energetic pup in and get an old humped up grouch back. Sorta like marriage. Wife didnt like that one I launched in front of several customers in the waiting room... Had a little police interaction this afternoon... (Beans drinking in front of shop as cop pulls up) Ill stop here for a moment. Why is it when a cop pulls up randomly.... meaning you really dont know why they are there.... bastards have to sit in the car for several minutes? Ill swear it must be some psychological bullshit theyre taught in training. By the time he waddled out of the cruiser I had at least five possible reasons for the visit already in mind. All were against me "Howdy" "Hey" (more waddling and tugging around on bat belt) "Iza goin round checkin on some stolen four wheelers" (Beans finishes beer) "How many ya need?...thats the last one in stock right there" (motions head toward one) "Yeah....(long pause).... anyway....folks down the road got one took last weekend" "And they just called you guys today?" "Yeah..... no.... Im out drivin around lookin for tracks" "Good thing it rained on Tuesday... got a bunch of fresh ones after that" Now at that point even Shaggy couldve figured out that further investigation with me would be a complete waste of time. Scooby, even. But Mr. Johnny Q. Law here turned over a few more stones with equally smart ass results around beer number three... "Well..... if ya hear anything bout it give us a call" "Will do" So once back in the bat car, he sits there for another long while...then eases down the drive peeping around and out of sight. I should have known it was a random investigation since they always send at least five cars if Im involved. It was either for automatic weapons fire or a giant plume of smoke signaled them out last time. Looked like a russian show of force parade or something... So another beer or two later Tony called "Beans" "Yeah?" "He gone?" "Cop?" "Yeah" "Howd you know he was here?" "I almost pulled in behind him up your road.... seen him and went on straight" "You shudda come on in....I was about to run outta jokes" "Whatd he want?" (mind races) "Get up here quick as ya can" "WHAT IS IT?" "Somebody was bragging down at the store that I hooked up their cable illegal a few months back using the backhoe bucket to raise them up there" "OH SHIT!" "Yeah" "Ill be right there" So as we type Ill wager hes wide awake right now peeping out the window. Serves him right for spilling ole Beans all over the store telling people that stuff. Went in there last week and the owner asked if I could rig his satellite up like I did Tonys cable. Ruining my reputation in the community.... Link to post Share on other sites
ShakeZuma 585 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 You are weak! you are fat Who wants to watch Shake cry? Tim Riggins is Canadian. and a liar. texas forever. Gotta have the buddy send an email to the HR person. yeah that would be ideal obviously. and I've asked both my friends that work there the roundabout "so do you know anybody you could call?" and they both gave me the "I'll check but I don't know" kind of answer. then the one gave me the hr people's numbers and said just call them so it's pretty obvious they don't want to do any reaching out themselves. don't blame them though because if you recommend a shitty employee that shit blows back on you, and let's face it, I would be an absolutely shitty employee. guess I have to look at job applications like lottery tickets: you know you won't get it, but at least it allows you to fantasize about what it would be like if you did for a little while. Link to post Share on other sites
Sickinfo2 291 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 You guys and your jobs. So, so, soooo depressing... Makes me wanna pop the top on the xanax bottle already and its not even noon. They dont wash down well without beer Back when I was a pup, I had a "real" job for almost a year. Eight till five gig. I still have nighmares about it. Holy hell. Ive never been to prison but as far as I can tell a "normal job" is pretty close to being one. Hopefully if I ever am locked up theyll fire me there too.... These days I have a tough time getting to a movie before its over. Cant imagine getting off the floor every morning and going somewhere I hated for the next eight hours. Tell me when to eat and shit. Two ten minute beer breaks a day. Just two days off a week. Couple weeks a year. Im gonna puke This all has a point.... not just making fun here. Yeah, a little bit. Over the years in Vegas Ive gotten acquainted with many of the local homeless. There are different categories and classes of "homeless" ranging from truly down on luckers to ones that have homes nicer than the tourists giving them a buck ....Beans tip of the day....never try to pick on a guy out there in a wheelchair. Sonofabitch can outrun you and beat your ass.... By far the largest category is the "fuckiters" Just said the hell with it. Couldnt take it anymore. Throw in a griping wife, deadbeat kid, and a piece of shit car to the work description above and all the sudden theryre holding up a sign on Fremont Street. The average age of fuckiters is right at forty five. Some break sooner or later, but thats my findings. Largest majority were at one point lower middle class.... The bracket that spooks me are the guys that had a nice life going until the shit hit the fan, then couldnt make it back for one reason or another. Get this...one guy out there is Dan the dentist. Lost his license and practice over a seventeen year old office assistant. Prosecuted, divorced, and a few trips to the can for terrostic threatening and hes based on the boulevard. Great guy who tried to put it back together but just cant. My company version of dental insurance is throwing him a few hundred every Christmas for examining the crew teeth. Sadly, his is in better shape than most of theirs Anyway, other than wasting time posting this waiting for the sun to come up, to the point... I see a few of you becoming fuckiters. Not homeless. Maybe one. Two. Dont matter.... guys that have the classic symptoms of getting there, anyway. Step one is hating the job. Feeling like its ruining your life and being trapped in it. A go-getter busting his ass at work at a young age can be just as bad. Im lookin at you. Just getcha there faster, mister I worry about my own kid sometimes. Gonna be a mechanical engineer. Maybe. Shithead figures to slip into my shoes someday and really be a slacker. Im fine with that as long as I can come and go as I please. Already planning my sign, though.... "Wife and kid put me here....please dont move" Back to the point.... Those who truly hate their job need to turn direction. Take night classes or something. Learn welding. CNC programming. Save cash and open a car detailing joint. Dont be the guy ten years from now still hating the best part of the day. Youll probably grow to hate that as well but it gives options down the road. Just like jumping out of a plane, the first time is the toughest. Switch professions a few times and eventually something will put a smile on your mug Fuckit... Im going back to bed Link to post Share on other sites
Sickinfo2 291 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Dammit... cant go back to sleep and its sill not light out Speaking of Dan, it was a lazy Sunday around the pool in Vegas... (phone rings) "Hey" "GODDAMN I KNOCKED OUT MY FUCKIN FROONT TOOFTH!" "The kid ok?" "FUCK THA KID I TOLD YA MY FUCKIN TOOTH IS KNOFTED OUT!" "Where ya at?" "Leaving fifteen headed down windmill" "Come on over and let me have a peek" Shane had taken his kid and mine up to Nellis for some dirt bike riding that evening. I was about to head up there myself when the phone rang. The wife was standing there griping about not killing the kids when I hung up "Kids ok?" "Yeah... Shane knocked out a tooth" "Serves him right.... probably showing off" "Not him" (mean look) "Why is he coming here?" "I guess....I dunno....he always comes here in an emergency" A few minutes later I heard the tires slide to a stop across my freshly graveled yard.... (Shane emerges holding a dirty sock soaked with blood to his mouth...both boys around ten laughing their asses off) "DAD YOU SHUDDA SAW IT!....HE JUMPED THAT OLD PARKED CAR OUT THERE AND...." "SHUDDUP YOU LITTLE BASTARDS IM DYIN HERE!" (Shane runs through house and a few seconds later the wife screams) "How bad is it?" "Its gone...that for sure" "Where is the tooth Shane?" "In the beer cooler" (Kids run in house proudly holding beer can with tooth in it" "QUIT RATTLIN THAT THING AROUND IN THERE LIKE A BELL GOD DAMMIT!......Beans get someone to put it back in for me" "Shit.... (looks at wife).... I guess we need to go to the emergency room, huh?" "OH **** NO!.....THEM BASTARDS WILL KILL ME....OWE THEM STILL FOR THE LAST TIME!" "Well.... hmmm.... I guess we could just stick it back in...." (examines sand covered tooth with roots still attached) "You didnt clean it off?" "I DID TOO! THEM LITTLE BASTARDS PUT DIRT IN THERE!" (kids run off laughing) "Isnt that kids dad on the baseball team a dentist?" "Yeah, but he dont like Shane and I very much" "What about calling our dentist and getting him in?" "I tell ya.... you call him and just in case Shane and I will try and find Dan" "That homeless guy?" "Yeah.... he can fix it" (wife rolls eyes) A few minutes later we were trolling the bowels of the strip for a dentist. Eventually we found him thru the homeless connection....randomly offering a cold beer for information leading to the person "Dan....jump in the truck...gotta emergency for ya" (dentist enters car dragging a thick plume of stench inside behind him) "Lemme see" (pair of grimey hands appear over headrest) "YOU AINTA TOUCHIN ME WITH THEM HANDS!....WAIT TILL WE GET BACK TO BEANS AND YOU WASH THEM!" "They aint that dirty" "What do I need to stop and get?" "Roots in the gums or still on the tooth?" "Still in the tooth" "Good....how long has it been?" "Bout an hour...hour and a half" "Good....it on ice?" "Uh.... yeah" "Ok...stop and get me....." (List off items purchased in drug store) "....and a big bottle of whiskey" (Beans glances at Shane) "....for medicinal pourposes of course" "THIS IS SOUNDIN LIKE A FUCKIN GUNSMOKE EPISODE IF I EVER HEARD ONE....YOU NEED SOME FUCKIN TURPENTINE AND HORSE SHIT TOO?" "Now Shane...hes gonna fix it....lets stay calm" (Beans bites lip hard but cant keep from howling) Fast forward thirty minutes at Beans house where Shane is heavily sedated by Mr. Jim Beam and lying on outdoor recliner by pool.... "Wheres doc at?" "Still in the shower, dad" "Mom got clean clothes ready?" "Yeah....shes toting his old ones to the trash can with a pool cue" "Alright...go back in and hurry him up" (Shane gets worried) "Beans.... for all we know this guy used to rod sewers for a living....how we know hes actually a dentist?" "Well.... he speaks intelligently on the subject" "I can too after reading the coloring books in the waiting room.... " "You can always go to the emer....." "Nah.... lets get it done here....by your ****ing pool....by a ****in homeless guy....hell almighty" (Thirty minutes later) "There...all done" "Thats all there is to it?" "Yep.... keep the bandage on overnight...then go in somewhere in the morning and have a temporary brace put in" "Wont that paperclip and duct tape work until it sets?" (mean look from Shane) "Well....yeah....just dont bump it or nuthin for a couple weeks" Dan "charged" two fifths of booze for the procedure but we also kicked in a ben apiece. Shane never went to a licensed dentist. Tooth turned out fine ...although once in a while he claims to feel a grit of sand or two in ther above it Now...suns up....Ill leave ya'll alone LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
Napa Lite 3,279 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 I'd like to have my own business(es) or something. but I don't really enjoy anything or have any skills and I'm already here, so, fuck it. Link to post Share on other sites
iZuma 764 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 yeah, I mean I would love to go back to school, learn a trade, start a business, become homeless, anything to make my life more enjoyable than it is now. but when your two best friends won't even send an email to their hr department to recommend you for a job, you kind of have to realize that what you're actually capable of might not include anything you consider enjoyable or successful. Link to post Share on other sites
iZuma 764 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 maybe I should just have more confidence 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Whiskers 680 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 I wouldn't want to run my own business. That seems really stressful. My dream was for my parents to run their own successful and established business that I could just leech off of for a while until I feel like taking over. Edit: Stupid parents, not giving me everything I wanted. Link to post Share on other sites
Sickinfo2 291 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 I don't really enjoy anything not include anything you consider enjoyable or successful. :popsxanaxlidface: Shanes always had the dream of making porn movies. Back a few years ago he decided to do it. Bought a high dollar camera, secured a location....in the back of the warehouse...told him Id lease a spot for free if I could watch.... and went to work Sadly, he failed after three or four flicks.... I knew it would tank but supported the guy by attending each shoot He still has the dream and may try again one of these days.... Needs women this time, though. Not much of a market for male solo masturbation Link to post Share on other sites
Sickinfo2 291 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 My dream was for my parents to run their own successful and established business that I could just leech off of for a while until I feel like taking over 1 Link to post Share on other sites
brvheart 1,757 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 I hate working during the NCAA tourney's first weekend. At least I have a TV and couch in my office. Link to post Share on other sites
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